


I Can't See My Way Out

by orphan_account



Series: I Can't See My Way Out [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Grisha Jaeger's A+++ Parenting, M/M, Prostitute!Eren, RichGuy!Erwin, at least in the beginning sorta, illiterate!eren, sorta kinda the plot of Pretty Woman, there are mentions of past non-con every so often but i warn you at the beginning of the chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 17:47:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 102,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1437220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin is Eren's favorite client, and he heads over to his place for a night every two weeks. But no matter how much Eren likes him, he refuses to be Erwin's charity case. He's his whore, and nothing more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Don't Have to Be a Prostitute

**Author's Note:**

> A new fic when I already have others I'm writing! And with finals coming up! I'm such a smart person.
> 
> Anyway, I saw [this](http://eruren-headcanons.tumblr.com/post/82123243979/again-prostitute-eren) post by eruren-headcanons on tumblr and I had to write it soo.... here it is. And it's going to be another multichapter story because I am apparently incapable of one-shots.
> 
> The title of both the work and chapter is from the song "You Don't Have to Be a Prostitute" by Flight of the Concords. Relevant, I know.
> 
> If you would like to follow me or send me prompts so that I can start even more stories, my tumblr is [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Also I've been wanting to write illiterate!Eren for a while now so expect that to become a pretty big thing.

            They’d gotten into a routine where Eren came to him.

            Erwin was a scheduled client now, but that didn’t make it any less awkward for Eren. It was weird, going into his building with the marble floors and concierge and being stopped and asked if he was visiting, because no way he could live there, not someone like him. And Eren would say that he’s visiting Erwin Smith in the penthouse, and the concierge would check and see that Erwin had called down earlier that he had a guest coming, so he’d be allowed to sign in and head up. They all knew what Eren was, what he was doing there, but it was a classy enough place that no one ever mentioned it. The doorman and the concierge would sometimes share a look and Eren knew what that look was saying. It was saying, “Hey look, there’s the rich guy’s whore. If we ever need to get something from the guy at least we have dirt on him.”

            Because in the end, that’s all Eren was to Erwin. Dirt on him. It was easy to forget that when he was lying in the man’s arms, when the man took the time to make sure Eren got off as well as him, but every morning when he walked out of that building and passed the doorman and the concierge again, he’d be reminded. To everybody who mattered in the world, Eren was just dirt.

            That didn’t stop him from doing what he did. If he wanted to eat and maybe have a place to stay, he had to. Besides, he was used to it by now. Everyone that mattered to him – his only remaining family and friend – they were just as much dirt as he was, though they were dirt in different ways. Mikasa and her underground fighting and Armin and his panhandling, they were dirt, too. They were all dirt, swept out of the sidewalks and into alleyways with the junkies and crazies and the other kids that the system lost. When your friends are dirt, too, you learn not to mind it so much, except for those moments when someone you don’t know, someone you don’t care about just _has_ to do something to put you back in your place. Eren and his friends have developed a sort of toughness, but the words and looks could still sting.

            Eren had learned for the most part to ignore the concierge and doorman, at least when he was going up. He walked in with his head held high wearing his nearly painted-on jeans and a loose tank top and carrying the small duffel where he kept everything that was important to him in life – he hated having to take it with him to see clients, but he didn’t have anywhere else to store it unless he managed to swing enough money for a motel room for the night – and in his most eloquent tone he said that he was a guest of Erwin Smith, because calling himself a guest made him feel special, even if it was childish. Then he was given a pen and he wrote his name and then Erwin’s in the way Armin had shown him, and he went to the elevator and hit P for penthouse.

            The ride up was short, even though it was nearly twenty stories. If you’re rich you can afford fast elevators, Eren assumed. There was only one door in the small white lobby when he stepped off the elevator when it hit P, and it was Erwin’s. The man owned the whole floor, though Eren still wondered what the hell he needed all that space for.

            He always knocked and waited even though Erwin told him he left the door open and he could just come in. It didn’t take long for him to open the door. He was expecting him.

            Eren thought that Erwin looked like the ideal businessman. Maybe it was the way he always wore dress pants and a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up that made him look like he was always just coming from a meeting. And yet, he managed to always look clean and fresh, not haggard like a lot of the businessmen Eren dealt with, who were just trying to get away from their wives for a while. No, Erwin looked like some sort of chiseled god, and Eren couldn’t help but think he was so hot. He tried not to think of his clients in terms of how attractive they were, since then it’d be a hell of a lot harder to deal with the ugly-ass ones that constituted the majority of his clientele, but he’d have to be blind not to notice how attractive Erwin was.

            He’d thought on more than one occasion about asking Erwin why he paid for sex. Even if he was only interested in guys, Eren was sure there were hundreds of twinks in the city who would practically jizz their pants at the opportunity to sleep with this guy. Especially since he was fucking rich, too. Eren supposed that was how he was able to afford Eren so often. Not many people could, with how much his pimp charged (not that he saw much of that money himself). But it’d be a hell of a lot cheaper to wine and dine some other guy to get him into bed than to pay for Eren every time, especially since he paid for the whole night.

            But it was his money, and it helped Eren get by, so he didn’t want to question it. It wasn’t really his place, anyway. Some guys liked to tell Eren their whole life stories – not that he cared about them – but most just wanted to skip the talking and just fuck. Erwin was a bit different. Sometimes he’d ask Eren about his life, which nobody else did. Eren preferred not being asked. He didn’t like to depress his clients too much, because then they tended not to come back, so whenever Erwin asked he’d either dodge the question or answer it as lightly as he could.

            When Erwin answered the door, it started with a kiss. He’d lean down as Eren stood on his toes and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck and they’d meet in the middle. Eren didn’t normally kiss his clients, especially not in greeting. He usually only did it when he was dealing with somebody new to the whole scene to try to help them relax. But for Erwin he made an exception. He told himself it was because the guy was so hot, and because he was such an amazing kisser that, even though Eren normally didn’t even like kissing whether it was with a client or not, he always managed to make Eren moan. And not one of those fake moans he’s perfected, either.

            After Erwin pulled away – he was always the one to pull away – he invited Eren in, a hand around his shoulders to usher him inside. Erwin makes no comment about how Eren isn’t wearing his coat even though it’s still early enough in spring that it gets pretty chilly at night. The coat had been stolen last weekend when Eren had been using it as a pillow to sleep. Normally he and his friends were better about finding a safe area and having one of them always keeping watch, but Eren had been stupid and messed up and though he’d been smart enough to keep his arms locked through the straps of his duffel and keep it clutched to his chest as he slept, he hadn’t thought that the jacket would have been stolen. He’d been wrong.

            “Have you eaten dinner yet?” Erwin asked. Sometimes he would do this.

            “Yeah,” Eren lied, heading into the living room to put down his duffel on the couch like always. He didn’t want charity, and he knew that’s what Erwin’s dinner invitations always were.

            “Well, I haven’t yet, so would you mind joining me anyway?” Erwin was a smooth motherfucker like that. He knew by now that Eren would lie about having already eaten; he’d heard it when Eren’s stomach would growl in the afterglow of sex sometimes. So he put off eating dinner himself even though Eren didn’t show up until 9, and Eren knew the man was a workaholic but he wasn’t working that late on a Saturday, and he always had food prepared coincidentally for the time when Eren arrived, as if he had forgotten about him coming and had happened to be making enough for two.

            “Sure,” Eren said, because it’s not like he was in a position to say no; he was being paid for this. It was how their little game went. They both knew what was really going on, the real reason why Erwin put off his dinner so late on these nights, but as long as they didn’t mention it then nobody would get hurt.

            They walked into the dining room – why did he need a table big enough for ten when he lived here alone? – and Eren sat down at his usual seat next to the head of the table and Erwin went through to the kitchen to get dinner. Eren could smell something cooking. He thought it was probably pasta. Eren knew that if he was just a regular guest he would offer to help set the table or get drinks or something, but he never did that here. He pretty much never did more than was asked of him. He didn’t have any sort of social responsibility to be helpful here; he was just a whore.

            Erwin came back out a minute later with two plates of spaghetti and meatballs, and Eren didn’t miss how the plate Erwin put in front of him had at least three more meatballs than the one he placed at his own seat. He left to go get drinks, quickly coming back with two glasses of milk. Eren had a feeling that Erwin didn’t normally drink milk with his dinners – he seemed like more of a wine guy – but he did it so that he could make Eren feel obligated to have milk as well. Sometimes Eren thought of telling the guy that he doesn’t need milk to grow big and strong; the way he’s living he’s never gonna get there so don’t bother trying. But he didn’t want to upset his client, so he held his tongue and ate a meatball.

            As they ate Erwin tried to make small talk and Eren tried to keep it going. Erwin asked how Eren’s past weeks had been, to which Eren answered a simple, “Good,” even though they had not been; his coat had been stolen and there were a couple of days that had been particularly tight on money since Mikasa lost one of her fights. In return, Eren asked how Erwin’s weeks had been, and Erwin answered the same. Eren didn’t blame him for not wanting to talk about them, since they were probably all about work, and people didn’t high prostitutes to talk about work.

            They talked about little things that had happened. They talked about headline news stories that Erwin had read in the newspaper and Eren had heard chatter about or been told about by Armin. They talked about the goddam weather, though even that was a tricky subject with Erwin not knowing how to offer Eren one of his own coats because he’d seen how he didn’t have one anymore.

            Dinner was always tense. Eren didn’t know why Erwin insisted on doing it. Maybe it was so that he didn’t feel as bad about hiring a prostitute so often. Some people got guilty about that kind of thing and felt like they had to be really nice in return. They didn’t understand that Eren didn’t want charity. He just wanted to do what he was being paid for and get on with it.

            But after dinner, Erwin did the dishes. He’d told Eren before that he was welcome to go watch TV in the den – why does he need a living room _and_ a den? – while he waited, but Eren always felt weird about that, and there were like ten remotes there anyway so it’d take a long time to figure out. Instead, Eren took his bag and went into the bedroom. He got out his toothbrush and washed his teeth in the master bathroom, which was the largest bathroom Eren’s ever seen in his life. After brushing his teeth, Eren would take off his clothes and fold them on top of his duffel, which he kept in the corner of the room so it was out of the way. Erwin had never asked for a show, so Eren decided to cut down on time and strip while he was busy in the kitchen. It was easier, anyway, when he didn’t have to pretend to be smooth while getting out of those tight jeans.

            Then Eren laid on the bed and allowed himself to actually relax a bit, which he almost never did while he was on a job. He pulled down the comforter so it wouldn’t get dirty and then flopped in the middle of the king-sized bed, relishing in the who-knows-how-many-but-probably-in-the-thousands thread-count sheets and the fluffiest pillows known to man. He let himself sprawl out, actually smiling up at the ceiling it was so comfortable, and waited until Erwin came in. One time he’d fallen asleep there while waiting, since he hadn’t been able to get any sleep the few nights before. Erwin hadn’t woken him and just waited there for a few hours until Eren finally awoke. Eren had thrown in a free morning blowjob as an apology.

            He didn’t hear Erwin come in until the man knelt on the bed, crawling over Eren to kiss him again. His mouth tasted like spaghetti and meatballs still, but at least it didn’t taste like cigarettes, which so many of his clients’ mouths did. Eren fell back into his role as he kissed Erwin back, reaching up to undo the man’s shirt as he started trailing the kiss down his neck. When the shirt was open enough, he sucked a mark onto his collarbone. He knew Erwin loved being marked like that, but Eren never did it above the collar. He also knew that Erwin wanted to mark Eren back, given how many times Eren always had to remind him he wasn’t allowed whenever Erwin started sucking at his neck, like he was currently doing.

            After Eren got the shirt undone, Erwin slid it off as Eren moved down to his pants. Pretty soon, those were off too and Eren had grabbed Erwin’s cock, stroking it to full hardness as Erwin leaned down to latch his mouth onto one of Eren’s nipples. Eren groaned. He didn’t know exactly when Erwin had found out how sensitive his nipples are, but ever since he did, he made sure to take full advantage of it.

            Once Erwin was fully hard, Eren pushed the man’s mouth away from his chest and rolled them so that he was on top. Before going any further, he reached into the bedside table and got out the condoms and lube. That was another thing he liked about Erwin: he provided the lube and condoms himself. Eren always came prepared, but it was nice of Erwin to supply his own. Eren opened one of the condom packets and slid the rubber onto Erwin’s hard cock, but his hand was slapped away before he could put one on his own. Instead, Erwin grabbed his cock, which was still only half-hard, and stroked Eren until he was completely so – _God_ , the way he knew just where to add that twist; Eren would almost think the man’s been in the business himself he’s so good – and then he opened the condom and put it on for Eren.

            Then Eren slid down Erwin’s body and started took the man’s covered cock into his mouth. No matter how often he did this, Eren always hated the taste of the rubber, but it was definitely worth it if it meant he didn’t get an STI. He’d perfected the art of it, anyhow. He knew that unless the guy wanted to fuck his face, which Erwin never did, that he shouldn’t go straight to deepthroating. He needed to tease a bit before. He knew just how much teeth and tongue to use. He knew when to pull off because the guy was about to come, and the guy had paid for fucking, not just a blowjob.

            Eren always secretly relished in Erwin’s frustrated groan when he pulled his mouth off his dick. There was just something so… private, about seeing someone who’s so composed every minute of every day falling apart. He didn’t feel this way about any other clients. Just Erwin. There were a lot of things for Eren that were unique to the man.

            As an apology for pulling off his dick, Eren crawled back up until he could kiss Erwin again, only pulling away long enough to hold up the lube and ask, “Do you want to or should I?”

            Erwin’s answer was to grab the lube with one hand and the back of Eren’s head with the other and pull the younger back into the kiss. He then detangled his hand from Eren’s hair and slicked up his fingers, being courteous and trying to warm the lube up a little before he pressed a finger to Eren’s hole. Eren moaned as Erwin slid the finger in, but he could tell it was forced by the look on his face. He hated it when Eren faked his reactions, and he’s asked him not to, but Eren forgot sometimes. He was just so used to it by now. As retribution, once Erwin had gotten his second finger in he started search for Eren’s prostate. It always took a little bit of searching but he knew when he found it because Eren’s gasp at the first brush was never faked. Eren sucked another mark onto one of Erwin’s pectorals as he pushed back into Erwin’s fingers, urging him to either hurry up or keep hitting his prostate – Erwin was never quite sure which.

            After being stretched for a while with three of Erwin’s fingers, Eren reached behind himself and pulled at Erwin’s wrist to get him to take them out. He then slicked up his own fingers and gave Erwin’s cock a good few strokes with them and positioned himself above it. He made a show of slowly sitting down on Erwin’s cock, moaning and biting his lip. It _did_ feel good, to be honest. Sex with Erwin always felt good, even though Eren had gotten pretty disenchanted by sex a while ago. But he made sure to play it up but to not _seem_ as if he was playing it up, since he knew Erwin wanted sound but he didn’t want Eren to fake it. Eren didn’t really know _how_ to be loud without faking it now, for the most part.

            It didn’t take long for Eren to adjust before he pushed himself up and allowed gravity to pull him back down onto Erwin’s cock. He started riding Erwin’s dick with abandon, keeping his hands on Erwin’s chest to steady himself. He made sure to dig his nails in a little because Erwin always seemed to like that.

            Pretty soon Eren felt Erwin’s hand curl around his dick and start pumping it again. It was a lot harder to concentrate on doing his job that way, but Erwin always insisted on getting Eren off too, and hey, he wasn’t going to complain. His façade dropped a bit as Erwin pumped his cock, his arms not quite as able to hold himself up and a quiet, “ _Fuck. God,”_ coming out of his mouth. It didn’t take too long after that for Erwin to tense up beneath him and come, Eren riding him throughout the whole orgasm. Erwin still didn’t stop stroking Eren even though he was done himself, though. No, he made sure to stroke Eren until he stiffened up and curled his nails into Erwin’s skin again, but this time not on purpose, and came as well.

            Eren let himself lay on Erwin’s chest to relax a bit after that. He didn’t do that with any of his other clients, but Erwin had him for the whole night, and he knew he could get away with it, so he let Erwin’s cock slip out of his hole as he rested on Erwin’s chest, his ear right over the man’s quickly-beating heart. He felt Erwin press a kiss to the top of his head and stroke his hand up and down his side comfortingly.

            Even though he felt like he could go asleep right then and there, he only let himself rest for a couple of minutes before he sat up and removed both his and Erwin’s used condoms, tying them off and getting up to go to the bathroom and throw them out. He cleaned himself off in there as well, and by the time he went back into the bedroom Erwin was sitting up. The man went into the bathroom after it was vacant, and Eren took the liberty of going into Erwin’s dresser to get a t-shirt. Erwin always offered to do Eren’s laundry for him, and it was the one charity that Eren would explicitly accept, just because it was so hard to find the spare money and time to go to the Laundromat, and he wasn’t really able to carry around the thing of detergent all the time for when he needed to go, so it was an awkward situation. Erwin had okayed Eren to wear any of his clothing while his clothes are in the wash, but Eren was always afraid that one of his button-downs would cost more than he earns in a month, so he stuck to t-shirts. They were so huge on him that he didn’t even bother with underwear or pants. He figured it gave Erwin easy access for round 2 later.

            Eren always felt like he should start the laundry himself, since he knew where the machines were – Erwin had a whole room devoted to it – but he didn’t know how to use them and he was always too embarrassed to ask. At the Laundromat he’d have Armin and Mikasa with him, and they knew how to do it. So Eren took a laundry basket from the closet – which was just as big as the bathroom – and put his outfit from before in there, along with the other clothes in his duffel. There were only a couple of things left in the bag once all the clothes were emptied from it, and Eren took a moment to pick up the small picture frame and look at his mom. He couldn’t imagine what she would say if she knew what he had just done.

            When he heard Erwin coming out of the bathroom, Eren quickly put the frame back in his bag and zipped it up, putting it back in the corner of the room. He sat on the edge of the bed as Erwin pulled on a pair of sweatpants – nobody’s supposed to be able to make sweats look that good, Goddammit – and put some of his dirty clothes in with Eren’s to wash. For some reason, Eren always found that jarring. He knew it was a stupid thing to think, but he couldn’t help but feel that you weren’t supposed to wash such nice clothes with his thrift-store finds. It seemed wrong. But he never commented on it.

            He followed Erwin after the man picked up the basket and headed out of the room, but he stayed in the den while the man went through to the laundry room, calling out over his shoulder as he always did for Eren to pick a movie.

            They always watched a movie afterwards. Erwin had Eren for the whole night, but it wasn’t like either of them could go again right away, so they watched a movie. At first Erwin would always choose, but after a while he let Eren have free reign of the extensive collection, which he noticed would often grow with what he assumed were new releases. He’s never figured out how Erwin organizes the discs, but he supposes that’s because he doesn’t recognize most of the titles, so usually Eren just picks something at random. He tries to remember what each case looks like so he doesn’t pick the same thing twice. If he sees something still wrapped in plastic he’ll usually pick that because he feels that he can’t go wrong choosing a brand new movie.

            He chose something at random and stared at the cover as he waited for Erwin to come back. _Something America._ He recognized the second word, which he was proud of, because it was long. But he couldn’t figure out the first. It was all red, white, and blue, and between that and the title he figured it was something patriotic. He hoped he didn’t accidentally pick a documentary.

            He was about to put it back out of worry that it might be some boring documentary, which he’d chosen before and he and Erwin had sat through and Eren had pretended to enjoy it because he didn’t want to admit that he hadn’t known what he was choosing, but before he could find something else, Erwin came back into the room. Eren held out the disk and Erwin’s face lit up.

            “Oh, _Captain America_. Good choice. I love this one.” He took the movie from Eren and went to put it in the player as Eren went to sit down on the couch, remembering how he had seen posters for that movie a while back.

            Erwin soon joined Eren on the couch and started the TV, putting and arm around Eren’s shoulders and pulling him close so that they were cuddling. As he pressed the button to start the movie, Erwin put his feet up on the coffee table and Eren settled closer into his side.

            To be honest, this was Eren’s favorite part of his appointments with Erwin. He didn’t understand what it did for the man – maybe he just got lonely and wanted company but didn’t know how to ask someone on a date – but for Eren it was a time when he was indoors and warm and comfortable and had something to do. He didn’t get to watch any other movies or TV other than when he was at Erwin’s. When he, Armin, and Mikasa _could_ afford a motel room, they often weren’t of high enough quality to offer television services. And he had to admit; it was kind of nice to cuddle with someone. Not many of his clients were into the whole post-coital cuddling thing. And with Erwin already being so hot, and just the feeling that he could completely engulf Eren he’s so huge, it was just really comforting. So, he always let himself relax a bit more as they watched the movie. He’d snuggle into Erwin’s side and pay attention to whatever was on screen, whether it was some cheesy romantic comedy – Eren always had to contain his snorts of disbelief at those – or some dark action or horror film, which were always his favorites.

            He liked _Captain America_. There were lots of fights and everything, especially at the end. He didn’t completely understand it, but he figured that was because it took place during the war and Eren didn’t know much more about that time other than that Hitler was a horrible guy. But overall the movie was good. He couldn’t help but think that Erwin looked a bit like Captain America once he got all strong. They had to pause the movie in the middle for Erwin to change the laundry, and then he got them glasses of wine before they restarted it, too. Normally Eren would never take a drink from a john, but at this point he trusted Erwin enough not to try anything. Erwin knew he was only 19, since he had asked when Eren first came, but he figured that with all Eren’s probably been through, a little wine couldn’t hurt. Eren wasn’t particularly fond of wine, but when he had learned that Eren liked sweeter drinks Erwin started getting dessert wines, and Eren had grown accustomed to it. He only ever had one glass, though, and Erwin kept to one, too.

            After the movie they went back to the bedroom for round 2, where Erwin fucked Eren into the (so soft) mattress. After they cleaned up and brushed their teeth, they got back in bed and Eren cuddled up to Erwin once more. They always went to sleep after round 2, and Eren knew Erwin liked to fall asleep while cuddling. Eren had to admit that he liked it, too. Maybe it was just the mattress and expensive sheets, though, that made his sleep at Erwin’s so great. It was probably mostly that he had a bed to sleep in at all.

 

* * *

 

            He woke in the morning to a _wonderful_ sensation on his nipples. He cracked open his eyes to see Erwin’s mouth latched onto one, sucking and running his tongue over the sensitive bud, with his fingers playing with the other. Eren couldn’t help but whine. He was already getting hard. He squirmed for a minute under the attention but eventually managed to force his mind back to reality. He couldn’t just let this happen. He tugged at Erwin’s hair until he pulled away.

            “If you want more,” he panted, “It’s gonna cost extra.”

            Erwin groaned, and Eren didn’t know why, since money didn’t seem to be any problem for the man. But he still said, “Are you serious?” And he gave Eren this look that almost made him want to say fuck it and fuck me, but he stayed strong. “Even if I just get you off?” Erwin asked.

            “Sorry,” Eren said, already calming down now that Erwin’s hands were just on his hips. “I have to make a living, you know. Can’t stay on the streets forever.” He smiled as he said it, trying to be coy and flirty in hopes that Erwin wouldn’t get too angry.

            And he did not get angry. Instead, Erwin leaned down close to one of Eren’s ears and said, “You can always come and live here, Eren.”

            Even though Erwin’s voice was sweet, the words brought Eren crashing back to reality. He pushed Erwin away and began to sit up, saying, “Don’t joke about things like that.”

            Erwin looked surprised. “I’m not joking!” he insisted. “Really. Live with me.”

            Eren looked at Erwin and rolled his eyes. “I don’t think there’d be enough time in the day for me to possibly afford my share of rent.” He didn’t know what this guy was getting at. Did he just want his own personal prostitute? Someone to fuck whenever they wanted? Eren may be a whore, but he still had standards.

            “No,” Erwin said. “You wouldn’t- I wouldn’t ask that of you. You could just live here instead of on the street.”

            Eren scoffed in disgust and got out of bed, grabbing his now-clean clothes from his duffel and beginning to pull them on. “I don’t want your charity,” he spat.

            “That’s not what I-“

            “No,” Eren interrupted. “I don’t know what you think this is, but you’re paying me for sex. Even if-“ Eren hated how his voice was wavering. “Even if you give me dinner and watch movies and wash my clothes, I’m still just your whore. That’s all I am.” Erwin tried to interrupt, but Eren cut him off. “You need to accept that.” He pulled on his shirt and zipped up his bag, storming out of the room. “I assume payment is by the door like usual?” he called out as he left, not bothering to wait for an answer. Erwin always left the payment in cash on the table next to the front door. Eren never knew why – maybe it was in case something like this happened, because he still wanted Eren to get paid because Erwin’s a fucking angel like that. Anyway, it helped in this situation because technically it was morning so Eren’s time was up, so he was free to just grab the money on the table and stuff it into his bag and catch the elevator downstairs, leaving the building quickly with his teary eyes on the ground, not daring to look at concierge or doorman’s smirking faces.


	2. He Sends Cheap Thrills to Pay Expensive Bills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren hates charity, but he needs a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I keep getting more and more ideas for this fic, just like with Waiting Up. This wasn't supposed to be that long but... we'll see. I dunno. Definitely more chapters, no worries. 
> 
> Also I want to say before this chapter starts that don't worry, there's no major character death in this story.

            The next two months were… awkward. Eren was mostly relieved to find that Erwin hadn’t cancelled his appointments after he’d just run out like that, because he really depended on the income, but there were still some tense moments the next couple times they met. They never brought up the subject or mentioned what happened, but their dinner conversation got even more sparse and neither of them got as much out of the sex. The morning after, Erwin would cook a quick breakfast like he usually did and they ate in silence, Erwin reading the paper and Eren trying to scarf down his food so he could get back to Armin and Mikasa.

            But on the fifth visit after Erwin had asked Eren to move in with him, Eren didn’t kiss Erwin at the door. Instead, he walked right past him into the foyer – that’s what Eren had heard that rich people called entryways – and said, “I need to talk to you.”

            Erwin was worried. He was worried partly because the words “I need to talk to you” are almost never followed by something positive, and partly because Eren’s voice was raspy, like he was forcing himself to speak even though he had no voice. Erwin immediately got the feeling that this visit would be different from usual.

            “Yeah, okay,” Erwin agreed, even though he was nervous. He closed the front door and ushered Eren into the living room. He sat down on the couch and motioned for Eren to sit as well, which he did, keeping his duffel in his lap. “What is it?” Erwin asked.

            “I was wondering…” Eren’s hoarse voice trailed off and Eren bit his lip as he tried to decide how to phrase what he was going to say next. “I’m only asking because you’ve offered me things before, and I don’t want to become your charity case or anything but-“ He stopped, realizing he had just been digging himself into a hole and that he should just get on with it. So he blurted, “My friend needs a doctor.”

            Erwin took a minute to digest all that Eren just said. He didn’t really know what to say next, so he eventually decided to ask, “Why?”

            Eren let out a breath. “He’s been sick for a few weeks now. We thought it was just a cold but… well, it didn’t go away, and now it’s getting worse, and he’s got this rash, and it hurts him to move and-“ Eren couldn’t help the tears that started rolling down his face. Erwin moved over and pulled Eren into a hug to comfort him.

            “Shh,” he said. “It’s ok. Does he need an emergency room?”

            “I don’t think so,” Eren said. “It’s not like we could afford it, anyway.”

            “You know that they have to treat you there even if you can’t pay, right?” Erwin asked.

            “Yeah, but we don’t exactly have IDs or anything either.”

            “They’d still treat you. But if you don’t think he needs it then I’ll trust your judgment.”

            “But… I mean, I hate to ask you, but would you-”

            “Don’t worry,” Erwin said, deciding that he couldn’t stand to hurt Eren more after all the world has thrown at him. “I’ll pay for any medical bills. Does he have a place to stay tonight?”

            Eren shook his head and Erwin grabbed a tissue from the end table and handed it to him. “We tried some shelters but they’re worried he’d get the other people sick. They just told us to go to the ER.”

            “He shouldn’t be staying outside, though. He can stay here.”

            Eren looked up at Erwin. “I couldn’t ask you to do that!” he protested.

            “It’s no trouble,” he said. “Really.” Erwin thought about the situation and Eren’s scratchy throat and connected the dots. He put out a hand to feels Eren’s forehead. “You’re sick too,” he said as soon as he felt how warm he was. “You’re burning up. You need to go to the doctor, as well.”

            “No,” Eren tried protesting again. “That’s too much, I can’t-“

            “Eren,” Erwin said sternly. “I insist.”

            “I’ll figure out a way to pay you back,” Eren promised. “We can work something out. I’ll give you extra time. My pimp doesn’t need to know. I’ll figure out a way-“

            “Eren,” Erwin interrupted again. “It’s okay. Really. If you really want to pay me back, then come stay with me.”

            He considered the offer. It didn’t exactly seem fair, because he felt like he’d still be a charity case, but then again, he’d also be Erwin’s own personal whore when he was in the apartment. He was about to agree, because he was already asking the man for so much so he should just do what he asked, when he had another thought. “I can’t leave Mikasa and Armin.”

            “Are they your friends?”

            “Mikasa’s my sister. Armin’s practically my brother. He’s the one who’s sick.”

            Erwin didn’t think very much before saying, “They can stay here too.”

            “No!” Eren objected. “This is way too much! I can’t-“

            “Eren,” Erwin said. “If the two of you are really this sick, you can’t be staying on the streets. I’ll pay for your doctor’s visits either way, but I’d really like for you to stay with me.”

            Eren bit his lip as he thought it over. If it’s really what Erwin wanted, he kind of owed it to him to agree. And besides, it’d be nice for Armin to have a bed. “Okay,” he said. “But only until Armin’s better.” Eren thought of any other conditions he might have, and then he added, “Oh, and no trying anything with either of them. They’re not-“ For some reason it was hard to call himself a whore in front of Erwin at the moment. “They’re not like me. You don’t put a hand on them.”

            “I won’t,” Erwin swore. “I promise.”

            Eren wiped off the last of his tears on the tissue and balled it up in his hands. “Okay,” he said, softer.

            Erwin let Eren calm down for a few minutes, rubbing a hand on his back to try to comfort him. When he thought the boy was feeling a bit better, he said, “So we should go pick your friends up, then, right?”

            “But what about your time?” Eren asked, remembering that he was still on the clock.

            “That doesn’t matter,” Erwin said, then added, “No offense, but since whatever you have is probably contagious, I’d rather not kiss you and catch it.”

            Eren looked like he was about to protest but decided against it. “Okay. But I’ll make that up to you to. Next week or something, if I don’t have a client or anything.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” Erwin said, and Eren was really starting to hate those words. If he weren’t so worried about Armin, he’d be out of here in a second. He hated feeling like a charity case. But for now he forced himself to suck down his pride and agree to it. “Let’s go get your friends,” Erwin suggested.

            They stood and Eren went to throw his tissue in the trash while Erwin got on his shoes and pulled two coats from the closet. He pulled one on and held the other out to Eren when he came back. Eren just stared at it. “Take it,” Erwin told him. “You’re sick. You need to be bundled up.”

            Eren frowned and took it, grumbling something as he put it on about, “what do you know about what I need to do,” that Erwin chose to ignore. It was too big and Eren thought it was definitely too expensive for him to be wearing, but he didn’t complain any more. Erwin grabbed some keys from the table where Eren’s money for the night was already laid out and pocketed them, opening the door and gesturing for Eren to go through first. Damn chivalrous gentleman.

            Erwin hugged Eren on the elevator ride down, but it wasn’t anything romantic. He was just comforting the boy, who he could tell was still pretty upset and worried and shaken. Eren allowed it, not hugging back but just allowing himself to be hugged and pressing his face into Erwin’s chest. It was a good chest, he thought. It was easy to cuddle into.

            They took the elevator down past the lobby into the underground parking garage, and _of course_ Erwin has not only one but _two_ reserved parking spots in the most convenient location. Erwin showed Eren into a sleek black car, opening the passenger-side door for him like he was some sort of royal Lady, and he sat there with his duffel on his lap while Erwin went around to get into the driver’s side. Eren didn’t need to know anything about cars to know that this one was expensive. He tried not to touch anything, but Erwin looked over at him and said, “Seat belt,” and after a moment where Eren’s brain remembered what those were – he couldn’t remember the last time he rode in a car rather than fucked in it – he reached up and strapped himself in.

            Eren gave Erwin directions as the man drove, since Eren couldn’t give him an exact address to type into his fancy GPS. He got more and more nervous as they progressed into one of the worse parts of town. He knew what happened to fancy cars and the people who owned them here, and he did not want to be a part of that. For that reason, he directed Erwin to park about a block away from the alley where Armin and Mikasa should be. Mikasa hadn’t said anything about having a fight that night, so she should be there.

            Once they were parked, Erwin made to get out of the car as Eren did so, but Eren turned and said, “No. You stay here. I’ll get them.” Erwin gave him this look that Eren read as the man wondering if he was actually going to stick to his word and come back. Normally Eren wouldn’t care, but for some reason, because it was fucking Erwin, he did. So after some hesitation he put his duffel down in the passenger seat. “I’ll leave this here,” he said. “That way you know I’ll come back.” Erwin looked both surprised and relieved, and told Eren that he’d be waiting. Eren look away, embarrassed, and told him to lock the doors until he came back. He told himself that it wasn’t for Erwin’s protection, but the protection of his duffel.

            He could feel Erwin’s questioning eyes on him as he walked down the block and crossed the street. But Eren just checked to make sure he wasn’t being followed and slipped into the little alleyway between a Spanish grocery store and a barbershop. As predicted, Armin and Mikasa were there. Armin was lying down with his head in Mikasa’s lap, his coat on and Mikasa’s coat over him like a blanket. He looked miserable, and Mikasa was stroking his hair to try to comfort him.

            When she heard the noise of Eren’s footsteps, Mikasa’s head snapped to the entrance of the alley, ready to deal with anybody who might be looking for something to steal or rape. She relaxed immediately when she saw it was Eren, but then became confused. “Eren?” she asked. She knew not to expect him back every other Saturday night. Armin echoed the question, trying to turn to look at his friend, but Eren came over to him and told him not to move, that it was okay. “What are you doing here?” Mikasa questioned.

            “I… it’s a long story,” Eren hedged. “But I found a way to get you to the doctor, Armin. And we have a place to sleep tonight. All of us.”

            “How?” Armin asked, voice weak.

            “Well…” He knew he’d have to tell the story sooner or later, so he might as well do it now. “That guy I spend Saturdays with half the time? I’ve told you about him, right?” Mikasa frowned. She never liked hearing or thinking about Eren’s job. “Well, I asked him, since y’know, he’s always trying to make me into a charity case, and he said he’d pay for you to go to the doctor.”

            “What’s the catch?” Mikasa wisely asked.

            “Well, he wants us to stay there until you get better,” he said, directing the end of the sentence to Armin. “And I’m going to try to pay him back, but I mean that won’t be any different from anything I’m already doing.” Mikasa frowned more and Eren realized that that hadn’t been the best way to advocate for this plan. “Look,” he said. “I’m not happy about it either, but it’s our best shot.” He looked at Mikasa. “You know Armin needs a doctor. This is our only choice. And he promised not to lay a hand on either of you.” Mikasa made a face that let Eren know she didn’t exactly believe that. “Even if he tries, I’m sure you could take him. And we’ll just watch out for each other like always.” Mikasa still didn’t look very convinced. “We need to do this, ‘Kasa,” he used as his last defense.

            Mikasa thought about it for a minute, looking down at the miserable look of pain on Armin’s face, and ultimately said, “Okay. Fine.”

            “Okay,” Eren said. “He’s waiting down the block in his car. He’ll drive us back to his place.” Mikasa didn’t look happy about that either, but Eren gave her a pleading look that asked her to just go with him on this.

            “Let’s go,” Mikasa sighed, helping Armin sit up. Both she and Eren helped him to stand. He let out a cry of pain as he did so. Eren let go of Armin long enough to take off the coat Erwin loaned him and wrap it around him so that he was doubly warm, since Mikasa’s coat had fallen off his lap as he stood. Mikasa put her own coat back on and then, noticing that Armin seemed to be in too much pain to really walk very far, she picked him up bridal style, trying not to jostle him too much to lessen the pain.

            Eren grabbed Mikasa and Armin’s bags – Mikasa had a gym bag and Armin had a backpack – and carried them as he led the two out of the alley and towards Erwin’s car. He opened the door to the backseat to let Mikasa put Armin in, and he reached in to put on the blond’s seatbelt as Mikasa went around to the other side. Eren closed the door and got into the passenger seat, keeping all three duffels between his feet.

            Erwin had turned in his seat to look at Armin and Mikasa. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Erwin.”

            “Mikasa,” the girl introduced simply.

            “Armin,” the boy weakly croaked out.

            Erwin looked at how terrible Armin looked and then looked to Eren. “You’re right,” he said. “He does need a doctor. Thank you for coming to me about this.”

            There was something so sincere in Erwin’s eyes as he said that that made Eren unable to look at him. He just turned to face forward as he fastened his seatbelt and quietly said, “You’re welcome.”

            Erwin realized that this wasn’t really the time or place for a long conversation, so he left it at that and started driving.

 

* * *

 

            It took them about twenty minutes to get back to Erwin’s, because the traffic was pretty terrible. It was better than the thirty or so it took to get to where Mikasa and Armin were, but Eren had only known the bus route, not the direct one, between the two places.

            They pulled into Erwin’s reserved parking space and Eren got out, carrying all three of the duffels, as Mikasa went to go pick Armin up again. Erwin offered to help carry one of the bags, but Eren insisted on taking care of all of them. They weren’t that heavy, just a bit cumbersome. And maybe he trusts Erwin with his own bag, but there was no way he’d let him carry Mikasa or Armin’s without their permission, which they were unlikely to give because of how little they knew the man.

            Eren could tell that Mikasa and Armin – who was nearly asleep but kept awake by his pain – were a little amazed at Erwin’s apartment when they arrived. Erwin directed them to the guest room, which Eren had never been in before. It was decorated just as professionally as the rest of the apartment, and the bed was a little smaller than the one in the master bedroom, but it was still big enough that it could fit the three of them. That was, if Erwin didn’t want Eren to stay with him. Eren put down the bags and pulled away the comforter so that Mikasa could lay Armin on the bed, still completely dressed. Eren took off the blond’s shoes and made a note to take them back out to the entryway, but then he remembered that he needed to take Erwin’s coat off of him too, so he pulled Armin up as gently as he could just enough so that he could take the coat from around his shoulders. Then he pulled up the comforter and tucked the boy in. He sat on the edge of the bed as he tucked a strand of hair out of the boy’s face.

            “Thanks, Eren,” he said with a cough.

            “Do you want anything?” Erwin asked from the doorway. “Tea, hot chocolate?”

            “Do you want hot chocolate?” Eren asked Armin. The boy didn’t answer, but Eren could tell that he wanted it; he just didn’t want to be a burden. Eren stood and picked up the coat and Armin’s shoes, saying, “Some hot chocolate would be great, thanks,” to Erwin.

            Mikasa noticed Eren taking off Armin’s shoes and how both he and Erwin had taken off theirs upon entering the house and decided that she probably should, too. She didn’t want to leave Armin alone, though, so she handed them to Eren, who took them out to the entryway and left them in the closet with the rest of the shoes and hung up the coat while he was at it.

            Deciding Armin was in good hands with Mikasa, Eren went into the kitchen to find Erwin once he was done in the entryway. The man was heating up milk in a pot, stirring slowly. Eren watched from the doorway, and Erwin didn’t notice he was there until he put down the spoon and went to get mugs. He didn’t act surprised, however. He just went to the cabinet and took out four mugs, asking, “Are your friends settling in all right?”

            Eren stayed standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, hugging himself. “Yeah,” he said, watching Erwin set down the mugs and start spooning powder from a tin into each one. “Thanks again.”

            Erwin stopped what he was doing and walked over to Eren, putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “You don’t need to thank me, Eren. I’m just happy to help.”

            Eren averted his eyes and didn’t respond. Erwin’s face slowly dropped from its grin until he noticed that the milk would be hot enough and he went to take it off the burner. He poured some into each mug and then stirred them all, and Eren just watched.

            When the drinks were ready, Erwin turned back to Eren and asked, “Would you mind taking these in to your friends? I’m going to get something.”

            Eren nodded and grabbed three mugs, making sure not to spill anything on Erwin’s nice carpet as he brought them into the guest room. Mikasa had by that point gotten on the bed too, sitting up against the headboard and stroking Armin’s hair again as the boy rested his eyes. Eren set one of the hot chocolates down on a coaster on the end table and he handed another to Mikasa. He kept the last one for himself and sipped it, grateful for the feeling of the hot drink on his aching throat. He and Mikasa then helped Armin sit up some more, keeping some pillows propped behind his back, and Eren helped him take a sip of the hot chocolate.

            A minute later Erwin came back in carrying a pill bottle and two small glasses of water. “If you two have fevers,” he explained. “You should take some Motrin. It’ll help with that and the pain.” Eren took the two glasses of water and let Erwin shake out a couple of pills before he took them. He handed the pills to Armin to take and helped him take a sip of water to wash them down, then took his own when Erwin handed him a couple as well. Erwin took the glasses back and left the room after that, not wanting to intrude on the three.

            Eren stayed with Armin and Mikasa until they finished their hot chocolates. He then helped tuck Armin in even further and took the empty mugs back out to the kitchen. He planned to go straight back to his friends, but as he walked down the hallway he heard Erwin talking to someone in one of the rooms.

            “If you could just come tomorrow-“ Eren heard Erwin say. It sounded like he was on the phone. Eren knew it wasn’t really his place, but he stayed out of sight next to the slightly opened door to listen in.

            “I _know_ you’re not that kind of doctor, but you could at least do something,” Erwin argued. He paused as the person on the other end said something. “His friend really needs it, Hanji. And he does, too.” Another pause. “His name’s Eren.” Eren listened closer at the mention of his own name. “Because,” Erwin said, hesitating. “I… I really like him, Hanji. So please… You will?... Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay. Bye.”

            Eren was still reeling from hearing Erwin say that he “really liked” him that he almost didn’t notice that Erwin had hung up the phone and was getting ready to leave the room. Thankfully he managed to notice just in time and hurried silently down the hall to rejoin his friends.

            Armin was falling asleep, and Mikasa had gotten Armin’s book from his bag and started reading it aloud. She wasn’t quite as good at reading as Armin was, but both she and Eren had heard Armin read the story to them enough times by now that they practically had it memorized. It was the only book any of them owned. Sometimes on rainy or cold or too-hot days when they didn’t have anything else to do, they’d go to the public library and Armin would read to them from different ones, or Eren would find an art book to look at, or Armin would get them kids books and try to teach Eren how to read them (which never worked and he ended up just reading them to Eren). But on other days when the evening was closing in and they didn’t have anywhere to be or anything to do, Armin would read from his book, his favorite book that he’d kept from his grandfather’s house.

            Eren sat on the bed and listened to Mikasa as Armin fell asleep. She kept reading, stumbling over some words that Eren would help supply if he remembered what they were from the last time he’d heard the story, even after Armin started softly snoring. After some time, Erwin knocked lightly on the open doorframe. Mikasa stopped reading and she and Eren looked to the man, glad that Armin hadn’t woken from the noise.

            “Sorry,” Erwin whispered when he saw that Armin was asleep. “I was just wondering if you needed anything else.”

            “No thank you,” Mikasa said.

            Eren gracefully got off of the bed and headed out into the hallway, Erwin closing the door and following him into the living room. Eren leaned back against the arm of the couch as he bit his lip. “I just…” he said, still quietly even though he knew he wouldn’t wake Armin from here. “I know you said not to, but I wanted to thank you again. You really didn’t have to do this.” He thought about what he overheard earlier, about Erwin saying that he really liked him. Eren wasn’t used to being liked. He was used to being lusted after, but that was a different thing all together. It was weird, and he didn’t know how to handle it. He shouldn’t mention it at all, actually, since he hadn’t been meant to hear what Erwin had said.

            “You don’t have to keep thanking me,” Erwin repeated, coming closer to Eren and taking his hands. “Really.”

            Eren bit his lip again. “So… I know… technically I’m still on the clock, so I don’t know if…” I don’t know if you want to fuck me now or not, so give me an answer please.

            “I told you before,” Erwin answered. “You’re sick. It’s okay, honestly. You can go be with your friends. There’s a bathroom across the hall if you need to use it.” Eren only ever used the master bathroom before. Why did Erwin need two toilets? Is he going to shit in two different places at once? Eren didn’t ask these questions. “I have a friend who’s a doctor. They’re going to come take a look at you and Armin tomorrow.”

            Eren may not know much, but he knew that doctor home visits were really expensive and rare. “Oh, we can just go to the clinic on Monday. It’s okay. You don’t need to have your friend-“

            “Eren,” Erwin interrupted, and Eren hated how good the man was at cutting him off like that, because there was a little chill that ran through him every time Erwin said his name that way. “It’s alright. They’re doing this for me as a favor. It’s not problem, I promise.” Eren still thought it was too much, but he nodded anyway. Erwin patted his shoulder. “Ok. You should go to sleep soon, too. Hopefully the Motrin will help with your fever.” Eren nodded again and Erwin leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. Eren didn’t know why he blushed at that, but he did and so he kept his head down until Erwin had gone into his bedroom.

            Once he was alone, Eren took a moment to compose himself again – a client shouldn’t be able to shake him so easily like that, goddammit – and then he joined Mikasa and Armin again. “We should get to sleep soon, probably,” he told Mikasa as he went through his duffel to get his toothbrush. Mikasa nodded and once Eren was done in the bathroom she went in to get ready for bed as well. None of them had pajamas – they didn’t really have a need for them – so they kept their street clothes on as they got under the covers. They made sure to give Armin plenty of space so they wouldn’t jostle him or anything during the night, and then Eren reached over to the lamp on the bedside table, turned it off, and he and Mikasa let themselves drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to help me figure out what the book that they have is, let me know. Should it be a book with the plot of "Attack on Titan"? Some sort of classic? Let me know in the comments or on tumblr! If you don't give me suggestions I may never decide!


	3. They Don't Think He's Worth It At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get a home visit at Erwin's from the doctor.

            When Eren woke the next day, he saw that Mikasa was already up. She was reading the book again, but this time silently to herself. Eren felt bad for not getting up first, since he knew she’d feel awkward leaving the room in a stranger’s house without Eren to be able to smooth things over a bit. Eren’s throat was feeling even worse today, so he barely croaked out a “Hello,” to Mikasa before he left to use the bathroom. He made use of the shower and changed his clothes and let Mikasa know that she could do the same before heading into the rest of the apartment to find Erwin. It was early, about six o’clock, but Erwin was normally up at this time.

            He found him in the kitchen, sitting at the island with a cup of coffee, reading the paper. The man looked up when he heard Eren come in.

            “Good morning,” he said. “Did you sleep well?”

            Eren just grunted and took a seat at the counter, resting his head on his arms. He had a headache and his throat was burning.

            “Coffee?” Erwin asked. He got up when Eren nodded and he took out a clean mug and made a cup of coffee using his fancy one-cup brewer thing that uses those little plastic cups. He added sugar and creamer because whenever he gave Eren coffee in the mornings he preferred it that way, and then he set the mug in front of Eren. The boy took a sip, not caring about how hot it was, and moaned in gratitude. Not only was it caffeine but it also felt good on his aching throat. Erwin chuckled a bit and sat back down to his own half-empty mug. “How are you today?” he asked the boy.

            “’M alright,” Eren croaked, even though he felt like shit.

            “Goodness, you sound terrible,” Erwin said, worried. Eren wondered who in the world still said ‘goodness’ as Erwin laid his hand on his forehead to check for a fever again and then left to get the Motrin. He came back and handed Eren two of the pills, which he washed down with coffee. He had just finished croaking his thanks when Mikasa came in, her hair still wet from the shower.

            “Good morning,” Erwin said to her. “Would you like some coffee?”

            Mikasa glanced around the room, taking note of the mug in front of Eren. “Yeah, thanks,” she said.

            Erwin got up to make another cup. “Cream or sugar?”

            “No thanks,” Mikasa answered. She took a seat next to Eren and sat there stiffly as Erwin made her drink. She took a small sip once he handed her the mug and said, “Thanks,” again.

            Erwin headed to the refrigerator and began pulling out eggs and a pack of bacon. “Are eggs and bacon for breakfast ok?” he asked the two, but mostly Mikasa since he knew Eren wouldn’t mind the meal. Mikasa murmured a yes and he began cracking eggs into a pan, deciding to scramble them because it was the easiest thing to do. He put the bacon in a separate pan to cook. “Is Armin still sleeping?” he asked as he cooked.

            Eren thought it was weird to hear his friend’s name on Erwin’s lips. These were two worlds that were separate, and now they were colliding.

            “Yeah,” Mikasa answered as Eren was still thinking over the weirdness.

            Erwin didn’t ask any more questions as he cooked, getting the hint that neither of the two others was in the mood for conversation. He put three equal servings of the food onto plates and put them in front of their respective seats at the counter. He saw Mikasa take one of her strips of bacon and add it to Eren’s plate as he got his guests silverware. Eren grumbled and tried to give the bacon back, but Mikasa kept putting it on his plate again so he eventually just let it go.

            They ate in relative silence, too, the quiet interrupted only once for Erwin to tell the two that his doctor friend would be over a little later.

            After they finished eating, Eren asked Mikasa to go check on Armin. Once he and Erwin were alone, he watched Erwin do the dishes for a minute before clearing his throat and talking, his voice sounding at least a bit better after the coffee. “Look, um… I know I’ve already asked a lot, and I know that we didn’t even do anything so I can’t really count your night, but… would you mind fronting me the cash? It’s just… I need to get it to my guy by noon, and if I don’t-“

            Erwin didn’t let Eren finish that sentence, because he didn’t really want to hear what came next. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t even need to pay me back.”

            “I will though,” Eren argued. He was already taking enough of this guy’s charity. He didn’t need to take more.

            “Alright,” Erwin conceded, deciding to leave the argument for another time. “It’s on the front table like usual.”

            “Ok,” Eren said. “So is it cool if I go take care of that now? It won’t take long.”

            Erwin put the last plate in the drying rack and turned to Eren, drying his hands with the dishtowel. “Yeah. Do you need a ride or anything?”

            “No,” Eren answered quickly. “It’s fine. I’ll just… it’ll probably be like an hour maybe?” He was getting that feeling again, where he wanted to assure the man he’d be coming back.

            “Sure, no problem.”

            Eren bit his lip and nodded, turning to go tell Mikasa where he was going before he put on his shoes, grabbed his bus pass and the money, and left.

 

            He got back, as predicted, about an hour later. He was earlier than usual to go give his guy the money, and the pimp hadn’t been very happy about it, but at least he didn’t hit him or anything. He just grumbled as he separated out Eren’s meager portion of the cash and handed it back before slamming the door in his face.

            Eren had to wait in the lobby as the concierge called up because Erwin hadn’t called down about having a guest coming, and that was embarrassing because he could hear how the concierge’s tongue rolled around the word “guest” as if it was something hideous. But soon enough Erwin had confirmed that Erwin was there for him, and by the way he’d be having another guest coming soon, so Eren signed in and headed up on the elevator.

            When Erwin answered the door to let Eren in, Eren slid off his shoes and then took the cash he had left out of his pocket. He held it out to Erwin, saying, “Here. This is my cut of it, but I can’t take it. I’ll pay back the rest later.”

            Erwin wanted to protest, but he could see the determination in Eren’s eyes. He sighed and took the money, noting with a sinking heart how much less of it there was than he had paid before, and pocketed it. “Please don’t worry about paying back the rest,” he said, knowing it would probably be in vain. Eren just shrugged and then went to join Armin and Mikasa in the guest room again.

            Armin was awake now and had a glass of water on the bedside table. He weakly greeted Eren when he came in, and Eren went to sit next to him and brush the hair from his face. “How are you feeling?” Eren asked.

            “Crappy,” Armin said, but he smiled a bit as he said it. “You don’t sound too great yourself.”

            “I’ll be ok,” Eren promised. “Erwin said his doctor friend is coming over soon.”

            “Yeah, ‘Kasa told me.”

            Mikasa currently held the book open on her lap as she watched their conversation.

            “Ok,” Eren said. “Well, you rest up until the doc gets here, alright?”

            Armin nodded and let his eyes slip closed. Eren didn’t know if he was going to go back to sleep or just rest, but he didn’t really mind as long as he was ok.

            Mikasa read the book aloud again after that, and Eren lay down next to Armin to listen. They stayed that way for about an hour, when there was a knock on the door. Eren assumed it was the doctor, but he stayed in the guest room while Erwin greeted them.

            A minute later Erwin knocked on the doorframe again and entered the guest room with the doctor behind him. They had long brown hair in a ponytail and eyes made huge by thick glasses, and they were carrying a large bag.

            “Eren,” Erwin said. “Armin, Mikasa – this is Dr. Hanji. Hanji, this is Eren, Mikasa, and Armin.” He gestured to each of the three as he introduced them. Armin had opened his eyes and sat up at that point.

            “Hello!” Dr. Hanji greeted loudly. They were way too happy for this early in the day. “So let me guess, you’re my main patient,” they said as they walked over to Armin, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Armin nodded, and Hanji asked the others if they would mind leaving while they examined Armin. Doctor-patient confidentiality and all, they said. Eren and Mikasa were wary about leaving Armin with a stranger, but ultimately decided to just sit right outside the door. Erwin stayed with them, standing against the opposite wall of the hallway.

            After about ten minutes Dr. Hanji opened the door and came out. “Well, it looks to me like strep throat that went untreated and developed into rheumatic fever. It’s not very common, but that’s mostly because most people with strep get antibiotics in time. I’m running a strep test to make sure, but I’m pretty positive that’s what it is.”

            “Can you treat it?” Eren asked.

            “I’m going to prescribe some antibiotics and some painkillers, and that should help clear it up. After the initial antibiotics he should remain on a low dose of them just to make sure it doesn’t come back.”

            Eren and Mikasa were both going through the expenses in their head. It wasn’t that hard to figure out they wouldn’t be able to afford this.

            “Can you write the prescription in my name?” Erwin asked, surprising the three. “My insurance would cover it.”

            Hanji looked hesitant for a moment but ultimately said, “Sure. I guess it can’t really hurt, right?”

            Erwin nodded and said, “Thanks.” He then added, “Could you look at Eren, too? If Armin had strep then I’d say it’s pretty likely he has it too.”

            Hanji asked Eren his symptoms – sore throat, fever, headaches – and took a quick look at his throat using some sort of magnifier thing and said, “Yup, looks like strep. I’ll do a test for him, too, though, to be safe.” They rustled through their bag until they found what looked like a test tube with a cotton swab in it. Hanji had Eren open his throat and say “ah” as they stuck the cotton swab part down his throat – they warned him he might gag, but Eren’s gag reflex has been shot for a while – and then they put the swab back into the test tube thing, sealing it shut. They took out a marker and wrote something on the tube, but Eren couldn’t tell what. He assumed it was his name or something.

            When they were all done checking out Eren, Hanji stood up again and looked to Mikasa. “Are you sick, too?” they asked.

            “No,” Mikasa answered simply.

            Hanji smiled. “Good!” They then turned to Erwin. “Okay, so I’ll write out a script for you to get twenty days of penicillin – ten for Armin, ten for Eren. I’ll also give you ten days of prescription ibuprofen for Armin’s pain. If he’s still feeling pain after that, regular Motrin or Asprin should work. If it doesn’t, call me again or go to the doctor’s office.”

            “Thank you Hanji,” Erwin said as the doctor took out a prescription pad and started scribbling. “This means a lot.”

            Hanji gave Erwin a long look and then smiled as they went back to writing the prescriptions. “I know. Just remember that I’m a neurologist, so if this wasn’t something so simple that I was able to guess just from what you said on the phone, you would’ve needed to go to a regular physician.”

            “Well, you won’t just be a neurologist for long, right?” Erwin asked, and Mikasa and Eren looked at him, confused. They didn’t really know what neurologists did, anyway, but Erwin’s words made them more confused. Erwin saw them and explained, “In a few weeks Hanji’s going to become the new head of medical research for my company.”

            Eren and Mikasa said, “Oh,” like they understood what they meant, but since neither of them knew anything about Erwin’s company they did not.

            “Alright,” Hanji said, tearing off two sheets of paper and handing them to Erwin. “Here are the prescriptions. After Armin’s done with the antibiotic, he really should take a low dose of them from then on to make sure the rheumatic fever doesn’t come back. If you need me to prescribe that too, just ask. I’d rather not do that though, because a one-time thing like this is okay, but technically I shouldn’t be doing this, and I know you wouldn’t want the media getting any rumors about it…” They trailed off and Erwin got this calculating look on his face.

            “You’re right,” he said. “We’ll figure something out.”

            Hanji nodded and packed up their bag, hoisting it onto their shoulder. “All righty then! I’ll be off! Feel better Eren and Armin!” Erwin saw them out and when he came back Eren and Mikasa were already back in the guest room with Armin.

            “I’m going to go fill these prescriptions,” Erwin said from the hallway. “I’ll be back in a little bit.” He left before Eren could complain that this was just another thing Erwin was paying for.

            When Erwin got back, he found his three guests still in their room. Mikasa was reading aloud to Eren again as he curled up next to Armin, who had fallen back asleep.

            “I got your medications,” Erwin said after knocking on the doorframe. “You should take them now so they start working right away.” Eren got up and took the bag with the pill bottles from Erwin. “I’ll go get you some water.”

            As he waited for Erwin to return, Eren sat next to Armin and tried to wake him gently. “Armin,” he said quietly. “Hey.” Armin slowly blinked awake and Eren smiled at him. “We got your meds,” Eren explained. “So you just need to stay awake long enough to take them. Ok? You can go right back to sleep after that.”

            Armin nodded and Eren helped him sit up as Erwin came back into the room with two glasses of water. Eren took the pill bottles out of the bag and stared at them. There were two bottles… He remembered what Hanji said that she was giving twenty of the pills for both Eren and Armin and ten of the ones just for Armin. But one of the bottles packed – way more than just twenty. And the other one looked like it was more than ten, too. He tried not to let his confusion show, but Erwin noticed anyway.

            “You’ll each have to take the antibiotic three times a day,” he said, trying to explain to Eren which bottle was which without making him embarrassed. “And the painkillers for Armin are twice a day, the pharmacist said.”

            Eren realized that the packed bottle was the one for both of them and got out one pill from each bottle. He gave them to Armin and took a glass from Erwin to give to his friend to help wash the pills down. He set the glass on the coaster when Armin was finished, and helped the boy lay back again so he could resume sleeping. Once Armin was settled, Eren took one of the pills that he was supposed to take and washed it down with the other glass of water Erwin had brought.

            “Thanks,” Eren said, because it felt awkward not to say anything at all.

            “No problem,” Erwin replied, taking the empty glasses. “If the two of you want, you’re free to use the TV. Or if you want another book I can show you the library.” Eren and Mikasa balked a bit at hearing that the man had his own library – even though he’s been here plenty of times before, Eren has yet to seen all of the huge apartment.

            “Um,” Eren said, looking at Mikasa to see what she wanted to do. “We should probably let Armin get some sleep here. Do you want to watch TV?”

            Mikasa just shrugged noncommittally. Eren got off the bed and took Mikasa’s hand, helping her off the bed – not that she needed it – and following Erwin out to the den, making sure to turn off the light behind him but keep the door open so Armin wouldn’t awake to complete darkness.

            Once the two siblings had settled on the couch, sitting right next to the other even though there was plenty of space to spread out, Erwin picked up one of the myriad of remotes and handed it to Eren. “That’s the remote for the TV. If you hit ‘guide’ it’ll give you the list of everything that’s on. And if you want to watch a movie, well, you know where they are. I can help you with the Blu-Ray player if you need.” Erwin looked around after Eren just nodded in understanding and handed the remote to Mikasa so she could work it. “If you want anything to eat or drink, feel free to take it from the kitchen,” Erwin added after some thought. He still got no verbal response and so he finished, “I’ll just be in my office if you need anything.” He then left, leaving Eren and Mikasa to their own devices.

            They channel surfed for a while until they found some old cartoons. They sat there for the rest of the day, Eren and Mikasa, just watching some Scooby Doo that they never watched when they were kids.


	4. He'll Have to Walk Home Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After they recover from their illnesses, the trio's time at Erwin's is coming to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this written like two or three chapters ahead already, it's weird.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for all your comments and kudos and such!
> 
> Not-so-subtle reminder that my tumblr is downtheupstairs if you'd like to follow.

Armin was feeling better in just a couple of days, though he still wasn’t back to a hundred percent. Eren, too, was feeling better. His sore throat was gone, and both he and Armin no longer were feverish. The three friends spend most of their days watching whatever was on the television – which was a lot, since Erwin seemed to have a million channels; Eren thought there was like a hundred at most but boy was he wrong – and Armin reading to them. He had taken Erwin up on the offer of going through his library, and had found some new books to read to his friends. Erwin thought it was sweet how they all read aloud to each other. He didn’t realize that he hadn’t ever come across Eren doing the reading.

Erwin was, for the most part, busy with work. After that Sunday, Erwin wasn’t there in the mornings to make breakfast, so he told them to make whatever they wanted as long as they were careful in the kitchen. Mikasa figured out how to use the coffee maker, and Eren could make eggs, so they were all set. They were on their own for lunch, too, since Erwin ate at his job. They found peanut butter and jelly and bread and stuck to that. Erwin always made sure to be home for dinner, though. Unlike before he had houseguests, where he would frequently stay at the office until eight or nine on weeknights, he made sure to be home by seven so he could cook them something to eat. He wasn’t amazing at cooking, so he kept to simple meals, but none of them minded.

Eren hadn’t had any clients on Sunday, but he did have to work on Monday night, so after dinner with Erwin he slipped out, simply saying that he had work and not expanding on it. He ignored Erwin’s disappointed looks. He was used to ignoring them from Mikasa already anyway. Mikasa, for her part, had a fight Tuesday night, so she slipped out like Eren had the night before, and he explained to Erwin that she was working too. He didn’t explain what she did, and Erwin didn’t ask. Thankfully, Erwin was asleep when Mikasa came back – Eren hadn’t worked that night, because they usually tried to arrange it so that none of them left just one of them alone for the night – so Eren could find a first aid kit and patch up the couple of cuts and bruises the girl had gotten. She’d won the fight, though, and she wasn’t in too bad a shape, so it wasn’t too bad. Erwin didn’t ask about the girl’s new injuries in the morning. He figured that if they were really bad, he’d find out about it somehow, and it they weren’t, well, they were all very insistent that they could take care of themselves, so he didn’t want to pry.

By Friday, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin decided that they were well enough to go back on the streets. None of them wanted to do it, because it would mean losing access to a free bathroom and a soft bed – though they all found it difficult at times to sleep, at least once they weren’t sick, without the noises from the street and the smell of the alleyways; Eren got that way sometimes when he stayed overnight with clients, too – but they didn’t want to intrude on Erwin any longer than they had to.

They discussed it with Erwin that night, who insisted that they stay at least until Eren and Armin were done with their ten-day regime of antibiotics.

On day nine, Erwin said that they should stay so that they could take Armin to the clinic and get the rest of the antibiotics he was supposed to be on, the lower dose Hanji recommended.

They all went to the clinic the next day, after Erwin gave them enough cash to pay for the visit and what the medications should cost. It was enough that the three of them could just take it and run and never look back, but they weren’t thieves. They knew Erwin could do without the money, since he had plenty of it, but they still didn’t steal. They went to the clinic and Armin explained his situation and the doctor gave him a script for three months of a low-level antibiotic. They headed to the pharmacy and picked it up before heading home. They left the leftover cash on the front table of Erwin’s apartment so that they wouldn’t forget to return it.

That night, after Armin and Mikasa were in bed, Eren slunk out of the room to look for Erwin. He was in the same room from which Eren had overheard the phone call the previous week. He knocked on the door and entered when Erwin told him to come in. It was a home office, with a big dark wood desk and bookshelves lining two of the walls, filled with binders of some sort as well as some random decorative objects. It was a nice office. Stately. It suited Erwin well.

The man had both a laptop and a desktop computer on the desk in front of him, and it looked like he was using both of them. When Eren came in, however, he closed the laptop halfway and gave his guest his undivided attention. “Do you need anything?” he asked.

“I just…” Eren said, looking around the room. “I wanted to say thanks again, and that we’ll be out of your hair tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to be,” Erwin replied quickly. “You don’t have to leave. The three of you are more than welcome to stay. I’ll turn one of the other rooms into a bedroom so you don’t all have to share, and-“

“You know I can’t accept that, Erwin,” Eren said, and Erwin was thrown by the sadness in the boy’s voice and the fact that he had said his name. Eren almost never said Erwin’s name, except in bed at the height of passion. But now Eren’s voice spoke of more sadness than should fit into nineteen years of life, and Erwin felt his heart breaking for the boy.

In response to Erwin’s silence, Eren walked behind Erwin’s desk and pushed Erwin’s chair out enough that he could straddle his lap, linking his hands behind the man’s neck. He leaned in and kissed Erwin’s cheek, softly, then moved his lips to Erwin’s mouth. Erwin knew that now wasn’t the time for this, but he let himself get caught up in the moment anyway. He let his mouth move against Eren’s but neither of them had the same ferocity that they normally had. There was something almost reverent about the way they kissed each other.

Eren pulled away after a few minutes and was about to ask if Erwin wanted to move into the bedroom because even though there wasn’t anything really sexual about that kiss, he still felt like he needed to offer; he still needed to start repaying his debt to the man.

But Erwin spoke first. “Will you at least…” He trailed off and Eren saw a rare blush cross Erwin’s cheeks before he continued. “Will you at least go on a date with me? Just one?” He wanted far more than that, he wanted a lifetime of dates, of moments together, but he knew that would be far too much to ask of anybody.

Eren bit his lip. He knew that he shouldn’t agree; that he shouldn’t start mixing business and pleasure, but he owed it to Erwin to say yes, if this was what the man really wanted. It wouldn’t be very different from any of their other meetings, anyway, he thought. Just maybe the first part would take place in a restaurant rather than the dining room. And also… he thought back to the phone conversation he overheard. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, because getting his hopes up was just the first step to being forced to crash back down to reality, but maybe, just maybe, Erwin actually did like him as more than a whore. There was only one way to find out, right? He had to try it out. And if it turned out that he didn’t, Eren promised himself that he wouldn’t be crushed, because he always knew it would probably happen.

So, after almost biting his lip raw and a few minutes of very well contained anxiety on Erwin’s part, Eren said, “Okay.” He thought about what a date with Erwin would be like and he decided to add a condition. “But nowhere I’d have to wear a tie to get in. Nowhere fancy.”

Erwin immediately started rethinking his plans of getting Eren a suit and taking him somewhere nice as he agreed to the condition. “When are you free?”

“Um…” Eren thought, trying to remember his schedule for the week. “How about next Monday? I know it’s a weekday, but-“

“No, it’s perfect,” Erwin said. “Do you want to come around seven?”

Eren nodded. Erwin wrapped his arms around the body in his lap and pulled Eren in for a quick kiss, trying not to smile like too big of a dork.

“Thank you,” he said when he pulled back.

Eren blushed and focused his eyes on Erwin’s shoulder to avoid meeting his eyes. “I mean, it’s the least I could do…”

Erwin frowned. “I don’t want you doing this because you feel you have to, Eren,” he said. “I want you to do this because you want to.”

Eren opened his mouth to say something and promptly closed it. He didn’t know what to say. It seemed wrong almost to say that he _did_ actually want to go on a date with the man, because he didn’t deserve any attention from Erwin past being paid for sex, and yet the man kept doing nice things for him. So, he managed to say, “You said seven?” because he didn’t want to directly say yes I will go on this date with you but he wanted Erwin to get the idea.

He did get the idea, and he smiled and took another quick kiss. He stood up, Eren sliding off his lap to stand as well, and he put his hands on Eren’s shoulders. “I’ll see you in the morning,” he said, deciding that he could be late to work if it meant seeing Eren again before he left.

As Erwin moved towards the door, Eren said, “Wait. Do you want me to… I mean, I’m not sick anymore, so…”

Erwin tried to read Eren’s expression. “Do _you_ want to?” he asked.

Eren shrugged. “I don’t care. Depends on if you want to.”

He didn’t really like that answer. He didn’t like that Eren thought it didn’t matter if he was in the mood for sex or not, only if Erwin wanted it. He didn’t want Eren to think that his own wants weren’t important. So he said, “No, it’s alright. We should both get to sleep soon, anyway,” and left the room.

Eren didn’t know why he was so disappointed. He had only offered because he wanted to start repaying Erwin. That was it. So why did he feel like he was being rejected? Why did he want to burst into Erwin’s room and order him to fuck him into the mattress? Why did he feel like he had just done something wrong?


	5. You Can Put Away Your Tool, Jemaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren keeps his promise and shows up at Erwin's for their date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon enough I'm going to run out of lyrics from "You don't have to be a prostitute" to use as chapter titles and I'll have to find a new song.
> 
> Also, just so y'all are aware, this may in a couple of chapters turn into like mostly focusing on how Eren can't read. Because I tutor kids who are behind grade level in reading, so it's something that I have a lot of experience with (though I work with elementary aged kids, not older people) and I like showing the different ways Eren tries to get around his illiteracy and all that, because dealing with illiteracy or someone who is only visually literate (like Eren, who, for example, knows the word "Stop" as long as it's on a stop sign, but if it's in a piece of text he'll have a harder time figuring it out) is fascinating to me and I think it's interesting to write. So, yeah. Expect lots of illiterate!Eren stuff coming up.
> 
> There's a bit about Erwin's job in this chapter as well, and basically I'm modeling the structure of Survey Corps after companies like GE and Viacom, who have their hands in a lot of different industries, but they run their business in those industries through subsidiaries.

Eren kept his promise, and he showed up at Erwin’s apartment a little before seven. It had been hard to adjust back to the streets after over a week of living comfortably at Erwin’s place, but he, Armin, and Mikasa managed. It was starting to get warmer, at least, so nights weren’t quite as bad.

He hadn’t been sure what to wear. Of course, he only had a few outfits, but all of them made him look like a whore – it was kind of the point – and while he had asked Erwin not to take him any place too fancy, he still wanted to look nice. Eventually Armin said that he could borrow a casual button-down that he had, and that paired with his tight skinny jeans and beaten-up Converse didn’t look terrible. Neither Mikasa nor Armin was happy about Eren going on a date with this guy, even though they trusted him more now that they’ve stayed with him, but Eren had insisted that he had to do it to pay him back. He didn’t mention that he was looking forward to it, also.

He wasn’t sure if Erwin was planning on having him stay the night, so he brought his bag with him just in case. It was less likely to be stolen at Erwin’s than if he left it with Armin and Mikasa, anyways.

Erwin answered Eren’s knock on the door wearing what he usually did when Eren came over. Even if they weren’t going anywhere fancy, of course Erwin would still wear a button-down and slacks. Eren wasn’t sure if Erwin owned any jeans or casual clothes. Then again, who was he to judge?

“I’ll be ready to go in just a minute,” Erwin said after opening the door. He stepped back to let Eren inside as he grabbed his shoes from the closet and put them on.

“Is it alright if I leave my bag here?” Eren asked. He didn’t want to leave it in the car, no matter where they were going.

“Yeah,” Erwin responded. Eren left the bag on the floor next to the entryway table. That way if something happened on the date that he didn’t like he could just grab it and go when he came back.

When Erwin stood and grabbed his keys and began to usher Eren out to the elevator, he put a hand on the small of Eren’s back that he kept there on the elevator ride down. Eren didn’t mind it. Erwin opened Eren’s car door for him again and Eren bit back a comment about being able to open doors himself, you know.

As he turned on the car and started backing out, Erwin broke their silence and asked, “Is Olive Garden okay?”

Eren thought he remembered that place. He’d gone there once or twice when he was little. He tried to push those memories aside and answered, “Yeah.”

The restaurant wasn’t very full when they got there. The two of them ended up at a table in a corner pretty much by themselves. The waitress asked if they wanted anything to drink, telling them the wine of the day was a white zinfandel.

“I’ll just have water, thanks,” Erwin said when the waitress looked to him for an answer first.

“Water’s good for me too,” Eren said. He knew Erwin wouldn’t mind, but he didn’t want to order anything more than Erwin. Besides, they’d probably card him so he couldn’t get anything alcoholic and he didn’t really care for soft drinks.

Eren realized that he had another problem when the waitress handed them their menus and said she’d be back in a couple of minutes to take their order. He held the menu in front of his face to hide the slight panic on his face. There weren’t even any pictures. Fuck. He could always point to something random and ask for that, but then it’d be weird that he wasn’t saying it out loud.

His heart starting racing faster with anxiety when Erwin put his menu down and asked, “Figured out what you’re getting yet?”

“Um,” Eren said, still hiding behind his own menu. “Not yet.” Then he had an idea. “What are you getting?” he asked.

“I think I’m going to go with the fettuccini alfredo with chicken,” the man answered.

“Hm,” Eren said as he pretended to read the description of the dish. “That does sound good. I think I’ll get that too.” He closed the menu and put it down and was relieved to see that Erwin hadn’t seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. The waitress came back in a couple of minutes with breadsticks and salad and took their orders.

Eren tried not to eat more than half of the breadsticks, but they were _so good_. There were an odd number of them, and when he noticed that there was only one left he asked Erwin if he wanted it just to be polite, but thankfully the man allowed Eren to have it. They didn’t finish the large bowl of salad they’d been given before their food came. Eren was already getting full and they hadn’t even eaten yet. Not that getting full would stop him from eating the rest of his meal; he didn’t want to waste the food or seem ungrateful. And besides, the meal was delicious. He and Erwin made light conversation while they were eating like they usually did, but when they ran out of comments about the weather for once Eren decided to learn a bit more about Erwin.

“So,” he said, trying not to make it awkward that there wasn’t really a transition into his question. “What exactly do you do? For like, work?”

Erwin chuckled. “I’m the CEO of Survey Corp, which has a lot of subsidiaries in medical research and manufacturing, communications, a bunch of different industries.”

Eren just blinked at Erwin, not understanding a thing he just said.

“Basically I’m in charge of people who are in charge of other people who make various things, from MRI machines to TV channels,” Erwin explained.

“Oh.” Eren was intimidated. Not only was Erwin fucking _rich_ , he was powerful too. He was probably the kind of guy who could kill a hooker and never even see a fine even if there was a ton of evidence against him. As a hooker, that terrified Eren.

“What’s wrong?” Erwin asked, noticing how Eren had frozen up.

“Um,” Eren said, looking down at his pasta. “Nothing.”

“Really?” Erwin pressed. “You look kind of… scared. If I said something that bothers you I’d like to know so I don’t bring it up again.”

That was really thoughtful, and it made Eren pause once more, but this time because he couldn’t believe how nice this guy was being to him. He realized that it was probably stupid to think of Erwin murdering him and burying him in some ditch just for cheap thrills. The guy wouldn’t have spent so much time and money on him if he were planning to do that. Eren blushed and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I was just thinking, um…” He probably shouldn’t be saying this. Erwin would probably be offended. He’d already started saying it, though, so he didn’t really have a choice. “Well, don’t be offended,” he said, even though he knew it would probably be in vain. “I was just thinking that it’d probably be really easy for you to murder me and get away with it. Because of all your money and power and shit.”

Erwin blinked in surprise. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting to hear, but it certainly wasn’t that. How was he supposed to respond to something like that? “Um…” he said, even though usually he tried to avoid saying the hedging word. “Well, I can assure you that I have no plans to murder anyone in my lifetime.”

Eren couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of all this. “I know,” he said. “I just… you wanted to know what I thought, so.” He shrugged and took a bite of pasta and chicken instead of finishing the thought.

Erwin just watched Eren for a few minutes. It had just dawned on him that Eren’s way of looking at the world was completely different from his own. Obviously, he’d known they were very different people, but he couldn’t imagine living a life where he could sit across the dinner table from someone who he thought might kill him and continue eating like nothing was wrong.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Eren looked up to see why Erwin wasn’t moving. “What’s wrong?” he asked, seeing the shocked expression on Erwin’s face.

The man quickly composed himself and smiled gently. “Nothing,” he answered.

Eren put down his fork and pointed at Erwin. “Oh no. You aren’t getting away with that. Not when you made me say what was on my mind.” He had forgotten that he was indebted to Erwin and that he didn’t really have any right to talk back to him. For Erwin, it was a relief. He didn’t like how Eren kept trying to do what he thought Erwin wanted.

“I was just thinking,” Erwin said. “About how brave you are. And how I couldn’t even begin to imagine being in your shoes.”

Eren picked up his fork and stabbed a piece of chicken, bringing it to his mouth so he could chew while he thought of a response. When he swallowed, he said, “Yeah, well, if you had the same childhood I did, you’d probably be ok with it too.” He took a sip of water and then decided to lighten the situation a bit. “I bet you were born in a suit and tie though, weren’t you?” he asked, smiling.

The joke wasn’t as funny to Erwin as it was to Eren, but the man smiled anyway. “I do admit that I had a very… privileged childhood.”

Eren didn’t really know how to respond to that. He was tempted to make some sarcastic comment about his own upbringing, but he didn’t want to be a downer. So instead he took a bite of pasta and chewed it to buy time as he thought. He ultimately decided to change the subject. “So what do you do in your free time? Other than, y’know.” He smiled at the end of his sentence. Hey, for all he knew, Erwin really did spend all of his free time with prostitutes.

They talked for the rest of dinner, mostly Eren asking things about Erwin. He learned that Erwin liked to read in his free time, but sometimes he just watched movies, hence his large collection. He learned that Erwin went to Princeton for college and then Harvard for his Master’s degree in business, and those were fancy enough schools that even Eren had heard of them. He learned the man had studied abroad in Germany for a year, and that German beer is supposedly the only beer worth drinking – Eren had plenty of experience with cheap beer, which he didn’t mind but didn’t particularly like, such as with most alcohol he tried. He learned that Erwin had only taken over as CEO a few years ago, and that he still felt sometimes like he was completely out of his league. He learned that in college Erwin spent two summers working at soup kitchens in the city, and that he’d even helped coordinate all of the volunteers the second summer he did so. He learned that Erwin had wanted to continue working there, but his father had insisted he get “real world” experience as an intern at Survey Corp, of which his father was the CEO before Erwin.

Erwin learned a bit about Eren, too, though not as much about his past. He did learn that Mikasa wasn’t actually related to him but was his adoptive sister, but he didn’t say anything about his parents and Erwin didn’t want to pry. He learned that Eren liked to hang out at the small park on the corner of Twentieth Street and Main, because there was a bigger park not too far away from it where most people went, so normally he wasn’t bothered there and could just lay on the grass during warm days. He learned that Eren’s favorite color was red, and that in fact the scarf his sister wore all the time had been his when he was little, but he gave it to her when she joined the family and now she never let it out of her sight. He learned that he’d never been out of the city limits before, and that he’s always wanted to go to the ocean. When Erwin asked why the ocean, Eren said it was because Armin had been there once with his grandfather when he was little and he told Eren and Mikasa all about it and so Eren wanted to go there with his two friends. He learned that the three of them had always stayed together, and they’ve been friends so long that Eren didn’t even remember how he met Armin.

Their discussion took them all the way through dinner and a shared chocolate lava cake for dessert – it had been Erwin’s suggestion, but if he let Eren have a little more than half of it he wasn’t going to mention it. When the waitress brought them the check and Erwin pulled out a credit card to pay, Eren realized just how much fun he’d been having. After the initial awkwardness, time had really flown. He couldn’t remember having a night this good in a long time, but when he thought about saying so he held his tongue. He didn’t want to get his hopes up; he needed to remember that. This was a one-time thing. Just because they’d gotten to know each other a bit more didn’t mean that anything would happen between them. If anything, Eren realized that nothing _could_ happen between them. Erwin was an important guy. He couldn’t date a hooker, and especially not a male one. They could never be more than what they were.

Eren thought of this on the ride home, glad that Erwin turned on the radio after just a few minutes of silence so that he didn’t feel obligated to talk. He was coming down from his high now and he regretted letting himself dream.

When they got back up to Erwin’s apartment, Eren lingered in the foyer, not sure if he was supposed to get his bag and go or if they were going to fuck or what. Erwin looked at the time – he _did_ have to go to work tomorrow, after all – and when he saw that it was only about nine he asked, “Do you want to stay and watch a movie or something?”

“Sure,” Eren said, slipping off his shoes. He picked up his bag but looked unsure what to do with it. Was Erwin inviting him to stay the night, and if so, was sex going to be involved? Eren wasn’t sure how to read this situation.

“You’re welcome to stay the night if you’d like,” Erwin said, answering Eren’s unasked question. “I have an early morning meeting tomorrow, so I probably won’t be here for breakfast, but you know your way around the kitchen now.” He wasn’t sure how to say that he wasn’t aiming for sex tonight; that he wanted Eren to know he didn’t only want him for that and that this wasn’t a ploy to get him into bed for free, but he also didn’t want Eren to have to sleep on the streets tonight.

“Um,” Eren said, weighing the pros and cons. “Yeah,” he decided. “That’d be great.” He didn’t wait for a response from Erwin before going to put his bag in the man’s room. When he was done there, he found Erwin in the den, sorting through his movie collection.

“Do you want to choose something?” Erwin asked when he noticed Eren come in.

“No,” Eren said, wanting to differentiate tonight from their normal routine where he was being paid. “You can choose.”

“Alright,” Erwin said, mildly surprised. He ended up choosing the latest Batman movie, because Eren always seemed to enjoy ones about superheroes.

They watched the movie cuddled on the couch like usual, but after it was done they didn’t immediately head into the bedroom for round two. Instead, Erwin kissed Eren’s head and decided to be blunt about it.

“I’m not expecting sex tonight, just so you know,” he said. “I don’t want this to be like that. I only want it if you want it.”

Eren was genuinely taken aback, and then he realized that he really shouldn’t be, and it took him longer than he thought it would to make up his mind on the option he was given. In a way, even though he’s become almost jaded to sex, he wanted it with Erwin. It’d been a long time since they did it, and sex with Erwin was always great. But on the other hand, he agreed with Erwin. He didn’t want this to turn into work. So Eren said, “I’d rather not, if you don’t mind. It’s not that I don’t…” Eren found himself blushing. “It’s not that I don’t like having sex with you, but I just…”

“You don’t have to explain, Eren,” Erwin assured him, realizing he was having a tough time vocalizing what he wanted to say. “You can even sleep in the guest room, if you want.”

Eren just leaned forward and kissed Erwin before he stood up and traipsed off to the master bedroom, leaving Erwin behind, confused as to whether Eren was going to be staying in the guest bedroom or his. By the time Erwin managed to get his legs to move and had turned off all the lights in the house for the night and gone into his bedroom, he saw Eren already lying under the covers. He was wearing one of Erwin’s t-shirts, and Erwin did not mind at all. He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face as he went to the bathroom to get ready for bed himself. He decided to sleep in his boxers just to help keep everything non-sexual. As soon as he was lying down in bed, Eren rolled over so that he had his head on Erwin’s chest, just making the man smile more.

“G’night,” Eren said, closing his eyes.

Erwin kissed Eren’s head and reached to turn off the bedside lamp. “Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually think that Erwin would probably take Eren to Red Lobster rather than Olive Garden, because Red Lobster is kind of fancier without actually being fancy still, but I kinda have Ostraconophobia (fear of shellfish) and a slight case of Ichthyophobia (fear of fish), so Red Lobster is like actually the restaurant from my nightmares and I tried to write it but could not. So they got Italian food instead. (Erwin would probably also order pasta with shrimp because he seems like that kind of guy but shrimp is my ultimate phobia so nope.)


	6. He Stands There, An Empty Stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin wants to go on another date. There's only one complication...
> 
> Also, a new character makes an appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to the good stuff! Or rather, what I think is the good stuff, because it's about illiterate!Eren and all that. We're going to be getting more into his mindset about that pretty soon, and then in a little while we'll get more involved in Erwin's life (Okay, so it might be mostly Hanji's life, because Hanji is the best).  
> But stuff is going to happen.  
> (It's gonna get a little fluffy soon, beware.)
> 
> Also, so I reached 100 followers on my [tumblr](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/) the other day, and I know that's not a lot but it's a lot to me, especially because I got like half of those in the last three weeks or so, so I wanted to say thank you all because it's probably mostly people reading my fics I guess? I asked my followers about doing a fic giveaway but I don't think anyone was interested. If you are, you can let me know on tumblr or in the comments or something. Or, y'know, if you have a prompt you want me to write, you can send it to me on tumblr and if I'm even slightly interested I might write it. So, worth a shot to ask.
> 
> Another thing, just wanted to let you know that I came up with an idea for Christa and I'm really excited about it. Like, it's not going to be a major part of the story at all, but I'm still excited.

Eren woke up alone, though he had expected that. Erwin wasn’t even in the apartment, his shoes and keys gone from the entryway. Eren decided not to rush to leave, because Erwin would never know if he didn’t. He stayed in Erwin’s t-shirt, because it was comfortable, and he padded into the kitchen. Thankfully, he had learned to use the coffeemaker in his stay here, so he was able to make some.

Then he found a note taped to the fridge. He stared at it for several minutes as his coffee started to go cold. He had no idea what it said. He could see his name, and Erwin’s name was at the bottom, but other than that he couldn’t make sense of it. There was a question mark near the end and space on the bottom and Eren saw a pen on the counter next to the refrigerator. Oh no. He was supposed to respond. What was he going to do? He worried about it as he drank his coffee, and then he worried some more as he got a bowl of cereal for breakfast. He worried about it as he washed his dishes and put them away and then as he took advantage of Erwin’s shower. He changed back into his own clothes and packed up his things and then he sat at the kitchen island. He’d taken the note off the fridge so he could stare at it while he sat. What was he going to do?

After about twenty minutes, he had an idea. It was a crappy idea, but it was an idea nonetheless. He took the note and the pen from the counter and put them in his bag. Then, making sure he hadn’t left any lights on, he left the apartment.

He found Mikasa and Armin in the alley they’d been staying in recently. Mikasa was still asleep, which meant that she had probably stayed up keeping watch most of the night so Armin could sleep. When Eren and Armin greeted each other, though, she woke up.

“How was your night?” Armin asked Eren.

Eren sat down on the dirty concrete and pulled his knees to his chest, trying not to blush. “It was actually really nice. He didn’t try to fuck me or anything. We went to Olive Garden.”

“Are you sure he’s not just trying to take advantage of you?” Mikasa asked, still distrustful of anyone doing something nice for people like them.

“I really don’t think he is, ‘Kasa,” Eren insisted. He opened his duffel and took out the note, which had gotten a little crumpled. He handed it to Armin. “He left me a note ‘cause he had to go to work early this morning. I know it’s a question and he wants me to respond, but…” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. They both knew why that would be a problem for Eren.

“It says,” Armin said, reading the note, “’Good morning Eren. I hope you slept well. I enjoyed getting to know more about you last night.’”

“Obviously not a _whole_ lot,” Mikasa interrupted, and Eren glared at her.

“There are some things you don’t talk about on a first date, Mikasa,” he snapped.

“How did you even read the menu at the restaurant?”

Eren scowled. He hated it when Mikasa got on his case about this. Normally she and Armin were good and didn’t bring it up, because they knew how sensitive Eren was about it, but apparently Mikasa’s distrust for Erwin was overshadowing that. “I just ordered what he did. Now be quiet. Armin, continue.”

“’I’d like to take you out again, if you want. Does this Saturday at six work for you? Please don’t feel obligated if you don’t want to. From, Erwin.’”

Eren stood and started pacing the alley. “Fuck!” he shouted. “I have to work Saturday!” He wanted to go, he really did, but he couldn’t. If only he didn’t have work, he could’ve just shown up at Erwin’s then and hope he hadn’t made any other plans when Eren didn’t give him a response. “What do I do?” he asked Armin and Mikasa, sitting down again so they could come up with a plan.

“Well,” Armin said. “You could wait until the next week. Don’t you have an appointment then?”

“Armin, you’re the smartest. He might be angry that I didn’t say anything, but it’s gotta be better than nothing, right?”

“How are you going to explain why you didn’t respond?” Mikasa asked.

“Well, he left a pen on the counter near the note, so I took it, and I’m just gonna say that I couldn’t find a pen. That’ll work, right? He’ll think he left a pen but then since I took it he’ll be like ‘oh, maybe I didn’t.’ Right?” Eren thought his idea had been pretty good, given the situation.

“You couldn’t find another pen in that huge apartment?” Mikasa asked.

“Well, I _could_ , but maybe I could make it work,” Eren insisted.

“There’s a concierge in his building, isn’t there?” Armin asked suddenly, cutting off the siblings’ bickering.

“Yeah,” Eren responded. “Why?”

“Maybe you could try to leave a message for him there.”

Eren bit his lip as he considered. He knew the concierge didn’t like him, but it couldn’t hurt to try, right? “Okay. I have to go around there later for work anyway, so I’ll try then.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m very sorry, but I cannot do that,” the concierge said, not sounding very sorry at all.

“I just have a note for him,” Eren insisted, showing the folded piece of paper on which Armin had written Eren’s response. “If you could just give it to him, or put it in his mailbox even. Something!”

“I’m sorry, but we have a strict ‘no solicitation’ policy,” the concierge explained smugly.

“This isn’t solicitation!” Eren shouted. As far as he knew, solicitation was what people got arrested for picking up hookers for. “Just get the note to him! Please!”

The concierge ignored him in favor of giving his attention to someone who just came in. It was a short guy with black hair in an undercut and a precisely tailored suit. He had a briefcase under his arm and he came up to the counter when the douchebag concierge asked if he was visiting.

“Yes,” the man answered. Eren had moved to the other end of the counter, slumping as he trying to figure out what to do next. “I’m visiting the penthouse. He should have already called it in.”

“Ah yes,” the concierge said, looking at his list. “If you could just sign in.”

Eren finished putting two and two together and walked over to the man, grabbing his arm. “You’re visiting Erwin!” he exclaimed.

The man looked disgusted and shrugged his arm out of Eren’s grasp so he could finish signing in. “Why do you care?” he asked.

“Could you give him something for me?” Eren asked, and he didn’t care that the concierge was apologizing to the man for the intrusion and saying that he’d have Eren escorted out immediately. “It’s just a note. I need to give it to him.”

The man finished signing in and turned to Eren, who was holding out the note. “What’s so important that you have to bother me about it?”

“It’s just-“ Eren floundered. He couldn’t say that he was Erwin’s whore, and nobody would believe him if he said he had gone out with him. “It’s important. Really. I swear. Please, I’m begging you.” Eren hated begging, but for some reason this was important enough to warrant it. He didn’t want Erwin to hate him.

The man looked at Eren curiously, glancing over his shoulders for just a second to hold up a hand to the doorman who was ready to escort Eren out. “What’s your name, brat?” he asked.

Eren didn’t even care that he’d just been called a brat. He was mostly confused why the man wanted to know. “Eren,” he said. He wasn’t going to give out his last name to just anyone.

The man’s eyebrows rose and fell. “Eren, huh? The Eren Hanji was blabbering about?”

Eren took a step back. Hanji had been talking about him? What exactly did they say? Did this guy know Eren was a whore? Sure, he might be able to guess just looking at him, but it was different if he’d been told. He didn’t like being talked about behind his back. “Maybe,” Eren said, partially because he had no way to know if Hanji actually was talking about him and partially because he didn’t want to admit or deny anything.

The man chewed his cheek for a moment. “Yeah,” he ultimately said, holding out his hand. “I’ll take your note to Erwin.”

“You will?!” Eren exclaimed, rushing forward and putting the note in the man’s hand. “Thank you! Thank you so much! This means a lot.”

After taking the note, the man took his hands away from Eren, looking disgusted as if Eren was filthy. Eren was too happy at the moment to notice. “No problem, kid,” he said, turning and heading toward the elevator. Eren allowed himself to celebrate right there in the lobby until the concierge ‘politely’ asked him to leave.

 

* * *

 

Levi was tempted to open the folded note and read its contents. He had let himself into Erwin’s apartment – he had a key, because Erwin had thought that _somebody_ should have a spare key just in case, and it might as well be Levi since he comes over for work often enough anyway – and plopped down in the living room, putting his briefcase on the coffee table and staring at the folded piece of paper in his hands. After a minute he left the note on the table as well and went to go invade Erwin’s liquor cabinet. If they were going to be doing work until the dead of night, he at least deserved a good drink.

He found the most expensive bottle of red wine that the man had – though his collection of reds had dwindled; why the fuck did he have so many dessert wines? – and poured himself a glass, leaving the bottle on the kitchen counter so he could get more later and then returning to the living room. He should start going over those papers – that’s what he had come here for, Erwin just got caught up in some meeting and was running late – but he found his eyes drifting to the note on the table.

When the three of them had last hung out – he, Erwin, and Hanji – over at Hanji’s for some drinks last Saturday night, Hanji had asked Erwin about some people, Eren and Armin. Levi asked who they were, since Erwin rarely knew anybody that Levi didn’t nowadays, and Hanji had started saying,” Oh! Eren is the guy that Erwin’s in-“ and then they were cut off by Erwin’s hand over their mouth. Levi had waited for a further explanation, but Erwin hadn’t given one and had just told Hanji that they were fine, thanks, but he didn’t want to talk about it.

Levi was even more curious now as to who Eren was. The kid certainly wasn’t of the same class, if the way he dressed was any indication. He looked like a kid who dropped out of high school to become a stripper. So how did Erwin know him? Maybe the kid _was_ a stripper and Erwin had paid for some private dances with him and the brat had gotten too attached. But that didn’t explain what the kid would be doing here, desperate to get in contact with the man. Maybe the kid was just a beggar, and was trying to take advantage of Erwin’s money. It wouldn’t be the first time. But he wouldn’t expect a golddigger to have that kind of determination, though, willing to get thrown out of a place just to give a note to the guy.

He reached for the note on the table. Erwin wouldn’t know if he read it. Besides, even if he didn’t read it he’d get it all out of Erwin later, anyhow. So what did it matter if-

Damn. Erwin really had the worst timing. Levi snapped his hand back and held up the papers he was supposed to have been going over, taking a sip of his wine as Erwin came in and took off his shoes.

“You have a note,” Levi said dryly as Erwin came in the room.

“What?” the man asked, confused.

“It’s from _Eren_ ,” Levi continued, not taking his eyes off the financial papers in front of him. “It must be something pretty important. He was literally begging me to give it to you.” He motioned to the note on the table.

“Is something wrong?” Erwin asked, worried what could be so important. He had left that note for Eren that morning, but he wondered what could have changed from then to now. He walked over to the table and picked up the note. It was his note from earlier, except on the bottom in cramped, messy handwriting there was an addition:

_Erwin,_

_I have to work on Saturday but could we do something the next Saturday during your normal time? You can cancel your actual appointment with me if you want. I’ll still come. If you don’t want to do something then you can tell them not to let me up and I’ll leave. Thanks for the date._

_\- Eren_

“So?” Levi asked after giving Erwin plenty of time to read the letter. “What’s so important?”

Erwin looked up, surprised. He had forgotten that Levi was there. He quickly folded the note and put it in his pocket. “Nothing,” he assured Levi.

Levi gave him a long look that said he wasn’t convinced.

“Don’t worry about it,” Erwin added as he sat down and opened his own briefcase.

“So first you have this secret, and you tell shitty four-eyes, who’s bound to eventually blab it to the mountaintops, but not me,” Levi said, swirling the wine in his glass. “And then this kid jumps on me when he finds out I’m visiting you and nearly cries begging me to give you a note, but it’s no big deal. What the fuck, Erwin?”

Erwin sighed. He hadn’t wanted to tell even his friends about this. He hadn’t wanted to tell Hanji, but that had been a necessity. He told Levi to wait a minute while he got up and poured himself a glass of wine – he was going to need it if he was going to tell this whole story, and he might as well have some since Levi had opened his best bottle – and then returned, settling into the couch and taking a long sip from the glass before he started.

Then he told Levi everything. Well, not _everything._ He didn’t give him the dirty details or anything, but he told him about who Eren was and how they met and how he’s been paying for Eren’s services for almost a year now. He knew Levi was judging him for hiring a prostitute – and the man made plenty of comments to make his opinion clear – but Erwin ignored those and went on to the rest of the story, about how Armin had gotten sick and the three had come and stayed with him and how he’d helped them out and then asked Eren on a date, ending his story with the contents of Eren’s note.

Levi was silent for a long minute after Erwin finished, digesting all the information he’d just learned.

“So why didn’t he just respond to your note before he left?” he finally asked.

Erwin took a sip of wine and sat back, looking over the note once more. “I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I’ll find out in a couple of weeks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's note is supposed to sound really choppy and not-very-well written, because he had been dictating it to Armin, and without the fluency of reading comes a hindered ability to properly express things in written speech. So that's why Eren can speak perfectly normally but he has trouble making things sound fluid when dictating them to Armin. (And Armin didn't want to change any of Eren's words because he's just the scribe.) Also, dictated notes always sound a bit choppy in my opinion.


	7. Do You Have Any Other Skills? Like Typing?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second date.
> 
> Drama and fluff happen.
> 
> And smut.
> 
> A little bit of everything.
> 
> Including gratuitous use of the interrobang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is my favorite chapter so far. Just so you know.  
> It does get kinda cheesy, but I don't give a fuck.  
> Cheese is good sometimes.

Eren was nervous and he hated it. He was used to being nervous about whether or not he’ll be mugged or robbed while he’s asleep. He was used to being nervous that Mikasa would get too hurt in one of her fights. He was used to being nervous that a john wouldn’t listen when he said no, or would leave him without payment, or would try to kill him because for some reason serial killers liked prostitutes.

He was not used to being nervous about being rejected. He’d never had to think about it before. He’d never dated before. Was this dating? He didn’t even know. He was completely out of his league.

The concierge almost threw him out the moment he walked in the door.

“I’m a guest!” he argued, hoping to god that he was right. “You can check!” At least if he was wrong he had a feeling that he wouldn’t ever be coming back, because if this was a rejection then he couldn’t imagine Erwin wanting any more appointments with him. But he hadn’t cancelled his one for tonight, so Eren took that as a good sign.

The concierge checked his list and regretfully said, “You can sign in.”

Eren couldn’t help but give a smug smile as he carefully wrote his and Erwin’s names in the ledger, and if he gave a little wave to the concierge as he turned to go strut to the elevator, well, who could really blame him?

He tried to compose his idiotic smile on the way up. Erwin wanted to see him. It might not mean anything, he told himself. He could still just be using you. He could very well just want his appointment and the sex that came with it and nothing more.

But Eren had let a sliver of hope get in and now it was running rampant.

He managed to compose his grin into something not quite so goofy when he knocked on the door, but it didn’t really matter because he pulled Erwin down for a kiss as soon as he saw him, anyway.

After his initial surprise, Erwin returned the kiss, feeling how happy Eren was in his passion, and when he pulled away he was smiling, too. “I’m glad to see you,” he said, taking Eren’s hands and leading him inside.

“Me too,” Eren answered. He shucked his shoes and the two went through to the living room, where Eren put down his bag. “I was nervous you wouldn’t let me up,” he admitted.

Erwin took Eren’s hands in his own again and leaned in for another quick kiss. “Now, why would I do that?” he asked. He saw Eren open his mouth to answer and he chuckled. “That was a rhetorical question.”

Eren didn’t know what rhetorical meant, but he assumed by the way Erwin was leading him into the dining room it meant he didn’t want an answer.

“I hope you don’t mind eating in,” Erwin said as he ushered Eren into the dining room, where the table was set up with a deep red tablecloth and there was a centerpiece with candles and roses and there were two place settings already set up.

Eren gawked as he tried to think of a suave reaction to seeing the setup rather than what he wanted to say which was more along the lines of, “why the fuck did you go through all this trouble?”

“Wow,” was his eventual, very intelligent answer.

Erwin chuckled again, but when Erwin chuckled like that it didn’t feel like it was derogatory or like he was making fun of Eren, like it would sound if anybody else did it. “It’s not too much, is it?” he asked, and Eren thought it was funny and weird to hear Erwin be insecure.

Eren wanted to say that yes, it is too much, because they could have had a plain old dinner like always and he would have been just as delighted, but he had a twinge of pity where he didn’t want to hurt Erwin’s feelings. “I like it,” he told him.

“Good,” Erwin said, and Eren thought he heard a small sigh of relief. The man pulled out one of the chairs at the table. “Sit,” he told Eren. “I’ll go get the food.” Eren complied and waited there while Erwin brought out a few dishes. None of them were super fancy, but Eren didn’t mind. Erwin also brought out a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. He had chosen a dessert wine, even though they were only eating dinner right them, but he knew Eren would prefer it.

After they had settled down and started eating, Erwin decided it was a good time to ask the question that had been on his mind. “So,” he began. “I’ve been wondering. Why did you take the note I left for you and return with it later? Why not respond to it before you left?” He realized he might sound a bit accusative, so he added, “I’m just curious.”

Eren had been dreading this question, but at least it meant he’d practiced a response. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and simply said, “I couldn’t find a pen.”

“I thought I left one,” Erwin argued.

“I couldn’t find it,” Eren shrugged.

Erwin did not look convinced. He couldn’t think of a reason why Eren would lie to him about this. He wanted to press him further and find out, but he decided to allow Eren his privacy. So he just said, “Alright,” and they moved on to other topics as they ate.

As he washed the dishes after dinner, Erwin suggested that Eren go pick out a movie. Instead of going to the den, however, Eren came into the kitchen and put a hand on Erwin’s arm. The man turned around to ask Eren what was the matter, but as soon as he turned Eren’s lips were on his own and his tongue was in his mouth. Erwin groaned and wished his hands weren’t covered with soapy water so that he could touch Eren. Eren ran his hand through the shaved part of Erwin’s undercut and the man shuddered, causing Eren to pull away with a smile.

“I’ll be in the bedroom,” Eren said with a smile, leaving before Erwin could protest.

When he’d finished filling the dishwasher, Erwin hurried to the bedroom to find that Eren was already on the bed, naked and kneeling and biting his lip while his hand moved behind him. It was too goddam hot and Erwin had to compose himself for a second before asking, “Starting without me?”

Eren smiled up at him, his hand still moving behind him, and said, “It’s been too goddam long.” He shuddered as his fingers brushed his prostate and he said, “I need you to fuck me.”

Erwin wasn’t sure how much of this was a show and how much of it was genuinely Eren, but at the moment he found that he didn’t care all that much. He stripped in record time and was soon on the bed, sliding on a condom. Eren moved so he was lying on his back and took his fingers out of his hole so that Erwin could fuck him. As the man was lining himself up, Eren hooked his legs over each of Erwin’s shoulders, allowing the man to practically bend him in half as he pressed in.

They set a quick pace, both of them desperate after so long without the other. Eren pulled Erwin down to kiss him and the older man marveled at the younger’s flexibility. Before long, Erwin had snuck a hand down to pump Eren’s cock in time with his thrusts and he felt him tense up underneath him, coming across his chest. With the way Eren tightened around him, Erwin found himself coming too.

He made sure not to crush Eren beneath him even though he felt like simply collapsing. Instead, he pulled out and helped put Eren’s legs down before lying next to the boy, both of them panting.

Eren slid a finger through the come on his chest and said, “Ugh, gross. I forgot a condom for myself.”

Erwin turned to look at the younger. “Why do you need one? If it was just my hand?”

“It just makes it a lot easier to clean up,” he answered.

Rolling over on top of Eren, Erwin had an idea. He lowered his mouth to Eren’s chest, intending to help with the cleanup process, but Eren’s hand tugged on his hair before he could do anything.

“What are you doing?” Eren asked.

Erwin smiled up at Eren. “Helping you clean up.” He hesitated a moment, not wanting to offend the boy but needing to ask a question. “You are, uh, clean, right?”

Eren was used to this question by now. Every new client asked it – Erwin had at the beginning, too. His pimp made sure all his whores got checked every two months, though. “Yeah,” he said, keeping his hand in Erwin’s hair, even as the man started lapping at the cum on his chest. He groaned at the feeling, squirming as Erwin moved over an over-sensitized nipple and started playing with it. “Oh god,” he groaned, tugging at Erwin’s hair so he’d stop. He definitely wasn’t ready to go again, and while if this was any other client Eren would just let them do what they wanted, he liked to think that Erwin was different.

And he was. Erwin pulled up and moved his mouth to Eren’s, and the two of them kissed, not minding the taste of Eren’s come that was now in both of their mouths. Eventually Erwin pulled away and started getting up. Eren began to follow, but Erwin held out a hand to indicate he should stay. “I’ll be right back,” he said as he went into the bathroom.

He came back out a minute later, cleaned up and holding a damp washcloth. He gently cleaned up a drowsy Eren before leaving again to rinse the washcloth out. When he came back again, he got in bed and pulled up the comforter around them. He hugged Eren into his chest, neither of them minding that they were still naked, and he turned off the light, and, feeling Eren’s ribs expand and contract with his every breath beneath his arms, he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Eren couldn’t sleep. He wanted to, _god_ , did he just want to relax into Erwin’s chest and close his eyes and drift off, but he _couldn’t._ He was too busy thinking. Too busy worrying was more like it, actually.

He and Erwin obviously had something. He wasn’t going to deny that at this point. There was definitely something more than just whore and john going on here. He thought back on the phone conversation he’d overheard. Erwin _liked_ him. But what did he really know about Eren? He knew little things, yeah. Things that had come out during their conversations on the last two dates. But he didn’t know any of Eren’s crappy past. He didn’t know what had gotten him to where he was now. How could he like him for him without knowing any of that? He should tell him, knew that eventually he’d have to if this was going to go anywhere, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

What he was mostly worried about was that Erwin liked to read. He had mentioned it a couple of times recently how much he liked to do so in his free time. If he knew that Eren couldn’t… well, he’d think he was an idiot. He’d realize just how big the differences between them were and he’d never want to see him again. He’d realize how stupid Eren was, and how he’d never be good for anything except being a whore.

He’d just have to learn then, Eren thought. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep no matter what he tried, Eren gently eased himself out of Erwin’s arms and off the bed. He found Erwin’s t-shirt still on the floor from when his clothes had gotten dropped anywhere during the sex earlier, and he slid it on before he headed into the rest of the apartment, quietly tiptoeing through the dark. Erwin had a library; he knew that now. He remembered passing it once after Erwin had mentioned it to him and Mikasa. He found the door and went in, turning on the light and closing the door most of the way behind him. He looked around. All of the walls were lined with bookshelves that went all the way up to the tall ceilings. There was even a ladder so you could reach the highest shelves and everything.

But all the books looked too hard for Eren. He’d have to start off simple. He looked at the book that had been left on the table near one of the armchairs in the room. It was some sort of novel, Eren thought. When he flipped through it, all he saw was tiny text. Definitely too hard.

He spotted some promising books on a very bottom shelf in the corner. They were thin and brightly colored, like most of the children’s books at the public library when he went with Armin and Mikasa. Eren crouched and slid one of them out. There was a picture of some sort of animal wearing a tall red and white striped hat. He had seen this one at the library before. It would probably be a good one to start with, he thought.

Eren sat on the floor right there in the corner and stared at the title. These were all short words. He knew them. He recognized the word “the.” He’d seen it enough to know that one by now. He had to sound out the next word aloud. “Kuh. Aaa. Tuh,” he said quietly to himself. Armin had told him that sounding it out one letter at a time helped, so that was how he tackled words he didn’t know. “Kuh-aaa-tuh. Cat. The Cat. In, the.” He got the next two words too. He was proud of himself. It’d been a while since he’d last tried reading, so he thought he was doing pretty well. “Huh. Aaa. Tuh. Hat. The Cat in the Hat.” That explained the drawing on the front.

Proud of himself, Eren opened the book and found the first page. He liked the drawings. They looked cool. They only used a couple of colors but they had a very unique style. He’d always liked drawings and art. He focused himself on reading again, reminding himself why he was doing this.

“The,” he started reading, then paused. Oh crap, what was the next word? He knew what sound ‘s’ made, but what did ‘u’ sound like again? He tried to remember what Armin had said about letters like these. They didn’t always sound like they looked like. “A is aaa, E is eh,” he reminded himself. “I is ih, O is… O is ah, right, and then U is. Fuck, what’s U? That’s the one I need. What is it? Oo? No, that’s not it… Uh! Right. Ss-uh-nn. Sun. The sun duh-ih-duh, did not-“ He knew ‘not’ and didn’t have to sound it out. Success.

Oh crap. What was that next one? ‘Sh’ was one of those things that made a different sound. Armin had told him about some of them. But which one was it? Did it sound like ‘ch,’ ‘th,’ or ‘sh’? He couldn’t remember. Eren tried to figure it out using the rest of the word. “In-uh? Chin-uh? Thin-uh? Shin-uh?” None of them sounded right. “Fuck,” he said to himself. Wait, Armin had said something about when ‘e’ came at the end… But what the fuck was it?

Eren growled in frustration and tugged at his hair. Why was this so fucking _hard_? It just reminded him of elementary school when everyone would make fun of him for not being able to read like they could. Even the teachers were mean about it. And then when he got home and his dad found out…

Focus. He had to focus. He could skip that one word, right? It wouldn’t be too bad. He’d just read what he could and try to figure out what he couldn’t from the words around it. He still kept calling himself stupid in his head whenever he couldn’t figure something out, but he kept trying. If he didn’t want Erwin to call him stupid, he’d have to learn. He’d get Armin to help him during the days, but for now he needed to try on his own. “It wuh-aaa-suh. Waaas. Waaas? _Dammit.”_

 

* * *

 

Erwin didn’t often find himself waking up in the middle of the night, but for some reason that night, he did. As soon as he was awake enough to be aware of his surroundings, he realized that he might have woken up because Eren had left. He began to internally panic. Did he do something wrong? Why would Eren leave? He sat up and turned on the light. Eren’s bag was still in the corner. He knew the boy wouldn’t leave without it, but then where did he go?

He got out of bed. He’d see if Eren’s shoes were still here or if maybe he’d stepped out for some reason. He was so confused about what was going on. When he got to the living room, with the intention of heading to the entryway, he saw a light coming from the hallway where his office and the guestroom were. He silently stepped forward, realizing that the light was coming from the library and that there was a soft voice coming from inside. He stayed against the wall as he looked through the crack in the door. Eren was sitting in the corner with a Dr. Seuss book in his lap, one hand pulling at his hair as the other kept the book open.

“…sat in the… _crap,”_ Eren whispered to himself as Erwin listened in from the hallway. “Huh. Ah. Uh. Suh. Eh. Huh-ah-uh-suh-eh. That’s not a fucking word! We sat in the… goddammit.” Erwin tried to figure out what Eren was doing. Was he reading? He wasn’t doing a very good job about it.

A thought occurred to Erwin. Eren _could_ read, right? He hadn’t mentioned not being able to before. But… he had written that response to his note; the one that he’d given Levi. And he would have to be able to sign in on the guestbook every time he came to visit. And what about the menu at the restaurant? And picking out movies? And he’d seen him with his friends reading from that book of theirs. He had to be able to read, didn’t he?

The situation before him made him think otherwise. Eren was nearly pulling out his hair as he rocked slightly, his eyes glued to the book. “Huh-ah-uh- _Fuck it!”_ Eren slammed the book closed and tugged more at his hair. “You’re so _fucking_ stupid!” he chastised himself.

Erwin decided it was time for him to step in. He knocked lightly on the door before entering. “Eren?” he asked.

The boy was scrambling to compose himself. He stood up and wiped at his eyes – Erwin thought he saw the beginning of tears – and held the book behind his back. “Hey,” he said, trying to sound casual.

“What are you doing?” Erwin questioned.

“Um,” Eren said. “Reading.”

“In the middle of the night?” Thankfully Erwin could pass off his interrogation as a tired line of questioning.

“Uh, yeah,” Eren answered. “I, uh. I couldn’t sleep.”

Erwin wanted to call bullshit. He wanted to tell Eren what he’d just overheard, make him tell him the truth, that he couldn’t read, but he knew that would just drive Eren away. And besides, this was just one case. He’d seen Eren read with his friends. Eren had written that note. He didn’t have definite proof of Eren’s illiteracy, so he felt that he couldn’t accuse him of it. So Erwin just said, the disbelief fairly evident in his voice, “Okay. Well, come back to bed. You’ll be uncomfortable if you fall asleep in here.”

Eren was so relieved that his lie hadn’t been exposed that he didn’t think to say that he’s slept in piss-covered alleyways so sleeping on the carpet in here would kind of be a step up. He just put the book back on the shelf and walked with Erwin back to the bedroom, trying to hide how he was practically shaking from nerves. He managed to calm himself enough by the time he laid down so that Erwin wouldn’t notice his trembling when he pulled him into his arms. Erwin told him goodnight and Eren returned the sentiment, but he knew even as Erwin turned off the light that he still wasn’t going to sleep. He was going to stay up all night and think about just how dumb and unworthy he was.

 

* * *

 

He was pretending to sleep when he felt Erwin shift and start to wake beside him. He knew the man was convinced by the gentle way he took his arms away from Eren and slid off the bed so as not to wake him. Eren decided to wait a little while more before pretending to wake up, just to be safe. He waited until he heard the shower turn off and he sat up in the bed as Erwin came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. Eren allowed himself to gaze at the man’s still-damp toned chest, because even though he’d seen it plenty of times before it never ceased to be enchanting, and Eren knew that he man had to work out because there’s not way he could look like _that_ and not.

He looked up only when Erwin chuckled and he found that the man had come closer. He put one knee on the bed so he could lean over and kiss Eren chastely – too chastely for Eren’s taste; he could go for some morning sex even though he was tired from staying up all night – and say, “Good morning.”

“’Morning,” Eren said, getting out of bed as Erwin went to the closet to get dressed.

“Did you sleep well?” Erwin asked from the closet.

“Yeah,” Eren lied, hoping to avoid any conversation of what had happened in the middle of the night. He hoped they could just ignore that it ever happened and move on.

“Good,” Erwin said, though he saw the bags under the boy’s eyes, and Eren let out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t going to mention anything.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Eren told the man, and he went into the bathroom, hoping that the shower would help him wake up. He was too tired. He needed coffee.

After getting dressed, Erwin went into the kitchen to start breakfast. He made two cups of coffee, one black for himself and one the way Eren liked it, and as he made omelets he thought of how he was going to breach the topic of whether Eren could read.

By the time Eren came in the room and made a beeline for the coffee, Erwin had come up with an idea. He waited until he was busy cooking and his hands were full before he asked, “Oh, I just remembered. I need to pick up carrots next time I’m at the store.” He didn’t know why he chose carrots – it was the first thing that came to mind. “I know I’ll forget it if I don’t write it down, would you mind adding it to the grocery list for me? It’s right over there by the cookbooks.” He indicated where the list was with his head and went back to cooking, making sure to keep busy so Eren couldn’t have him do it.

“Um,” Eren said, trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation. He couldn’t find any. “Sure,” he eventually had to agree.  He made his way to the list as if he was walking up the steps to the gallows – he definitely felt as if he was walking right into his death sentence here. The list wasn’t hard to find, because there wasn’t much else on the counter over there, and unfortunately there was a pen right next to it. He picked it up and made a new bullet point at the end of the existing list. Carrots. _Carrots._ How the fuck did you spell that? Was it a ‘c’ or a ‘k’? They both made the same fucking sound, why the fuck were they both necessary? Carrots. He decided to go with ‘c,’ because he didn’t think there were many words that started with ‘k,’ now that he thought about it. But ‘air’ wasn’t one of the sounds he knew! How was he supposed to finish this word? Even just trying it would take him ten minutes!

Eventually Eren felt Erwin’s questioning eyes on him. He quickly scribbled out the ‘c’ he’d already written and jotted something else completely, putting down the pen and hoping he hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

Once they were sitting at the dining room table with their breakfasts, Erwin went back to the kitchen using the excuse of getting another cup of coffee. As he waited for it to brew – he actually did need another cup, so it hadn’t been a total lie – he went over to check the grocery list. There at the very bottom was something completely surprising that made Erwin both want to laugh and cry at the same time. Right next to a scribbled-out ‘c’ there was a drawing of a carrot, with the leafy part sticking out the top and everything.

He took this as confirmation of his worries. He took the list with him back to the dining room once his coffee was done. Eren looked like an animal when he saw that Erwin brought the list in, terrified in front of a predator that they were going to be eaten.

“Eren?” Erwin began, trying to make his voice as calm as possible so as not to startle Eren more than he already was. “I… I don’t want to offend you by asking this, but I need to ask.” Eren wanted to hide so badly. He’d been found out. He wanted to run away and never come back here again, but that wasn’t an option. He had to pretend there was nothing wrong. “Can you read?”

Eren stopped breathing but he didn’t look away from Erwin. He hesitated too long in his answer, obviously giving himself away, but he wasn’t willing to give up the lie. “Of course I can,” he said, resuming his breathing and busying himself eating his omelet so he wouldn’t seem as suspicious, though his efforts were in vain.

Erwin ignored his own food and picked up the list, looking at the drawing once more before he slid it across the table to Eren. “What’s this then?” he asked, trying to sound as nonjudgmental as physically possible.

“It’s a carrot,” Eren said quickly.

“Why didn’t you just write carrots?” Erwin knew this was starting to sound dangerously like an interrogation, but he just needed Eren to admit that he couldn’t read and he wouldn’t stop until he heard it.

“You just said to add it to the list,” Eren said, glad that he was able to come up with this excuse. It was actually quite brilliant, he thought. “You never said I had to write it.”

Erwin didn’t respond, realizing that Eren was technically correct. He eventually decided to use his other evidence for Eren’s illiteracy. “Then why were you in the library last night?” he asked.

Eren froze and thought for a minute. Thankfully, years of being around Armin had given him at least some amount of cleverness. “Why would I be in a library if I couldn’t read?”

This was so frustrating. Why wouldn’t he just admit it already? Erwin wasn’t going to judge him for it! He just wanted to know, because if he knew then he could help Eren. He could teach him, or find somebody better suited to do so. But first he needed him to just _admit it_. “Eren,” he said, his frustration getting the better of him. “I heard you trying to sound out words. You couldn’t figure out the word ‘house.’ I _know_ you can’t read.”

Eren pushed away from the table. Erwin had been testing him. It wasn’t enough that he knew Eren couldn’t read, he had to try to trick him into saying it himself. “Alright.” Eren said tersely, standing up. He tried to ignore the tears in his eyes while at the same time keeping them from falling. His fists were shaking, balled at his sides. “I can’t read! There, I said it! Are you happy now?!”

Erwin stood too and tried to explain himself to calm Eren down. “No, that’s not-“

“What?!” Eren interrupted, shouting now. “What do you want me to say?! That it took me two tries to pass the first grade?! That they only ended up passing me because they didn’t want to keep dealing with me?! Or maybe I should just shut up and let you call me an idiot like the rest of them! Is that why you wanted me to say it myself?! So that you can get some sick perverted laughs out of it?! Well, I’ll say it for you, Erwin! I’m a dumbass! I’m an idiot and I’m a fuckup and I’m a goddam whore and I _cannot fucking read!_ Happy now?!” He let the question ring through the apartment as Erwin stood there in shocked silence. Eren’s throat hurt from the yelling and he was breathing hard with the exertion, but what bothered him most were the tears rolling down his face that he just couldn’t seem to stop. He couldn’t even bring himself to move his arm to wipe them away.

Erwin didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell Eren he had it all wrong, that he never meant to embarrass him, that he only wanted to help, that he didn’t mean to make him feel bad at all, he hadn’t meant for any of this. But he knew that that wouldn’t go over well. So he stood there, letting Eren’s words replay in his head as he tried to think of how he could fix things. “You’re not stupid,” he said quietly after a long minute of shocked silence.

Eren rolled his eyes so dramatically that he nearly rolled his head with them. “Oh fuck you,” he added, and he decided that his only option now was to leave. His bag was still in Erwin’s room, he just needed to get that and then his shoes, and fuck what about the money, and-

He was stopped in the living room by a hand on his arm. “Eren,” Erwin said carefully. “Please, just listen to me.”

He refused to look at Erwin. He kept his back carefully turned away but he didn’t try to move. “Why?” he asked. “Give me one reason why I should listen to you right now.” He knew there were actually tons, with the fact that Erwin was currently paying for his time at the top of the list. But he wanted to see how Erwin would answer. If Erwin could test him, then he could test the man right back.

“Because I didn’t mean to make you angry,” Erwin answered. Eren still didn’t move, and he didn’t offer any response, either. Erwin took this as a sign to continue. “I’m not trying to laugh at you or whatever it is you think,” he explained. “I was confused. You wrote that note and read the menu at the restaurant, but then I saw you last night and I didn’t know what was going on. I shouldn’t have tried to test you. That was wrong. But I needed to know what was going on.”

He paused in case Eren wanted to say anything. He let the silence go on long enough that he was about to start speaking again when Eren chimed in, his back still towards him. “Armin wrote the note,” he explained. “I just told him what to write.”

“Oh,” Erwin said. That made a lot of sense. It explained why Eren didn’t respond to the note while he was still at the apartment. “You’re not stupid, Eren,” he said, and when Eren finally turned around with his mouth open to protest, he held up a hand to silence him and continued, “Maybe you can’t read, but you figured out a way to respond to my note. And you drew that carrot instead of wrote it because I didn’t specifically tell you to. You’re smart. You figure out how to work with what you have in front of you. That’s intelligence too.”

Eren didn’t know what to say. He curled and uncurled his fists at his side, debating whether he should argue Erwin on the point. He couldn’t even look him in the eye, though. Nobody had ever told him he was smart before. All of his teachers, his dad, the other kids in school, they all called him stupid. Even Armin and Mikasa, though they never made fun of him for his illiteracy, they’d never told him he was smart. It just hung over all that they did together, this sign on his chest that labeled him hopelessly incompetent. Nobody had ever said otherwise before. And he didn’t know how to react. After a few minutes of silence he decided he had to explain his reaction, though he was still looking at the ground as he did so. “Nobody’s ever called me smart before,” he quietly told the hardwood floors.

Erwin gently turned Eren’s face up to his with a couple of fingers under the boy’s chin. “It’s the truth, though,” he said, and then he drew Eren close and wrapped his arms around him, embracing him as he felt the boy begin to sob. He didn’t interrupt Eren’s crying; he just held him close. He may not know what all Eren has been through – he may not even have ever had the experience of being called stupid or dumb – but he knew that this was something Eren just needed to cry about. So he held him, letting Eren cry into his chest as the boy grabbed fistfuls of the back of his shirt in his own way of holding Erwin too, until Eren settled down, his hiccupping sobs growing fewer and farther between.

“I’m sorry,” Eren finally whispered into Erwin’s chest once his tears had all dried up.

“Don’t ever take the blame for the way the world has treated you, Eren,” Erwin said, kissing Eren’s still-damp hair. “None of it is your fault.”

Eren buried his face deeper in Erwin’s shirt, trying to hold the man as close as possible for fear that any moment he and all his kind words and actions would just disappear into thin air.

“See, now I know not to leave you notes or things like that,” Erwin eventually said. “There won’t be nearly as much miscommunication now.”

Eren nodded, still gripping Erwin tight, and he turned his face so that his voice wouldn’t be muffled. “But you like to read so much, so I thought…”

“We don’t need to like the same things, Eren,” Erwin assured him. “I mean…” He tried to think of a good example. “It’s like, I enjoy red wine. You don’t. And that’s okay, right?”

“It’s not the same,” Eren sighed.

“Do you want to learn to read?”

Eren paused. Truthfully, yes. It would make his life a hell of a lot easier. But he’s tried learning before, and each of those times he either gave up because of frustration or because whoever was teaching him gave up on him ever being able to learn. “I’ve tried before,” he told Erwin.

“If at first you don’t succeed…” Erwin reminded Eren.

“You make it sound so easy,” Eren grumbled.

“Reading _can_ be easy, Eren. I can help you learn that.”

“You say that now,” Eren said, turning his face back into Erwin’s chest so his voice would be more muffled. “You won’t be so excited when you realize I’m a lost cause.”

Erwin pulled away enough to get a good look at Eren’s face. “You are _not_ a lost cause, Eren. I’m not going to give up on you.”

Eren blushed and extracted himself from Erwin’s arms to go sit on the couch. He hugged his knees to his chest and observed Erwin for a minute, who came over to sit next to him.

“Why do you care?” he eventually asked. “Why do you give a shit about what happens to me?”

Erwin took his time to come up with a thoughtful answer, knowing that Eren wouldn’t be ok with him just saying anything. “Because you’re a human being,” he answered. “And you deserve more than a society that’s given up on you.”

Damn he was good. Eren had to think to figure out how to phrase his next question, though it ended up being simpler than he’d expected. “Why me, though?” He realized by Erwin’s confused look that he needed to explain. “Why not some other whore?” He ignored the twitch Erwin’s eye gave at the word and continued. “Why not some other random person on the streets?” He needed to know that Erwin liked him for more than being a charity case.

He took his sweet time to answer again, but once again Erwin was a suave motherfucker when he did. “Because I like you,” he said bluntly. Eren was about to ask why but Erwin answered before he even had the chance to ask. “You’re clever. You’re proud. You love your friends and you’d do anything to help them and you wouldn’t abandon them. You’re determined. You’re-“ Erwin didn’t seem to know what to say next, but the way he looked at Eren like he’d hung the moon was more than enough.

Eren burrowed his face into his knees and stared right back at the man. He thought for a minute, trying to figure out if he really wanted to say what he was about to say, and eventually decided to just go for it. He pulled his head away from his knees so his voice wouldn’t be muffled. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he repeated. “I’ll move in with you.”


	8. Don't Think I Know When, He Tries to Bring Them Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren watches the news.
> 
> Then he and Armin have a sleepover while Mikasa goes to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I'm so glad everybody loved the last chapter so much!
> 
> This chapter seems like filler now, probably, but stuff happens here that'll be important later.
> 
> Also, somebody suggested Harry Potter for the book and that's what I decided upon.

“That is,” Eren quickly added. “If you still want me to.”

“Of course I still want you to,” Erwin assured him. Eren liked how happy he was now. Erwin was smiling like he could barely contain himself and it made Eren smile to see it. But then he remembered something.

“I can’t leave Mikasa and Armin on the streets though,” he said.

“They can stay here too,” Erwin said. “Or I’ll pay for an apartment for them. Whichever.”

Eren bit his lip. “Okay. I’ll ask them.”

Erwin kept smiling and finally found that he just had to lean in and kiss Eren. “I’m so glad you’re moving in,” he said when he pulled away.

“I’m glad too,” Eren said, even though to be honest he was really fucking nervous. So many things could go wrong. “I’m still going to work, though,” he told Erwin. “I can’t just… I won’t be a burden.”

Erwin didn’t look too sure about that. “I can help you find another job,” he told him. “I’m sure there’s some opening somewhere in my-“

“For someone with no education, someone who can’t read?” Eren asked. “Be realistic.”

Erwin sighed. Eren was right. There weren’t many jobs available to someone illiterate. He’d have to see if he could find one somewhere until Eren could read at least basic things. “Alright. We can… Let’s save that discussion for another time, ok?” He didn’t want to get in an argument now and have Eren decide not to move in with him.

“Fine,” Eren said, though he was definitely not looking forward to the topic coming up again. “But, um, kinda relevant. I sorta need the money to go give to my guy soon, so…”

“Oh,” Erwin said. He’d forgotten that this was technically still one of their appointments. “Yeah. It’s where it always is.”

Eren nodded slowly. “So, um… I have work tonight until like three?” His entire day was pretty packed, actually. For some reason, people loved to fuck whores on the day of the Lord. “Should I come over then or should I just wait until tomorrow or…?” He suddenly wondered if they would ever actually see each other with Erwin working all day and Eren working most of the night.

“You can come over,” Erwin assured him. “I’ll tell them you’re a guest for now and tomorrow I’ll go add you to the lease.”

“Wow that sounds official,” Eren muttered to himself. Maybe he was getting in over his head.

Erwin noticed Eren’s worries and said, “It’s not really, don’t worry.” He really didn’t want Eren backing out now.

“Okay,” Eren said, and then he bit his lip. “Well, I guess I should get going.” He wasn’t looking forward to hearing Mikasa and Armin’s reactions to the news. They would not be happy, especially Mikasa. And he knew they wouldn’t want Erwin’s charity for themselves, either, so convincing them to either move in too or take an apartment Erwin was paying for would be tough. But he’d have to try.

Erwin was disappointed Eren was leaving so soon, but he wasn’t going to complain. “Alright,” he said as Eren went to get his bag from the bedroom. He joined the boy in the foyer while he put on his shoes. “I’ll leave the door unlocked so you can let yourself in when you get here. I’ll probably be asleep.”

“I’ll try not to bother you,” Eren promised.

Erwin wanted to say that no matter what he did he wouldn’t be bothering him, because nothing about Eren’s presence could be bothersome, but he knew that that would be too much to say. So he just leaned down for a kiss and said, “Have a good day.”

Even though he knew Erwin was going for just a quick goodbye kiss, Eren deepened it, wanting to leave with the man’s memory on his lips before he had to fuck random strangers the whole night. “I’ll see you,” he said when he pulled away, and he pulled his bag up onto his shoulder, and then paused.

He didn’t really need to bring his bag, did he? There was nothing in there that he would need before he came back other than lube and condoms. After a moment of thought he put his bag on the table and opened it up, grabbing the stack of condoms and shoving them in his back pocket and managing to stuff the small bottle of lube into one of his front ones. He grabbed his bus pass and the wad of cash Erwin had left on the table and put it in his other front pocket before he zipped up his bag again and turned to Erwin.

“I, uh, guess I don’t really need to have all of this stuff with me, huh?” he asked Erwin, who just nodded in response. Eren smiled and gave Erwin another quick kiss, saying, “Bye,” and then he turned and left, leaving his bag on the foyer table even though it felt unnatural to leave without it. He’d going to have a lot to get used to.

 

* * *

 

Eren was exhausted by the time he wandered into Erwin’s apartment building at about four in the morning. It had been a busy night for him, and as experienced as he was, he couldn’t help the slight hitch in his step from being fucked so many times. And it wasn’t like he’d had a night full of blushing virgins, either. No, most of them had wanted it rough, and he hoped Erwin either wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t mention the scratch and bite marks he had from when a couple of them had gotten too excited.

All of that had been after dealing with Mikasa all day, who was not happy about his decision to move in with Erwin. Armin had tried to stay for the most part neutral, but he obviously did agree with Mikasa that this was a bad idea. Eren had eventually convinced them that he really did like him, and that Erwin wasn’t just going to use him or anything, and really, what’s the worst that could happen? He ignored Mikasa’s muttering about him ending up one of those dead hookers on the eleven o’clock news and said that the worst thing would be that Erwin dumps him back out on the street and he’s back where he started. Sure, (and he didn’t mention this to either of them) it would crush nearly all of the hopes he’d allowed himself to have, but he’d recover.

In the end, he’d gotten them to agree to at least think about taking an apartment with Erwin paying, and he considered that a success. If he could convince Erwin to let the two choose a cheap, crappy apartment, he had a feeling they’d give in.

The concierge, once again, was not happy to see Eren.

“I’m a fucking guest,” Eren sighed as he walked up to the counter, not anywhere near in the mood to deal with this stuck-up asshole. “Penthouse, like usual.”

The guy looked at his list and scowled when he saw that Eren was right, and this time he didn’t even say anything as he passed the guestbook to the boy. Eren, for his part, was too tired to even bother writing out his and Erwin’s full names, because that was just too much work, so he just wrote “E. Jaeger” and “E. Smith.” Nobody ever checked those logs anyway, so it’s not like it mattered.

He didn’t turn on any lights as he entered Erwin’s apartment, just felt around for his bag and tiptoed into the bedroom by memory. He used to toilet and brushed his teeth and didn’t bother even putting on one of Erwin’s shirts, just stripped naked before he crawled into bed with the man. He fell asleep nearly the moment that his head hit the pillow.

 

* * *

 

Again, when he woke up in the morning, Erwin was not there. It took Eren a minute to remember why he was even there, and then he remembered that he technically lived here now. He looked at the clock to see that it was, in fact, not morning but one in the afternoon, but that wasn’t a huge surprise given how late he’d stayed up.

He took a long shower, relishing in Erwin’s complicated system of showerheads that had taken him several months to figure out. It was always nice when he had the opportunity to shower after work. No matter how long he had sex for money, it never ceased to make him feel dirty in a way that felt impossible to wash off.

All of his clothes were pretty dirty at that point, so Eren decided to steal one of Erwin’s t-shirts again, wearing only that and a pair of boxers – they weren’t exactly clean either, but he didn’t want to be sitting on Erwin’s furniture with his naked butt; he needed to remember to ask Erwin how to use the washer and dryer when he got home – as he went into the kitchen. He started a cup of coffee and then noticed that there were a couple of post-it notes with arrows drawn on them directing him to the telephone. The final note pointed to a button underneath a LED screen that simply said “1,” and he pressed it, deciding that that’s what the arrows meant. A robotic woman’s voice told him that Erwin had one new message.

“Hi Eren,” Erwin’s voice said once the woman had read off the date and time of the message. “Sorry to leave you alone again, but I didn’t want to wake you up before I left. I’ll try to be home around seven so we can have dinner together if you’re here. As always, make yourself at home. I mean, it _is_ your home now, anyways. Have a good day! Bye.” The message cut off with a loud beep and the woman asked Eren if he’d like to save or erase the message, but since he didn’t know which buttons to push for that, Eren just went to add cream to his coffee.

He had about five and a half hours at that point before Erwin got home. He thought about going to visit Armin and Mikasa and see if they’d thought any more about Erwin’s offer, but then he realized that he wouldn’t be able to get back into the apartment until after Erwin was home. So instead, after making himself a bowl of cereal for lunch, he decided to watch some TV.

Eren stopped watching TV after about half an hour when he kept flipping through the channels and all that showed up were different news stations, and those were just boring and depressing. He didn’t know how to get to the cartoons that Mikasa had figured out while they stayed there.

He then decided to try to teach himself to read some more. He found the book he’d tried reading the last time – “The Cat in the Hat” – and opened it up to try some more. He remembered what Erwin said about him not being able to recognize the word “house,” so he tried to figure out which one that was so that he knew for reference. He eventually decided that it had to be the one that started with an “h” and had an “s” near the end, because that made the most sense. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out how those letters together made that sound, but he knew the word “house” now, and that was an improvement.

In the hour that he managed to last before he got so frustrated he almost threw the book across the room, Eren worked his way through ten pages of “The Cat in the Hat.” He didn’t understand all of the words – in fact, most of the ones that had four or more letters were pretty confusing – so he didn’t completely get what was going on, even with the pictures to help. That was what eventually got him too frustrated to continue. What was the point of all this? He’d gotten by just fine without reading before. He didn’t need to torture himself by trying to learn when he obviously never would be able to. He eventually went back to the TV and dedicated himself to trying to care about the news and not fall asleep.

It was as he was almost drifting off on Erwin’s comfortable sofa when he heard the man’s name on the television set. Snapping his eyes open, Eren sat up and turned up the volume so he could hear better. There was a small picture of Erwin’s head and shoulders in the corner and some text on screen. Eren realized as the reporter off screen finished reading the text that it was some sort of quote. He’d missed the first half of it, so he didn’t really know what it was about, and they moved onto a new story after that, but Eren made sure to pay rapt attention after that.

The story repeated the next hour, and this time Eren caught the whole thing.

“Multinational conglomerate Survey Corps is making history today as CEO Erwin Smith announced his appointment of a genderfluid person as the new Head of Medical Research and Development,” the reporter said. “Smith announced his decision to give the position to Hanji Zoe,” – a picture of Hanji showed up on the screen – “a neurologist who holds PhDs in both biology and engineering, at a press conference this morning, where he referred to the doctor as ‘they.’”

This time, instead of a quote, the channel switched to a video of Erwin at a table with the Survey Corps logo – now that he saw it, Eren realized that he had seen the logo around plenty of times before – printed on the backdrop behind him. “The board and I realize that not everyone will approve of our decision, or will think that this is merely a publicity stunt,” Erwin said. “But the truth is that we ultimately chose the person who is best qualified for the job. It’s as simple as that.”

The video switched back to the reporter in the newsroom and they continued talking about the story, but Eren was too shocked to pay attention. He didn’t exactly know what was going on, but he was fascinated by how Erwin could sit in front of all those cameras – and judging by all the camera flashes that were going off in the video, there were plenty of people there – so coolly and talk like that. He was so calm and collected, like he didn’t even realize that the cameras were there. It was as if he was just having a chat with somebody. Eren couldn’t imagine doing that, especially if he knew it was going to end up on TV.

He continued to watch the news for the next few hours just to see the story repeat itself on different channels. They were all reporting it. It was fascinating. He still didn’t know exactly what was the big deal, but it was just interesting to keep seeing Erwin’s face pop up on screen.

When he heard the front door open, Eren turned off the TV and hurried into the foyer to talk to Erwin. He stopped in his tracks when he realized that the man was on the phone, arguing with someone. Erwin stayed focused on his conversation as he put down his briefcase and took off his shoes, and it wasn’t until he snapped at the person that he’d talk to them about this another time that he hung up and noticed Eren was in the room.

“You were on the news!” Eren promptly told him, though he knew it was a stupid thing to say. Of course Erwin would know he’s on the news.

But the man just chuckled and brought Eren in for a kiss. “You saw that, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah!” Eren said, following Erwin to his office as he went to put away his briefcase. “I couldn’t figure out how to find any channels other than news, so I was watching it, and then you were on, like, every hour. It’s so cool.”

“It’s really not that exciting,” Erwin told him. “It means that there are cameras following me everywhere now trying to ask me questions, and dealing with backlash from conservative groups, and-“ He sighed and rubbed his temple and Eren realized how worn-out the man was.

“Oh,” he said. “Sorry.” He felt bad for bothering Erwin about it when he was already tired of dealing with it.

Erwin just smiled and went over to Eren again, kissing him once more. “Don’t be,” he assured the boy. “I’d just really like to forget about work right now.”

Eren smiled as he linked his hands behind Erwin’s neck. “Well it’s a good thing that’s my specialty, isn’t it?” he asked coyly.

The man just sighed again and rested his forehead against Eren’s. “I’m sorry, Eren. I’m just really not in the mood.”

Eren quickly brought his hands down and wiped off his flirty look. “Oh. Ok.”

“I’ll go start dinner,” Erwin said, but Eren stopped him from walking into the kitchen with a hand on his arm.

“Let me make dinner,” he told the man. “You go relax.”

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked.

“Hundred percent,” Eren promised. “It’s not like I’ve done anything all day, anyways. Go read a book or something. I’ll let you know when the food’s ready.”

Erwin thanked him with a kiss and then went into the library to follow Eren’s suggestion to read. As he went to relax, Eren went into the kitchen to figure out what to cook. He’s not terrible in the kitchen, but seems how it’s been a while since he actually had a kitchen – not counting when he, Armin, and Mikasa were staying here – he wasn’t too great at cooking, either. He was good at making a meal out of practically nothing, but that sure as hell wasn’t a problem here. Though, Erwin didn’t actually have a whole lot of food. Eren supposed he didn’t really need it; until today the man lived alone here and was always out at work for most of the day.

Eren managed to find some chicken though, and he decided to bake that and then use up some of the prepackaged salad in the fridge, which looked like it would go bad in a couple more days. It sure as hell wasn’t fancy, but it was food, and that’s all Eren really cared about.

As he waited for the chicken to bake – he knew it would take a little while, but he didn’t exactly remember, so he’d have to go check in a little bit – Eren went into the library to make sure Erwin was relaxing. He was, sitting in one of the armchairs with the book Eren had seen on the table earlier in his hands. He was wearing a pair of reading glasses, too, and Eren held back a chuckle at how well they suited him.

Erwin glanced up when Eren came in, wondering what he was doing there, but Eren just walked around the chair so he was behind Erwin and slid his hands over the man’s shoulders. He reached up to his neck to loosen the tie he was wearing, but he didn’t fully take it off. He undid just the first button of his shirt, too, before he slid his hands back up to Erwin’s shoulders and started pressing his thumbs into the muscles, which were tight and knotted with tension. Erwin hummed a little and put his book down, allowing himself to just focus on the massage. Eren had gotten pretty good at them since he started selling himself. A lot of clients mostly just wanted to relax when they came to him, so he’d give them a nice massage before blowing them. Of course, that’s not how it would be for Erwin right now. Eren had to make sure the chicken didn’t burn, and Erwin had already said he wasn’t in the mood – though that was probably a ‘not in the mood to fuck’ and not a ‘not in the mood to get blown’ – but mostly Eren just didn’t want the chicken to burn.

After about five minutes of working out all the kinks in Erwin’s neck, Eren decided he should go check on the food, so he leaned over to kiss the man’s cheek before heading out of the room. As he was walking away, though, Erwin caught his hand and pulled him in for a real kiss. Erwin said, “Thank you,” when he let Eren go, and the boy just smiled and headed out.

He carefully watched the chicken for the rest of the time it was baking. One of the pieces was pretty ugly from the number of times he’d opened the oven and cut into it to see if the middle was cooked, but he’d just keep that piece for himself and give the other to Erwin. Eventually he figured out that they were all the way cooked, but when he pulled them out of the oven they looked really… bland. He probably should have added some spices or something, because that’s what most people did, right? Hm. After some careful deliberation, Eren decided to chop up each of the chicken breasts and add them to the salad, since he didn’t know which of the seemingly hundreds of spices in the cabinet to use. He took out what looked like different kinds of dressing from the fridge and put them on the table with the bowls of salad, and then he got out two forks and two glasses of milk. There. It wasn’t a great meal, but it was food.

He went back to the library to tell Erwin that dinner was ready. The man followed him back to the dining room, where he said that the food looked good. Eren wasn’t sure if he was just saying that, because it was just food, nothing special, but he didn’t press the issue. As they sat down to eat, he wanted to ask more about why Erwin was on the news and what all was going on, but the man had asked not to talk about it, so he kept his mouth shut.

Since Erwin didn’t seem to be much in the mood to talk, either, they ate in relative silence. Only once did Erwin clear his throat to say something.

“I didn’t have time to go talk to the landlord today about you moving in,” he said. “Sorry. I’ll try to get it done tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Eren responded. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t have work tonight, since… oh, shit. Mikasa has a fight tonight.” Eren forgot that Erwin didn’t know about Mikasa’s job and instead was reminding himself.

“Is there a problem?” Erwin asked.

“No,” Eren quickly answered. “Yeah. Well, see, Mikasa has work tonight, and usually only one of us works at a time so none of us are alone. Strength in numbers and all that shit. But if I’m here, that means Armin’s alone.”

“He could come over,” Erwin offered.

“Are you sure? I mean, with all of your work and everything…”

“It’s fine, Eren,” Erwin assured him. “It will probably be best if you go pick him up yourself, though. I’m sure there are cameras outside the building waiting to pounce the minute I step out there.”

Woah. He was really that big a deal, wasn’t he? Eren just nodded.

“I’ll have my secretary pick up phones for you three, as well,” Erwin added. “It’ll be much easier for you if you didn’t have to meet up with them in person every time you needed to talk.”

Eren wanted to complain, but he knew Erwin wouldn’t like that, and since he was already tired he’d just be angrier about it, so Eren just said, “Okay.”

He insisted on washing the dishes, too. Or rather, he rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher and then Erwin showed him what buttons to press. Eren then asked Erwin if he could show him how to use the washer and dryer too, if he didn’t mind, which he didn’t. As Eren loaded his dirty clothes into the machine, Erwin made a comment about how they’ll have to get Eren some more clothes sometime.

“Why?” Eren asked.

“Because,” Erwin answered, and then paused because it seemed so obvious to him but he couldn’t put the reason into words. “I mean, you won’t have to do laundry every couple of days like with the clothes you have now.”

“Every couple of days?” Eren asked in disbelief. “What, do you only wear them once before they’re dirty?” Erwin’s expression told him that he was right on the money. “But you’re not even doing anything to get them dirty!”

“Well, they get sweaty, I guess,” Erwin defended. “And it’s not like we don’t have the space. Nearly half my closet is empty already.” He may have a bunch of different suits and blazers and even a tux or two, but it was nowhere near enough to fill his walk-in closet.

“So,” Eren said, not angrily but with genuine confusion. “Because you have the space, you buy more stuff you don’t need to fill it up?”

“….It’s not really that simple, Ere-“

“Why would you buy a place with more space than you could use, though?”

“It’s-“ Erwin sighed, trying to figure out how to explain this without sounding condescending or like a rich asshole. “It’s what’s expected of me, really. Even this apartment; it’s considered pretty humble for how much I make. When I was growing up, we had this big house in a gated neighborhood. But since I’ve always lived alone, it was easier to get an apartment in the city. Shorter commute and less wasted space.”

“Well aren’t you a martyr?” Eren asked sarcastically, but he brought Erwin down for a kiss so he didn’t actually seem mean. When he pulled away, he decided to just change the topic, since he didn’t really want to talk anymore about the woes of rich people or Erwin buying him new clothes. “I should go get Armin soon. I want to catch them before Mikasa leaves.”

Erwin kissed him goodbye after the laundry was done and Eren got a pair of pants from the machine and put on his shoes and then he left to go find his friends.

 

* * *

 

There were about fifteen people with either cameras or notepads standing outside Erwin’s building. Eren didn’t know what he’d been expecting. The way Erwin had described it, he sort of imagined a whole swarm of people pressed up against the glass walls of the lobby, trying to get a look at whoever was coming out of the building. But this group of people was just hanging out there, pretty bored. Some of them were sitting on the sidewalk or leaning against the glass. None of them looked too happy to be there, and none of them paid Eren any mind as he left. He supposed they had no reason to. Even if he did look like a slut in his skinny jeans – though not as much with Erwin’s huge t-shirt hanging off of him – they had no way of knowing whose apartment he’d come from. They had no reason to think it was from Erwin’s, since they hadn’t seen him go in any time after Erwin had gotten there.

Eren found Armin and Mikasa, as expected, in their current alleyway; though, if all three of them were leaving for the night, there was a good chance it wouldn’t be theirs tomorrow, so they’d have to find another one. Mikasa was just about to leave, so Eren got their right in time. He explained how he didn’t want Armin to be out here all alone, and he and Mikasa both agreed that it was for the best. So they packed up their things and headed their separate ways. Eren asked Mikasa if she’d be coming over to Erwin’s after her fight, but she insisted that it’d be easier if she just stayed with Annie, who was one of the girl’s Mikasa often fought against. Annie had a tiny, crappy apartment in the neighborhood, and so Mikasa said it’d be easier to head back with her instead of get to Erwin’s. Eren thought that it might be that she’d feel uncomfortable heading into the building alone that late at night to visit, especially since she often came back from work with black eyes or nasty scrapes. Eren regretfully agreed that it’d be for the best – he liked to make sure that she came back safe from her fights, just like she did for him after his appointments – and he and Armin went to catch the bus after agreeing to meet up with Mikasa the next night in the same area.

On the way back to Erwin’s, Eren told Armin all about how the man had been on the news earlier that day. He tried to explain why as best he could, though he still didn’t completely get it. Armin wasn’t quite as excited about it as Eren was, but then again, he wasn’t the one fucking the guy.

They quietly made their way past the tired group of reporters outside and signed in with the concierge – who, as always, was _so_ happy to see Eren – and headed up. The door was unlocked, but Eren knocked twice before entering anyways, just to let Erwin know he was back. Erwin called out a hello from his office, and Eren decided it’d be best not to bother him if he was back at work. Instead, they went to the kitchen and made Armin some dinner – okay, it was a bowl of cereal, but with the milk it at least hits two major food groups – and then Eren pulled Armin into the library. It may contain the banes of Eren’s existence, but for Armin the place was heaven.

Eren was content to just stand there as Armin perused the shelves. It was fun to see how excited his friend got over all the books. Eren promised to ask Erwin if Armin could borrow some of them, and Armin told Eren he didn’t have to do that, but Eren insisted anyway. He may feel bad about taking things from Erwin for himself, but he’d give anything for Mikasa and Armin.

“Look, Eren!” Armin suddenly called, perched on his tiptoes to look at a shelf. He reached up and grabbed a book as Eren came over. “It’s the first one!”

Eren recognized the cover from the times that Armin had started to read this to him and Mikasa on their library trips. It was the first book in the series that contained Armin’s book. _Harry Potter_. They had the fifth one, which had been Armin’s favorite when he was young, which is why it’s the only one they had. But Mikasa and (obviously) Eren hadn’t read the others, so they depended on Armin’s recollection of the previous ones to fill them in, as well as the few times at the library where they’d tried to start them.

“He has all of them!” Armin continued, staring up at the series on the shelf. They were in much better condition than their copy, and even better than the ones at the library. They looked practically new.

“Let’s read it,” Eren suggested. Armin quickly agreed and they sat on the carpet – there were only two armchairs in the room and they weren’t close enough for Eren to look over Armin’s shoulder. He may not be able understand the small text, but he still liked to snuggle up beside his friend and look at the pages.

That was how Erwin found the two a few hours later, when he finally decided to turn in for the night. It was nearly midnight, and he had to be at work by six, but he was used to a work schedule like that by this point. He found the sight of the two boys endearing, with how passionately involved in the story they were. They didn’t even notice him standing there in the doorway; Armin just kept reading Harry’s struggles with the Dursley’s aloud as Eren stared at the book over his shoulder.

Erwin cleared his throat, causing Armin to stop reading and both the boys to look up at him. “I’m going to head to bed now,” he informed them.

“Okay,” Eren said. “Is it okay if we stay up a little longer?” He was too involved in the story to stop _now_.

Erwin suddenly felt as if he were a parent and Eren and Armin were his children, begging to stay up past their bedtime. It was an odd feeling. “Sure,” he said. “Just turn out the lights when you go to bed. Oh, and your laundry is still in the machine; I forgot. Should I get that for you or-“

“I’ll get it,” Eren assured him. He glanced nervously at Armin for a second before he picked himself up off the carpet and quickly crossed to Erwin, reaching up for a quick kiss goodnight. Thankfully, Armin pretended not to notice. Or at least, Eren thought he was pretending. He might have just been reading ahead in the story. “Goodnight,” Eren told Erwin. Erwin returned the sentiment and then left the two to their book.

In the end, they read until the early morning, and when Erwin woke up to discover that Eren wasn’t beside him, he went to the library and found the two of them asleep where they sat, the book still open between them.


	9. It's a Cold Night, Beneath the Street Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Random things and obligatory morning shower blowjobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I'm really not happy with this chapter at all, since not a lot actually goes on in it, so I'm sorry about that. I've been trying to figure out what I want to do and how to fit it into the timeline I have set up and that's been giving me some trouble. Also the end of the semester is coming up and I've actually had to do schoolwork. Mostly, though, this chapter just gave me a ton of trouble which is why it took so long. I apologize for the crappiness, and plot will be coming I promise.
> 
> I would also like to point out that sometimes I completely ignore timelines and how long it takes to do a load of laundry, but other times I spend twenty minutes on google trying to figure out what size boxers Eren wears. I am not consistent in how grounded in reality this fic is.

Erwin thought about carrying them to bed, but he didn’t know how Armin would feel about that, so in the end he just gently shook Eren awake.

“Huh?” Eren said groggily as he opened his eyes, flinching away from the hand.

“Hey,” Erwin whispered. “It’s morning.”

“Oh,” Eren replied, looking around. He may not be fully awake yet, but he was aware of his surroundings. He had learned how to sleep lightly and wake quickly during his years on the streets. Sure, it was always nicer to wake slowly and be able to have coffee to help his brain function, but when somebody woke him instead of him waking up naturally, his body was able to snap into focus. It helped make sure his things didn’t get stolen.

“I thought it’d be more comfortable if you went to bed,” Erwin explained.

“It’s ok. I won’t be able to get back to sleep now.” Eren slowly moved from Armin’s side so as not to wake him – he was a light sleeper too, but Eren didn’t want to wake him when he could sleep in – and stood up. He motioned for Erwin to follow him out of the room so they could talk without worrying about waking Armin. In the hallway, Eren noticed Erwin’s clothes for the first time. “Where are you going?” he asked. He’d never seen the man in anything other than his work clothes or his birthday suit, but here he was wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Looking down at his feet, Eren saw that he was wearing sneakers.

“I’m going to work out,” the man explained. “I have a gym just down the hall.”

Eren began to wonder if he’d ever explore the whole apartment. He followed Erwin down the hallway and into a room that had a treadmill, some free weights, and a bench for bench presses. “Are there any other rooms I don’t know about?” Eren asked as he peered inside.

“I don’t think so,” Erwin chuckled. “Well, I need to get started here so I won’t be late for work,” he told Eren. He was, in many ways, a man of routine. He didn’t like straying too far from his plans.

“Ok,” Eren agreed, reaching up to kiss Erwin again.

Erwin just smiled at him as he left.

Eren decided to cook breakfast food Erwin, since he was already awake. He cooked some eggs and figured out how to use the toaster to make toast. He got some jelly out for that and made two cups of coffee and set the plates of food at two seats on the kitchen island. He’d make more for Armin later.

Normally, Erwin would shower right after he finished his workout, but when he passed the kitchen and smelled food he decided to see what Eren was up to. He was willing enough to switch breakfast and showering in his schedule, figuring that it wouldn’t make him late to just do them in the opposite order.

After he and Eren sat down to eat, he decided to ask about the book.

“So, _Harry Potter_?” he asked after a sip of coffee.

“Mm-hmm,” Eren answered, swallowing his current bite of food. “It’s Armin’s favorite, but we only have the fifth. He’s tried telling us what happens before, but it’s been a while since he read it either.”

“Hm,” Erwin responded, not sure if it was okay to ask why they only had the fifth, because he knew that would inevitably lead to why they were on the streets to begin with, and he wasn’t ready to broach that topic yet, especially so early when he was on a schedule.

“Oh!” Eren exclaimed. “Could Armin borrow it? The first one? I mean, only if you don’t mind or anything…”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. You all can help yourself to any of the books in there.” Erwin was glad that Eren was starting to ask things of him. He wanted to shower the boy in presents, but he knew they’d be rejected. It seemed like he was making progress, however.

“Thanks,” Eren said. “He’s gonna be so happy. Honestly, Armin is the complete opposite of me. Never puts down a book. I mean, most of the time it’s the same book, but still.”

Erwin chuckled, thinking about how funny it was that Eren befriended someone so passionate about reading. He thought about asking why Armin never taught him, but decided to hold his tongue.

It seemed Eren could sense the question, though, because he shrugged around a bite of toast. “He tried to teach me plenty of times,” he explained. “When we’d go to the library or whatever. But, I mean, I told you. I’m a bad student.”

In some ways, Erwin wanted to grab Eren by the shoulders and shake him until he stopped calling himself stupid. That was the exact opposite of what he _should_ do, though. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy, given the circumstances,” he offered as an explanation for why Eren couldn’t learn. He couldn’t imagine that going to the library sometimes and trying to learn sporadically like that would be very conducive to learning.

Eren just shrugged again. “I guess.” He mostly just didn’t want to get into the whole ‘I’m stupid – you’re not stupid’ fight again.

They ate in silence for a few minutes.

“So, um,” Eren began, putting down his fork. “I know you’re busy and all, but I got some things I have to take care of today, so… I mean, you talked about getting me a key or whatever, but I don’t know…” He didn’t exactly know what he wanted to say, even.

Erwin wiped his mouth with his napkin as he finished his bite of food. “I’ll talk to my landlord during my lunch break, if I can. If not, I’ll have my secretary call you in as a guest.”

Eren smiled to himself as he took a sip of his coffee. “I can’t wait to see the look on that concierge guy’s face when he sees I live here now,” he commented.

“Is he rude to you?” Erwin asked, concerned. He had enough money and power that if he told his landlord he wanted the concierge fired, he’d be gone the next day. Or at the very least he’d have a stern discussion with the man about treating Eren like visiting royalty.

But Eren just shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, all of them are to people like me. Doormen, too. It’s not a big deal.”

Erwin reached over and ruffled Eren’s hair. “I’ll make sure he treats you right, ok?”

“Okay,” Eren said, but he was quick to add, “But don’t get him fired, ok? I don’t wanna be responsible for that.” There was no chance in hell Eren would allow himself to be the reason someone else ended up poor or on the streets.

Erwin smiled. Of course Eren would say something like that. He was a good person. “Okay,” he agreed, and he leaned over to kiss Eren’s forehead before he took their empty dishes to the sink. He rinsed and put them in the dishwasher as Eren finished his coffee, and then he told the boy he was going to take a shower. He walked away before he could see Eren’s smirk over the rim of his mug.

He got the message, though, when the door to his shower opened a few minutes in and Eren’s naked body slid inside. Before he could say anything, Eren’s mouth was on his. Erwin’s hair was still sudsy from his shampoo, but he didn’t care at all when Eren’s body was moving against his that way.

And then Eren’s hand wrapped around his dick and started stroking, helping him get hard. Eren got tired of standing on his toes to reach Erwin’s mouth so he’d started trailing his lips down Erwin’s chest. He gave a light bite to one of the man’s nipples and felt a hand grab his ass to pull him forward. Eren smirked and continued kissing the man’s chest.

“Erwin,” he said, breaking the silence of the steady water beating down from the shower. “You’re clean, right?” he asked.

Erwin hadn’t known there was a sexy way to ask if someone had an STI, but apparently Eren managed it. He managed to grumble a “yeah” before he felt Eren slide smoothly down onto his knees, continuing to kiss down Erwin’s chest and finally ending right above his erect cock.

“Good,” Eren smiled, and then he took Erwin into his mouth. It was a very different sensation. He’d never sucked a cock without a condom before, since his only experiences with sex have been selling it and condoms were like rule number one.

It was different for Erwin, too, who hadn’t slept with anyone but Eren in nearly ten months, so he was used to always using condoms now. This felt so much fucking better, especially when Eren opened up his throat and sucked him all the way down, and Erwin could feel every ridge of Eren’s mouth and the rough texture of his tongue on the bottom vein and he was going to come ridiculously soon if it continued like this, but he didn’t find himself particularly caring about that. Eren started humming and Erwin couldn’t help but grasp onto the boy’s wet hair, needing to hold onto something, anything to ground him.

And then he looked down and Eren’s wondrous eyes were staring up at him, and the water from the shower was rolling down his back and between his asscheeks and he couldn’t help himself anymore, he was coming, and he tried to warn Eren but the words came out strangled and he came right into his mouth.

Eren pulled away, surprised. It was certainly a different sensation to have a guy come down his throat. He ended up coughing and spitting most of it out, letting it mix with the water and wash down the drain. He wiped the rest off his chin and let that mix with the water as well, holding his hand out under the stream.

“Sorry,” Erwin said, and Eren looked up at him, confused.

“Why?”

“I should have given you more warning,” he responded as he helped Eren stand.

The boy just shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

There was something that rubbed Erwin the wrong way about those words, but he didn’t know exactly what. So he just leaned down and pulled Eren into a kiss, not minding the taste of his own come in Eren’s mouth. He reached down for Eren’s cock and found it soft. He started stroking, ignoring Eren’s comment that “You really don’t have to,” and turning the boy around so his back was to Erwin’s front. He kept stroking Eren to hardness with one hand while the other drifted across his torso to pinch and flick at his nipples, which caused Eren to practically melt against him. He loved how sensitive Eren’s nipples were.

When he felt that Eren was getting close, Erwin turned him around so they were face to face, and he tilted Eren’s head up with his free hand tangled in his hair. Eren’s eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly parted as he panted while nearing his release. Erwin could barely hear some breathy moans and murmurs of “please” and “fuck” over the sound of the shower.

“Open your eyes, Eren,” Erwin softly commanded when he knew Eren was close. He saw those eyes shoot open almost in surprise and meet his right as Eren came over Erwin’s hand, his own hand reaching up to grip Erwin’s shoulder to balance himself. Erwin didn’t care that Eren’s nails were digging marks into his skin. He cared that Eren’s eyes stayed locked on his as Erwin pumped him through his orgasm, until finally Erwin let go of his sensitive dick and Eren slumped into Erwin’s chest.

“Who gave you the right to give such great handjobs?” Eren accused sleepily. He was in the perfect position to hear Erwin’s deep chuckle resound through the man’s chest, and it was a nice sound, he thought.

“You’re one to talk,” Erwin said back. “I don’t think I’ve come that fast since I was a teenager.”

A thought zipped through Eren’s mind, telling him that he _did_ have a right to be good at this, because it was his job, it was what he did, but Eren wanted to think of anything but that right now. He wanted to think about how nice it was to be held against Erwin’s chest as the warm water pounded against them.

Erwin seemed to have the same thought, and he let them just stand there for a minute before he decided that he really couldn’t waste any more time. “I’d love to stay here all day,” he murmured after pressing a kiss to Eren’s soaked hair. “But I really have to finish showering and get going.”

Eren laughed and kissed Erwin’s chest before pulling away, reaching over to steal some of Erwin’s shampoo, not that the man ever minded.

When they got out of the shower, Eren realized that his clothes were still in the dryer. So, he just pulled on one of Erwin’s shirts and traipsed to the laundry room, not caring that his junk was visible just under the shirt. It wasn’t like it was anything Erwin hadn’t seen before, and even Armin had seen it, in case he’d woken up by now (it was a long story that Eren does not like to talk about, the reason why Armin and Mikasa had both seen him naked). He pulled a pair of boxers from the machine and told himself he’d get the rest later, wanting to say goodbye to Erwin first.

As he walked into the entryway, where Erwin was pulling on his shoes, Eren commented, “You know, I will agree with you that it’d be nice to have more pairs of underwear. It is kinda nasty to have to rewear them all the time.”

Erwin chuckled at Eren’s bluntness and gave the boy a quick kiss. “I’ll try to get you some more soon. What size?”

“Um.” Eren reached around and checked the tag on his current pair. ”Small?”

“Alright.” Erwin picked up his briefcase and Eren marveled for a second at how business-y he looked. He wasn’t wearing a tie, but he was wearing a suit jacket over his button-down and he managed to look professional and like he owned a huge corporation while still looking kind of casual about it. At least, that’s what Eren thought. But he knew pretty much shit about clothes as well as workplace attire, so he didn’t really know what he was thinking about.

So Eren just pulled him down for another kiss before he left and then wished the man a good day as he walked out the door. As soon as the door closed, he blushed as he realized that he sounded like a housewife. Weird.

 

* * *

 

Armin woke up about an hour later and wandered into the den to find Eren still trying to figure out how to work the TV correctly. He was going to try to help him, but as soon as Eren saw him, he jumped up and went to the kitchen to make him breakfast. Armin went back to the library to grab _Harry Potter_ and then followed him. Eren had already made him a cup of coffee and was starting some more eggs, so Armin just sat down at the island and sipped his drink. He found out where they had left off in the book – or at least, the last part he remembered reading before falling asleep, and started reading aloud again so Eren would be able to hear as he cooked.

He continued reading as he ate, trying to not talk while he was chewing but ultimately reading with his mouth full anyways. It wasn’t like Eren cared. After Eren had done the dishes, he offered to do Armin’s laundry – proud of himself that he now knew how to work the machines – and while the washer was going he asked Armin to help teach him to read. Though he wanted to hear more _Harry Potter_ , he knew that would be too difficult for him, so he brought back out _The Cat in the Hat_. Armin reminded him about how vowels can be either short or long and the different sounds that they make then, which helped Eren a lot. It took them a while to figure out that the words that used the long vowels usually had a silent ‘e’ at the end. Eren didn’t get why there needed to be an ‘e’ there if it didn’t make any noise, but Armin explained that it made the other vowel sound like that. Eren still didn’t get why they didn’t just make more vowels so that they each only made one sound, but Armin told him that he just had to suck it up and deal with it.

By noon, Armin had helped work Eren through about half of the book. They’d taken short breaks during that time, to move the laundry or for Eren to calm down from his frustration at how stupid reading was, but for the most part it was just slow going. As they made sandwiches for lunch, Eren grumbled about how stupid reading was and how it was pointless and he shouldn’t even bother. Armin just listened to him rant, choosing not to comment. He knew Eren well enough to know that he just needed to vent. It was obvious to him that Eren was really setting his mind to learning this time, which was different from all the times Eren’s tried learning to read before. So he knew that Eren would manage to do it. Whenever the boy got his heart set on something, he would manage to do it. Eren was just that kind of person.

At about one-thirty there was a knock on the door. Eren and Armin were lounging in the den watching cartoons – Armin knew how to work the remote and he showed Eren how to get away from the news stations – when they heard the sound. They went into the foyer together and Eren looked through the peephole to see a short woman with short brown hair.

Eren opened the door just a crack so he could look at her and talk to her. “Who are you?” he asked, not caring that it wasn’t a very friendly way to start a conversation. He had grown up to be wary of strangers, and he especially didn’t want to allow some random person into Erwin’s apartment. He knew, however, that whoever it was would have to have been signed in as a guest. He still felt the need to be cautious.

“Hi,” the woman said. “I’m Anka. I’m Erwin’s secretary. You must be Eren.”

Oh. That would make sense. Erwin had talked about sending his secretary to get things before. Eren opened the door further so that they could both fully see each other. “Yeah,” Eren responded. “I’m Eren.”

“Um,” she said. “Erwin sent me to give you some things.” She held out a plastic bag. “There’s three phones, a key to his apartment, and a package of boxer shorts.”

The way Anka said it was so professional, like there was nothing embarrassing about buying and delivering underwear for some random stranger, but Eren couldn’t help but blush. “Thanks,” he said as he took the bag. “Uh.” He felt like he should do something to express his gratitude. “Do you want to come in? I could make you some coffee.” It was the best idea he had.

“Oh, no thanks,” Anka said. “I need to get back to the office.”

“Okay.” Eren held out a hand. “It was nice to meet you, Anka.”

Anka shook his hand and smiled. “Nice to meet you too, Eren,” she reciprocated.

“And thanks,” Eren added. “For, y’know, picking this stuff up.”

“No problem. I’ll just get going then.” She turned and pressed the button for the elevator and Eren closed the door. He looked in the bag to see the items that Anka had said would be there, finding the key at the very bottom and taking it out to put it in his pocket where he wouldn’t lose it.

He looked back at Armin and shrugged, and the two of them headed into the living room. Eren took out the phones as they sat on the couch and he figured out how to turn one of them on, handing another to Armin, who turned his on as well.

Armin was better at figuring them out, and they found that there were a few phone numbers already listed under Erwin’s name in the contacts section – work, home, cell. Armin figured out how to find each of the phone’s numbers and they programmed them into the other phones so the three all had each other’s numbers as well. They didn’t really need to do more than that – Armin talked about setting up the wifi or something, but apparently Erwin had a password on it – which made sense – and they didn’t really need any apps or anything, so they just left it.

They both wanted to go meet up with Mikasa soon, so they decided that it was time to leave. Armin repacked his bag – taking _Harry Potter_ from the library when Eren told him he could – and Eren took the liberty of getting a bottle of water and making a sandwich for Mikasa – he found ziplock bags in the pantry and decided Erwin wouldn’t mind if he borrowed one – before they left. Eren also realized that since he had work that night, he wouldn’t be back until late, probably, so he found a piece of paper and decided to write a note. He could have called Erwin, but he wasn’t sure if he was busy at work, and besides, he was feeling confident from all of his reading practice that morning. He also had Armin there to help him when he didn’t know how to spell something. It took about twenty frustrated minutes and several crossed-out words, but Eren finally finished and Armin looked it over and said it was good. So Eren put it on the table by the front door and turned off all the lights in the apartment and he and Armin left.

 

* * *

 

Erwin hadn’t expected to come home to an empty apartment. He knew Eren had said he had things he needed to do today, but he’d assumed he’d be home for dinner. It’s only been a day and he’s already spoiled by having someone to come home to. But at least Eren left a note. What surprised him was the handwriting. It was different from the other note Eren had left, but Erwin quickly remembered that Eren had said Armin wrote that one. He guessed that Eren had written this one himself. Erwin smiled at the effort at the same time that his heart ached for Eren’s illiteracy. His handwriting looked like a kindergartener’s, and there were words crossed out and rewritten all over the small note. It took Erwin a couple of minutes to fully understand it through the scribbles.

_Erwin,_

_I have ~~wer~~ work toni ~~t~~ ght. I will ~~d~~ be ~~bak~~ back at 2. sorry I willnot be ~~thare~~ there for din ~~r~~ ner. I ~~tuk~~ took Mikasa ~~a sandw~~ food. hopethat is ok. ~~thayn~~ ~~thanc~~ thanks. _

_Eren_

Putting the note back on the table, Erwin made his way into his office. If Eren wasn’t there he might as well get some work done. He’d order some Chinese food and work until he had to go to bed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this plenty of times before, but for some reason he felt a certain sadness about it now. He wished Eren was there, and that they could have crappy dinner together and then watch a movie and fall asleep with him in his arms. The fact that he knew exactly what Eren was doing while he was out made it even worse. But there wasn’t much he could do about it. Eren wanted to keep working, and when it came down to it, Eren couldn’t tell him what to do. Well, he _could_ , but Eren would just get angry with him, and it wouldn’t accomplish anything anyways. It might even make Eren move out. So Erwin just turned on his computer and buried himself in corporate memos and lo mein until he fell asleep at his desk.

 

Eren came back, as predicted, around two. It was a pretty early night for him, but that was good. He wasn’t too tired or feeling too disgusting since he hadn’t had as many clients as usual. He went into the bedroom but soon realized that Erwin wasn’t in there. He turned on the light just to be sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, but he had been right. Erwin wasn’t there.

He went back out to the rest of the apartment, and finally saw the sliver of light coming from under the door to Erwin’s office. He knocked gently before going in and finding the man with his head on a pile of papers, asleep. He felt weird about waking him, but Eren knew that if Erwin slept like that he’d probably regret it in the morning. Eren and his friends may be used to sleeping in odd positions on the hard concrete, but Eren knew that most people weren’t able to do that. So he went around the desk and gently shook Erwin’s shoulder. “Erwin?” he asked quietly. The man still slept. He slept a lot deeper than most people Eren knew. In the end, Eren had to shake his shoulder harder than he had really wanted to in order to get the man to jerk awake.

“Eren?” Erwin asked when he realized where he was.

“Hi,” Eren said. “You fell asleep at your desk. I thought you’d be more comfortable in bed, so…”

“Oh. Yeah. Right.” It was kind of adorable to see Erwin so sleepy, Eren thought as the man stood. The two of them went into the bedroom and got ready for bed and finally they curled up together under the covers. Eren heard Erwin’s soft snores start just a few minutes after lying down, and he tried to fall into the same slumber as he rested his head on the man’s chest.

But sleep never came.

He was tired, and he wanted to sleep, and he was trying to sleep, but something in him just wouldn’t let him. It was too quiet. It was too warm. It was too comfortable. Sure, he was used to sleeping in Erwin’s bed every couple of weeks, but by then he was usually so deprived of quality sleep that it was easy. But here and now, he just couldn’t get his body to go to bed.

After about an hour and a half of just trying to will himself to sleep, Eren had had enough. He snuck out of Erwin’s arms and tiptoed out to the living room. He grabbed a blanket from off the back of the couch and made his way through the kitchen to the door to Erwin’s terrace. He’d never been out here before, but he could always see it from the kitchen when he was in there. There were some lounge chairs and some potted plants and a small outdoor eating area and a fire pit. Eren quietly went out there and sat down on one of the lounge chairs. He wrapped himself in the blanket so he wasn’t freezing, but it was enough that he was still a bit chilly. He couldn’t really hear the sounds of traffic from this high up, but there was a bit, and there was also the wind and other background noise. It wasn’t exactly like the alleys, but Eren didn’t miss the smell of urine and garbage. It was actually pretty nice out there. He wasn’t too warm and it wasn’t too quiet and the chair, though it had a cushion, wasn’t too comfortable. So it was only a matter of time before Eren had burrowed his face into his blanket and fallen asleep.

 

* * *

 

Erwin was once again surprised when he woke up. But this time, he wasn’t surprised because of where he was. He was surprised by who wasn’t by his side. Had Eren left after helping Erwin to bed? He hadn’t said anything about that, had he? No, he hadn’t. But then where would he be? Did he go to the library again?

He checked everywhere in the apartment and couldn’t find him. His bag – which he should tell Eren he could unpack – was still in the room and his shoes were still by the door, but he was nowhere to be found. On his second sweep of the living room Erwin realized that the blanket was no longer on the back of the couch. That didn’t really help him find Eren, though. He tried calling Eren’s new phone, but it just buzzed from the front table.

It was when Erwin finally decided to make himself a cup of coffee before coming up with another plan that he noticed a lump on one of the lounge chairs on the terrace. It was the blanket from the living room, and Erwin could just barely see a nest of brown hair sticking up from the top. He promptly forgot about his coffee – it could go cold, for all he cared; he could make another cup – and went outside, shivering from the chilly wind that hit him as he did so. It may be getting warmer, but the early morning was still pretty cold, especially to be out there with bare feet and short sleeves.

But Erwin didn’t really care about that right now. He was worried as to why Eren was out here. He knelt by the chair and put a hand on Eren’s blanket-covered shoulder to wake him. He didn’t even need to begin his gentle shake before the boy’s eyes shot open and he looked around.

“Eren?” Erwin asked.

“Hey,” Eren said sleepily, remembering why he had come out here last night. He didn’t see a problem with it.

“Why are you sleeping out here?” Erwin continued worriedly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Eren said with a yawn.

“But, why are you out _here_? Aren’t you cold?”

Eren shook his head as he rubbed the sleep out of one eye. “Nope. I’m used to sleeping in the cold, remember?” Even so, he kept the blanket wrapped around him as he and Erwin headed back into the apartment. Erwin took his finished mug of coffee from the machine and started another one for Eren as the boy went to sit on a stool at the island.

“But,” Erwin began again, and then paused. He didn’t know exactly how to phrase this. “You have a bed now, and a warm place to sleep. Isn’t that easier to sleep in than outside in the cold?”

Eren just shrugged as he laid his head down on the counter. He’d still only gotten a couple hours of sleep and would like to get more. “The bed was too soft,” he said simply. “And it was too quiet.”

Erwin mulled that over as he stirred creamer into Eren’s coffee. When he went to give it to the boy, however, he saw that Eren had fallen asleep again, his head on his arms on the hard granite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The secretary was going to be Petra, but since I'm having the rest of the Scouting Legion be like upper-level members of Erwin's company I thought it would be sexist to put her there since she's the only girl. So I chose another, fairly random, member of the Garrison.


	10. Maybe That Would Be A Way If He Lived Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin learns more about the crappy state of the homeless in the U.S.
> 
> Eren learns more about the crappy state of the English language.
> 
> There's fluffy bonding time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I went on the social security number website and goddam I can't imagine how any homeless person who doesn't have ID could ever get one. There are so many hoops to jump through.
> 
> One note on the ending of this chapter:
> 
> Please don't kill me.

Eren didn’t actually sleep all that long at the counter. Only a few minutes later he woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon cooking. That would have been a pretty good way to wake up, if he’d gotten more than a few minutes of sleep. It didn’t take Eren long to figure out he’d fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation with Erwin. “Sorry I fell asleep,” he said tiredly, suppressing a yawn.

Erwin startled, not having realized Eren had woken. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. He went to get more eggs and bacon from the fridge to make enough for the both of them. “Why don’t you have breakfast and then go back to sleep?”

“I’ll try,” Eren said. He couldn’t promise anything. Most of the time, once he woke up he was awake for the day. It was surprising that he’d managed to fall asleep at the counter, but he guessed that he just hadn’t woken up enough to begin with.

“I made you a cup of coffee.” Erwin added as he laid more strips of bacon in the pan, nodding to the counter by the coffee maker. “It should still be hot.”

Eren thanked Erwin and went to get his mug. He took a sip and savored it for a moment before he remembered something. “Oh!” he said. “I think I managed to convince Armin and Mikasa to let you pay for an apartment for them.” He took another quick sip before deciding to add, just in case, “If you still want to, that is.”

“Great,” Erwin said as he stirred the scrambled eggs with a spatula. “Maybe this weekend we can go look at places, if you three aren’t busy.”

“Well,” Eren hedged, leaning back against the counter. “There’s already a place we have in mind.”

“You do?” Erwin asked, curious about Eren’s tone.

“Yeah. So, Mikasa’s friend Annie has an apartment, and Mikasa was staying there the other night when Armin was here, and so the three of us ended up all visiting Annie yesterday, and I noticed the unit above hers is available, so I convinced Mikasa and Armin to think about taking it, and because it’s so cheap they agreed,” Eren explained.

“How cheap?” Erwin wasn’t worried about the cost being too much; rather, he was worried it would be so cheap that it would be a complete shithole.

“It’s only like $500 a month,” Eren said, bordering on happy that he convinced Armin and Mikasa to get an apartment and worried that Erwin wouldn’t approve of such a crappy place. “Of course, that’s not including water and gas and all that.”

Erwin frowned. That was cheap, even for a place in the bad parts of town. “How big is it?”

“Um…” Eren tried to remember the square footage, because he didn’t just want to say ‘about the size of the cardboard boxes we’ve lived out of’. “Oh, I think it was like 400 square feet or something.”

“For the two of them? They’d have no room, no privacy,” Erwin protested. “They should at least get a one bedroom.”

Eren couldn’t help but laugh. “Dude,” he said, not even realizing at the moment how positively weird it was to call Erwin ‘dude.’ “You think we care about room or privacy? It’s got a roof and plumbing – it’s still practically a mansion.”

Erwin sighed. He wanted to put Eren’s friends up in a nicer place than some shoebox. He’d even be fine with them staying here, though it would mean less privacy for him and Eren. But he had a feeling that this wasn’t a battle he could win. “Alright,” he finally conceded, dishing the eggs out onto two plates.

“Okay, awesome!” Eren said, bouncing over to kiss Erwin on the cheek. “And, I mean, they’ll be able to help pay back the rent.” He saw the way Erwin looked at him when he said that and quickly added, “That’s the only way they would agree; if you let them pay you back.”

“What’s the point of me getting it for them if they’re going to pay for it?” Erwin asked.

“Well, y’see, we’ve looked into getting an apartment before, but a lot of the stuff on the forms they have we can’t fill out.”

Erwin turned off the burners on the stove and brought the two plates to the island, where he and Eren sat down to begin eating. “Like what?”

“Um…” Eren took a bite of eggs as he tried to remember. “Social Security Numbers. Well, Mikasa and I don’t know ours. I think Armin has his somewhere. Most places want you to have a job, like a legal one. A previous address. Credit card history. And even the worst places still wouldn’t even look at kids like us without someone to cosign or whatever.”

Erwin had never thought about it like that before. If they needed all that to get an apartment, there was no way they’d be able to get off the streets even if they had the money.

“But don’t worry,” Eren continued. “With me and Mikasa getting what we do from our jobs, and then now that he’ll have an address and a phone number Armin can get a job too – and he’ll be able to get a nice, real one – then it won’t be too hard to pay you back.”

“You really don’t have to,” Erwin said, trying to wrap his mind around a system that wouldn’t let you get a house without a job, but wouldn’t let you get a job without a house. He’d worked at shelters before, yeah, but he’s never really thought about this. How did anyone ever get off the streets? “You should get a bank account, start saving.”

“Nope, we’re going to pay you back what we can,” Eren said. “That’s final.”

Erwin sighed again. “Well, we should at least look into getting Social Security Numbers for you and Mikasa. That’ll help you out a lot later.”

Eren shrugged. “I guess. Dunno if you can do that, but we can try.”

“I’ll look into it,” Erwin promised.

“Okay.” Eren ate a piece of bacon and a few bites of his eggs. “Thanks for the phones, too, by the way.”

“No problem,” Erwin replied. “And you can call me at the office anytime. If I’m really too busy to answer I’ll let it go to voicemail, but it’s really no problem.”

Eren nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t know yesterday, so…”

“I saw your note,” Erwin said, smiling. “Did you write that yourself?” He was proud of Eren for his attempt at writing and wanted to encourage him to practice more.

Eren flushed and stared down at his plate, stabbing some eggs with his fork. “Yeah,” he muttered, embarrassed of how terrible the note had been.

“It was very good,” Erwin praised.

“You don’t have to lie,” Eren complained. “It looked like crap.”

“Well,” Erwin said. “There were a lot of cross-outs, but everything was spelled correctly.”

“That’s because Armin helped me.”

“But at least you tried. That’s how you’re going to get better.”

Eren shoved some eggs in his mouth so he didn’t have to respond immediately. “I thought you’d like it better if I wrote it,” he finally admitted. “Instead of Armin, I mean.”

Erwin put an arm around Eren’s shoulders and pulled him close to kiss his head. “You were right,” he said with a smile.

Eren blushed further and lightly shoved away from Erwin so he could finish his breakfast. They were silent for a few minutes before Eren decided to say, “Oh, I’ve got work tonight, too. I won’t be back until morning, either. Sorry.”

Erwin sighed in obvious disappointment. He felt like he never saw Eren even though he lived here now. And he definitely didn’t like what Eren was doing during his nights. He wanted to demand that he stop, but he couldn’t. He knew Eren would just move out rather than be completely unemployed, and he wasn’t going to risk losing him all together. He just had to put up with it until he could find another way to convince Eren to quit.

 

* * *

 

After a few calls with pissed-off coworkers – namely Levi, Petra (his head of PR), and Anka – Erwin made the executive decision to work from home. He wanted to be able to spend some time with Eren, even if he would be listening in on meetings most of the day. He was supposed to be actually attending the meetings, but nobody would die if he telecommuted, so he didn’t care.

He told Eren that he’d be working from home and asked if he would mind doing the dishes since he had to go call into a meeting. Eren, of course, agreed to do the dishes, but afterwards he was unsure of what to do. He didn’t want to disturb Erwin. His office door was open, so he didn’t even want to turn on the TV in case the sound carried. He eventually settled on going to the library and trying to work his way through the rest of _The Cat in the Hat_.

He had gotten a couple more pages in when he got stuck on a word. “Fly.” “Fuh-luh-yuh?” Eren tried out. It didn’t have any vowels! Armin had told him that all words had vowels. Eren knew he should just move on and forget that one word, but he was really frustrated. It was a short word. Short words were supposed to be easy. After a few minutes of consideration, Eren decided to ask Erwin.

Eren knocked gently on the open door, afraid he was interrupting, but Erwin looked up and waved him in. He pressed a button on his Bluetooth and then asked if Eren needed anything.

“Um,” Eren said, confidence waning. Eventually he forced himself to walk inside and hold the book in front of Erwin. He pointed to the word. “What is that word?” he asked.

“Fly?” Erwin asked.

Eren took back the book at looked at the word. “Fly,” he repeated. “But it doesn’t have a vowel. Armin said words need a vowel.”

“Well,” Erwin thought how to explain. “The letter ‘y’ is sometimes a vowel.”

“Sometimes?”

“Yes. Sometimes it sounds like ‘yuh,’ like in…” He tried to think of an example. He didn’t feel like he was doing a very good job helping Eren. “Like in the word ‘yes.’ But sometimes it sounds like ‘I,’ like in ‘fly.’ And then sometimes it sounds like ‘E,’ like in ‘Mary.’ Then there’s also words like ‘rhythm’ where it sounds more like ‘ih.’”

Eren was looking at Erwin with a completely blank look on his face. “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard,” Eren finally said.

Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Seriously!” Eren complained. “Why does it _do_ that?! What is the goddam point?!”

“I have no clue,” Erwin admitted.

Eren groaned in frustration and narrowed his eyes at the book, as if it had personally offended him. “Fine. Stupid English language.” He looked up at Erwin’s chuckle and realized he was still interrupting his work. “Oh. Sorry for interrupting, by the way. I’ll leave you alone.” He made to leave, but Erwin’s voice stopped him.

“Wait,” he said. “Why don’t you stay in here and read? That way if you need more help I’m right here.” The reason he was working from home _was_ , after all, so that he could see Eren more.

“Won’t I be interrupting, though?” Eren asked. “Don’t you have calls or whatever?”

“Yeah, but I mostly just need to listen in on them,” Erwin said. “I keep the phone on mute and do other work while I’m in those meetings, anyway. You won’t be bothering me.”

“Okay,” Eren said, still hesitant. “I’ll try not to be loud.” He sat on the floor against the wall and resumed reading his book. He still had to sound out nearly all of the words out loud, but he tried to do it in a whisper so he wouldn’t be keeping Erwin from hearing his meetings. Every now and then he needed help with a word like “gown” or “plop” or “hook,” and he’d just shuffle over to Erwin and point at the word and Erwin would tell him. It was a pretty good system. By the time Erwin asked if Eren wanted any lunch, Eren only had one page left. Erwin let him finish it before they got food. It took a little bit – mostly because of a few minutes of Eren complaining about the spelling of the word “should,” which, Erwin thought, was actually quite justified – but Erwin listened patiently and smiled when Eren finished.

“I finished it!” Eren nearly shouted as he jumped up. Erwin wrapped him in a hug. “I finished it on my own!” Eren continued to say. He was proud of himself. This was better than he’d ever done before.

“Congratulations,” Erwin said, giving Eren a kiss. “You should be very proud of yourself.”

“Damn right I’m proud,” Eren said. “I’m fucking amazing.”

Erwin liked seeing this side of Eren. He couldn’t help but kiss him again. “Yes you are. Would you like to celebrate with lunch?”

“Yes please,” Eren said, leaning up for another kiss before going to return the book to the library.

“Grilled cheese ok?” Erwin called as he headed into the kitchen.

“I’ll eat anything,” Eren reminded him once he entered as well.

“Yes,” Erwin said. “But you have to have some foods you like more than others.”

Eren thought for a moment. “Well, coffee, duh. And chocolate, but who doesn’t like chocolate? And I like pancakes. They have those at the soup kitchens sometimes. Grilled cheese is good but I don’t get why everyone has it with tomato soup. Who likes tomato soup?” Erwin liked tomato soup, but he chose not to interrupt as he started making the sandwiches. “But, I mean, I dunno. I eat what I have. It’s always been that way.”

“Even when you were a kid?” The words came out before Erwin could think twice to stop them, and he regretted them as soon as they were out there. He wasn’t even looking at Eren but he could feel how he immediately tensed up.

It was a long minute before Eren composed himself enough to respond, and right as he opened his mouth Erwin started to say, “You don’t have to-“

“No, it’s…” Eren said. “It’s ok.” He traced random designs into the patterned granite countertop. “It’s just… Well. My mom tried, but… And then when I was ten, my dad…” He was having a hard time getting out a complete thought, but Erwin wasn’t going to press him any further. “And then Mr. Arlert was so old, it was hard for him, so we… We learned to use what we had.”

Erwin didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just nodded and checked the sandwiches. He hadn’t meant to push Eren into telling him about his past. He knew that whatever it was that brought him to this point, it wasn’t exactly happy. He wanted to let Eren tell him on his own time. That didn’t stop him from being extraordinarily curious, but he tried to hold himself back. He couldn’t think of anything else to say until the sandwiches were done and he plated them and set one in front of Eren. “So, now that you finished _The Cat in the Hat_ , what are you going to read next?” he asked.

Eren shrugged as he took a bite. “I dunno. Probably one of the other small books you have in that little corner.”

“Yes, I never could bring myself to get rid of my Dr. Seuss collection,” Erwin said. “But we should get you some different books also.” He refrained from saying ‘children’s books’ because, though that was most likely what they’d end up buying, Eren was most certainly not a child. “The Dr. Seuss books won’t last you that long, and besides, you’ll start thinking that all books are written in rhyme.”

Eren laughed but denied the accusation, saying, “No I won’t!” He knew Erwin was just joking though. “But yeah, I guess we could get more books from the library. The public one, not the one you have in your home like some kind of freak.”

Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sure.” He thought about saying that he’d just buy Eren whatever books he wanted; that he didn’t have to borrow them from the library, but he knew how Eren would react so he bit his tongue. He would still probably buy him books, but he’d do it without suggesting it first so that Eren wouldn’t be able to refuse them. Erwin still kept getting these urges to buy the world for Eren. He didn’t know if it was because he knew how little Eren had or what. He just wanted him to have anything he even considered wanting.

After they finished eating, Eren offered to do the dishes again so that Erwin could go back to work. Erwin asked if Eren was going to come read in his office again but Eren just groaned and said he was tired of reading. “It’s too much work,” Eren said. “I’m just gonna watch TV or something, if that’s ok.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Erwin said, kissing Eren and going back to his office. He shut the door this time so that the noise from the TV wouldn’t come in. It was weird to him, thinking of reading as work. Sure, he thought reading business documents and financial papers was work, but those were full of jargon and unnecessarily-long words written by someone in legal trying to cover the company’s ass by making sure nobody can understand a thing that’s written. But reading Dr. Seuss wasn’t work to Erwin. Books like that were pleasure reading, so it was odd to think of it as something exhausting. He’d heard Eren sounding out the words and everything earlier, but it hadn’t really hit him until now that Eren was working hard at this, probably harder than Erwin himself had that morning, even though he’d been listening in on meetings while replying to millions of emails and other random business things.

He tried to think back to when he was younger and struggling to read then, but he had always been a quick learner. Even in kindergarten he was reading short chapter books. The closest he could get to understanding how Eren was feeling was remembering when he was first learning German and struggling with the words there. But even then, if he didn’t know a word he could just look it up in a dictionary.

It hit Erwin that he had absolutely no clue what Eren was going through, even with something like this. If he couldn’t even relate to Eren about something like reading, how was he supposed to relate to him if Eren ever told him about his past? They were completely different people, and they had lived completely different lives.

Erwin suddenly feared that the differences between them would end up being so vast that they could never overcome them. He was going to try; of course he was going to try. But he couldn’t help but wonder just what he was getting himself into.

 

* * *

 

Eren was able to stay until about nine before he had to leave for work. He watched TV most of the afternoon and then helped Erwin make dinner later. After they ate, Erwin brought his laptop out to the den and sat with Eren as they watched some random movie on TV. Eren leaned over his shoulder at one point to see what he was working on, but he didn’t understand a thing. Erwin said he was trying to figure out how to get Eren and Mikasa their Social Security Numbers. He asked if they happened to have passports or driver’s licenses or their birth certificates. They had none of those, and when Eren told Erwin as much, the man pursed his lips and kept clicking around.

He made sure to give Erwin an extra-long kiss before he left, because he was doing so much for him and this place was really starting to feel like home and he knew from the look on Erwin’s face that the man hated what Eren was going to go do. Eren said that he’d be back sometime in the morning, but he couldn’t be exactly sure when, so to just go to work and not worry about him. Erwin was going to worry, but he said he’d go to work anyways.

But because he had followed Eren’s instructions and gone to work, Erwin wasn’t there in the morning to find that Eren didn’t come back.


	11. Want Him To Play Them, But They Don't Even Pay Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst angst angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, meant to put this here earlier:
> 
> There are mentions of noncon in this chapter - No details about anything going on and there probably won't be any details (I'll let you know if that changes, but most likely not), but there are mentions of it happening. I just wanted to warn you.
> 
> Also, there's a bit of violence, but not really a lot.

Armin saw him first. He was on watch duty at the moment, Mikasa curled up on a flattened box and using her bag as a pillow. He was sitting against the wall of the alley, frustrated that it was just barely too dark for him to read – he hadn’t had a chance to finish _Harry Potter_ – when he saw a silhouette stop at the entrance to the alley. He could tell that whoever it was was leaning on the wall for support, but Armin pulled out his switchblade anyway. He’s never had to use it before, but it’s been helpful in scaring people off.

He was about to wake Mikasa when he saw who the figure is.

“Eren?” he said, confused. He stood and headed to his friend, hearing Mikasa start to wake behind him. “What happened?” he asked as he put an arm around Eren to help him stand. Eren didn’t actually lean on him, which was a good sign, but here at the entrance to the alley Armin could see that he definitely did not look good.

“It’s nothing,” Eren assured his friends as Mikasa darted over and looked Eren up and down. “Just a rough john.”

“Why didn’t you go back to Erwin’s?” Armin asked.

“I told him I’d be out all night,” Eren explained. “I didn’t want him to worry.”

“Where are you hurt?” Mikasa asked.

“He just roughed me up a little, ‘Kasa. I’ll be fine.” Eren was mostly just glad the guy left his face alone. He wanted to be able to hide this all from Erwin. He didn’t need him worrying more about him, especially when he already hated what Eren did. Sometimes Eren got roughed up, it was just a work hazard, but he knew Erwin wouldn’t see it that way. So he’d probably have to wear his long-sleeved shirt for a little while and probably sleep in it too, which would most likely be suspicious, but it was better than letting him know.

Mikasa rucked up Eren’s shirt to see the bruises forming on his gut. Armin gasped – he’s seen this before on both of his friends, and has even been beaten up his fair share of times, but it never got any easier to see – and asked, though he knew the answer, “He punched you?”

“Only once I tried to leave,” Eren explained. He knew they wouldn’t ask what happened that made him want to leave. They’d learned a while ago not to.

Mikasa felt Eren’s ribs. “Anything broken?” she asked.

“No, ‘Kasa. Like I said, I’ll be fine. I just want to sleep.”

Mikasa frowned but pulled Eren’s shirt back down and she and Armin helped him over to their stuff – though Eren didn’t actually need the help. His backside was pretty sore but it was nothing he hadn’t dealt with before; he could walk on his own, had made it back here on his own.

Eren lay down with his head in his sister’s lap. He knew that neither she nor Armin would sleep when he was like this, so he didn’t insist on them trying. He just let Mikasa run her fingers through his hair like she’d do when he was a kid, and finally let the exhaustion take him over.

 

* * *

 

He realized when he woke up that he was in big trouble. He sat up – Armin was reading to Mikasa, but he promptly stopped – and patted at his pockets.

“Shit!” he exclaimed.

“What is it?” Armin asked.

“I didn’t get the money.” He had to go pay his pimp in the next couple hours or he was pretty much dead. Both Armin and Mikasa knew how big a problem this was.

“How did you possibly not get the money?” Armin asked, though he was trying not to be judgmental.

“I asked for it beforehand, y’know, like all new guys, but since I didn’t have my bag I left it on the table and…” And when he’d tried to get it as he was escaping, the guy cut him off. That’s where a bunch of his bruises had come from. So when Eren _did_ eventually get away, he’d completely forgotten about it. “Fuck, I’m so stupid!”

“It’s not your fault, Eren,” Mikasa tried to tell him.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, ‘Kasa!” Eren nearly shouted. “I’m dead either way!” He looked at her bag. “How much money do you guys have? Maybe if I can give him something and then somehow get him the rest later…”

“What about Erwin?” Armin hesitantly asked. “He’d give you the money.”

“No,” Eren immediately rejected. “No. He can’t know about what happened.”

“Eren, it’s the best pl-“

“I said _no_ , Armin. Mikasa, what are you-“

The girl had stood up and was fishing something from her bag. After a second she pulled out her new phone, the gift from Erwin. “I’m calling him, Eren,” she said, pushing Eren back when he tried to grab the phone as soon as he realized her plan. “I’m _not_ letting you get beat up again or worse!” She looked at the phone in the hand she wasn’t using to hold Eren back. “Armin, how do I-“

“Armin, don’t help her!” Eren pleaded. Erwin would be furious when he found out. He’d give him the money, but… He just couldn’t let him find out about this.

“I’m sorry, Eren,” Armin said as he stood and went to help Mikasa. “But I can’t let you get hurt again, either.” He helped Mikasa find Erwin’s name in the contacts list and dial.

Mikasa held Eren off easily – seems how she fought for a living and Eren was already in a weakened state – for the several rings it took the man to pick up. When Eren heard Erwin’s voice say, “Hello?” on the other end, he slumped in defeat.

“Erwin Smith?” Mikasa asked. She wasn’t exactly sure how she was supposed to address the man. “This is Mikasa, Eren’s sister.” She also wasn’t sure if he’d remember who she was.

“Is Eren okay?” Erwin immediately asked.

“He needs some money,” Mikasa said. “In the next couple hours.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“His client didn’t pay last night,” Mikasa said, deciding to explain only the most necessary details. “And he has to pay his pimp today.”

“How much does he need?”

Mikasa repeated the question to Eren, who grumbled the answer, which Mikasa repeated.

“Ok,” Erwin said. “Where are you? I’ll be right there.”

As soon as he got the location from the girl, Erwin hung up and was already on his way over.

 

* * *

 

Erwin pulled up right in front of the alley, not caring one bit that he was parking illegally. He rushed straight over to Eren, who was curled up against the wall. Erwin thought it was because he was hurt, but when he knelt down and tried to look at his face he could see that he was mostly just angry and ashamed.

“Eren?” Erwin asked, trying to get the boy to look at him, though his efforts were in vain. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” Eren lied. After Mikasa had called Erwin, he’d put on a sweatshirt, which was actually Armin’s, and Erwin was wondering why he was wearing it when it was pretty warm outside.

“Well,” Erwin said, deciding they can save the rest of the conversation for later. “I’ve got the money you need.” He held out the wad of cash he’d just gotten from the bank on his way over.

Eren took the money and stood, still not looking at Erwin as he brushed dirt off his pants. “Thanks,” he said simply, and he started walking away.

“Eren, wait,” Erwin called after the boy when he noticed the bowlegged way he was walking. Eren stopped walking but didn’t turn back. “Please, let me drive you.”

He considered for a minute. He was running late already, and he was sure to get there a lot faster if Erwin drove him, but that would mean being in the car with the man and probably facing some questions. He ultimately decided that he was in enough trouble with his pimp already that it was worth facing the probably questioning. So Eren just went around to the passenger side of the car and got in, waiting for Erwin.

The only thing Eren said on the way over were directions on how to get to the apartment where he was meeting the guy. At least Erwin didn’t ask anything, though he could tell the man was dying to.

They pulled up in front of the building a few minutes later and Eren left without a word. Unlike a high-end place like Erwin’s, Eren was able to walk right in and head up to the familiar unit. He knocked and was soon let into the smoke-filled apartment by a scantily clad woman. Eren paid her no mind as he headed into the living room.

“Here’s your money,” Eren said with no preamble, holding out the stack of cash.

“You’re late,” the man in the chair by the window said gruffly as he stubbed out a cigarette in a half-full ashtray.

“I know,” Eren said. “But I have it-“

“Would you like to tell me,” the man said, grunting as he stood up and headed to Eren. “Why I was woken up by a client last night, screaming about how the whore I sent him punched him in the face and kicked him in the balls?”

Eren scowled, trying to still act marginally pleasant even though the man was breathing right in his face and he reeked of cigarettes. “I told him the rules and he tried to break them,” Eren said. “So I left. That’s all, Inocenio.”

The man slapped Eren across the face. “Don’t talk to me in that tone, slut!” he growled, grabbing Eren’s chin. “He said that he wasn’t going to pay. So would you like to tell me where you got that money?”

“A friend,” Eren said, but he hesitated. Inocenio pushed him back and Eren fell on his ass. The man took the money from Eren’s hand and started counting it.

“Hm,” he frowned as he realized that all the money was there. He glanced back over at Eren, who was standing up, and then he went back over to the window. He glanced down and Eren knew in that moment that he had seen him get out of Erwin’s car earlier. Inocenio looked back at Eren, who already realized what was going to happen. “You’re more trouble than you’re worth, kid,” the man said as he pocketed the money. He sat back down in his chair and lit up another cigarette, casually dismissing Eren.

“What about my cut?” Eren asked, trying to contain his anger, which he knew would get him nowhere if he let it out.

Inocenio scoffed and glanced at Eren, taking a drag from his cigarette. “I’ll consider it your two weeks notice, two weeks late. Now get out. I don’t want to see you around anymore.”

“You can’t do this!” Eren shouted. “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

The man gave Eren a long look. “Kid, you’ve been doing wrong your whole life.”

Eren fumed but realized that there was nothing he could say. Inocenio had a gun on the table by his chair, so even if Eren tried to fight him then he’d just end up dead. So he just stormed out of the apartment and down the stairs. He could feel Erwin’s eyes on him but he passed by the car without giving it a second glance. He just kept walking until he was alone, glad that Erwin hadn’t decided to follow him. But even then, he didn’t let himself break down and cry.

 

* * *

 

Erwin wanted to go after Eren. He felt like he should have thrown the car into gear and zoomed ahead until he cut the boy off and could get out and throw his arms around him so he could never leave again. But something that he saw in Eren’s face when the boy stormed past froze Erwin to the bone. His mind was telling him to move, to chase after him, but his body would not budge.

He sat in the car, unmoving, for about ten minutes before the feeling came back to his fingers and toes, and by that time Eren was long out of sight. He wondered if he should still try to find him, or if he should go back to Armin and Mikasa to see if he was there with them. Eren’s bag was still at his apartment, so he would at least have to return for that. He started driving back there so that he would be able to see Eren when he got there.

He waited in the apartment for hours. His phone was ringing off the hook with work calls, but he answered none of them. He knew that by this point, Levi, Hanji, and Petra were probably plotting to break into his apartment or somehow get him to let them up, but he just wasn’t in the mood to explain. He didn’t want to talk to anyone but Eren. He didn’t know what happened, but he knew Eren had been hurt last night, and he needed to know he was all right. And he needed to know that Eren still wanted to stay with him and be with him. He just… He needed to talk to Eren.

It was around seven in the evening and Eren still hadn’t come back that Erwin had a thought about where the boy might be. He grabbed his shoes and keys and was out of the apartment faster than he’d ever been before, and he cursed rush hour traffic all the way there. Parking was a nightmare and the closest spot he could find was a couple of blocks away, but he didn’t mind practically running the distance.

He only slowed when he got to the small park at the corner of Twentieth Street and Main. Eren had been right – it wasn’t very crowded, with only a couple of people sitting on benches or the grass here and there. He could see why Eren liked to spend time here. Erwin just hoped he was right and that he would be there right then.

He saw him lying under the shade of a big oak tree. Though he wanted to run over and pull the boy into his arms, Erwin made sure to approach slowly. Eren had his eyes closed but Erwin knew he was still paying fast attention to his surroundings, because he knew Eren well enough to know that he always was.

Even so, Eren was still surprised when he cracked open his eyes to see who was standing just a couple feet away and saw that it was Erwin. He sat up and looked Erwin over, as if checking to make sure that’s who it really was. “How did you…?” he asked.

“You told me,” Erwin said. “On our first date. You said you liked this park because it wasn’t that crowded, so I figured…” He shrugged to complete his statement.

Eren wrapped his arms around his knees and thought for a minute. “I would’ve come back, y’know,” he eventually said.

“I know,” Erwin replied, still rooted where he was. “But I…” But what? He didn’t know what he was planning on saying. “I wanted to see you,” he finished, realizing that that’s the whole reason he came. It wasn’t just to make sure Eren was okay – Eren had lived on the streets for years; Erwin knew he could take care of himself – but because he was selfish and he wanted Eren to come back to him. And when he was afraid that maybe Eren wouldn’t, he searched the boy out on his own. “I don’t want you to be angry at me.”

Eren’s scoff surprised Erwin. “You think I’m angry at you?” Eren asked, still not looking at the man. All Erwin wanted to do was look into those beautiful eyes and see anything but the pain he feared was there.

“I don’t know,” Erwin admitted.

Eren traced patterns in the dirt by his feet with a small stick. “I’m not angry at you,” he said.

“Then why…?”

Smudging out the patterns he’d just drawn with his feet, Eren looked around at the few other people in the small park and he stood. “Let’s not do this here,” he said to Erwin as he walked over to him, still keeping his gaze averted.

Erwin wanted to ask what they weren’t doing here, but he just nodded and hovered his hand behind Eren’s back to direct him towards the car. He didn’t actually touch the boy, unsure if that would be welcomed or not. They drove back to the apartment in silence, and neither of them said a thing until they were standing in the foyer of Erwin’s apartment. Erwin had taken off his shoes and was about to head into the living room so they could have this conversation sitting down when he noticed that Eren hadn’t even begun taking his shoes off.

“Why are you doing this?” Eren asked, but it was so quiet that Erwin nearly missed it. He turned to Eren and cocked his head in confusion. The boy still wasn’t looking at him.

“What do you mean, Eren?” Erwin returned.

“This,” Eren explained. “Dropping everything to come give me money. Remembering my favorite park so you can come find me.”

Erwin began to say, “I told you, I-“ but Eren cut him off.

“You were worried I’d be angry at you. Why… If anything, you should be angry at me. I’m the one who kept sleeping with people for money even though you didn’t want me to. And I keep making your life so much harder. You should be angry with me, but you’re not! You just keep doing all these things like caring about me and worrying about what I think of you and I don’t get it!” He was shouting now, fists as his sides but his eyes still on the floor. “I just don’t get why you keep doing this. Why you keep caring. I just don’t…”

Erwin saw a single tear drop to the floor and that was it for him. He walked the two steps it took to get to Eren and wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Eren gripped tightly to his shirt, so Erwin knew the hug wasn’t unwelcomed. “I told you before, Eren,” Erwin said gently. “I like you, and so I care about you. It’s that simple.”

Eren wiped his tears on Erwin’s shirt, for once not caring that the thing might cost hundreds of dollars. “You’re just… you’re too good,” he said. “You’re too perfect. This is all just too good to be true. I’ll wake up someday and find that I’m back on the streets and I won’t be able to handle that. Because I let myself believe that this is actually happening and that everything will be perfect, and one day it’ll all be back to normal and that’ll just kill me.”

“That won’t happen, Eren,” Erwin said, trying to wrap his head around everything that Eren had just told him. “No matter what, I won’t let you go back to being homeless. It doesn’t matter what happens between us. I couldn’t do that to you.”

Erwin’s words just caused Eren to slam his fists onto Erwin’s chest, not caring that he was hitting the man who had only shown him kindness. “Stop saying that!” Eren yelled. “Stop promising things like that, because it’ll only make it harder when everything is back to normal!”

“I don’t know what to say then, Eren,” Erwin said, letting Eren hit him when he needed to. His punches weren’t very strong, anyway; not even as strong as he knew Eren probably was. They were halfhearted and Erwin knew they were out of anger at the situation, not at him. “All I can tell you is that I don’t plan to ever make you go back to living on the streets. If I told you anything else it’d be a lie. I just want you to be happy.”

At those last words Eren gripped Erwin’s shirt tightly again and he let out a sob of frustration. Erwin just kept holding Eren as the boy wet his shirt with tears and calmed down. They were standing there for at least ten minutes before Eren’s cries had softened to hiccups, though his grip of Erwin’s shirt hadn’t loosened. “I don’t know how to be happy,” Eren said finally, his voice rough from crying.

The words pierced Erwin through the heart and it took him a minute to compose himself and pull Eren even closer and bury his face in the boy’s hair. “It’s never to late to learn.”


	12. The Streets Are Cruel, He Tries to Act Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of days, and we meet some friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter gets progressively fluffier as it goes on I think, and I see no problem with that. I wrote it in sections though so it's not quite as blended as I usually like. Eh, oh well. Real life isn't necessarily blended. If that makes sense.
> 
> Anyway, I mostly just wanted to get to these new characters. If I ever get around to it (I never get around to side projects though, so don't count on it) maybe I'll write a side story about them, just like a short thing maybe to go into their past. I'm thinking about doing the same with some of the other characters. Maybe I'll just have a short thing for like each of the side pairings in here XD
> 
> Um, I don't think that it would be triggering but I want to put it here just in case: there are mentions of war in this chapter, but it's very vague. And it's not PTSD. It's only like a couple of lines, too. I really don't imagine it being a problem, but I figured better safe than sorry.

After that, Eren went to bed. He didn’t say anything, because he didn’t know what to say. He just knew he was tired. He’d barely gotten any sleep the past two nights, and he’d been through a lot. He didn’t even bother changing his clothes before crawling into bed and passing out.

He woke up around ten, so he didn’t expect Erwin to be there. He took his time in the bathroom, scrubbing his skin under the hot water of the shower and trying not to look at his bruises in the mirror, though he did have to check to make sure his backside was ok. He knew it’d been bleeding yesterday, but it wasn’t anything too terrible. It’d just make it hard to shit for a while. And sit. At least he was fired now so he wouldn’t be getting fucked any time soon. He could satisfy Erwin with blowjobs for the time being if need be.

When Eren went to go get coffee, he heard Erwin’s voice coming from the office. He put his coffee search on hold and knocked on the ajar door. He heard Erwin tell someone to hold on – he must be on the phone – and then tell Eren to come in. Eren pushed the door open the rest of the way and took a hesitant step inside.

“Good morning,” Erwin said, standing and coming over. He put his hands lightly on Eren’s arms so he could look at him. He couldn’t see much, though. Eren was wearing one of Erwin’s button-downs for once, and the sleeves were so long they covered his hands. He’d buttoned the shirt up most of the way, too, and was wearing jeans. “How are you feeling?” he asked, unable to really tell from appearances.

“I’m ok,” Eren said. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here.”

“I thought it’d be best if I worked from home today,” Erwin explained. “Come, I’ll make you breakfast.” He started heading to the kitchen, Eren trailing behind.

“You don’t have to, if you’re busy,” Eren told him, but didn’t otherwise protest as he took a seat at the island.

“It’s fine,” Erwin assured Eren. “I’m technically still listening to a meeting, anyway.” He pointed to the Bluetooth in his ear as he started making Eren’s coffee.

Eren didn’t say anything else until he had gotten his coffee and taken a few sips and Erwin was starting an omelet. “I got fired,” he said out of the blue. “Just so you know.”

“Oh,” Erwin said, because he didn’t want to say that he was sorry, since he wasn’t. But he didn’t want to make Eren more upset by appearing happy, either.

“I thought you’d be happy,” Eren said, shrugging, but he wasn’t accusing Erwin.

Erwin thought about his answer. “I’m not happy that you’re upset,” he eventually decided to say.

“I mean, I guess it was only a matter of time,” Eren replied, staring into his coffee. “Eventually he would’ve found out I’m living with you, and shit would’ve happened.”

Erwin slid the omelet onto a plate and put it in front of Eren. He stood there and watched as the boy took a few bites. He didn’t know what to say, but he didn’t want to just leave him. The sleeves of Eren’s shirt slid down as he brought the fork to his mouth, and Erwin saw that the skin of his wrists was worn raw from what looked like rope burns. Though he thought he hadn’t reacted, Eren seemed to notice Erwin’s gaze anyway. He quickly pulled the sleeve back up to cover the wound and made sure not to let it fall back when he took another bite.

“It’s really not that bad,” Eren muttered when he didn’t feel Erwin’s gaze leave him. “It’s nothing I haven’t been through before.”

“Just because you’ve been through it before doesn’t make it okay,” Erwin said.

“I can still walk,” Eren responded. “It’s fine.”

Erwin wondered just what Eren had had to go through in the past to make the ability to walk his qualifier for ‘fine.’ “I’m still worried,” Erwin said. “But I’m not going to make you show me. I’m going to trust that you’re telling me the truth and that you really are fine.” He waited as Eren took several more bites of his omelet and said nothing in response; the only sound the meeting buzzing in his ear. “If you want to talk…” He left the statement unfinished.

Eren finished eating his eggs and drank the last of his coffee. He went to put his dishes in the dishwasher, leaving Erwin to stay standing at his position in front of the island. It wasn’t until he had put the dishes away that he went over to the man and gently hugged him. It was only for a moment, and then he pulled away and left the room, muttering about needing to call Mikasa.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa was worried about Eren, like she always was. He insisted to her plenty of times that he was ok and no, he was pretty sure he didn’t get any STIs, but he’ll try to get checked soon anyway, and no, he didn’t want to talk about it why does everybody want to talk about it. He told her to say hi to Armin and that he’d call them again later and curled up on the couch in the den and found the cartoons on TV.

At one point in the afternoon someone knocked on the door, but after letting them in Erwin told Eren that it was just the cleaning lady who came once a week. Eren tried to stay out of her way, not in the mood for conversation.

He and Erwin had a relatively quiet dinner together, where they discussed their plans for the weekend. Erwin wanted to see the apartment Mikasa and Armin were thinking about before he agreed to it, and he also wanted to take Eren clothes shopping. He offered to let Mikasa and Armin come along, but Eren knew that they’d be just as uncomfortable there as he would. He could guess at their sizes, he assumed, so he’d just choose stuff for them more than for himself.

They watched a movie that night, and Eren could tell that Erwin was purposefully keeping his distance, treating him as if he were fragile. Eren just pulled Erwin’s arm over his shoulder and cuddled into his side. He didn’t want Erwin thinking he was fragile when he wasn’t. He’d been through a lot worse before. It also didn’t hurt that Erwin made a comfortable and warm pillow.

Eren called Mikasa back and told her the plans for the weekend while Erwin went to get ready for bed. She was cool with them, and so they wished each other and Armin goodnight and Eren went into the bedroom.

Erwin was sitting up in bed with his reading glasses on, his novel in hand. Eren went to get one of Erwin’s t-shirts from the drawer and hesitated. He held the shirt in hand, wondering if he should change into it at all or sleep fully dressed again, or if he did change, should he do it in the bathroom so Erwin wouldn’t see the worst of the bruises?

He felt Erwin’s eyes drift to him and he steeled himself, making his decision. He slid off his pants – he’d chosen to wear his least skinny jeans – facing the wall as the bruises on his thighs became visible. Then Eren slowly unbuttoned Erwin’s button-down that he was wearing, taking his time and giving himself plenty of time to change his mind about letting Erwin see this.

Once he let the button-down slip to the floor, Eren grabbed the t-shirt and turned to face Erwin, wearing only his underwear. He could tell Erwin was trying not to react too harshly to the sight of the bruises down Eren’s sides and legs or the rope burns on his wrists. Eren said nothing, just let Erwin see what was there, and then he slid on the shirt and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When he came back out, Erwin was still sitting there with his book, and he was looking at the words but he didn’t seem to be actually reading them. Eren went around the bed and climbed in, shimmying his way over to Erwin so he could use him as a pillow again. Erwin began to take off his glass and close the book, but Eren grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Could you keep reading?” he asked. “Aloud?”

Erwin was thrown. “I’m already halfway through the book, it wouldn’t make any sense.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Erwin gave Eren a long look before putting an arm around him to draw him closer. He opened his book back up to the page he was on and started reading out loud, starting right in the middle of the paragraph he’d been reading, and he didn’t stop until he heard light snores coming from beside him, and only then did he put away the book and glasses, turn off the light, curl up into the boy in his arms, and fall asleep himself.

 

* * *

 

Eren spent Friday goofing off and watching TV, not even bothering to attempt teaching himself to read. He didn’t feel like it. Erwin actually needed to go into the office – he didn’t specifically say it, but Eren got the idea that Erwin was in some trouble for changing plans so frequently lately, though he couldn’t imagine who Erwin would get in trouble with since he owned the company – so Eren was left alone for the day.

By lunch he was bored and invited Armin and Mikasa over, since they were just panhandling for the day. Eren delighted in his new power to call guests in – except that he didn’t know how to do that, so the concierge had to call up when Armin and Mikasa arrived, but Eren was allowed to confirm them as visitors. The first thing the three friends did was make lunch together. Eren didn’t feel particularly bad about using Erwin’s food, because he was using it to feed his friends and Erwin could just buy more and he knew the man wouldn’t actually mind. After they ate, they spent the rest of the day watching more cartoons, and Armin read to them from _Harry Potter_ for a bit. Eren actually stayed awake this time, unlike with Erwin’s boring war novel last night, though the point of that had been so he would fall asleep.

Armin and Mikasa refused to stay for dinner because they didn’t want to intrude while Erwin was there, and Eren knew that even though they knew Erwin fairly decently, they still didn’t exactly trust the man, and they were still hesitant to ask him for anything. So Eren just packed them dinner and let them go. Mikasa had a fight that night, but Armin rejected his offer to stay at Erwin’s for the night by saying he had planned on spending the night with some of their other friends. The three had accumulated some other street rat friends over the years, and while they weren’t always the most available people or the easiest to get along with, they were loyal. They actually all met up most weekends and hung out in one of the local parks, for lack of anything better to do during the day.

Erwin and Eren had a quiet dinner. Erwin didn’t mention Eren’s bruises, though he wasn’t trying as hard to cover them up today, not worrying if the sleeves of Erwin’s shirt he was wearing slid down beneath his wrists to show the marks there. They watched a movie and Eren fell asleep in the middle. Erwin tried not to wake him as he carried him into the bedroom, but as soon as he moved the boy even an inch he jolted awake. It didn’t take him long, though, to slip back into unconsciousness after he’d brushed his teeth.

 

* * *

 

The next day was finally the weekend, and it was weird for Eren, not having any appointments the last couple of days. He hadn’t been celibate this long in a long time. It was kind of nice, actually, especially with the current state of his asshole. It still kinda hurt.

He and Erwin planned to meet up with Armin and Mikasa at the apartment they were considering in the morning. Eren tried to convince Erwin not to take his car, since it wasn’t exactly in a good neighborhood and it would draw attention and all, and they ended up compromising that they would park in a parking garage a few blocks away and walk the remaining distance rather than rely on street parking.

Since they were going out, Eren had to actually wear his own shirts again rather than something ten sizes too big, but he was able to throw a sweatshirt on over it thanks to the rain outside, so he was still pretty covered up.

Armin and Mikasa were, as Eren had expected, pretty drenched when they got to the building. They used to have an umbrella, but it got stolen or lost a while back. Erwin made a note to let them have his before they left. It would mean that he and Eren would have to walk back to the car in the rain, but he had a feeling Eren wouldn’t mind if it meant his two friends had an umbrella with them.

The landlord was pretty much typical for a lower-income apartment complex. Beer-belly, balding, wearing a wife-beater – it looked like he had followed some instruction guide based off TV sitcoms that told him exactly how to dress and act in his occupation. He was fairly surprised about Erwin, since the man was clearly dressed better than anyone else there, and he wondered how much he’d be able to drive up the rent if that guy was paying for it.

They went up to the apartment and all crammed in. There was a bathroom about the size of a closet – and not Erwin’s freak of a closet either; a normal-person closet – and the kitchen appliances were pretty outdated, but Erwin, who seemed to know a thing or two about real estate, checked and saw that the place wasn’t actually a fire or safety hazard and it had a smoke detector and all that. So, while he wasn’t exactly happy about the puny size of the place – they might, _might_ be able to fit two twin beds in there but nothing bigger than that, and definitely not a sofa, too – or the non-ideal location, he agreed that if this was what Mikasa and Armin wanted, he was ok with it. They were. They hadn’t found any other cheaper places, not that they really were able to look that hard.

The five of them went down to the landlord’s office to sign the lease. Erwin was the one actually signing it, because he was the one actually accountable for the rent each month in case Mikasa and Armin couldn’t pay him back, and because he had all of the requirements, like a job, to sign. Erwin was expecting there to be some sort of complication with him signing the lease and basically permanently subletting it, but the landlord didn’t seem to give a fuck as long as the rent got paid.

Speaking of the rent, when they came to that point of filling out the paperwork, the landlord gave them a bit of a surprise.

“Seven-fifty a month?!” Eren shouted, slamming his hands on the desk. “You told us a couple weeks ago it was five hundred!”

“Price went up, kid,” the landlord tried to tell him.

Eren turned out to be a pretty good negotiator, mostly for the fact that he was just so damn determined and wouldn’t back down. He managed to convince the guy to go back to his original offer of $500 a month. Erwin was impressed. He didn’t have to take part in the negotiation at all. He figured he probably wouldn’t be able to anyway, what with Eren shouting so much. It may not have been a traditional style of negotiating, to just yell at the person until they backed down, but Eren made it work.

After successfully getting the apartment – into which Armin and Mikasa would be able to move right away – Erwin took them all out to lunch. He would have liked to go someplace nice or even decent to treat them, but they insisted on going cheap so they ended up at Subway. They ate at the couple of small tables inside the restaurant, but Erwin noticed that the three others all only ate half of their sandwiches. They got bags from the cashier and saved the other half. When he asked them why, Armin and Mikasa explained that they were saving theirs for dinner – Erwin offered that they could go out for that too, it was no problem, but they declined – but when he looked at Eren the boy just shrugged, saying that he couldn’t finish the other half because he was already full. Now that he’s been getting in the swing of eating three meals a day, the appeal of eating until he was stuffed had worn off. His body didn’t seem to know what to do with all the extra energy, so he had slowly started eating less and less at each meal. It was still a decent amount; just he realized he needed to sort of wean himself into eating three actual meals.

Erwin insisted that they look for furniture after lunch, since Armin and Mikasa were able to move in already and – according to him – needed some basics. He wanted to go to some furniture store, but Eren managed to convince him to look in the thrift stores since there were some within walking distance, and the rain had stopped while they were eating.

After finding nothing useful at the first thrift store – that one had a pretty lousy furniture selection – they were walking to the next one when they came across some people Eren, Armin, and Mikasa knew.

“Marco!” Eren called, rushing up to the two guys. He looked at the other one and sobered a bit. “Horseface.”

Jean was leaning against the brick wall of some building on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette and Marco was sitting at his feet on a piece of cardboard. When Erwin walked up, he tried not to stare, though it was a little hard not to. The entire right side of Marco’s face, including his right eye, was scarred by what looked like burns, and he could tell by the way the right sleeve of his t-shirt was flapping that there was no arm there. He wondered what happened, but he obviously didn’t want to pry by asking.

“Eren!” Marco responded as Eren leaned down and gave him a hug. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah,” Eren responded sheepishly as he stood back up. “I’ve, uh, had a lot goin’ on.”

“Good stuff, I hope?” He didn’t miss how Marco’s eye flashed to Erwin for a split second.

“Yeah,” Eren said again. “Yeah, good stuff. Hey!” he suddenly exclaimed, motioning to his friends to bring them into the conversation. Armin and Mikasa had just seen the two the other day, so they didn’t have to catch up, but Eren figured they wouldn’t have told them about the apartment possibility. “Armin and Mikasa got a place now!”

“That’s great!” Marco said.

Jean flicked the ash of his cigarette to the sidewalk. “What about you, Jeager?” He knew it was unlikely the trio would split up so easily.

Eren didn’t know exactly what to say. He figured he’d have to explain Erwin at some point anyhow, but that didn’t mean he knew how to go about doing it. “Yeah, I, uh. I got a place.”

Jean read into Eren’s glances at the older, nicer-dressed man he didn’t know. “Lemme guess,” he said with a smirk. “You’re staying with sugardaddy over there.” He nodded to Erwin.

Suddenly Eren had a grasp on the front of Jean’s shirt and was snarling in his face. Erwin didn’t know if he should respond, but he judged by Mikasa and Armin’s passiveness that everything was okay. “His _name_ is Erwin,” Eren growled.

“Hey,” Jean replied, laughing and putting his hands up in defeat. “I’m not judging. We all have our own way of trying to get out of this shithole. Glad you found yours.”

Eren still snarled but didn’t have anything to say, so he was actually a bit grateful when Marco held up his hand and said, “Hey now, don’t fight you guys.” Eren let go of Jean and moped by Armin and Mikasa as Marco turned his attention to Erwin. “Hi!” he said cheerily. He started to stand, which seemed to be a bit of a struggle for him, being offbalanced, and Jean attempted to help him stand up. Erwin didn’t know how to tell him that it was okay and he didn’t need to until it was too late and Marco was up. He extended his hand. “I’m Marco, it’s nice to meet you.”

Erwin awkwardly shook Marco’s hand, not sure which hand he should shake with since it was Marco’s left hand. He settled on a strange left-handed shake. “Erwin,” he replied.

Jean just said, “Jean,” with a lazy salute, and then helped Marco sit again. Erwin felt bad that Marco had gone through all the effort just to shake his hand.

“So are you guys panning today?” Armin asked.

“Yeah,” Marco replied, picking up his cardboard coffee cup that had a bit of change.

“You got a crap location,” Eren noted as he looked around at the fairly desolate street.

“Yeah, some asshole’s in our usual one,” Jean replied, the tension from earlier between the two now gone. When it came down to it, he and Eren were actually friends.

“You should get a sign,” Mikasa recommended.

“I never know what to say on a sign, though,” Marco said. “And I dunno, it just makes it more desperate. I don’t want to guilt people into it.”

“You’re too nice, man,” Eren said with a smile. “Guilt is the only way you get anything.”

Marco shrugged and laughed. “Yeah, I guess.” He then chose to change the subject. “So, what are you guys up to?”

“We’re getting Arm’ and Mikasa some furniture,” Eren told him. “For their new place.”

“You two should come visit sometime,” Armin told them.

“Yeah, of course!” Marco responded.

Eren then remembered that Erwin was standing there and had just been watching this conversation without knowing what was going on. “So, we should probably get going,” he said.

“Right,” Marco said. “Well, don’t be a stranger, Eren.”

“Even if you are hanging with the suits,” Jean added.

“Well, at least I don’t still live with my mom, horseface,” Eren taunted.

“At least I have one!” Jean said and immediately regretted as Eren punched him in the face. That was way too far. He definitely shouldn’t have said that. Erwin exchanged a glance with Armin to figure out what he should do, but it seemed that Eren was done after just the one hit. Jean rubbed his jaw as he recovered from the punch and he held up his other hand in defeat again. “That was way too far man, I’m sorry.” It wasn’t often that Jean Kirchstein apologized, but he knew that this was a big deal to Eren.

Eren didn’t respond and instead looked to Marco, who had this sad worried puppy-dog look on his freckled and burned face – all of their friends always marveled at how he could still manage to look adorable even with all the scars on his face – and he said, “I’ll see you around.” He glanced at the bag in his hand from lunch and added, “You like meatball subs?”

“Oh, really, Eren, we couldn’t,” Marco tried to insist, but Eren gave him the bag anyway.

“Don’t mention it,” Eren said, and unlike when most people said it, he meant it. Whenever people around here did nice things for each other, that’s how it went. First the person refused the charity, then they accepted it, then nobody ever talked about it again. Everybody knew how embarrassing it could be to accept charity from someone just as poor as themselves, so they kept silent about it. Especially since Eren was being nice to Jean, too, because he knew that by giving the remaining half of his sandwich to Marco, it’d be shared with Jean, who hated going to his home so he almost never stayed there.

They said their goodbyes and started walking off, but Erwin told Eren and the others to wait up as he took his wallet out of his pocket. He quickly got out a hundred and folded it up as he went back to Marco and Jean. He leaned down and put the bill in the change cup, and extended his hand to Marco again, saying, “It was nice to meet you, Marco.” He stood up and shook Jean’s hand too before saying goodbye to them again.

Eren, looking on as Erwin walked back to them, could see Marco look at the bill in the cup and become worried, not knowing how to accept such a large amount of money, but Jean started calming him down, so Eren didn’t intervene.

When Erwin returned, the thought of taking his hand crossed Eren’s mind, but he didn’t know if Erwin would like that, and besides, it wasn’t something he’d be able to do in this neighborhood without risking at the very least some thug assholes yelling slurs, so he decided there was no point even thinking about it. He also thought about commenting on how much Erwin just gave his two friends, but he didn’t know if he should thank them or tell him it was unnecessary. So instead, he just said, “So that was Jean and Marco.”

Erwin nodded, letting Armin and Mikasa walk slightly ahead so that he could walk next to Eren. “They were nice. They’re friends of yours?”

“Marco’s nice. Jean’s an ass,” Eren corrected. “But yeah. Friends. Marco’s arm and all that are from Iraq. In case you were wondering.”

“Oh,” Erwin said, not wanting to admit that yes, he had been wondering. “Are they homeless too?”

“Marco is,” Eren explained. “Well, he stays at the VA sometimes when they have the room, but that’s like never. Apparently the Veteran’s Hospital around here is complete shit and always full, and Marco hates feeling like he’s taking someone else’s spot, especially since most of the other guys are older Vietnam vets. He just got unlucky and got blown up his first year over there. Jean technically lives with his parents, as you heard,” - he didn’t want to bring that up too much because he didn’t want to get questions about his own mom - “but he’s got a shit relationship with them and apparently they treat him like crap, and besides he’s totally got a thing for Marco but refuses to admit it, so he hangs with him most of the time.”

Erwin just nodded, taking it all in. He had never really thought before, he realized, about Eren’s life beyond his own history and Mikasa and Armin. He hadn’t thought about him having other friends in the community, but it made sense now that he thought about it. He felt bad for previously imagining him as almost isolated and alone. There was a lot more to Eren than he had ever thought about before. He had known that, but it didn’t really dawn on him until that moment that, though whenever he talked with him he never felt it, he barely knew who Eren was at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Marco's actually a bit older in this fic. He's like 22 or 23. He went straight into the military after high school, which I'll explain more if I do a side fic thing.   
> Jean's 18, a senior in high school in a low-income neighborhood and he hates his parents and they hate him.
> 
> Also Marco is like my favorite person in the world and I also am a huge fan of disability representation so my love for him is actually the only reason I wrote the whole last part of this chapter. It's not actually like important to the story. I just love JeanMarco, and I especially love freckled Jesus.


	13. So Put Away Your Makeup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping trip!
> 
> Also some stuff about Eren's family.
> 
> But mostly: shopping!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, no 80s-movie-changing-room-montage. I apologize. 
> 
> But yes stuff is going to happen soon so enjoy your fluffy no-plot chapters.
> 
> Also, I finally ran out of "You Don't Have To Be A Prostitute" lyrics, so this is from "Roxanne" by The Police.

They ended up getting two twin bedframes that didn’t match at all and an old dresser that was narrow but fairly tall so Armin and Mikasa said they could share it. They also found a small table that they could use to eat, but they still needed to get chairs for it, which they didn’t find. It took them a few trips to carry it all back to the apartment, but Eren insisted it wasn’t worth it to back and get the car to use that. Erwin said that he’d get them box springs and mattresses and arrange to have them delivered. Mikasa and Armin just told him to make sure that they weren’t fancy or expensive.

There were obviously other things that they would need, like cooking supplies and bed sheets, but it was getting late so they decided to do that another time. Armin and Mikasa assured Erwin that they’d be fine sleeping on the floor, since the beds currently just had headboards, footboards, and side rails, because it wasn’t anything they weren’t used to.

After saying goodbye to Armin and Mikasa, and after the two of them profusely thanked Erwin, Eren and Erwin took their leave. It was getting dark, and Eren wanted to be out of the neighborhood before nighttime. It was getting close to dinnertime, too, so he thought that Erwin would probably want to eat soon. In the end, Erwin suggested they go out to eat, and they ended up at a hole-in-the-wall Italian place they passed on the way home.

Halfway through the meal, Eren was picking at his spaghetti – Who _ate_ that much food? The plate was humongous! – and he thought back on the day. It had been good. He remembered Erwin’s gift to Marco and Jean.

“You really didn’t have to do that earlier,” he said suddenly. He noticed Erwin’s confused look and explained, “With Jean and Marco. Giving them that money. You didn’t need to do that.”

Erwin wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Well, even if I didn’t need to, I wanted to,” he said. “They’re your friends. I don’t want them suffering.”

Eren just stabbed at his pasta and twirled it around his fork. He didn’t bring it to his mouth – he was stuffed already, especially after the breadsticks – but just kept twirling and untwirling it.

“You gave them your sandwich,” Erwin said after a minute. “You didn’t have to do that either. But you did.”

“Well,” Eren said. “It wasn’t like I needed the rest of the sandwich.”

“I didn’t need that money,” Erwin countered.

It was silent for another few minutes as Erwin continued to eat and Eren played with his food.

Eventually Eren said, “About my mom.” He paused as Erwin looked at him expectantly. “I mean. I know you heard what Jean said.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Erwin reassured Eren, even if he really was curious.

But Eren found that he did want to. He wanted to share her with Erwin, because she was one of the only good parts of his childhood. He wanted Erwin to know that those existed. “She…” Eren put down his fork and put his hands in his lap, staring at the tea candle on the table rather than looking at Erwin’s face. “When I was eleven, she…” His voice caught in his throat until he was able to choke out, “She died. But she, she was a good person. She didn’t deserve that.”

“Nobody ever does,” Erwin said gently.

Eren’s eyes flashed up to meet Erwin’s and he ground his teeth. “Some people do.”

The reaction shocked Erwin. “I-“ he floundered.

“Sorry,” Eren said, calming down. He stared at the candle again. “My mom though… She always felt bad.” Erwin could barely see Eren’s sad smile with the way his head was tilted down. “She knew how I was doing in school, and she’d try to help me, but… It wasn’t her fault, y’know? None of it was. I should’ve been a better kid, but…” He shook his head slowly. “I mean, there must’ve been something I could’ve done…” Eren was talking mostly to himself now, and he looked up when he remembered Erwin. “Sorry,” he said. “I’ll shut up.”

“You don’t have to,” Erwin said.

“No, I should. I don’t really want to get into it and all…”

“That’s fine.”

Eren swirled his spaghetti. “What about your family?” he asked.

“My father died a few years back,” Erwin explained, though Eren already knew that from when Erwin was telling him how he took over as CEO. “My mother lives upstate. I visit her sometimes.”

“No siblings?” Eren asked. Now that he was done talking about his own life, he had no problem looking at Erwin.

“I was an only child,” the man said. “And we were never close with any extended family.”

“That’s kinda lonely,” Eren remarked.

“Not really,” Erwin disagreed, trying to defend himself. “Family just wasn’t extremely important. I have friends.”

“I guess,” Eren conceded, putting down his fork. “I dunno what I’d do without Mikasa though. And, I mean, Armin’s kinda like my brother because of how Grandpa Arlet took ‘Kasa and I in. But I’m not technically related to them, so.”

“I suppose family isn’t necessarily who you’re related to by blood,” Erwin commented.

Eren just shrugged. He’s always seen Mikasa and Armin as family, and he never saw his dad as such, so he supposed he had to agree with the man.

Erwin seemed to notice that Eren had been done eating for a while and he quickly finished up himself so they could head home. Even he ended up taking some leftovers back, given the huge portion sizes at the restaurant.

It wasn’t that late when they got home, but Eren went straight into the bedroom. Erwin assumed he was just tired or something, so he went to the den to watch some TV for a little while before going to sleep himself.

However, just a few minutes after he sat down, Eren appeared in the doorway to the den, holding something to his chest. Noticing the hesitant look on his face, Erwin muted the home-repair show he was currently watching.

“Eren?” he asked.

The boy steeled himself and stepped forward. As he came closer, Erwin could see that he was holding a picture frame to his chest, but he could only see the back of it.

“I…” Eren began, and then he held out the frame to give it to Erwin. Upon taking it, Erwin saw that it was a picture of a woman who looked extraordinarily similar to Eren. She was holding a child in her arms, a toddler, and Erwin assumed the kid was Eren, judging by the eyes, which happened to match the mother’s. The picture was taken inside a house, and it looked like the woman had just been sitting on the couch, holding Eren, when someone decided to take the picture. She had managed to look up and smile at the camera just in time, but toddler Eren was still gazing up at his mother.

“This is your mother?” Erwin asked after examining the photo.

Eren sat down next to Erwin and nodded. “Yeah. When I was little. That’s me.” He pointed to the toddler in the woman’s arms.

“She’s beautiful,” Erwin commented. “You look just like her.”

Eren blushed and said, “Yeah, people used to always say that,” but Erwin could tell that Eren didn’t really mind the comparison. “Her name was Carla,” he added.

“That’s a nice name,” Erwin said, not knowing what else he could say. Eren just looked over Erwin’s shoulder at the photo wistfully, and Erwin held onto it for another few moments before handing it back to the boy. “If you want to put it up somewhere,” he told Eren. “You’re more than welcome to.”

Eren considered, looking down at his mother. “I…” he said again. “Thanks. But I think I want…” He trailed off. He wanted to keep her to himself, aside from this one moment he shared with Erwin. He wanted to hide her away and keep her safe.

“That’s okay,” Erwin said, understanding. “You don’t have to.”

Eren nodded and went to put the picture back in his still-unpacked bag, digging down so he can put it at the bottom where it’s safer. He said goodnight to her and told her he loves her before he zipped up the bag.

He went back out to Erwin, who was still watching his home improvement show, and curled up into his side. Erwin’s arm came around his shoulders and Eren thought about how natural this position has become for them. They do this practically every night now, it seems, and Eren found that he liked it. For a moment he considered giving Erwin a blowjob as a thanks for everything, but he decided to leave that for another day. He didn’t quite feel like it, and the atmosphere wasn’t right. Tonight things were more casual, and he wanted to keep it that way. So, the furthest the two of them got before cuddling up in bed was a chaste kiss goodnight.

 

* * *

 

The next day, the two of them went shopping.

Eren was tired – he hadn’t been able to sleep well, but he didn’t want to worry Erwin by sleeping on the terrace again, so he just stayed in bed and ended up getting only about three hours of sleep – but he didn’t complain. He just drank three cups of coffee before they even left the apartment.

They went to some mall in a rich area of town, if the fountains in the public areas were saying anything. The went into one store and started looking at clothes, but then Eren saw the price tag for a t-shirt and demanded that they leave.

“I will not allow you to pay two hundred dollars for a t-shirt, Erwin!” he complained.

“It’s not like I can’t afford it, Eren,” Erwin tried to explain. “It’s not a problem. And I’m sure it’s good quality.”

“No amount of quality is worth that much money! I could eat for a year for the cost of that shirt.” Eren seemed to finally be getting over his fear of complaining to Erwin and no longer thought the man would kick him out for disagreeing with him. However, he was still not fond of Erwin spending too much money on him. “Can we just go someplace that normal people could afford?” he asked. He had originally wanted to go back to the thrift stores, because they had clothes that were just fine in his opinion, but Erwin insisted that he wanted Eren to have clothes that were his own, not ones that used to belong to somebody else. Eren didn’t understand why it was so important, but he decided to go along with it.

“Fine,” Erwin eventually agreed. “We can go to another store.”

They ended up at an H&M. Erwin had never been there before – what would you expect when all his suits are tailored and that’s practically the only thing he wears? – but it looked like a place where young people would shop. He almost shuddered at that thought. Young people. It made him feel so old. He tried not to think about the more-than-ten-year age gap between Eren and him, but this shopping trip was bringing it up.

He pushed that to the back of his mind and helped Eren pick out clothes. Eren didn’t really give a fuck about what he wore, but he was used to dressing like a slut. He knew he didn’t have to dress like a whore anymore because he wasn’t one now, but still; he ended up preferring things that were more form fitting. He picked out a few shirts and a couple of pairs of pants and then looked over to find that Erwin had picked out at least twice as much.

“I don’t need that many clothes,” Eren told him.

“Well, you want to have a selection to try on, right?” Erwin asked. “And besides, you can get as many clothes as you want.”

“I don’t want that many clothes,” Eren grumbled, but he headed towards the dressing room anyway.

After Eren had been in the dressing room for a while and hadn’t said anything or come out, Erwin called over to ask if he was ok.

“Yeah,” Eren said, a little confused as to why Erwin was asking him. “Just got a lot of things to try on.”

“Ok, well, you can get a better view of the clothes in the mirror out here,” he told Eren. Mostly he just wanted to see what Eren looked like in the new clothes.

A few seconds later, Eren bashfully came out of the dressing room wearing an entirely new outfit. He hesitated in the doorway under Erwin’s scrutiny.

“I like it,” Erwin said. “But I think the sleeves on the shirt are supposed to be rolled up.”

Eren played with the end of the sleeve and glanced over at the dressing room attendant, who kept looking over to see if the pair needed any help. “Um, I know,” he said. “But, uh.” He rolled one sleeve up a bit to remind Erwin of the burn marks on his wrist before tugging it back down.

“Oh,” Erwin said. He’d completely forgotten. “That’s alright. You can just try on the outfits in there, then.” He knew that there would be plenty of questions raised if people saw Eren walking around with rope burns on his wrists and bruises up his arms, and he agreed that it was something they should avoid.

Eren just nodded and went back in the room to try on the rest of the clothes.

He ended up getting four pairs of pants, five t-shirts, two sweaters, a cardigan (that was Eren’s favorite purchase), and a jacket. Eren also surreptitiously got some clothes for Armin and Mikasa, as well – “Wow, that looks like something Mikasa would like!” “This sweater doesn’t look good on me, but I bet it would look good on Armin!”

It wasn’t really all that surreptitious, as Erwin knew exactly what Eren was doing, but he had wanted to help get Armin and Mikasa anything they wanted or needed as well, so he didn’t mind. He let Eren pretend that his scheme was going unnoticed and just responded with things like, “Well, we should get it for him then!”

Erwin persuaded Eren into a shoe store afterwards, though Eren complained that he didn’t _need_ more than one pair of shoes unless he was going to wear them on his hands. But Erwin had pointed out that Eren’s current sneakers were practically falling apart, so he conceded and allowed Erwin to get him a pair of Converse to replace his old ones and a pair of TOMS, which he allowed once he learned that if Erwin bought them for him another pair would go to charity. They also got Eren some socks, since all his had holes.

They were wandering around the mall with their bags and coffee from Starbucks – Eren only agreed to Starbucks because he was desperate for caffeine and it was the only coffee shop in the mall – when they passed a cooking supply store. Erwin slowed as he looked at the display in the window. Eren had kept walking for a bit but turned back when he noticed Erwin was no longer at his side.

“We should get some things for Armin and Mikasa,” Erwin commented, turning to go into the store.

“Okay,” Eren agreed, following. “But just a few things. I mean, they don’t have a lot of room for much.” That was his excuse to get Erwin to go easy on the spending.

Of course, Eren didn’t exactly know what they needed. He’d never shopped for a kitchen before. He agreed that they needed pots and pans – but just two each, because they’re not cooking any feasts over there, you know – and a few plates, and some glasses and mugs, but again not too many, but there were some things he just didn’t think about until Erwin mentioned them. Knives, spatulas, silverware – why do they need six place settings when the apartment wouldn’t fit six people? Eren didn’t know, but Erwin insisted – measuring cups and spoons, mixing bowls. Eren tried to tell Erwin that it wasn’t like they were opening a bakery, but he figured that Erwin knew more about this than he did. He did try to make sure Erwin didn’t buy the highest quality stuff, because he still didn’t want him spending too much, but he let him buy some things.

The trip to the cooking store reminded them that Armin and Mikasa still needed mattresses and bed linens, so they went to some stores to get those. Eren had fun testing out all the mattresses at the store, but still made Erwin opt for one of the cheapest styles in the end. They would be delivered to the apartment the next day, and Eren decided that he’d wait to call Armin and Mikasa about it until they got home from the mall.

They picked out some bed linens – simple, plain blue comforter and white sheets – and towels at a Macy’s before they left, and by that time they were bogged down by bags.

“I didn’t know apartments needed so much stuff,” Eren said as they were loading everything into the car.

“There certainly are a lot of things to think about when furnishing a home,” Erwin agreed.

Eren was just happy that most of the stuff they ended up getting was for Armin and Mikasa instead of himself. He already had a nice penthouse apartment he was living in and Erwin; he didn’t need much else.

* * *

 

When they got back to the apartment, they separated Eren’s stuff from Armin and Mikasa’s and Eren brought his stuff to the bedroom. He put the bags on the bed and looked at the dresser. He wasn’t really sure where to put his clothes. He slowly pulled out one drawer but he already knew it contained Erwin’s t-shirts.

After a few minutes, Erwin came in to check on him. Eren still hadn’t put any clothes away because he didn’t know where to put them. Instead he was sitting on the bed taking clothes out of the bags and then folding the bags into a neat pile so they could be reused later.

“Oh, I cleaned out a couple of drawers for you when you moved in,” Erwin said when he realized Eren’s predicament. He went over and pulled out the bottom two drawers, which were completely empty as promised. “I kept meaning to tell you that you could unpack your bag.”

Eren nodded and finished folding the bags – Erwin wondered why he was doing that – and he brought his new pairs of pants over to put them in the bottom drawer. They still only filled less than a third of the drawer, but Erwin figured that over time he’d accumulate more clothes. When Eren put his shirts away, Erwin told him which ones should probably be hung up and showed him where he could do that in the closet. Eren had never actually been in the closet before. A part of him hated it there and never wanted to see it again. It was just so much wasted space. But he hung his sweaters anyway and left.

Back in the bedroom, he saw his bag in the corner and figured he should put the clothes in there away, too. It almost seemed wrong to lay them in the drawers, these tattered old clothes right next to his starched new ones, but he did it anyway. It wasn’t like he was going to throw out his old clothes now that he had new ones.

Once he’d emptied the bag of clothes, he just had a few things left. Most notably there was the photo of his mother, but he also had some leftover lube and condoms from work, and a nearly-empty tube of toothpaste and some travel-sized set of soap and shampoo he’d gotten from a shelter that he’d forgotten was in there since he started using Erwin’s. He took out the toiletries and brought them into the bathroom so that he could use them and they wouldn’t get wasted, and then he went back out to debate what he should do with his bag, which now only had the frame and the condoms and lube. He felt Erwin’s eyes on him, curious as to what he was doing.

In the end, Eren decided to shove the bag at the back of his pants drawer, which was actually his pants/underwear/socks drawer, and leave it at that.

Erwin, feeling the tension after Eren almost violently hid away his bag, cleared his throat and picked up the stack of plastic and paper bags on the bed. “I’ll go put these in the recycling then,” he said, turning to leave.

“Wait,” Eren said, catching up to him. “Why? You can reuse those.”

“I don’t know what I’d use them for,” Erwin responded.

“Lots of things,” Eren told him. “I mean, they’re free when you buy stuff, and they can hold a lot, and they’re waterproof, and-“ He realized that, now that he wasn’t living out of a bag, he didn’t need to really care about keeping plastic and paper bags around. “But you can also use them as trash bags,” he argued, half to himself now, convincing himself that it was still a good idea to save the bags. “I mean, only really the thin ones, but the other ones…” He tried to think of how they could be reused. “You can use them as lunch bags,” he offered. “Or if you need to give somebody something.”

Erwin could tell Eren was having a bit of a struggle trying to figure out if it was worth it to save the bags, so he just said, “It’s ok. We can keep them in the pantry.” He went to the small room and put them in the corner of a bottom shelf. As he was in there, he looked at the food he had, noticing that it was getting close to dinnertime. “Hm,” he mused, mostly to himself, though Eren was now sitting at the kitchen counter and could hear him too. “We should have gone to the grocery store this weekend.”

He left the pantry and went over to the grocery list, which had grown substantially since he'd had Eren add ‘carrots.’ He realized he wouldn’t have time to go during the week, since he had to actually be at work after his truancy during the last one. He frowned, trying to think, and then turned to Eren. “Would you mind going to the store tomorrow while I’m at work?” he asked. “It’s just two blocks over.”

Eren considered. “What do you need?” he asked. “Besides carrots?” He smirked a bit at the last part.

“Oh, I have a list, you can-“ Erwin realized how this could be problematic and stopped. He didn’t know what to do if Eren couldn’t read the list.

“Hm,” Eren said. “Well, why don’t you tell me what’s on the list? I’m good at remembering things.” It was the only way he’d made it through what little school he did.

“Alright,” Erwin hesitantly agreed. He brought the list over and sat next to Eren. “Do you want to try reading it?”

Eren was taken aback, not expecting to be asked to read it, though when he thought about it he should have expected it. “Um,” he said. “Ok.” He didn’t _want_ to, but he knew that he _should_. But he hadn’t practiced in a while so he was worried.

He looked at the first thing on the list. It was harder to read Erwin’s handwriting than the text in books. “P-“ He tried to read it without having to sound it out. “Pot. At. Oh es.” He knew that wasn’t right and whispered, “Crap.”

“It’s ok,” Erwin assured him. “It was a good try. It’s ‘potatoes.’ We just need like three or four.”

Eren frowned but made sure the word was in his memory and moved on. “Oh. Milk.” That one he knew. He’d seen it around before.

“Very good,” Erwin praised. “I usually get skim. Just a gallon to last us the week.” He grabbed a pen and wrote ‘SKIM’ next to the item on the list so Eren would know what to look for.

“Alright.” Eren looked at the next one. “Eg-guh-s. Eggs? Why are there two ‘g’s?”

Erwin sighed. “Because the English language is messed up. But yes, it is eggs. Just a dozen.”

Eren thought about asking what a dozen was but decided it would probably just be the standard size the eggs came in. So he moved on.

After struggling with the next few items, Eren was getting frustrated.

“Maybe you should just tell me the rest,” he told Erwin. “I’ll remember it better that way.”

“But you’re doing so well,” Erwin responded.

“This is taking a while,” Eren protested. “I’m getting hungry.”

“Why don’t I go order us a pizza and then we’ll come back to it?” Erwin suggested.

Eren begrudgingly agreed.

When Erwin finished placing the order, he sat back down next to Eren, who had his head in his arms on the counter.

“Ok, the pizza should be here in about half an hour,” Erwin said. “Plenty of time to finish this.”

Eren grumbled and looked at the list. “Where were we?” he asked, unable to remember.

Erwin just pointed at the word.

Ch-something. Well, it was food and it started with ‘ch,’ so Eren decided not to spend the effort with the rest of the word and just say that it was, “Cheese.”

“No,” Erwin said patiently. “Try again. What comes after the ‘ch’?”

Eren dropped his head back into his arms and groaned. “Can’t you just tell me?” he asked.

“You’re not going to learn if I just tell you, Eren.”

“I’m tired.”

“You were doing so well before!”

“Well we should stop while I’m ahead then,” Eren argued.

Erwin sighed. “Do you really not want to read it?” he asked.

Eren just shook his head ‘no’ in his arms.

“Why don’t you want to read it?” He had a strong feeling Eren was making up excuses, but he couldn’t tell for what.

Eren grumbled something that Erwin couldn’t understand.

“I’m sorry?” he asked. “I didn’t catch that.”

Eren lifted his head out of his arms a bit and said, “It’s hard,” and then dropped his head back down.

Erwin put a hand on Eren’s back and started rubbing soothing circles. “I know, Eren,” he said, even though he couldn’t completely relate to this. “I know it’s hard. But if you want to get better, you have to practice, right?”

“I know,” Eren mumbled.

“You _do_ want to get better at reading, right?” Erwin asked.

“Yes,” Eren continued to mumble.

“So, why don’t we keep going?”

Eren looked over at the list. “We’re not even halfway through,” he complained.

Erwin sighed again, seeing that he’d have to compromise. “How about… you only read every other one. I’ll tell you the others.”

“Okay…” Eren said, deciding that was the best deal he was going to get. He looked over at the list again and Erwin pointed out the ‘ch’ word once more. “Ch. Ih. Kuh. En.” He rolled the word over in his head a few times, trying to avoid sounding it out too much aloud. He eventually realized what it was. “Chicken!” 


	14. I Wouldn't Talk Down To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets groceries, Erwin gets a BJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but we're getting to the plot, so I had to end it where I did!  
> (Mwahaha)
> 
> Also, vague mentions of past non-con in this chapter, just a little tiny bit but thought I'd warn you.
> 
> I also realized that I talked about Social Security Numbers in a past chapter and it's brought up in this chapter too, but if you're not from the US you might not know what they are. SSNs are basically like your government ID number. I think that they began as your registration number to be enrolled in Social Security, which happens like when you get your birth certificate, but basically it's the most important piece of identification in the US, because you need it for job applications, getting a house/apartment, applying for schools, getting any kind of government aid, getting any kind of government identification (driver's license, passport, etc.), doctors and hospitals like to have it, you need it to apply for credit cards and bank accounts, basically everything. And if your SSN gets stolen by identity thieves, you can be pretty much screwed. But yeah, that's why it's so hard for Eren and Mikasa to get any kind of housing or legitimate jobs (along with Eren's illiteracy) or anything. They don't have their SSNs, because when you're little usually your parents hang onto your Social Security Card (a card with your SSN) and your birth certificate (which normally has your SSN on it as well), and for reasons we'll find out about later, they didn't have access to those. So that's a basic rundown on why it's such a big deal they don't know their SSNs.

With the compromise speeding things up considerably, Eren and Erwin finished the list just in time to get the pizza. It was just a plain cheese pizza, and Erwin realized after he’d paid for it that he didn’t ask Eren if he wanted any toppings. He was just so used to getting his favorite, plain cheese because he is – as Levi so eloquently puts it – boring as fuck. Eren assured him that it was fine and that nobody dislikes plain pizza, so they sat down to eat at the kitchen island because they were too lazy to go to the dining room. Eren had Erwin read the list aloud once more while they were eating to make sure that he’d remember everything.

After dinner, Erwin suggested that they go get another Dr. Seuss book from the library and keep practicing Eren’s reading, but Eren flopped his head and arms on the counter and released a groan that lasted at least ten full seconds, so – after he had finished laughing – Erwin said that they could just watch a movie instead. Eren greatly preferred that.

They watched some cheesy rom-com – Eren didn’t remember the name, nor did he care – and then headed to bed. Erwin had to wake up to go to work the next day, so he didn’t want to stay up too late, and Eren had nothing better to do.

They had gotten in bed and Erwin pulled Eren into a goodnight kiss when he was surprised to be kissed more deeply than intended. He was a little confused, but he rolled with it, not saying anything until Eren started trailing his lips down his neck.

“What are you-“ he began, but Eren cut him off with a “sh.”

Eren skipped most of Erwin’s chest because he was still wearing a shirt, but he backed under the covers until he was faced with Erwin’s crotch. He smiled as he pulled down Erwin’s lounge pants and boxers just far enough to release his already semi-hard dick, and Erwin pushed the comforter and sheets down so he could see what Eren was up to.

The boy grasped Erwin’s cock and started stroking, soon licking at it as it grew harder. He licked a stripe up the vein at the bottom once it was fully erect and took the head into his mouth. He didn’t waste any time taking the man all the way down, bobbing his head as he deepthroated Erwin easily from experience.

It didn’t take long until Erwin let out a noise to alert Eren to the fact that he was about to come. Not wanting to get the sheets dirty or anything, Eren decided to swallow. It just seemed like the easiest option. He worked Erwin through his orgasm and then sat up, wiping his mouth to make sure it was clean.

He then started to get off the bed to go brush his teeth again.

Erwin stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Wait,” the man said. He pulled Eren back on top of him and kissed him, not minding much that he could taste his own come in Eren’s mouth. He wanted to return the favor and get Eren off, too. His hands trailed down Eren’s sides and he snuck them under the t-shirt Eren had borrowed from Erwin to sleep in.

But as soon as Erwin touched Eren’s chest, the boy backed off. He broke the kiss and pushed Erwin’s hands away. “No,” Eren said, and then he broke eye contact. “I mean, I’d just rather…” He subconsciously rubbed at the rope burns on one wrist and Erwin was reminded of what Eren had just recently been through, and Erwin suddenly felt like a pig. “I’d rather not,” Eren finally finished.

Erwin nodded as he adjusted to the shift in mood. “That’s okay,” he said. He cupped Eren’s cheek with one hand. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You know that, right?” He had a feeling that Eren might not be completely sure.

Eren nodded, but he quickly got off the bed and shut himself in the bathroom to brush his teeth. He knew that Erwin was a good guy, and that he wouldn’t push Eren, but Eren couldn’t help but worry. He wanted to trust the man, but Eren never trusted anybody. Okay, so he trusted Armin and Mikasa, but he’s known them forever, and even then, there were still some things he didn’t tell them. He especially couldn’t trust Erwin, though. Not when he used to be a client. Not when he’s someone Eren’s sleeping with. Eren didn’t see it as being a huge issue, but it was still there. He hoped that someday he could, but that would mean he had to trust that he’d still be here for a while. It was hard for him to believe even in that.

He took a while to brush his teeth, stalling going back out to Erwin. He knew Erwin probably wouldn’t be angry, but he was also just embarrassed. It was weird for him, to be in a position where he could refuse sex. Normally he couldn’t do that unless things went way too far, and usually then it was too late. But this… The fact was that Erwin could have chosen not to listen to Eren. He was a lot bigger and a lot stronger and had a lot more money and power. But Erwin _did_ listen to him, and Eren just wasn’t used to that kind of respect and decency.

After spending a fair bit longer than the recommended two minutes brushing his teeth, Eren finally returned to the bedroom. Erwin was still sitting up, having grabbed his book and started reading as he waited for Eren. He looked over at Eren when he heard the door open.

“Are you ok?” he asked. He was still concerned he’d gone too far.

“Yeah,” Eren said, rubbing his arm. “Thanks.” He kept standing in the doorway, unsure of what else to say. He settled on “Sorry. About that.”

“No need to be sorry,” Erwin assured him. “I want you to let me know if you’re ever not comfortable with something. I’m glad you told me.”

Eren let out a breath and smiled softly, and then he went over to the bed and crawled over Erwin instead of walking around to the other side to get on. Erwin laughed at that, making Eren laugh too as he cuddled up into Erwin’s side.

“Do you want the light off?” Erwin asked. “I actually got into my book in the past couple of minutes so I was thinking of reading to the end of the chapter, but I don’t have to if you want the light off.”

“It’s ok,” Eren said. “Actually, could you read aloud again? It helped me to sleep last time.”

Erwin kissed Eren’s head. “Sure.” He waited until Eren had settled completely into his side – he always ended up using Erwin’s chest as a pillow instead of an actual pillow, not that Erwin minded – before he found where he’d left off and began reading quietly aloud.

 

* * *

 

After waking up and getting ready and using up the last of the eggs to make breakfast, Eren decided that he should go to the store. Erwin had told him which direction it was in and he’d said it was only two blocks away, so Eren didn’t think he’d have a problem finding it. Erwin had given him more than enough money to pay for it all, too. He said that at some point he’d get Eren a credit card, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do that until they figure out what’s going on with his Social Security Number, so for now he gave him cash.

When he left the building, there were cameras in his face. There were people asking him questions, but he couldn’t understand them when they were all talking at once, and he didn’t know what was going on with all the cameras and flashes and everything, so his fight or flight senses kicked in and he ran. It was a good thing he ended up running. Normally when he has the option between fight and flight, he instinctively chooses fight. There were too many people there, though, so he ran.

He ran a block or two before he realized that the people weren’t really following him, or if they were he’d managed to lose them, so he decided to just figure out where the store was. He’d accidently run in the wrong direction, so he made his way back, being sure to avoid going in front of the apartment building.

It took him a while to do the shopping, because he wasn’t sure where anything was, so he ended up going through every single aisle. Thankfully, between what he remembered Erwin telling him and looking back at the list, he was able to find everything. A lot of things had different brands for the same thing, so Eren just chose one at random. Anything he had to read in the store he’d already read last night from the list, so he was all good. He ended up getting a few extra things to bring to Armin and Mikasa, realizing that they wouldn’t have any food in their new place. He had about six bags when he left the store, but he didn’t mind carrying it all.

Unfortunately, when he got back the people with the cameras were still there. They swarmed him again, asking him questions he couldn’t make out, so he just didn’t say anything as he shoved his way inside. Once he made it and the doorman shut the door behind him, Eren looked over to the concierge at the desk.

“What’s all that about?” he asked. He figured that since the man’s been acting nicer to him since he tattled to Erwin, he’d answer his question.

But the concierge just smiled and said, “I have no idea, _sir_.” Eren found something disconcerting in the way he said “sir,” but he shook it off.

Frowning, Eren went up to the apartment. He put the groceries away, since some of them needed to be refrigerated. It wasn’t too hard to figure out where everything went, and he figured that if Erwin had a problem with where he put anything he’d let him know. He separated Armin and Mikasa’s groceries into ones that needed to be refrigerated and ones that didn’t, and he put them in two bags and left one in the pantry and the other in the fridge until he saw them next. He had to bring over the stuff they bought yesterday, too.

After he was done, Eren went into the den and turned on the TV. He made to change the channels because they’d somehow gotten back on a news station – Erwin must watch it in the mornings or something – but then he heard something that gave him pause.

“Is Survey Corp CEO Erwin Smith dating a male prostitute? More on the story when we come back.”


	15. Those Days Are Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst angst.  
> Sad Eren.  
> Burning with curiosity Erwin.  
> And a special guest appearance from some friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.... this is like all angst. So, not a very cheery chapter if that's what you were expecting.  
> BUT I am working on the next chapter for Waiting Up and so far it is ENTIRELY fluff. Not even smut, it's just the three of them acting like idiots (well, Erwin and Eren acting like idiots and Levi calling them idiots). I've been writing that chapter and this chapter simultaneously because they balance each other out in the feels department.  
> This story will probably be kinda angsty for a while now, though, because plot = sad feels. XD
> 
> Aaaanywho. My tumblr is downtheupstairs if you have any questions/comments/prompts for other stories I can write that will distract from finals. I haven't promo'd my tumblr on here in a while wow.
> 
> But anyway yes it is finals and though I have sort of a light finals schedule I'm still busier than usual (I say, promising myself I'll spend the next two days writing an essay when in reality I'll spend probably 4 hours tops). So updates may not be as frequent. I'm also trying to neglect my other works less and devote more time to them.
> 
> Also, I guess anxiety trigger warnings for this chapter? 
> 
> Also DA = District Attorney

Eren couldn’t breathe. He thought maybe, just maybe, they weren’t talking about him – though then that would mean they’d seen Erwin with _another_ male prostitute and he didn’t know if that would be any better – but then he saw a picture in the corner of the screen next to the anchor’s face that showed him and Erwin at the mall yesterday. Judging by the bags they were carrying, they’d just left the cooking store.

Well, that would explain all those cameras outside the building. Maybe he should have paid attention to what they were asking.

The news channel had gone to commercial but Eren was still staring at where the picture had been. He finally started breathing again and wondered what he should do. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew this was bad. Anytime anyone rich gets caught with a prostitute, their reputation goes sour. And the whore gets a ton of shit, too. If cameras like those were going to be a more common occurrence, Eren didn’t know if he could ever leave the apartment again. And what about Mikasa and Armin? What if the news people came after them, too? Eren never wanted to be famous. He was perfectly fine with being completely anonymous to the world. He especially never wanted to be known as a whore. He had accepted the fact that individual people would call him that, but now that was all he would be. A whore. Forever and always.

He needed to call Erwin. Did he already know?

Eren didn’t care if he would be interrupting a meeting; he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed the man’s number.

It only took four rings for the man to pick up.

“Eren,” Erwin said, and somehow Eren could tell by the tone of his voice that he knew exactly what was going on.

“Erwin?” Eren said, and he suddenly realized that he was practically crying. He also realized that he didn’t know what he was going to say. Erwin didn’t make him say anything, though.

“You saw the news,” he guessed.

“Mm-hmm,” Eren responded, not trusting his voice enough to speak. His knee was bouncing with all the tense energy he had and the TV was just getting back from commercial, but Eren reached for the remote and muted it anyway.

“I’m so sorry,” Erwin said. “I had hoped this was something we wouldn’t have to think about for a while. I should have seen it coming, though. Eren, I- Hold on a second.” Erwin covered the phone as he went to talk with someone else, and Eren couldn’t stand the anxious energy anymore so he stood and started pacing the apartment. It was a good minute or two before Erwin came back to the phone. “Eren, I’m going to come home. Is that ok?”

“Mm-hmm,” Eren repeated.

“Ok.” Erwin was relieved, but still worried. He could hear the emotion in Eren’s hummed answers. “I’ll try to be there soon, ok? Don’t worry about any of this, ok Eren? We’re going to handle it, right?”

“Mm-hmm.” Eren was biting his cuticles. He hasn’t done that in years.

“Ok. I’ll see you soon, ok?” He waited for Eren to hum his response again before saying goodbye and hanging up.

After shoving his phone back in his pocket, Eren continued to pace the apartment. He walked through nearly every room in the place, still biting at his cuticles. He scoured the apartment three times before finally forcing himself to sit back down in the den. The TV was still muted, but he didn’t know if he wanted to hear what they had to say about him. It looked like they were on a different story now, but he knew that soon enough they’d just be saying how he’s just some random hooker. He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around himself, curled up into a ball so that he was able to cover his head, too. It still felt hard to breathe. One of his cuticles started bleeding from biting it too much but he ignored it.

It felt like forever until he heard the front door open, and even then he didn’t move. Erwin called out his name, but he didn’t respond. He still didn’t trust his voice. He could hear Erwin’s footsteps come into the den, and there were some other footsteps, too, but then Erwin was asking, “Eren?” again and coming closer to the blanket-lump on the couch. He kneeled next to Eren and put a hand on the lump, conveniently finding Eren’s shoulder. “Eren?” he asked once more. “Honey?” Erwin had never really used pet names before, but it seemed to fit here.

Erwin managed to figure out how to pull the blanket so Eren’s face was revealed, and Eren was still so wrapped up in what was going on that he didn’t notice the pained look that came over Erwin’s face.

“Oh,  _Eren_ ,” he sighed, and he pulled Eren into his arms. “I’m so sorry. It’s going to be ok, though. You know that, right?”

Eren finally managed to begin composing himself. He pulled his hand away from his mouth and let himself bury his forehead into Erwin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m overreacting.”

Erwin ran a soothing hand through Eren’s hair. “It’s ok. I can see how scary this would be. But it’s going to be all right.”

Pulling away from Erwin’s shoulder, Eren wiped at his eyes as he nodded. He didn’t want to think that he’d been crying, but the wetness in his eyes proved otherwise.

A movement drew his eyes to the den’s entrance. There were two people there: one who Eren recognized as the guy he’d begged to bring Erwin his note what seemed like years ago, and the other a young woman with short light brown hair. They were both professionally dressed, and Eren could tell that at least the woman was a bit unsure about what to do.

“Um,” Eren said, not sure how to react to the other people.

Erwin followed Eren’s gaze and remembered his coworkers. “Oh,” he said. “Sorry. Eren, this is Petra, my head of Public Relations, and Levi, my Chief Financial Officer. You’ve met him before.”

“Uh.” Eren still didn’t really know what to say. It wasn’t often that strangers walked in on him crying. “Hi?”

Petra gave him a sympathetic smile. “Hi, Eren,” she said. “Don’t worry, we’ll get this all figured out in no time, I promise.”

Levi was looking at something on his phone and didn’t even acknowledge Eren’s presence. Eren didn’t particularly mind.

“I’m sorry for not telling you they were coming too,” Erwin said. “We still have a lot of work to do, but I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“No, it’s ok,” Eren said, wiping his eyes again. He felt stupid for having trapped himself in the blanket and trying to avoid everything while Erwin must be feeling the same as him. Probably even worse, actually. He was the one who was already in the public eye, and now everyone’s found out that he associates with hookers, and male ones at that. His entire image was ruined. Eren didn’t have an image to begin with, so it shouldn’t matter to him. Eren sat up and detangled himself from the blanket. “So, um, what exactly are they saying? I didn’t actually hear the story. I called you right after they mentioned it.”

“Oh, the usual,” Levi piped up from the doorway, still looking at his phone. “Smith was seen hanging around the mall with a kid he seemed awfully close with. A source tipped them off that it was a prostitute, told them they’d seen you visit on a schedule before but it’s been more often. Basically they got the truth, but the truth is shit.”

“Who told them?” Eren asked.

“That’s something we’re trying to find out,” Levi said.

“Oh.” Eren thought about all this, about how the media knew exactly what he’s been doing with Erwin and how it wasn’t even a lie. It was all the truth, and it made Erwin seem like a terrible person. “Well, they don’t know who I am, right?” He at least wanted to be able to keep his name private.

“I’m afraid they do,” Petra said sadly. “Somehow they’ve figured out your name, and I’m sure they’re already looking into your past.”

“What?!” Eren was standing. They were looking into his past. It wasn’t bad enough that they knew he was a hooker, but his past… No, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t be here. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t stay here in this room, with all three of the others staring at him worriedly, even Levi now.

He didn’t know how he ended up in the bedroom closet, but the next thing he knew he was there. The light was still off, so he was in pitch black, and he was sitting up against the door so no one could open it. He hasn’t done this since he was a kid, but then again, he hasn’t had a closet to hide in since then. It was where he’d run away to. It was comforting, because it was small and cramped and made him feel big in comparison. But this closet was too big. Even without being able to see the rest of it, he could feel how large it was and how tiny he was up against the door.

Erwin was knocking and calling his name, and then he tried to open the door, but Eren guessed that he gave up once he realized Eren was leaning back against it, though he was pretty sure Erwin would be able to push hard enough to shove Eren out of the way if he really wanted to come inside.

Eren tried to breathe. Erwin was still calling to him, trying to get him to say something, anything, and Eren _wanted_ to respond, but his throat felt strange and raw. He buried his head in his knees as he tried to fill his lungs. It took a few minutes, but eventually he figured he had at least some voice back.

“Please,” he said, and he knew Erwin could hear by the way he became silent on the other side. “Please just leave me alone.” There was so much more that he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Erwin that he didn’t blame him, that he knew this was bad for him too, that he wasn’t angry at him but at everyone else, but his voice disappeared again so he left it where he did.

He didn’t want to think that he could hear Erwin’s heart breaking when he answered, but he couldn’t deny that he probably did. “Ok,” Erwin said, and Eren guessed that he was standing right up against the closet door as he said it. “Come out when you’re ready. I’m going to work with Petra and Levi to control this situation. We’ll try to make sure they don’t pry into your life. I can’t promise anything, but… we’ll try. I really am sorry about this.”

There was a moment where Eren held his breath because it sounded like Erwin was going to say something else, but that something never came, and Eren finally sighed into his knees, realizing that Erwin had left. He’d wanted to be left alone, but it still hurt to have Erwin leave.

 

* * *

 

He stayed in there for a while. He wasn’t sure how long. He thought at one point about calling Mikasa and Armin and talking to them about all this, but he didn’t know what he’d say. He didn’t know what they would say, either. They knew enough about his past to know why he wouldn’t want it brought up, but even then they didn’t know a hundred percent of it. He just didn’t want to think about it at this point. He wanted to forget that all of this was happening. It wasn’t very easy to do that while he was holed up in the dark closet, but it was enough to help him calm down.

Eventually, Eren stood up and quietly exited the closet. It felt as if he made too much noise, the world would explode, so he tried to stay silent. He crept through the rest of the apartment and found that it was already late afternoon. He headed toward the living room, where he heard voices. He stopped to listen to what they were saying before going in, even though he knew that eavesdropping was wrong.

“I just can’t believe you hired a _prostitute_ , Erwin,” Petra sighed. “I would have thought you’d have known better!”

“It wasn’t supposed to become a regular thing,” Erwin said, and Eren thought he sounded… ashamed? That hurt, though it wasn’t completely unexpected.

“Still.” It was Levi talking now. “It was an idiotic thing to do.”

“You’ve told me before, Levi.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“You had better really like this boy, Erwin,” Petra said. “If we go through this media shitstorm just for him to be someone you throw away-“

“You should know me better than that, Petra.”

Petra sighed again, this time in defeat. “I know. I’m just worried about you. I don’t think I need to remind you how bad this is, especially after everything with Hanji last week. Survey Corp is probably now the _least_ family-friendly organization on the planet. Groups are going to start protesting left and right.”

“I’m aware,” Erwin said. “But if it’s a choice between Eren and good PR, I’m going to choose Eren.” Eren tried to ignore the little flutter his heart made when he heard that.

“I’m not asking you to choose,” Petra said. “But we still haven’t figured out a good way to spin this.”

“You’d think that dating a hooker wouldn’t be as bad as being a regular client.” Levi again.

“He’s not even doing that anymore,” Erwin reminded them.

“Great, so now he’s a golddigger.” Still Levi.

“ _You know that he’s-“_

“Yes, _I_ know, but do you think those shitty reporters will see it that way?”

Erwin sighed. “You’re right.”

“Well,” Petra said. “It doesn’t look like they have any proof you’re in a romantic relationship with him-“

“Except the fact that he paid to fuck him,” Levi interrupted, but Petra went on.

“They don’t have any proof of that, just hearsay. So we can downplay that, and make it look like you’re just helping someone get off the streets.”

“I don’t want to lie about my relationship with him,” Erwin said.

“What exactly _is_ your relationship with him?”

“We’re…” Erwin didn’t seem to even know himself. “We’re dating,” is what he eventually settled on.

“We don’t have to _lie_ , per say,” Petra said. “Just downplay the romantic part of your relationship and emphasize how you’re helping him. And since they don’t have any proof that he was a prostitute, simply refuse to answer any questions on that front. Keep him out of the spotlight, make sure he’s not answering any questions, make sure all of the attention is on how you’re helping him off the streets. We can even come up with a new program about helping the homeless and use this as an impetus to start that. It’ll get some of the attention off the whole ‘prostitute’ thing. It’s not perfect, but that’s what I’ve got.”

“So I’m a charity case.” Eren was in the doorway to the living room now, finished listening in. Erwin and Petra were surprised to see him, but Levi didn’t look shocked.

“No,” Erwin said, coming over and taking Eren’s hands. “That’s not- You’re not- It’s not like that.”

“It’s just what we’re going to make the media think,” Petra said, trying to help.

“You know that’s not what I think of you, right?” Erwin asked, and Eren thought that Erwin looked like he really didn’t know if Eren knew.

Eren wasn’t sure if he knew. He took his hands away and crossed them over his chest, instinctively trying to make himself small. He hesitated long enough in answering that Erwin didn’t need him to say anything.

“Eren,” he said, quietly so that his friends wouldn’t overhear too much. “We’ve talked about this before. You’re not a charity case to me. You’re important. You’re so much more than that.”

“I know,” Eren said, closing his eyes for a second. He walked around Erwin and into the room. “I may not be smart but I’m not an idiot,” he said to no one in particular. “I know how this turns out. I’m either a whore, a golddigger, a charity case, or some combination of the three.” He leaned up against the arm of the couch and shrugged. “I really don’t care which it turns out to be. Just do what you have to do.”

With that said, Eren walked into the kitchen. He figured since it was getting late in the afternoon that he might as well eat, since he didn’t have lunch and he didn’t really care to eat dinner with the others. He had just put his leftovers from Sunday night in the microwave when Erwin entered the room.

“Are you ok?” he asked, and it looked like he wanted to go hug Eren but was afraid Eren wouldn’t let him.

Eren just shrugged and looked at his food spin in the microwave. “No,” he admitted, and he gave a bitter laugh. “But I can count the days of my life I’ve been ok on two hands, so don’t think I’m not used to it.”

Erwin was at a loss of what to say. “I really am sorry,” he eventually said after the microwave beeped and Eren took his food out. “I knew eventually it would come out, but I was hoping it’d be something we could control and be prepared for, not-“

“No offense,” Eren said as he got out a fork. “But no matter what happens, even if it was something you’d planned for, I’d still just be a whore to them. Maybe I’m more than that to you, and to Armin and Mikasa, but you have to face it. I’m just as much a whore as you are CEO. Even if you quit today, twenty years from now that’s still what you’ll be known for. And this is what I’ll be known for. I knew that, but I let myself forget it for a minute. I won’t make that mistake again.”

And then Eren left. He didn’t know if it was allowed to eat in the den, but at that moment he didn’t give a single fuck. He took his food in there, striding past the living room without a passing glance, and he closed the door behind him. He turned on the TV and changed the channel as quickly as possible, trying to find the cartoons but ending up on some cheesy detective show. He didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t the news.

 

* * *

 

About an hour later, Erwin came into the den. Eren was halfway through another episode of the crime drama and he was trying to pay rapt attention to the plot but really could not care less.

“Hi,” Erwin began. “Levi and Petra went home, just so you know.”

Eren didn’t look at him, but he nodded to show that he heard.

“How are you doing?”

Of course he couldn’t just ask if he was ok again. No, he had to ask something other than a yes or no question so Eren had to actually think of an answer. And he didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to tell the truth, either. In the end, he just shrugged and said, “I dunno.”

“You don’t know how you’re doing?” Erwin asked, entering the room and heading towards Eren.

Eren thought about the question for a minute. “Honestly?” he said. “No, I don’t.”

Erwin knelt in front of Eren, who was hugging his knees on the couch. He took the remote and muted the television before turning back to Eren. “Talk to me,” he requested. “Please.”

“About what?”

“About what you’re thinking. How you’re feeling. I know you’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset,” Eren said. “Aren’t you? Now you’re known as the guy with the boy ho. It’s not exactly good for your image.”

Erwin took a minute to compose his answer. He knew he had to be careful with his words. “I’m upset that our relationship was made public, yes,” he said. “Because I don’t think it’s any of their damn business. I can’t say I’m surprised at how the media is reacting, but I don’t like it, no. But there’s no use in sitting around moping about it. We can’t change the fact that they found out. We can only try to control the situation from here.”

Eren sighed. “Yeah,” he said. “I know.”

“We’re going to try to make this as little about you as possible,” Erwin promised. “We’re going to draw as much attention away from you as we can. That way it’ll be easier on you. Ok?”

Eren nodded. “Thanks.” They sat there for a minute, and Erwin felt like he should do something, but Eren didn’t let go of his hands so he stayed where he was. Eventually Eren spoke. “Is it really worth it?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Erwin was confused.

“All of this,” Eren explained, and then he hesitated. “This will sound really insecure or some shit like that, but…” he chuckled nervously and took his hands away from Erwin to rub at his hair. “If you could go back and never have asked me to stay…”

“I wouldn’t change anything,” Erwin said, surprised that he needed to say it. “I told you, I knew the media would react poorly. I was hoping we would have more time to prepare for it but…” A realization hit him. “I should have warned you that something like this could happen, before you decided to stay here. I’m so sorry about that. I should have told you.”

“Hey,” Eren chuckled. “You’re doing enough for me already. I think you’re entitled to some mistakes, right?”

Erwin smiled, glad that Eren wasn’t upset at him even though he was still a bit upset that Eren continued to think of them with a sense of debt. He didn’t need Eren to repay him for anything he’s given him. He just wanted him to understand that. But that was something for another time.

“So,” he said. “Are you feeling better about all this?”

“I guess.”

Erwin figured that was the best answer he was going to get. “Ok. Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“Do you want to pick it out?”

“No, it’s ok. You can choose.”

Erwin looked through his collection and chose _The Avengers_ , because he knew Eren liked superheroes and he figured he needed some good guys saving the world.

As the menu was loading and Erwin took his seat next to Eren, Eren spoke up.

“Look,” he said, and Erwin turned down the volume on the TV because this sounded important. “I… You said that they were gonna look into my past and find out all my shit, right?” Eren continued before Erwin could even open his mouth. “Well… I mean, they already found out the worst of it, right? And I don’t think we need to worry about the cops coming after me; the DA hired me a couple times, y’know. But…” Eren picked at his toes, refusing to look in Erwin’s direction. “If you hear anything else about me, that the news finds out or whatever, can we just not talk about it?”

Erwin didn’t know how to respond. He knew that he should just say fine, that they didn’t have to ever talk about it, but he was tired of always saying that they could just put off these conversations, because they were important. He wanted to know about Eren’s life. Their relationship would be a lot easier if he just knew. “Whatever is in your past,” he finally said. “It doesn’t matter. You know I won’t judge you for it. It won’t change how I feel about you.” He was using every cheesy line in the book, but it was the only thing he could say.

“That’s just it though,” Eren replied. “It’s in the past. I want to forget it. I don’t want to keep bringing it up.”

As much as he wanted to say that it was an important conversation for them, Erwin knew that he couldn’t push Eren any further on this topic at that time. So he just said, “Alright,” even though it wasn’t really all right, and pressed play on the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make Petra the head of PR and a few days later made the Petra Ral/Public Relations connection but there will be some jokes about her name. "PR, head of PR" etc.


	16. Told You Once, I Won't Tell You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts off angst, ends with adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have written further, but I liked where it ends. 
> 
> As I said in the notes of the latest chapter of Waiting Up, I just got home for the summer and have no current plans so hopefully I'll be able to write more often.

_“So what are your thoughts on this whole scandal at Survey Corp, Mitch?”_

_“Well, Cindy, something just doesn’t add up there in my opinion. I mean, you’ve got this CEO, and he hires a hooker, and well that’s not anything we haven’t heard about before, but people are saying that they’re dating and that just doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t imagine that someone like Smith would risk his reputation like this. I just feel that there’s gotta be something more at play here.”_

_“Well so far Survey Corp is not commenting on the relationship or the allegations that Smith hired a prostitute, but some more information on the boy, Eren Jeager, has come out of the woodwork. He’s nineteen and allegedly ran away from a group home at age twelve with two other children after only being there a few months. He was lost to the system after that and our sources have told us that they presumed he was a prostitute because of the regular visits he started making to Smith approximately ten months ago where he would quote, ‘Come to the building late at night and leave early the next morning.’”_

_“Sure sounds like a prostitute to me, Cindy. But like I said, the shock isn’t that Smith was hiring a prostitute, or even that he was hiring a male one. Remember a few years ago there was that whole scandal when Smith came out as gay? And just last week Survey Corps announced that their newly-appointed Head of Medical Research and Development is what they call ‘genderqueer.’ Survey Corp definitely doesn’t care much about their image anymore. I don’t think it takes a genius to see that Survey Corp is heading downhill.”_

_“I don’t know if I would say that, Mitch. They’re certainly getting their fair share of attention, and I especially think that the liberal crowd-“_

* * *

 

Eren turned off the TV. He couldn’t listen to it anymore. He’d wanted to know what they were saying about him, but he got the gist. He had flipped through a few different channels, and they had all been calling him the same things: prostitute, runaway, homeless, anger issues, kid off the street, golddigger, “who knows what this kid’s done? I mean, we already know he’s a hooker; maybe he’s a druggie, too!” They were saying that he was ruining Smith’s career, or Smith was ruining his own career, they were both ruining the corporation, “what kind of example does this set for our children! I’m never buying or watching anything produced by Survey Corp ever again!” Eren thought it was kind of funny how those people who were refusing to patronize Survey Corp usually cared more about the fact that Eren was a guy than that he was a hooker. He had almost forgotten for a second that he wasn’t just a whore, but a faggot too. At least, according to them he was.

Erwin was gone for the day. He really did need to be at the office to deal with all of this, apparently, so Eren had told him to go. Eren hadn’t meant to spend the day seeing what all people were saying about him, but he’d turned on the TV and it had just happened.

For once in his life, he was glad he couldn’t read. He saw the stack of newspapers Erwin had gotten this morning, far more than usual, and Eren glanced through them to see that several had printed the picture of him and Erwin he’d seen yesterday on TV. At least he couldn’t read the stories.

He called Mikasa and Armin in the morning because he thought they should know about what was going on, and he had taken about half an hour to convince them not to come over, because as much as he did want to see them he didn’t want to deal with the paparazzi outside. He thought about trying to read another one of Erwin’s books but decided that it would be too much work, so after the phone call he settled down in front of the television and ended up watching the news.

But now he was pretty much sick to his stomach and didn’t want to watch any more TV at all, even if it wasn’t news, so he just went to the bedroom and took out his picture of his mom and laid down on the bed and talked to her for a while.

He hadn’t had the opportunity to do this in a while, because he only liked to talk to her in private, and that was hard to do with Armin and Mikasa around. But he had missed it. Even though there were lots of not-so-great things to tell her, and he complained to her about everything that was currently going on with the news people and paparazzi, he also told her about Erwin and moving in with him and having a good place to live and he and Armin and Mikasa all being taken care of. Really, he knew he should feel more grateful. Even if the news people were talking shit about him, he still had a bed. He still had hot food and a shower. He shouldn’t ask for more than that.

 

* * *

 

Feeling bad that he wasn’t acting grateful for what he had, Eren decided to make dinner for Erwin. The man had said he’d be back around seven, so Eren went to the kitchen at six-thirty to decide what to make. He hadn’t had lunch, since watching the news had made him feel sick, so he was getting a bit hungry (though nowhere near as hungry as he’s been before). He didn’t really know what to make, but Erwin had had him pick up some ground beef at the grocery store so he decided to make burgers. They were simple enough and he pretty much knew how to make them. He just formed the beef into two patties that looked about the right size and set them on a pan on the stove. He got out some buns and cheese while he was waiting for them to cook, but he made sure to keep a close eye on the pan. He didn’t know how long they needed to cook for, so he just watched until he thought they were done.

As he watched the pan, Eren wondered if he should make something else, too. Erwin was gigantic, so he probably ate a lot. Eren hadn’t particularly paid attention to the man’s eating habits before, but it would make sense that he ate more since he was so huge. But what else could he make? Deciding that he could leave the burgers on the stove alone for a bit, he went into the pantry to find something. He found a box of instant mashed potatoes and decided to go with that. He pretty much knew how to make them already, since he used to make them a lot when he was younger and have them for dinner, so he figured it’d be easy.

It was helpful that the back of the box had pictures next to the amounts of them they needed. Yay for pictures. It took Eren about ten minutes to find the measuring cups, and he’d had to flip the burgers in the middle of that, but eventually he found everything. And thankfully he knew his numbers. Or, rather, he knew that ¼ cup meant that he took the cup measure and he filled it to where it said ¼. He had gotten to fractions in school, but even though he’d been better at math than at reading, he didn’t remember a whole lot about them. He was just proud of himself for knowing that ¼ didn’t mean to put one cup in and then another four. He’d made that mistake when he was younger and had never made it again. He felt so accomplished now.

He realized when he started the water boiling for the mashed potatoes that he should put the slices of cheese on the burgers to melt, probably. Thankfully it was just American cheese, so it came pre-sliced and was easy to put on.

Eren had just turned off the burner for the burgers and was stirring the potatoes when he heard Erwin come home. A couple of minutes after hearing the front door open, Erwin wandered into the kitchen and stood behind Eren, leaning down to give him a kiss.

“You’re cooking?” Erwin asked.

“Yup,” Eren said. “I figured since you were at work all day and I was just here…” He shrugged to complete his statement.

Eren felt Erwin’s smile when the man kissed his cheek. “It smells delicious. Thank you.”

He couldn’t help but smile at the praise. “Thanks,” Eren said. “It’ll be ready in a minute.”

“I’ll set the table,” Erwin told him, going to get plates and silverware. Eren finished up with the potatoes and got out glasses to pour two glasses of milk for them. He found the domesticity of it all kind of funny and just a bit unnerving. It just felt a little unnatural for him.

They didn’t talk much as they ate, other than Eren asking Erwin if the food was all right. He said it was good, but Eren could tell that at least his own burger was a bit burnt. Erwin had gotten out ketchup, though, and that made the slight char nearly unnoticeable. Eren wondered if it was weird to pair cheeseburgers with mashed potatoes, but decided not to ask, since Erwin didn’t mention anything about it being weird. Eren didn’t really know what normal people cooked for their meals past what he could remember his mom making, but even then money was tight and a lot of times that had dictated what they ate. They’d had a lot of beans and rice and not a lot of meat. But with Erwin he’d never had beans and rice. Eren had heard somewhere that beans and rice were what poor people ate, because they were cheap, and that made sense with what he knew from his youth. So, even though Eren’s mom had taught him once how to make cheap beans and rice taste good, Eren didn’t know if it was ok to make it.

The only other thing Erwin and Eren could have talked about as they ate was the news and what they were saying, so they mostly ate in silence. Eren ended up staring a bit at Erwin as he tried to decipher if the man had heard anything new about Eren’s past, but he couldn’t tell, so he just looked away when Erwin caught him looking. He knew he had said he didn’t want to talk about it, but he was still curious to know what Erwin had heard about him. He wanted to know if that changed anything about what Erwin thought about him.

He figured he’d have to find it out in other ways. He’d just have to tell if the man was treating him differently or anything like that. He knew that eventually he’d have to tell Erwin all about himself, but he wasn’t ready to do that yet. Eren didn’t have much in his life, and a lot of what he currently had was technically Erwin’s – his home, his food, his clothes – but he did have his past, and that was one thing he most certainly owned. Sharing it meant making it vulnerable, opening up the opportunity for someone to steal it from him and mess with it. They could make it public or blackmail him or all kinds of things. Eren had already shared his mom with Erwin, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to share this, too. His mom was different. His mom was good in her entirety. No matter how hard someone tried to take her from him and no matter what anybody said about her, they couldn’t change her. They couldn’t do anything bad with her because to Eren she would always be the embodiment of goodness.

That wasn’t so with his past. His past was a weakness that he could hide from everybody, and until he was one hundred percent positive that somebody wasn’t going to exploit that weakness, Eren wasn’t going to show it. He wanted to trust Erwin, he did, and he knew he should, but he couldn’t. He just didn’t trust easily. He didn’t think anyone could blame him for that.

So they ate in silence. Eren insisted on doing the dishes after dinner, but Erwin stayed in the kitchen to keep him company. Eventually Eren broke the silence.

“Um, so,” he began. “I’d like to go visit Armin and Mikasa sometime soon, to give them all the stuff we got. I got them some groceries when I went to the store, too, I hope that’s ok, I just didn’t want- But anyway. Yeah. So,” he thought of how to phrase his words as he scrubbed the pan free of grease. “I don’t know if there’d be any problem with that or whatever? So I thought I’d ask you first?”

Erwin cleared his throat. “No, that sounds good. When are you planning on going? I can call a driver for you.”

“Oh. Well, I can go any time, and I can take the bus, it’s no problem. I just wasn’t sure with all the reporters or whatever…”

“I think it’d be difficult to take the bus with all those bags. I’ll drive you or get a town car for you.”

Eren frowned. He thought that cabs were kind of a waste of money, let alone a town car. “Well… could you drop me off in the morning before you go to work?”

“Are you ok with going that early?”

Eren just turned so Erwin could see his face and rolled his eyes. “You say that as if my sleep schedule isn’t already fucked up.”

Erwin chuckled. “Ok,” he agreed. “As long as Armin and Mikasa are ok with you coming over that early. I do have a pretty packed day at work tomorrow, so I’ll give you the number for a town car to come pick you up.”

“I’m not taking a town car.”

Erwin sighed. “At least take a cab.”

Eren thought about protesting that he could just take the bus back, since he wouldn’t have all those bags anymore, but he decided not to fight Erwin on it anymore. He’d already had him back down somewhat. Instead he asked, “There won’t be any problem with those reporters, right?”

“I don’t think that there will,” Erwin said. “We’ll be leaving through the parking garage in the morning, and the car has tinted windows, so that shouldn’t be a problem. When you come back, just have the cab driver drop you off right in front of the doors and walk straight through anybody who’s there. Don’t talk to them, don’t answer any questions, it’s probably best if you try to not even look at them.”

He was a little nervous about whether he’d actually be able to do that, but Eren told himself that that was a stupid thing to be nervous about, so he just dried his hands on the dishtowel and nodded. “Ok. I can do that.”

Erwin stood and went to Eren’s side, putting his hands on the younger’s shoulders. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Eren said, though he wasn’t completely sure.

Erwin could see the hesitancy in Eren’s eyes but decided not to mention it, since Eren obviously didn’t want to. “Alright,” he said. “What do you want to do tonight? We haven’t read in a while.”

“Oh, well, I need to call Armin and Mikasa, and then…” Eren tried to think of an excuse as to why he couldn’t practice reading tonight. “I guess we could read. If you’re not too tired from work or anything.”

“It’s no problem,” Erwin assured Eren. “I enjoy reading with you.”

Eren blushed and left the room, muttering about going to call Mikasa and wondering why Erwin always had the perfect answer for everything. He couldn’t very well say he didn’t want to read after that, could he? He just didn’t want to, though. Maybe he could convince Erwin to read to him. That’d be nice. He just didn’t want to have to read himself. He knew he had promised himself that he would do it, that he would finally learn this time, but… There was other stuff going on and all that seemed so much more important than reading so shouldn’t they be doing that instead?

His call with Armin and Mikasa did not last as long as he would have liked. Since they were seeing each other tomorrow, they didn’t really have a reason to talk all that long, especially since Mikasa had a fight that night that she needed to get ready for.

After ending his call, Eren found Erwin in the library, reading a novel in one of the armchairs. He looked up when he heard Eren enter.

“Um,” Eren began. “They said thanks for the mattresses. Just thought I’d pass that on.” He made no move to go get a book to read or anything of the sort.

Erwin marked his place in the novel he was reading and set it on the table. “It was no problem, really. I’m glad they like them.” He paused to see if Eren would react in some way. When he didn’t, he continued, “So, would you like to pick out a book?”

Eren nodded and made his way over to the shelf in the corner with the kids’ books. He picked one at random and then handed it to Erwin.

“Ok,” Erwin said, sensing the unexcited mood from the younger. “You can just pull up that chair, or-“ He was cut off when Eren coming over and crawling onto his lap. He was surprised; they hadn’t had much romantic contact in what seemed like a while, and he wouldn’t have expected it given Eren’s sour mood, but he had to admit that he didn’t mind having him on his lap. Eren adjusted his position so that he was sitting perpendicular to Erwin, with his legs thrown over one of the arms of the chair and leaning his shoulder onto Erwin’s chest for support.

Eren took back the book he’d just given to Erwin and stared at it. He didn’t say anything for a while, trying to figure it out in his mind. It took him a good two minutes, and Erwin was just about to ask if he was all right, when Eren finally said, “Green Eggs and Ham,” and opened up the book.

Well, at least it seemed easy. “I am Sam.” He got all of those pretty easily. “Sam I am.” Those were just the same words in a different order, right? The next page was a little more confusing. “That…” It said ‘Sam-I-am.’ Did he pronounce it the same way as he did before? What were those lines in between the words? Whatever. He didn’t care. He just pronounced it the same way. Erwin didn’t say anything, so he guessed it was right. He got a few more lines further and then dropped his head to Erwin’s chest. “This is a stupid book,” he said. All he’d read so far was ‘I am Sam’ and that ‘I do not like that Sam-I-am.’

“You’re still just at the beginning,” Erwin told him. “This is a classic. Come on, let’s keep reading.”

Eren mumbled about how he’s the only one doing any reading and Erwin wasn’t doing anything at all, but the man just ignored Eren’s grousing and stroked Eren’s arm supportively.

“Do you like green eggs and ham,” Eren read blandly, without inflection. He was actually doing pretty well. He still put a bit too much space between his words, but he didn’t need to sound them out. Then again, at this point he was just repeating words he’d already seen in the story. “I do not like them Sam-I-am. I do not like green eggs and ham.” Eren turned the page and muttered, “Well they’re probably moldy and’ll make you sick. Who the fuck eats green eggs?”

Erwin chuckled at Eren’s editorializing and let him read on. Or, at least, he thought Eren was going to read on. The boy was staring at the next word and mouthing out possibilities, obviously confused. Erwin looked to see what the word was. _Ah_ , that’s why Eren was having difficulty with it. “It’s ‘would.’”

“But there’s an ‘l’,” Eren protested.

“Yes, but you don’t pronounce it. It’s silent, like how there are silent ‘e’s.”

“Why the fuck are there all these letters if half of them don’t make any sound?!” Eren complained.

“I don’t know,” Erwin admitted. “It’s just the way it is.”

“It’s stupid, that’s what it is,” Eren muttered. He glared at the book again. “Okay. Fine. _Would_. Would you like them… here or… _theere_?”

“There,” Erwin corrected.

“But it’s the same spelling as ‘here,’ just with a ‘t.’ It should be ‘theere.’”

“It’s not though. Why don’t you try this page again?”

Eren let out a frustrated sigh and glared at the page. “ _Would_ you like them here or _there_ ,” he read angrily.

“Very good,” Erwin praised, trying to subdue some of Eren’s anger.

But Eren still grumbled as he turned the page. “I _would_ not like them here or _there_ ,” he read, still just as angry and still stuttering through the words a bit. “I _would_ not like them-“ He huffed as he looked at the next word and tried to figure it out. He only looked at it for a few seconds before giving up and dropping his head to Erwin’s chest.

Erwin had started supportively rubbing his arm again, and he was about to help Eren with the word when Eren leaned up and Erwin felt the younger’s lips on his collarbone. “Eren?” he asked calmly. “What are you doing?”

Eren just kept sucking on Erwin’s neck, trying to get him into the mood so he’d want to fuck rather than read. That was something Eren was good at.

Only a minute later, though, Erwin pushed him away. “I know what you’re trying to do, Eren,” he said.

“Good, so we can get on with it,” Eren said with a smirk, trying to be coy. He reached down to start unzipping Erwin’s pants, but the man’s hands caught his and prevented him from doing so.

“You can’t do this to avoid reading,” Erwin told him. “I thought you wanted to learn?”

Eren sighed and stopped his attempts to seduce the man. He lowered his forehead to Erwin’s chest and said, “I do. Just not right now. There’s so much other shit going on.”

“But if you don’t keep practicing you’ll forget everything you’ve learned so far,” Erwin argued.

“Uuugh,” Eren whined. “I know. I just don’t want to.”

“Come on,” Erwin said, giving Eren an encouraging pat on the back. “How about we just do fifteen more pages tonight?”

“Five.”

“There’s only a few words per page,” Erwin argued.

“Nope,” Eren rejected. “Five.”

Erwin sighed. “Ten.”

Eren pouted but eventually agreed. He got back into his position across Erwin’s lap and picked up the book again, taking some time to remember where he was. In the end he just started the page all over again, and worked through the ten other pages until he was finally done.

“ _Finally_ ,” Eren said after he read the last word of the required pages.

Erwin kissed the top of his head. “Very good. Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?”

“For keeping with it even though you didn’t want to.”

“Whatever,” Eren mumbled.

“I know it was hard for you.”

Eren started getting out of Erwin’s lap. “Yeah. For me and every kindergartener.” He put the book back on the shelf and turned to find Erwin standing in front of him and wrapping his arms around him.

“You shouldn’t judge yourself and your progress based on other people.”

“Says the A-plus college student.”

Erwin sighed. “I suppose I’m not really in a position to say that, you’re right.”

Eren didn’t respond; just let himself be held for a minute before breaking away and leaving the room. Erwin followed him as he sat down in the den and reached for the remote. Eren didn’t remember until he turned the TV on that he had left it on the news.

Of course, a story about them was on. Eren found himself unable to change the channel for a minute, just staring at this guy who was berating them. It obviously wasn’t just a news show but one of those opinion ones. Some guy was saying how Eren was obviously just a golddigger because he was a whore, so there’s no reason he _wouldn’t_ be a golddigger.

Eren didn’t even realize when Erwin took the remote from his hand until the channel changed to HGTV.

“We don’t need to watch that crap,” Erwin announced, not taking his eyes off the episode of House Hunters they were now watching.

Eren thought about making some comment about how maybe _they_ don’t need to watch it, but plenty of people _are_ , but he ultimately decided against it.

 

* * *

 

The next day when Eren heard Erwin’s alarm go off, he actually got up. Normally he just woke, turned over to let Erwin out of bed, and slept again, or at the very least tried to, but today he got up so he could go visit Armin and Mikasa. It felt like forever since he had seen them, even though it had actually only been a few days. That’s what happens when you stop living with somebody, it seemed. Eren missed his other friends, too. He had a bunch of them that he hadn’t seen in while now that he was living here. He hadn’t really had a chance yet to realize how lonely he was, spending his days all alone in the apartment.

He showered while Erwin was working out, not because he didn’t want to shower with the man but because he didn’t want to risk anything becoming too intimate. He just wasn’t in the mood, ever since what happened with his last client, and he was happy to have the opportunity to avoid sex now that he didn’t have a job. Last night he had only tried to do it to get out of reading. He felt bad for Erwin, which was why he gave him that blowjob that one time, but he just didn’t feel like having sex. He would probably give him another blowjob soon just because he’d feel guilty if he didn’t, but it was nice not being required to get hard.

He made breakfast while Erwin was in the shower, having just finished getting dressed when Erwin finished his workout. He made eggs and toast again, because they’d had it plenty of times before and neither of them minded.

Eren didn’t really feel like himself as he and Erwin took the elevator down to the parking garage. He was wearing his new clothes, carrying tons of bags with new things, with his new phone in one pocket and the money Erwin gave him for the cab back in another, and he was on his way to ride in a car that probably cost more than all of his organs would on the black market. Just a couple weeks ago he was sleeping in piss-covered alleyways. The change was a little drastic.

“We should have gotten you a wallet when we went shopping,” Erwin mused as the elevator made its way down. Eren just nodded along politely. “We can get you one soon.” Eren continued to nod, knowing how it would probably be futile to argue.

They didn’t talk much on their way to Mikasa and Armin’s, but Eren blamed that on the fact that it was early and he had only had one cup of coffee. He may be accustomed to getting extraordinarily poor sleep, but that didn’t mean he _liked_ it or had to be in a good mood about it. He was excited to see his friends, though, and that showed when Erwin pulled up to the curb in front of the building and Eren jumped out of the car practically when it was still moving to go greet Armin and Mikasa, who were sitting on the stoop, waiting for him.

The three hugged, and Erwin got out of the car and waited by it for Eren to come get the bags. He had been planning on going up to the apartment because Eren couldn’t take all the bags at once, but apparently Armin and Mikasa were ready to help. Erwin was curious as to why they had waited for him outside, but he decided not to question it at the moment.

Eren had woken up very quickly upon seeing his friends, and was eagerly getting the bags out of the car and handing some to them as the two politely greeted Erwin. Pretty soon Eren had gotten all the bags out and went over to Erwin with loaded arms. He blushed and leaned up for a quick kiss before saying, “Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you later,” Erwin responded, and he waited until the three had gone into the building before getting back in the car and heading to work.

 

“You haven’t been harassed by paparazzi, have you?” Mikasa asked as soon as they stepped into the apartment.

“Not much,” Eren admitted. “I haven’t been outside since I found out.”

“I can’t believe they’re making you hide up there. Even if it is a huge place.”

“They’re not making me hide,” Eren assured her, putting the bag of groceries he was carrying on the tiny kitchen counter. “I probably wouldn’t have gone outside anyway.”

“And he’s still treating you right, yeah?”

“Yes, Mikasa.”

“Good.”

“How have things been with you two?” Eren asked, trying to get the attention off of himself as they got all the bags sorted out. “You haven’t been affected by any of this, have you?”

“No,” Armin answered. “I don’t think they’d know where to find us. At least not yet, anyway. They’d probably be able to find out about Erwin leasing this place here, but that’s a lot of work just to find us two. I don’t think they’d go through the trouble.”

“Good,” Eren said. “Did you win your fight last night, Mikasa?”

Mikasa’s eyes darkened and she focused on unpacking a bag of sheets.

“Oh. You’re not hurt, right?” Eren abandoned his task of putting groceries in the fridge to go examine Mikasa. He hadn’t seen anything on her face, which was good. Now that she’d taken off her sweatshirt since they were inside, he saw the bruises on her arms. He lifted up her shirt just enough to see her stomach. They were all pretty comfortable with each other’s bodies, having grown up together they way they did, so Mikasa didn’t mind it. She always gave Eren the same inspection whenever he came back bruised.

“I’m fine,” Mikasa said. “Just had a bad night.”

“Maybe you don’t have to do it anymore,” Eren suggested. “Erwin’s gonna try to get us our Social Security Numbers, but until then I’m sure you could find one of those places that hires off the books. A restaurant or something.”

Mikasa looked at Eren and sighed. “We’ll see,” she responded, not willing to agree to anything at the moment. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get a job even if she did have a shower and a place to sleep now. Who wanted to hire someone who never finished middle school?

But at least Eren was done getting on her case for now. Instead he went to Armin. “You could get one too, Arm’. And you’ve got your Social. That just gives you more options. Oh! You should check with Sasha! Maybe she could get you a job!”

Armin smiled at Eren’s enthusiasm. It was good to see him so optimistic about something. He’d always been a bit optimistic, but there were times when his job had beaten him down into a shell of a person. Ever since he’d moved in with Erwin and had been fired from his job, though, he’d been in a better mood. Armin could hear it when they talked on the phone, and last weekend he’d been pretty chipper, too.

“That’s a good idea,” Armin said. “I’ll ask her.” Sasha worked at a McDonald’s not too far away from the apartment. She and Connie were some of the three’s only friends who had a job, but they had a kid to support and neither had finished high school, so things were tight. “I’ve actually been thinking, though,” Armin continued as he unpacked a bag of toiletries that would need to go to the bathroom. “About maybe getting my GED.”

Eren dropped the can of soup he was holding back into the bag and turned around. “You should totally do that!” he exclaimed.

Armin blushed. “I dunno. I need to look into it. And I mean, I know it costs money, but I don’t know how much, and then I’d need to study a lot for it too, and… we’ll see.”

“Come _on_ ,” Eren urged. “You’ll ace it! You’re like the smartest person on the whole planet! And don’t worry about the money, I’m sure Erwin could help.”

“I really don’t want to ask him for anything more, Eren…”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Mikasa said, adding her opinion to the ring. “If we both get jobs we can save up. We could either pay it ourselves or pay Erwin back for it.”

Armin bit his lip and smiled. “Ok. I’ll think about it.”

Eren practically squealed – no, he was too manly for squealing; it was just an excited sound – as he wrapped his arms around Armin. “Mikasa!” he called. “Our Armin is gonna be a graduate!”

Mikasa and Armin both laughed at Eren’s antics. “It’s just a GED, Eren,” Armin reminded him. “It’s not even real high school.”

“Yeah, but once you get your GED you can get into _college_ , and then become a doctor and cure cancer!”

“I think that’s a bit of a long shot, Eren.”

“I don’t care. You’re curing cancer.”

“Ok. I’ll cure cancer.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Eren warned, finally letting Armin go so they could return to unpacking the bags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, GED stands for General Education Development, and it's a set of four tests that you can take in the U.S. or Canada and get a "Certificate of High School Equivalency." Unfortunately, a lot of places don't really see it as "equivalent" to a high school diploma and there's a stigma against people who've taken the GED because most often the people who take it are incarcerated, in poor areas, or have some sort of disability. But with a GED you'll at least be able to get into community college, and a lot of jobs require you to have "a high school diploma or equivalent," so this is a big deal for the three of them that Armin might get his. Also Eren's just excitable.
> 
> We're going to meet Sasha and Connie hopefully soon because I've been trying to figure out how to fit them in. It'll be adorable when I do. I love Sasha and Connie. Also I'm hoping to work on that JeanMarco side one-shot soon. And we'll get Ymir and Christa in here soon too. I'm excited for that as well.


	17. It's a Bad Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where we realize there was a honeymoon phase, and that it might just be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh... Yeah. There's smut in this chapter! Not a whole lot though. Like don't get your hopes up, it's probably not what you're expecting. No trigger warnings though!
> 
> Also in this chapter you really get to see the difference in Eren's speech and the way Erwin and Erwin's friends speak, which I'm excited about. It's a long chapter, too!

Eren spent most of the day with Armin and Mikasa. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed them. After they’d unpacked all of the bags – Armin and Mikasa were shocked and a bit upset about how much Eren and Erwin had gotten them, but grudgingly accepted it all – and got the apartment more set up, they ended up cuddled on Armin’s bed, listening to the blond read to them from _Harry Potter_. Armin had already finished it and Mikasa had gotten a fair bit ahead, but neither of them minded going back to where they had stopped when Eren was with them.

They stopped to get lunch at some point, and rather than waste their new groceries right away Eren insisted that they go to the Chinese take-out place down the street. Of course, he paid for it using the money Erwin had given him for a cab ride back. He still had plenty left over, but he wasn’t necessarily planning on using it on a cab. He had his bus pass with him, so he could just take that and Erwin would be none the wiser.

Before he left, Eren casually snuck the rest of the money he had into their copy of _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ on the dresser for the two to find later when it was too late to give it back. Eren didn’t want to say goodbye to Armin and Mikasa, but he figured he should be home for dinner, so he left at around five-thirty so he could catch the bus back.

He had to walk a few blocks from the bus stop to the apartment building, but Eren didn’t mind. He hasn’t been doing nearly as much walking as he used to do lately, anyway.

He didn’t have any problems until he approached the building. One person turned toward him and then the next thing he knew he was surrounded, cameras flashing in his face as he tried to shove through the crowd. Eren’s foot got caught on a reporter’s shoe and he fell to the ground, thankfully able to sort of protect his face with his hands so only they and a bit of his cheek got scraped. Somebody accidentally stepped on him but quickly got off once they realized, and a bunch of people took pictures, but there were a couple of reporters who helped him up. At least they weren’t all assholes.

Everyone was asking him questions and Eren reminded himself about what Erwin told him to do, but with everyone yelling over each other he didn’t think he’d be able to answer if he wanted to. He eventually shoved his way into the building, where he was able to examine his scrapes better. He’d had much worse; these were barely even bleeding.

“Would you like a tissue, sir?”

Eren turned to the concierge desk, surprised the man behind it would offer that to him. Though he had been cordial ever since Eren had told Erwin about him, he hadn’t been particularly nice. Eren had no clue why he would be now. Maybe he was just glad that now everyone knew exactly what Eren was. Maybe he just didn’t want Eren getting blood on the elevator buttons by accident.

“Uh, thanks,” Eren said, taking the offered tissue. He wiped the bit of blood on his cheek and then the scraps on his hands – one on the heel of his left hand and the other a bit further up his right forearm – before heading into the elevator and up into the apartment.

Erwin was already home when Eren got there. Eren could tell by Erwin’s shoes by the door and the sounds coming from the kitchen. Eren knew he’d have to explain the scrapes, but he figured it’d be easier to do once they were cleaned up, so he tried to be quiet as he slipped off his shoes and through the bedroom to the bathroom linen closet where he had found Erwin kept his first aid kit. He took it out and washed off his hands and face before he opened it up to see to his scratches.

“What happened?”

Of course Erwin had heard him come in. Now he would think Eren was hiding something.

“I tripped on the way in,” Eren explained as he took out an alcohol wipe. “It’s no big deal. I caught myself as I fell.”

“On the way in?” Erwin repeated. “By the reporters?”

Eren hesitated. “Yeah,” he answered.

“They tripped you?” Erwin asked, and Eren could tell that he was getting angry.

“It was an _accident_ ,” Eren asserted. “Some of them even helped me up.” He tossed the first alcohol wipe in the trash and opened another to clean the heel of his hand. He glanced at Erwin and saw that he was still looking for someone to blame for this. “Erwin,” Eren said, getting the man to meet his eyes. “What are you going to do, sue the guy who accidentally tripped me while doing his _job_?”

“They shouldn’t have swarmed you like that,” Erwin tried to argue.

“They’re just doing their _jobs_. It’s not their fault people like to see this kind of stuff on the news any more than it’s my fault.”

“They still don’t have to report it.”

Eren slammed his hands to the counter and looked at Erwin. “It was an _accident,_ Erwin! What are you gonna do, stop me from _walking?_ You can’t fix everything!”

Erwin remained calm. “I’m not trying to fix everything, Eren. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“Well I can take care of myself, ok?” Eren was calmer now, and he started cleaning his scrape.

“I know that,” Erwin said carefully. “I just… I don’t understand where this is coming from. Did something happen? Did I do something?”

Eren sighed. “No,” he said. “Just, coming back here after spending the day with Armin and Mikasa is sort of… It’s just a whole new world, know what I’m saying?”

“Yeah,” Erwin said, though he still didn’t really understand why that caused this outburst. “Here, let me help.” He took the last alcohol wipe from Eren’s hand and cleaned off the scrape on his face. “I’m sorry if I come across… overprotective,” he said as he found the antibiotic cream and started covering the scrapes. “I don’t intend to.”

“It’s not that,” Eren said, watching Erwin treat his injuries. “It’s just. I have my own way of doing things, ok? And some things like, like cleaning and fixing up scrapes like this so they don’t get disgusting I get. But other things, like expecting people to move out of the way when you need to get through, or even like the thing with you wanting me to take a cab. That’s just not what I’m used to.”

“You can get used to it,” Erwin said, putting a Band-Aid over each of the scrapes.

Eren knew he meant well, but the words irked him. “What if I don’t want to get used to it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ , what if I don’t want to take town cars or shop at fancy stores or have- have a butler following me around or something like that?”

“Well, I don’t have a butler,” Erwin reminded Eren.

“I _know_ that. It was… shit, what does Armin call it?”

“Hypothetical?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Right.” Erwin thought about what to say as he put away the first aid kit. “I still don’t understand,” he admitted. “Why you wouldn’t want the best quality of clothes and the like.”

“Because it’s unnecessary. I can get back to your apartment just as fine by bus as by a fancy town car.”

“A town car is safer.”

“Like I said before, I can take care of myself.”

“Still, there are some crazy people out there-“

“Don’t talk like you know who you’re talking about! You know people in the government or who went to Harvard! _I_ know these people. I know those people you’re calling crazy.”

“I’m not talking about that,” Erwin explained. “I’m talking about stalkers, journalists invading your personal space. I thought you wanted to avoid that?”

Eren didn’t respond for a minute. When he finally did, he sighed and said, “Yeah. I do. You’re right. I just. I’m still adjusting. It’s a big change, y’know?”

“I can imagine,” Erwin said. He took Eren into his arms and embraced him, placing a kiss on his head. “Do you want dinner?” he asked.

Eren nodded into Erwin’s chest. “Yes please.”

“Okay.”

They headed to the kitchen to get the chicken Erwin had baking in the oven and finish making the rice and broccoli. By the time they were sitting at the dining table, their argument was nearly forgotten.

“So how was your day with Armin and Mikasa?” Erwin asked as he started cutting into his chicken.

“It was great,” Eren said, smiling. He chewed a bite of food quickly and then swallowed. “We spent most of the day reading _Harry Potter_ , so we’re getting close to the end. They’re just about to go try to get past Fluffy.”

It took Erwin a minute to remember the plot of the book. “Oh, I remember where that is. You’re getting to the best part.”

“Yeah, that’s what Armin said. He’s already finished reading it.”

“Well, next time you see him you should bring him the second book.”

“Thanks, I will.” Eren took a few more bites of his food. “Oh! Also, Armin’s gonna get his GED.”

“He is?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah! Well, he said he’s gotta look into it first, but I know he’s gonna get it. He’s like, super smart.”

“That’s great.”

“Yeah I’m so excited. Because y’know he’ll be able to get a good job then. And someday he’s gonna go to college and cure cancer. He promised.”

Erwin chuckled at Eren’s optimism. He had never really seen this side of Eren, but he enjoyed seeing it. “I’m glad you guys are sorting things out.”

“Thanks,” Eren said, knowing that none of this could have happened without Erwin’s help. “Armin’s gonna try to get a job, too, since he’s got his Social, right? Our friend works at McDonald’s so he’s gonna see if she can get him in there. And ‘Kasa’s going to see about getting a job at one of those places that hires off the books, like a restaurant or something.”

“That all sounds really amazing, Eren.”

“It is! I’m so proud of them.”

“You should be proud of yourself, too.”

“Why?”

“For all the progress you’ve made with reading. You’ve only been working on it for a little while, but it seems like you’ve gotten pretty far.”

Eren shrugged as he chewed his current bite of chicken. “I mean, I can read four-letter words and before I could only read three-letter ones really, so I guess that’s something.”

“It is,” Erwin insisted. “Especially given how frustrating the English language is.”

“It’s so fucking stupid,” Eren agreed, spearing a piece of chicken.

Erwin chuckled and ate some more of his food. “By the way,” he said, remembering something. “Petra – my head of PR, you met her – has been thinking of putting together a project to help the homeless that Survey Corp could start as part of all that’s going on, to draw attention away from… everything. We were wondering if you would be willing to help us with it.”

“Help you?”

“Well, you have actual experience with homelessness, so we figured that you would know better what needs to address and how to go about addressing them.”

Eren was taken aback. He had not expected this at all. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. On the one hand, the only reason Erwin was doing this was so that people wouldn’t focus on their relationship. On the other hand, it would still help people, so why should he care what the motives behind it were? He wasn’t exactly sure how helpful he could be with it, but he could try.  “Sure, yeah,” he answered.

“Great,” Erwin answered, smiling. He was glad he’d be able to get Eren’s input on this project. Not only would it help them come up with something more helpful and that worked better, but it was also a way of working with Eren and giving him something to do. He felt a bit bad, leaving Eren alone in the apartment all the time. He couldn’t imagine how bored he must get. Then again, Erwin has always been a busybody and would even work on his vacations. Still, it would be nice to spend more time with Eren on this.

“So what do I have to do for this?” Eren asked.

“I was thinking we could have Petra and probably Levi over for dinner one night and we could discuss ideas,” Erwin said, and then added as an afterthought, “Hanji will probably invite themself, too.”

“That sounds cool,” Eren said.

“Alright,” Erwin smiled. “I’ll see what night works for them. And we don’t need to worry about cooking. Levi will take over the kitchen. He always does.”

 

* * *

 

Erwin had been right. Two days later, as the five of them were in Erwin’s apartment, Levi had banned everybody except him from the kitchen. He snapped at anyone who tried to enter, even if it was just to get a glass of water. It was a little scary, so Eren stayed away, safe in the living room with everyone else.

They all had glasses of wine, something Levi had taken from Erwin’s liquor cabinet and opened up the moment he entered the apartment. It was a red wine, and it was pretty tart and not Eren’s style at all, so he sipped at it very slowly. Erwin and Petra had been talking about something at work for a while when they first came in, and Hanji was trying to bug Levi, so Eren just sat there in the living room and tried to look interested in what Erwin and Petra were talking about.

Suddenly Levi came out of the kitchen, dragging Hanji by the ear with one hand and holding up a stick of butter in the other. He shoved Hanji into the room and then said, exasperated but still harsh, “Smith, why the fuck did you get salted butter? I told you: unsalted. Always.”

“Oh.” Eren didn’t realize he said that aloud. But he did remember buying that butter. Erwin had told him to get butter, and he remembered him saying something about unsalted, but Eren didn’t remember what it was when he was at the store, and they didn’t really look any different, just different colored boxes, so he’d just chosen the one most people were getting. “Sorry,” he said, feeling stupid. “I got that. I just…” He turned to look at Erwin. “I forgot which one you said to get.”

“It’s ok,” Erwin assured him. “Levi can deal with salted butter. It’s what most people get, anyway. He’s just a snob.”

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes, saying, “Just make sure to get unsalted next time, brat” before he turned and went back to the kitchen. Eren didn’t feel insulted by the nickname. He had a feeling Levi acted like that towards everybody.

Hanji decided to stop trying to both Levi and instead came into the room and sat across from Eren. “So, Eren, how are you?” they asked, and Eren got the feeling from the way Hanji was staring at him that they really wanted to know the answer rather than a cursory ‘fine.’ Petra and Erwin were apparently done with their talk about work and were waiting for Eren’s answer too. The most he had talked earlier was to explain the scratch still healing on his cheek and hands.

Eren kind of shrunk under the attention. “Um. Pretty good, thanks.”

“How’s your friend?” Hanji pressed. “The blond one? Did you get him on a low dose of antibiotics like I suggested?”

“Yeah,” Eren answered. “He’s great.” He let himself smile with pride when he added, “He’s gonna get his GED.”

“That’s great, Eren,” Petra said.

“If he needs help with science, I’d be willing to tutor him!” Hanji offered.

Erwin chuckled and leaned over to Eren to mutter, “You don’t want Hanji teaching anybody, believe me.”

Eren couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Are you planning on getting your GED?” Petra asked, and Eren froze.

He was glad that apparently Erwin hadn’t told his friends about his illiteracy, but it made situations like this awkward. He didn’t want to be ashamed of it, but he was. “Um, no,” Eren finally answered. “I… I’m… I’m not. Yeah.”

“Oh,” Petra said, face falling before she perked up again. “Well, what else are you up to?” she asked. “I’m sure it gets boring up here all the time.”

He could tell her that he was learning to read, but he could also _not_ tell her and that’d be better, he thought. “Um. I watch TV. And a couple days ago I hung out with Armin and Mikasa. I went to the grocery store once. That’s… that’s really it.”

“Well, that sounds relaxing,” Petra said somewhat awkwardly.

“Yeah, I guess,” Eren said. He wouldn’t exactly call the past few days relaxing, but it made the situation less awkward to agree.

Thankfully, Levi came into the room then to announce that dinner was ready. He allowed Erwin and Eren to set the table, at least, though Erwin gave them glasses of water instead of milk like usual. Levi would have a fit if they had milk while they were also drinking wine. Even Eren had to admit that would be weird.

When he started eating, Eren realized why Levi disallowed anybody from helping him in the kitchen. He was a great cook. Eren had to keep himself from moaning with how good the steak was.

They all were too invested in the food for a few minutes to talk, but eventually Eren remembered why they were all here in the first place.

“So, um,” he began, feeling weird about breaking the silence and then weirder about having everyone’s eyes on him. “What exactly is this program thing you want my help on?”

Petra hurried to finish chewing her bite of food before responding. “Well, we don’t have any exact plans yet, which is where you come in. We were thinking about a shelter or a soup kitchen or something along those lines, but we wanted to see what you thought and what needs you think need to be addressed.”

Eren thought for a moment, chewing some food as he did so. After he was finished, he put down his silverware and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Um, so. A soup kitchen or shelter are… ok ideas.”

“But not great,” Petra finished.

“It’s just that… with those kinda things… it’s like, we already have them, and they help some people, but they don’t really do anything, y’know? Like, you go there for a meal or you wait a few hours in line to get a bed for the night, but the next day you’re still on the streets, right?”

“So you’re saying we should address the root of the problem rather than the symptoms,” Hanji said.

“I guess?” Eren said, not really sure what exactly Hanji was talking about. “Like, um, ok. So, I don’t have a Social Security Number. And because I don’t have one I can’t get a job or an apartment or anything. And even if I did have one, if I didn’t have an apartment I couldn’t get a job. So like, there are all those people who yell at you on the streets to get a job and it’s like, what do they know? Why don’t they try to get a job without a place to sleep or a shower or nice clothes? They’re gonna end up a whore like me, or fighting like Mikasa, or panning like Armin. And if you want any government assistance, you gotta be over eighteen or they put you in the system, and you gotta be clean, you gotta be sane, and you gotta have a Social, and if you don’t have even one of those, you can even forget the Projects. And that’s not including the waiting lists. Everything’s got a waiting list. The Projects, the clinics, the VA, everything. And if you don’t got a phone or address or something how are you supposed to know when your turn is up?” Eren realized he had been ranting rather than coming up with solutions to these problems. “I don’t know what you can do about it. I mean, getting out of there is just luck, y’know? Like I’m the luckiest whore alive right now. So, I don’t know what you’re thinking about doing, but I’m gonna be honest and tell you it probably won’t make much of a difference.” He ended his speech with an afterthought of, “Sorry.”

They were all silent for a while, taking in what Eren had just said. Though they had known it wouldn’t be a happy topic, they hadn’t expected it to be so… hopeless.

“Hm,” Petra said, brain reeling. She had taken out a notebook and was jotting things down. “How about… with the Social Security Number thing I’m just thinking… Hm… If we had a location with maybe lawyers available to help people get identification or help immigrants get legal status… Though that couldn’t really be the focus of what we’re doing because that would get backlash from anti-immigration groups… But what if we had that as a part of what we end up doing? What do you think, Eren?”

“Um,” Eren had sort of stopped listening in the middle because it had sounded like Petra was talking to herself. “I mean, as long as you don’t like advertise that they’re lawyers I think it’s good.”

“What’s wrong with calling them lawyers?” Erwin asked.

Eren laughed. “Well saying the word ‘lawyer’ in a group of homeless people is like the second fastest way to clear the street. The first is ‘police.’ But uh, yeah. A lot of us don’t exactly have a good history with lawyers, if you know what I mean.”

They did not really know what Eren meant, but they could vaguely assume.

“What if we call them counselors?” Petra suggested. “That could broaden what they help with, too. They could be available to help find jobs or housing, too, and for legal counsel if need be.”

“Sure,” Eren said. It all sounded good to him, though he was still hesitant to think that anything would actually work.

“If you’re going to do that,” Erwin suggested. “Why not group it into a larger program. Offer job-hunting classes, maybe even GED prep courses, résumé help, etc.”

“That’s good and all,” Eren said. “But I don’t think you need to care a whole lot about résumés or whatever. I mean, it’s not like you’re gonna go from the streets into a job like yours. I’d focus on the crap jobs like fast food or construction or something like that. And then maybe some computer classes or something, I dunno. But it’s like, those crap jobs are the ones we’re actually gonna get, right? So instead of trying to put us in suits help us get something realistic. But also like, it still doesn’t change the fact that you need an address to get a job.”

“Hm,” Petra said again. “Maybe we could work out some housing program?”

“That’d be cool,” Eren said. “If you could make it work. I mean, there already are those things, but they’ve got like super strict rules and even if you can follow all of them, there’s a huge waiting list.”

“I’ll try to think of something,” Petra said. “Eren, would you mind if I called you sometime to talk about this further? I’d love to continue getting your input.”

Eren was surprised by that. “Oh. Uh, yeah. Sure. I can um, I can give you my number later.”

“Great!” Petra said.

The conversation drifted away from the topic after that, mostly to things Eren didn’t care about or understand, so he just sat there and finished his dinner. He sat there trying to look like he was paying attention until everyone was done with their food and Hanji said they would take the dishes out to the kitchen.

“I’ll help you,” Eren said, remembering something he wanted to talk to Hanji about. It also gave him an opportunity to get away from the boring conversation. He helped collect the dishes and bring them all out to the kitchen, and once they were in there they began to rinse everything off in the sink.

About halfway through, Eren put the plate he’d just rinsed into the dishwasher and didn’t pick another one up. He glanced at the door to the dining room to make sure nobody was coming in. “Um, Hanji?” he asked once he determined it was safe.

Hanji stopped rinsing as well after hearing Eren’s hesitant tone. “Yeah?”

“I, uh… I need to ask you something, but I don’t really want Erwin to know.”

“Well, I can’t promise I won’t tell him if it’s something important, but I’ll try.”

“Ok,” Eren said, because he didn’t really have any other choice. “So. Well. I don’t know if Erwin told you about how I was… fired? From what I was doing?” Hanji nodded, so Eren continued. “Well, I, uh. I kind of need to be… tested, y’know?” Eren looked at his hands, which had become pruned from the water, and then suddenly looked back up at Hanji. “There’s no way Erwin- I mean, we haven’t… y’know. Since before then. But I… normally I’d get it done every couple of months through my guy, but… yeah.” He fiddled with his hands again. “I don’t _think_ there’s anything, but I’d just… I want to be sure? Especially if with Erwin… So, yeah.”

Hanji bit their lip as they thought. “Ok. Well, I’m not exactly that kind of doctor, Eren.”

“Oh,” Eren said, feeling stupid.

“But!” Hanji insisted, still keeping fairly quiet because they knew now why Eren didn’t want anyone to overhear. “I can go with you to get it done, if you’d like. I can make an appointment for you and go with you so you don’t have to do it alone.”

“That would… that would actually be nice. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Hanji said, smiling. “And don’t worry, I won’t tell Erwin. I don’t think you have to worry about telling him, though. He knows what you did and the risks of that, and honestly, if he’s not mature enough to accept that then he doesn’t deserve you.”

Eren had never expected someone to say that about him. The idea of _Erwin_ not deserving _Eren_ was actually laughable to him. It was definitely the other way around. Eren couldn’t help but blush bright red at Hanji’s words and look at his feet, smiling. In a way he wanted to cry because it was so nice or tell Hanji that there’s no way that could be true, but he didn’t. He just smiled to the ground. “Thanks,” he mumbled, and he felt Hanji wrap him in a hug.

“No problem, kiddo,” Hanji said. “Just don’t listen to anything those people on the news say. People will shit on everything you are and everything you love and you know what they’re really saying when they say that? They’re saying that they’re ok with hating. That they choose to spend their free time hurting people and hating things, and I feel sorry for those people. I don’t know if it’s just that they were never taught anything else or what, but it’s got to be hard to carry around all that negativity. Now, you’re still going to get angry because they’re saying all these things that aren’t true and they don’t know what they’re talking about and you have a right to be pissed, but you can’t let that hate become your life. And if there’s one thing hateful people hate the most, it’s when the people they spout shit at just smile back and treat them with kindness. Because who looks like the idiot then? Them. Kill them with kindness, as they say. That’s how I deal with it, at least. There are advantages to being angry and fighting back, but in your case, I think it’d be better to just smile and kindly tell them why they’re wrong, and _then_ if they still treat you like shit you can smile and kindly tell them where to shove it.”

Eren couldn’t help but chuckle at Hanji’s final words. “Thanks,” he said, though he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to remain that calm. He’s always been an aggressive person, so he wasn’t sure about it, but he could try. “I’ll try.”

The door to the kitchen opened and Erwin entered. “What are you two talking about?” he asked, seeing that they obviously weren’t working on the dishes anymore as they were still hugging.

“Oh, just girl talk,” Hanji said, releasing Eren from their embrace.

“Neither of you are girls,” Erwin reminded the doctor.

“Who says you have to be a girl to have girl talk?” Hanji quipped. “So you can just go suck it, you straight cis white male!”

Erwin laughed, used to this coming from his friend. “I don’t think you could exactly say I’m straight, Hanji,” he said. “Quite the opposite.” He glanced to Eren as proof.

“Eh, you’re rich, it’s close enough,” Hanji said, smiling.

 

* * *

 

Hanji, Levi, and Petra stayed over for a few hours after dinner, just chatting. They seemed to all be pretty close friends, Eren thought, which just made it even more awkward for him to be there. He slunk off to the library at some point, shutting himself in there and trying to work through the rest of _Green Eggs and Ham_ on his own. Having Erwin’s friends there and hearing all that they were talking about just reminded him about how stupid he was and that he needed to learn to read so he wouldn’t be so stupid anymore.

He managed to remain calm for the most part. He got frustrated sometimes and almost ripped apart the book but he put it down and calmed himself before continuing so he didn’t ruin Erwin’s book.

Eren was almost to the end when someone knocked on the library door. He quickly tried to put away the book in case it wasn’t Erwin, but thankfully it was the blond man who walked into the room.

“Hi,” Erwin said, staying in the doorway.

“Hi,” Eren repeated, more calmly putting away the book now that he knew who it was.

“The others are going to leave soon and I know Petra wanted to get your number, so I wasn’t sure if you’d want to come say goodbye.”

“Yeah, sure,” Eren said, standing up from his place on the floor. He followed Erwin back out to the living room. He gave Petra his number, and Hanji gave him a wink to let him know that they were taking down his number as well, before saying goodbye to them all. Hanji quietly told Eren that they’d call him to figure out their plans, and thankfully Erwin had been saying goodbye to Petra at the time, so he was distracted. Levi looked at them a little strangely, but Eren didn’t think he was too suspicious. 

It was pretty late once their guests left and they got everything cleaned up, so as soon as they’d finished washing the wine glasses they headed to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

Eren decided it was time he give Erwin another blowjob. It’d been a while since the last time, and he figured Erwin probably wanted it and was just too polite to ask. He knew Erwin would never want to make Eren feel obligated to give him sex, but Eren would feel bad if he didn’t give him anything back for all that he’s been given.

So, he waited until Erwin was in nothing but his boxers to go over to him and gently take the pajama pants out of Erwin’s hands and drop them on the floor. He himself was already in just his boxers, his normal sleepwear, so he reached up to draw Erwin’s surprised face to his own and begin kissing him.

They hadn’t kissed like this in a while, either. Erwin was some of Eren’s only experience with kissing like this. He almost never kissed clients, but he had made an exception for Erwin after a while. Erwin’s surprise turned into enthusiasm. Eren had been right in guessing that Erwin was looking forward to this. He let Erwin pick him up as they kissed and deposit him on the bed, lying over him, and he let them stay like that for a while. But when he felt Erwin starting to trail his hands down to Eren’s boxers, he nudged Erwin to turn them over, putting him on top of the older male.

Eren kissed down Erwin’s chest, slyly moving his hips far enough down so that they were out of Erwin’s reach and his boxers couldn’t be removed as he played with the waistline of Erwin’s underwear. He eventually pulled them down, Erwin helping by raising his hips. He only pulled them down to Erwin’s knees, which was more than enough for what he was planning on doing.

Erwin was already half-hard from the kissing. Eren kissed and licked at his length while letting his hands play with Erwin’s balls until the man was fully erect, at which point he swirled his tongue around the head and began taking the cock into his mouth. As usual, his technique was flawless from experience. He knew just how long to deepthroat and when to tongue the slit and when to hum. Erwin’s hand reached for Eren’s hair, but he didn’t direct Eren’s movement. He had never done that, even though Eren was more than used to it from other guys. He could feel Erwin’s restraint; that he wanted to grip tighter and shove Eren down, but Erwin still treated Eren like he was fragile. Eren wasn’t sure if he liked or hated that, but whichever it was made him suck Erwin harder.

Before long, Erwin’s hand in Eren’s hair tightened and Eren felt that the man was getting close. Even though he was doing this to be generous, he didn’t particularly feel like swallowing, so he gave one final suck before replacing his mouth with his hand. The saliva on Erwin’s cock made it easier to pump as Eren kissed and licked and gently nipped the base of Erwin’s cock until he came. He made sure to stroke him through it until the man came down from his orgasm and grew too sensitive, panting where he lay on the bed.

Once that was done, Eren leaned up to give Erwin a chaste kiss before he got off the bed, trying to make sure none of the cum on his hand dripped anywhere as he made his way to the bathroom.

“Wait,” Erwin said, sitting up, as Eren was halfway to the bathroom. “What about you?”

Eren turned and smiled at Erwin. “I’m ok, don’t worry about it.” He then turned away from the growing confusion on Erwin’s face to go wash off his hand and brush his teeth. He wasn’t even hard. As much as he liked Erwin and as hot as the man may be, this hadn’t really been sexual for him. It had been payment. And he was fine with not having sex for a while, especially while he wasn’t sure if he was actually clean or not. He was pretty sure he was, but he didn’t want to risk giving Erwin anything.

When Eren walked back into the bedroom, Erwin was sitting at the edge of the bed, his boxers back on. He looked perturbed, but since Eren knew why that probably was, he tried to see if he could ignore it by just walking past and getting in bed.

“Eren.” No such luck, then. Erwin had called his name and looked up at him before he was even halfway to the bed. Eren paused and waited. “Why do you not want me to return the favor?” The words were thought out but still somewhat awkwardly spoken, as if Erwin wasn’t sure of a high-class way to say that Eren didn’t want to get off.

“I’m just not in the mood,” Eren replied, shrugging as if he hadn’t rejected Erwin’s help getting off more than once now. He continued to his side of the bed and got in.

“Then why…” Erwin paused to sort out his words and evidently decided to go straight to the crux of the problem. “I just want to make sure you’re doing this because you want to, not because you think I want you to.”

“I do want to,” Eren said simply. He did not choose to say that he wanted to because he wanted to repay Erwin, but the man sorted that out by himself.

“You’re not doing this as… I don’t know, as a way to… to thank me, are you?” Erwin asked, the idea sounding terrible in his mind.

Eren’s silence was answer enough.

“Please don’t do that,” Erwin said, stern but somber.

Eren looked up to meet Erwin’s eyes and said, “I mean, it’s not like you’re doing anything against my will or whatever. It’s not like that. I’m consenting if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” Erwin was now obviously trying to contain his anger. “I don’t want to do this if you’re not enjoying it, too.”

“You didn’t seem to care much about that when you were paying me for it.”

Eren regretted the words as soon as he said them, as he saw the broken look on Erwin’s face the second before it shifted to barely-concealed anger.

“I always tried to make it enjoyable for you, Eren. I tried my best given the situation.”

“Well I’m sorry I made you work so hard while I was riding your dick,” Eren said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He still regretted his original statement, but he was pissed about how Erwin was dealing with it.

“It’s not like any of that matters now anyway,” Erwin responded, trying to hold onto his last shred of patience. “Our relationship isn’t like that anymore. There needs to be equality. I don’t want to have sex if both of us aren’t enthusiastic about it.”

Eren couldn’t help but let out a sad, bitter huff of a laugh. “Equality?” he asked quietly. “That’s what I was trying for.” He looked around and grabbed a pillow from the bed. “I think I’ll sleep in the den. The TV’ll help me sleep and I can open a window…” He didn’t look at Erwin as he shuffled out of the room, closing the door behind him.


	18. I Have To Tell You Just How I Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are rocky in paradise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to work on another chapter of Waiting Up, but I'm already like halfway through the next chapter - originally most of this chapter didn't exist so I actually wrote most of the next chapter before this, which is why this is so short. So the next chapter of this will probably be up soon.
> 
> As always, my tumblr is [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/), and I always accept prompts and questions and comments and general tomfoolery.

Eren really wanted to find some kid’s cartoons. He knew he wasn’t a kid anymore, but he liked the cartoons. Nobody got hurt, there was always a happy ending, they were bright and cheerful. Unfortunately, with how late it was, he couldn’t find anything. He did manage to find a bad sitcom that seemed pretty harmless, so he turned that on and turned the volume down until it was just a pleasant buzz he could barely understand. He had gotten the blanket from the living room couch and he set himself up on the couch, turning off the light before he laid down.

But he couldn’t sleep.

Honestly, he didn’t really expect to. He nearly always had a hard time sleeping, even when there was absolutely nothing on his mind. And at the moment, he was worried that he had ruined everything. He would be kicked out and Erwin would want nothing to do with him and he’d end up on the streets again further in the gutter than he’d began. And he’d been starting to really like Erwin, too. Sure, he still didn’t talk to him about everything, and he still didn’t completely trust him, but he liked him. Maybe he needed to show that more? But that was how he’d gotten into this mess. Well, he supposed there was a difference between a gratitude blowjob and an “I like you” blowjob. And neither of them seemed to be what Erwin wanted. Eren sighed. How was he supposed to know how to do all of this relationship stuff?

There was a knock on the door to the den and Eren jolted up out of instinct and looked to the door, where Erwin was peering in.

“Eren?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah?” Eren answered.

“Are you awake?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Right. That was a stupid question.” Erwin slid inside the room, closing the door behind him so that the room was lit just by the light of the television. “I think that we should talk,” he said.

Eren sat up properly on the couch and adjusted the blanket over his lap. “Yeah, probably.”

Erwin took that as an invitation to go further into the room and sit next to Eren on the sofa. Eren didn’t know what to say, so he just looked at Erwin and waited until he spoke slowly, choosing each word with care. “I know,” he said. “That this relationship may not seem… equal, to you, because of the financial difference. But I don’t expect anything in return for anything I give you. You could never touch me again and I’d still give you anything you want. Within reason.”

“Why would you do that though?” Eren asked. “Why would you do that if you weren’t getting anything out of it?”

“Because,” Erwin said. “That’s what you do for the people you love.”

Eren just stared at Erwin for a minute. “I… wow. You just… sprung that on me, didn’t you?”

“I do, though,” Erwin said. “Love you, that is.” He said it so certainly, and Eren didn’t know how he was able to do that.

Eren brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “I… I can’t say it back, if that’s what you’re expecting.”

Erwin tried to think logically and not let that hurt. “That’s alright,” he said. “I don’t want you to say it back if you don’t mean it.”

Eren nodded, but still couldn’t meet Erwin’s eyes. He listened to the buzz of the TV soap opera for a few minutes. “I’m. I’m not good at all this stuff, you know,” he finally said. “Like, relationships. I’ve never had… I don’t know how to do any of this.”

“I don’t think anyone does,” Erwin said with a small smile.

“You seem pretty good at it,” Eren mumbled.

Erwin laughed. “I’ve had a bit of experience, but I’m still no expert.”

Eren leaned over and put his head on Erwin’s shoulder, and the man put his arm around Eren. “I still don’t really get why you don’t want me to suck you off. I mean, isn’t it the same thing as like, you giving me stuff and not expecting anything back, right?”

“It’s not… It’s not the same.” Erwin was a bit exasperated. He didn’t know how to describe this. “It’s… Like I told you earlier, I don’t like unreciprocated sex. Maybe some people like that, but I don’t.”

“Oh.”

“So, please, just… If you’re doing it as a chore, I don’t want it.”

“But-“ Eren started, and then stopped. “Hm.”

“Hm?” Erwin repeated.

“It’s just… I mean, it might be a while,” Eren admitted. “Like. I’m kind of liking not having to… y’know. I mean, I think this is the longest I’ve gone without sex since I was fifteen.” That fact surprised Erwin – he had been very careful in making sure Eren was over eighteen when he first hired him; he hadn’t even stopped to think that he had started working the streets before that. “So,” Eren continued, oblivious to Erwin’s surprise. “I don’t know if you… Like if you changed your mind, I’d be cool with that, just let me know.”

“I can wait until you’re ready,” Erwin promised. “I don’t mind.”

“Ok, but if you change your mind…”

“I won’t.”

“Ok.”

They sat there for a while, looking at the television but not watching the show.

“Will you come back to bed?” Erwin asked.

“Only if you read me to sleep.” It felt a little bit childish to say, but Eren was tired and he felt like he was allowed to be a bit childish sometimes, given his childhood.

“Sure,” Erwin said, chuckling. He turned off the TV and closed the window as Eren folded the blanket and grabbed the pillow, and the two of them headed back to the bedroom. Eren curled up against Erwin as usual, and Erwin only had to read softly from his novel for ten minutes before Eren was sound asleep.

* * *

 

The next day, Hanji called Eren to arrange their trip to the doctor’s office. Since Eren’s schedule was wide open, they went by Hanji’s schedule. The doctor ended up being able to take some time the next day around lunchtime. Hanji told Eren they would make an appointment for him and pick him up the next day.

Of course, that was the day Erwin decided to work from home. Eren was nervous, but he remembered what Hanji had told him about Erwin being accepting. And with everything that Erwin had said during their recent argument… Eren was really starting to believe that. But what if Erwin thought that Eren was deceiving him by not telling him about this in their last conversation about sex? Eren just didn’t know. And Erwin was busy working, anyway, so… Maybe he’d tell him during dinner.

That meant fudging the truth when Hanji came to pick him up. He knew that there was no way he’d be able to just sneak out without letting Erwin know, because that’d be totally suspicious and probably make Erwin more upset than necessary. So instead, he got dressed and called down to the front desk to tell them Hanji was coming, and he waited in the den. When Hanji knocked, he got to the door about the same time as Erwin.

“Are you expecting somebody?” Erwin asked, noting that Eren had his shoes on.

“Yeah,” Eren said simply before he opened the door.

“Eren!” Hanji exclaimed, hugging him.

“Hanji?” Erwin asked, and the doctor noticed that the man was there.

“Erwin!” they said. “Hi! Wasn’t expecting you to be here!”

“What are you doing here?” Erwin was very confused as to why his friend was visiting Eren. He wasn’t aware they were close at all.

“We going to get lunch,” Hanji explained, picking up on the fact that Eren hadn’t told Erwin the truth as they had suggested. “Eren thought it’d be nice to get out of the apartment a little and besides, I’d like to get to know Eren some more since he did the impossible and made you all gooey and mushy.”

Eren chuckled nervously at Hanji’s description of what Eren had supposedly done to Erwin.

“Alright,” Erwin said. He was still confused as to why Eren hadn’t told him about this before Hanji got there. “I’m glad you two are getting to know each other. Have fun.” He gave Eren a kiss and closed the door behind them before going back to work.

“Thanks,” Eren told Hanji as they were taking the elevator down.

“No problem,” Hanji said.

“I’ll tell him,” Eren promised. “Later.”

Hanji had parked in the visitor’s section of the parking garage, so the two of them didn’t have to bother with the reporters. They went to a practice that wasn’t too far away, and pretty soon Eren was checked in and handed a clipboard with a bunch of papers and a pen.

The two sat in the waiting area and Eren stared at the forms he was supposed to fill out. He hadn’t expected having to fill out so many forms, though when he thought about it he probably should have expected it. He didn’t want anybody else to know about his illiteracy, but he didn’t really have any choice at this point.

“Hanji?” he asked.

The doctor looked up from the magazine they were reading. “Hm?”

“Um, would you mind…” Eren offered Hanji the clipboard. “I can’t exactly… read.”

“Oh,” Hanji said, surprised. They took the clipboard from Eren and smiled. “No problem. Let’s see… name?”

“Eren Jaeger,” Eren said. “E-R-E-N J-A-E-G-E-R.” He laughed. “It’s one of the few things I actually know how to spell.”

“Middle initial?” Hanji asked.

“Don’t have a middle name.”

“You don’t?”

“Not that I know.”

“Ok. Birthdate?”

“March 30th… um…1994?” Eren never really thought much about his birthday.

“Oh, your birthday was just a couple weeks ago!” Hanji said. “You’re twenty now?”

“I guess,” Eren shrugged. They’d never really had the chance to celebrate their birthdays, though he knew Armin and Mikasa’s. Maybe this year they’d be able to celebrate.

“I should get you a belated birthday present!”

“You really don’t have to,” Eren assured her.

“Hm,” Hanji said noncommittally, before moving on to the other questions. They asked Eren a lot of questions he didn’t know the answers to, like family medical history and Social Security Number and all that, but Hanji assured him it was fine to leave those empty if he didn’t know.

“Do you want me to put Erwin down as your emergency contact?” Hanji asked at one point. “Or maybe one of your friends?”

“Um…” Eren didn’t know. He’d like to put Mikasa, because she was his sister, but Erwin would probably know more what to do in an emergency. “I guess Erwin,” he decided. He told himself it was because Erwin would be able to pay if he needed surgery or something.

The nurse took Eren and Hanji back not too much later. He was weighed and his height was measured and his blood pressure and pulse taken. The nurse told him he was healthy, if maybe a little underweight, but that wasn’t anything to worry much about yet. If he lost more weight, she said to come back, but Eren didn’t think that would happen. He’d already gained a bit of weight since moving in with Erwin.

A few minutes after the nurse left, the doctor came in. He asked to speak to Eren alone, but Eren said he’d rather have Hanji stay, so he ultimately let them. After that, he asked Eren why he was there.

“I… uh…” Eren knew he shouldn’t be embarrassed by this. “I need to get tested?” he said, not realizing he was phrasing it as a question. “For like, STDs?”

“Alright,” the doctor said, and he asked a few more questions before giving Eren a script to get the blood work done. The doctor’s practice was big enough that they had a blood lab right there, so he was able to get his blood drawn right then. It took the person a while to find a vein, but finally he was able to get it done. He’d get his results in a few days, and they said they’d call him, which was good, because he had put down his cell phone number on the phone so if he did end up not telling Erwin, he’d be able to get away with it.

He and Hanji actually did go to a quick lunch after that, as they had told Erwin they would, and Eren spent the time finding out how crazy Hanji was as the doctor went on and on about science things that Eren didn’t understand. But he sat there and listened because Hanji had been nice enough to take him to the doctor and pay for it and everything, so he owed it to them.

 

* * *

 

That night, Eren made dinner. He was getting a bit better at cooking, though he still didn’t do anything interesting. He had found Erwin’s spice cabinet, but he didn’t know much about spices so he had to taste them to try them and sometimes that was kind of weird. But tonight he just made spaghetti and meatballs, and Erwin had some pre-made frozen meatballs in the freezer, so Eren didn’t have to do much other than cook the spaghetti and heat them and the sauce. Erwin had been busy with work all afternoon, so Eren hadn’t said more than one sentence to him since he had gotten back from lunch. He’d taken the bandage on his inner arm off, but there was unfortunately some bruising there from how long it took the person to find a vein, so he knew he’d have to tell Erwin.

He waited until they were in the middle of dinner. Erwin had asked about how lunch with Hanji had gone, and Eren had answered vaguely, but he could see how Erwin looked at the bruise on his inner arm. Eren swallowed his bite of spaghetti and wiped his mouth, putting down his silverware.

“I didn’t just go to lunch with Hanji today,” Eren admitted.

“Oh?” Erwin said, and it was obvious to Eren that he had guessed as much.

“Hanji took me to the doctor.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Erwin said, with a more surprised tone. He put down his silverware to focus entirely on the situation at hand.

“I… um… I wanted to get tested. For, y’know, STDs?”

“You did,” Erwin repeated, completely floored.

“I don’t think I have anything!” Eren assured him. “And besides, we haven’t… not since before I, uh. Got fired.”

“Okay.”

“So I asked Hanji about it and they couldn’t do it but they offered to take me, so.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Erwin asked, trying not to sound accusing.

“I dunno,” Eren said. “I just…” He tried to think of a good explanation but came up empty. “I just didn’t.”

“You just didn’t.” Erwin didn’t want to get angry at Eren. They had just had a conversation about how Eren didn’t know how to do any of this relationship stuff, but still. Eren had deliberately lied to him.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said, sensing Erwin’s disappointment.

“I just don’t understand,” Erwin admitted.

“I was just… Hanji told me I should tell you, so don’t blame them. They told me you wouldn’t mind, but it’s just like… I don’t know… It was a reminder of everything I’ve done and all that, and I didn’t want to... I didn’t want to think about it myself, and…”

“It’s alright,” Erwin sighed. “I don’t particularly like that you lied to me, but…”

“I’m sorry,” Eren repeated. “I won’t… I’ll try not to do it again.”

It didn’t take a genius to tell that Eren didn’t promise not to lie again. Erwin supposed he should just be grateful Eren didn’t make promises he might not be able to keep.


	19. You Don't Have To Put On the Red Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet some more friends and learn a bit more about Eren's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm being good today and posting a chapter of both this AND Waiting Up! Also, for those of you who didn't notice, I posted the first chapter of the JeanMarco sidefic I promised you! It'll probably be two chapters total, but I'm also planning on making other sidefics for other pairings, so if you want to make sure you learn about those when they go up, you can subscribe to the Series "I Can't See My Way Out" rather than just the fic. Just so you're aware, the JeanMarco sidefic is SUPER adorable, if I do say so myself. They're such dorks.
> 
> A few trigger warnings for this chapter, though I promise it does not end on such a sad note as the latest Waiting Up chapter. There are heavy mentions of both 'hard' mental illness (ie. schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, etc.) and drug use throughout the chapter, so if you're bothered by either I suggest you skip this chapter (though there will probably continue to be mentions of drug use here and there in the future, but not nearly as much as here). 
> 
> Also, I am not a mental health professional, nor have I done illegal drugs. Especially the portrayal of the mental health issue here is most likely not accurate, because I gave my idea priority over accuracy. I tried to do my research for things, but there are definitely going to be things that aren't necessarily accurate for the sake of the story. This chapter is really the furthest away from reality that I'd like to get though. I'm trying to make most of this story fairly realistic.
> 
> I guess you could also say slight manga spoilers for this? I don't think it's anything really huge though, or anything super super obvious.

The next Saturday, Erwin suggested that they go out to eat. Eren had spent the last few days cooped up in the apartment. He’d spent a good deal of that time on the phone with Petra figuring out more details about their project. They ended up deciding on a community center, which would have counselors and job training courses, along with public bathrooms and shower facilities. It would also give people a place to hang out during the day if they needed, which Eren thought was important especially in the winter or on rainy days.

But he still had been holed up in the apartment the entire time, and Erwin thought it would be nice for him to get out. He was already planning on going over to Armin and Mikasa’s on Monday, but since Erwin didn’t have any plans on Saturday or Sunday, so he thought it’d be nice to do something with Eren.

Eren was worried about the reporters and all of that, but Erwin assured him that it’d be fine as long as they didn’t do anything to directly state their relationship, like kissing or holding hands. And Erwin promised they wouldn’t go anywhere fancy, because Eren didn’t have a suit or even a tie.

They went to this little Mexican place that the Internet said was good, where they made their own tortillas. Because they had driven and parked in a nearby parking garage, nobody was really bothering them. Even the people in the crowded restaurant didn’t seem to recognize them, other than a couple of people who pointed the two out to the rest of their group, but they didn’t harass them.

The restaurant was busy, so the two went through four baskets of chips before they got their food. Erwin learned that Eren liked spicy food, and not just regular spicy. He liked his food as spicy as he could get. Erwin would never admit to being a wimp when it came to such foods, but he was nearly tearing up in sympathy pain as he watched Eren open up his burrito and dump even more hot sauce on it than it already came with.

“See,” Eren said as they began eating. “I like this. There’s no fancy way to eat a burrito. Everyone looks stupid while eating a burrito.”

Erwin chuckled and realized Eren was right when he found himself practically unhinging his jaw to get a bite. In between bites he asked Eren how things were going on his project with Petra. He heard all about it from Petra and a little bit from Eren over the past few days, but he wanted to hear more about what Eren was doing.

“It’s pretty cool,” Eren said. “We’ve decided to put in washing machines and all that too. Petra said we can’t run them for free but we can still do it cheaper than Laundromats or whatever, because they do it for profit.”

“That’s great,” Erwin said. “We’ve started looking for a location now, but that may take a while unfortunately.”

“You’re not gonna kick people out of their homes to build or whatever, right?” Eren asked. He’d heard about companies doing that before.

“We’ll try not to, but if we have to we’ll buy their homes for a fair price.”

“Ok good.” Eren took another bite of his burrito. “Petra said you’re still figuring out the logistics for the short-term housing thing too, but she says that can come later because you guys don’t have the resources to devote to both projects at once or something.”

Erwin chuckled. “Yes, unfortunately even at Survey Corp we don’t have unlimited resources.”

Eren shrugged and nodded. He didn’t know pretty much anything about business or whatever, but he trusted that Erwin knew what he was talking about.

They were just about finished with their food when Eren’s phone started ringing. Oblivious to the annoyed looks from the other restaurant patrons, he answered it when he saw that it was Mikasa.

“Mikasa?” Eren asked. “I’m at dinner. Can I call you back later?”

“It’s Historia,” Mikasa answered.

Erwin was confused as to the sudden shift to seriousness on Eren’s face, but Eren was too focused on his call with his sister to explain to him.

“Where is she?” he asked Mikasa.

“Armin found her in the park. We brought her back to the apartment.”

“Okay,” Eren said, waiting to hear why he was needed.

“We need you to find Ymir,” Mikasa finally said.

“Oh,” Eren said. He quickly met Erwin’s curious eyes and then looked away again. “Why can’t one of you do it?”

“We need to stay here to take care of Historia,” Mikasa explained, and then more hesitantly added, “And besides, you know them.”

Eren closed his eyes and sighed. Just because he knew them didn’t mean he wanted to talk to them, and Mikasa knew that. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll go get her.”

“Thanks, Eren,” Mikasa said, and then she hung up.

Eren sighed again as he put away his phone before finally looking at Erwin. “I need to do something,” he said. “Like, now.”

“Is everything ok?” Erwin asked. He didn’t like how vague Eren was being.

“Yeah,” Eren said. “Just… something with a friend. Can we- the bill?”

“Of course,” Erwin said, flagging down the waiter. He asked the man to box up their meals and bring the check. As he was off doing that, Erwin turned back to Eren and asked, “So what exactly is going on?”

“Um, well, see,” Eren was trying to figure out how to say this. “My friend, she’s got a… a problem, and so I gotta go find her girlfriend to take care of her.”

“Oh,” Erwin said, still pretty confused. “Is she going to be ok?”

“Yeah!” Eren assured him. “Oh, yeah. I just… Mikasa and Armin brought her back to the apartment. They’re looking after her.”

“Ok.” Erwin was about to ask more, but the waiter came back with their food and Erwin’s credit card, so they could leave, and he could tell Eren was really anxious to leave.

“Should we drive?” Erwin asked as they left the restaurant.

“Um, yeah, probably,” Eren answered. “At least to the neighborhood.”

They drove in silence save for Eren giving Erwin directions. Once they were deep into Eren’s old neighborhood, Eren told Erwin to pull over and park on the side of the street. Once he did so, Eren undid his seat belt and looked over at Erwin.

“You should probably stay here,” he said.

“What?” Erwin asked. “Why?”

“Just… please.”

“If it’s unsafe, I don’t want you to do this alone,” Erwin said.

Eren rolled his eyes but then met Erwin’s eyes. After staring him down for a minute he sighed. “Ok. Fine. It’s not really unsafe, though. Just… don’t say anything, ok?”

Erwin was burning with curiosity about where they were going, so he made sure to keep up with Eren’s fast pace when he got out of the car and started walking down the sidewalk.

They walked a few blocks, and Erwin got the feeling that Eren had purposefully had him park far away from their destination. Finally Eren slowed in front of an alley. Erwin could hear men’s voices coming from the alleyway, and Eren gave a look back at Erwin, silently asking him to stay back, but he wasn’t about to let Eren go in there alone. He knew Eren could take care of himself, but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t worried. So he followed Eren around the corner, where two guys were hanging out. One of them was blond and built like an ox, while the other was extremely tall – nearly as tall as Mike, Erwin thought – and seemed anxious.

“Eren!” The blond one called as soon as he saw the male.

“Hey Reiner,” Eren said nervously with a small wave. He looked to the other guy. “Bert.”

“So,” Reiner said jovially. “You’ve decided to come back! Hey, since you’re a friend, first gram’s free. Wait, no, you were-”

“I’m _not_ here for that,” Eren insisted quietly.

Reiner’s eyes shifted, noticing Erwin for the first time, before he narrowed them at Eren. “Yo, you didn’t narc on us did you?”

“No!” Eren said. He glanced back at Erwin, standing a couple of feet behind him. “Just… Forget about him. And we don’t want any stuff. I just need to find Ymir.”

“Oh!” Reiner said when he realized. “Is it Christa?”

“Yeah,” Eren answered. “So I kinda need to-“

“Sure, yeah,” Reiner interrupted. “She should be at the bus stop on 5th and Roosevelt. She’s probably sleeping if she let Christa out of her sight.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Eren said, turning to leave.

“Hey Eren,” Reiner called. Eren stopped but didn’t turn back. “You should come by more often. We need to catch up.”

Eren hesitated. “I… don’t think that’d be a good idea.” He didn’t give Reiner the time to reply before he walked away, expecting Erwin to follow.

Erwin had to jog to catch up to Eren, he was walking so fast.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Eren said, still walking ahead of Erwin. Erwin didn’t answer. They walked a few more blocks, and Eren didn’t let up much on his fast pace. They were walking in the opposite direction of the car, so Erwin assumed they were going to walk to 5th and Roosevelt.

“I’ve been clean nearly three years,” Eren said a few streets later. Erwin thought this would be a better conversation to have at home rather than when they were rushing on the sidewalks, so he didn’t answer.

A few blocks later, Eren stopped and turned to face Erwin, who nearly ran into him, not expecting him to stop so short.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” he said, talking quickly. “When you’re starving and miserable and lonely and you can just _forget_ for a bit – forget all the shit you’ve been through, all the shit people say to you and do to you and just- Fuck!”

Eren was nearly crying now he was so worked up. Erwin took him in his arms and said, “Shhh, it’s ok. You don’t have to explain it now. Let’s just find your friend, right?”

“Yeah,” Eren said, wiping his eyes. He turned back and started walking – at a much more reasonable pace – towards the bus stop where they’d find Ymir.

 

* * *

 

They found her a few blocks away, sleeping on the bench of the promised bus stop. She was bundled up under piles of sweatshirts and blankets so that you could barely see her face, and her hair looked a bit like a rat’s nest. Erwin thought that she looked like a stereotypical homeless person – the kind of person he’d think of when he thought ‘homeless’ far before he’d think of Eren. He couldn’t tell much about her from the way she was bundled up, not even her approximate age.

“Ymir!” Eren called, kicking her foot beneath all the blankets. “Ymir!”

The girl jolted awake, eyes angry. “ _Díos-_ “ she started, but then she realized that it was Eren. “Eren?” she asked, starting to take off all of her blankets and shove them into plastic bags. She was a lot thinner than Erwin expected, with lots of freckles that he could see when Ymir smoothed out her hair into a ponytail. _“¿Qué coño?”_

 _“Es Historia,”_ Eren answered, and while Erwin marveled at finding out that Eren could speak Spanish, Ymir froze for a second. Then she started packing her things even quicker.

 _“¡Maldita sea!”_ she cursed as she packed up. _“¿Dónde está?”_

 _“Con Mikasa y Armin,”_ Eren answered. Erwin could tell he didn’t speak a whole lot of Spanish, since he had to think about the words for a bit before saying them.

Ymir gathered her things as quickly as she could and stood up. “Ok,” she said, switching to accented English. “We’re going.”

Eren led her and Erwin the ten or so blocks to the apartment.

“You speak Spanish?” Erwin asked Eren, amused, as they walked.

“He doesn’t speak Spanish,” Ymir answered for him, rolling her eyes.

“I speak a little Spanish!” Eren argued.

“ _Un pequeño poquito,”_ Ymir allowed.

“Fine, whatever,” Eren said, knowing better than to argue with Ymir.

A little while later they were at the apartment building, heading up to the third floor. They knocked on the door of the apartment and Mikasa answered.

“Thank god you’re here,” she said, letting them in. She was a little surprised to see Erwin, but mostly she was just glad Ymir was here.

There was shouting coming from inside the apartment.

 _“Tell me where I am!”_ the girl’s voice shrieked. _“Let me go!”_

As the three entered the apartment, they saw Armin trying to placate the screaming girl, a small blonde girl sitting on one of the beds.

“Historia,” Armin said. “Please, just calm dow-“

“ _I will not calm down! What do you want with me?!”_

Armin turned to desperately look at Ymir, having realized she had arrived. Historia’s gaze followed.

“ _Who are-_ Ymir!” A smile bloomed across the blonde girl’s face. “My knight! You’ve come to rescue me!”

Ymir took Armin’s place kneeling in front of the girl and took her hands. “Of course, my princess,” she said gently. “But you were never in any danger, your majesty. I wasn’t able to come get you right away, so my other knights came to watch you until I got here.”

“Oh,” the girl said. “Well, I still don’t like them much.”

Eren ushered Erwin out of the apartment, saying a quiet goodbye to Armin and Mikasa. After he closed the door behind him, he turned to a confused Erwin, deciding he might as well explain it here in the dank hallway.

“That’s Christa,” he said. “She’s got that thing. The personality whatever?”

“Dissociative Personality Disorder?”

“The multiple personality one.”

“That’s Dissociative Personality Disorder.”

“Oh. Ok. Yeah. So she’s got that, and sometimes she gets this way, where she thinks she’s this princess, Historia. And Ymir’s really the only one who knows how to deal with it.”

“Shouldn’t she be getting some medical help?” Erwin asked.

Eren rolled his eyes. “Wow, that’s a great idea!” he said sarcastically. “Why didn’t we think of that sooner?”

“I can’t imagine that they’d just leave her without any care.”

“You’ve never gone without insurance, have you?” Eren asked rhetorically. “If it’s not an emergency, they don’t have to treat it.”

“I’ve… never thought about it that way.”

“You seriously have no clue how many sick people are on the streets, do you?” Eren marveled. “From my experience, if you’re like Christa or you’re schizo, there’s a good chance that’s where you end up.”

“What about her parents?”

“Christa’s? I dunno.” Eren shrugged. “But just a word of advice – you see someone my age out on the streets, you can bet their parents are dead or total fuckheads.”

“Fuckheads?”

Eren shrugged again. “It works.”

Erwin chuckled. “Well, we should get going home,” he suggested.

Eren nodded and they started walking down the hallway. By the time they had exited the building, Eren had built up the courage to casually brush his hand against Erwin’s a couple of times and then slip it into his. Erwin glanced over at that but didn’t pull his hand away. Eren was looking pointedly forward, and Erwin smiled. He was more than happy to hold Eren’s hand in public here where there were no cameras. They stayed like that as Eren led Erwin back to the car – he’d gotten lost with all the running around they did – where they had to separate. Eren played with the radio the entire way back, flipping through stations without listening to a single song for more than ten seconds.

* * *

 

When they were back in the apartment, Erwin went to the dining room to get a bottle of wine. Eren watched from the kitchen doorway.

“Want some?” Erwin asked as he poured himself a glass of a wine he knew Eren liked.

“No thanks,” Eren mumbled.

Erwin finished putting the bottle away and picked up his own glass. He and Eren went to the den and sat down, but neither of them turned on the television.

“About earlier,” Eren finally said. Erwin had thought he had been psyching himself up for something, and was willing to wait until he was ready to talk. He just showed Eren he was listening and waited for him to continue.

“With… with Reiner and Bert. The guys in the alley.” Erwin nodded to show that he knew whom Eren was talking about. Eren moved so he was sitting on his knees on the couch, playing with his hands. “You probably guessed… I mean, I sort of told you…” He scratched the inside of his elbow and didn’t miss how Erwin’s gaze followed his hand. “Yeah,” Eren confirmed, forcing his hand away from his elbow. “Well. Um. Ok, so it’s all kind of a… foggy time for me, but. I started when I was… fourteen? No, fifteen. Well, when I was fourteen it was just pot, which isn’t even really a drug. But y’know…” Eren shifted to sit properly on the couch, staring at his hands in his lap as Erwin watched him. “It doesn’t take long before that’s not enough to… to forget. I mean even drinking is better than pot for that. And one night while you’re smoking some guy brings out some meth and offers you some and you think why not, maybe it’ll be enough… And then after a while you try some crack, and then… I settled on heroin. Did it for about six months. I started with black tar, smoking it, but then…” He itched at his inner elbow again.

Eren jumped a bit when he felt Erwin put a hand on his back to comfort him, and he realized how far over he was hunched, unconsciously curling into himself.

“I’m… really not proud of what I did then. That’s when I started… Y’know.”

Erwin put together the timeline with what Eren had told him about not having gone this long without sex since he was fifteen. “Oh.”

“Yeah. I was… I was spending all the money the three of us made, and then Armin and Mikasa kept all the money from me, thinking that it would make me stop, but…” He didn’t mean to cry, but it just started happening. “I did… I just… I didn’t-“

“Shh, it’s ok,” Erwin said, moving so he could hold Eren close as his shoulders shook with the effort of crying. “You don’t have to tell me the details.”

That seemed to calm Eren and he stopped trying to force out what he had been trying to say. “Yeah. Um. Anyway. After about six months I had a really bad trip and… Well, basically, Armin and Mikasa made me quit. I hated them for it.” He laughed bitterly. “I still kind of do. I mean, I had been through hell before, but not like that. God, I don’t think I slept for a week. I lost twenty pounds I didn’t have to lose I threw up so much. I couldn’t stop sweating. I couldn’t stop crying. I wished that I would die. I didn’t though. I actually got fucking lucky. Didn’t catch anything or overdose or anything.” He realized he had been rambling and went back on topic. “But anyway. That’s how I know Bert and Reiner. They’re my old dealers. Ymir gets some stuff from them, but I never hung with her much. Annie gets… meth, I think. And codeine when she gets hurt in fights. I don’t know anyone else anymore.”

Erwin didn’t really know what else to say then. Part of him was angry, because he’d always thought that druggies were stupid because who doesn’t know how dangerous those things are? But he couldn’t be angry. In everything that he said, Eren hadn’t said that he didn’t know how dangerous they were before he did them. He had just wanted to forget. Erwin still didn’t know exactly what that was, but now was definitely not the time to bring that up. He couldn’t blame Eren for what he did, but he knew that he couldn’t pity Eren. He had the feeling Eren just wanted to get this over with.

“Thank you,” Erwin finally said. “For telling me this.”

Eren laughed. “Yeah, ‘cuz that’s such a great story to share.”

“It’s not that,” Erwin said, holding Eren closer. “It took a lot to share that. And it helps me know and understand you more.”

Eren leaned into Erwin’s chest. “Yeah, well, next time we do show and tell, it’s your turn.”

Erwin laughed at Eren’s dry tone. “Ok,” he promised, kissing Eren on the forehead. “How about we go to bed?” Eren nodded into Erwin’s chest and allowed the man to carry him bridal style into the bedroom, since he had already been in his lap to begin with. Of course, the romance of it was damped a bit by the fact that Eren still had to brush his teeth and everything, and Erwin had to go wash out his glass of nearly untouched wine, but it was still a nice sentiment. And Eren only had a little bit of trouble falling asleep with Erwin reading to him from his novel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
>  _"Díos-"_ \- she was cut off while saying "Díos mío!" which is "Oh my God!" but in this case is kind of like "Jesus!" or just a surprised expression when she's woken.  
>  _"¿Qué coño?"_ \- "What the fuck?"  
>  _“Es Historia,”_ \- "It's Historia,"  
>  _“¡Maldita sea!”_ \- a curse, along the lines of "dammit!"  
>  _“¿Dónde está?”_ \- "Where is she?"  
>  _"Con Mikasa y Armin,”_ \- "With Mikasa and Armin."  
>  _"Un pequeño poquito,”_ \- "A veeery small amount."
> 
> So, I know Christa's case of DID may not be extremely accurate, but I wanted to stick somewhat to the original plot while still portraying a homeless person with a 'hard' mental illness. Hard mental illnesses (generally considered mental illnesses that include psychosis) and all the problems that come with them (the stigma, oh god, the stigma) are very close to me and hit very close to home (if you want to know more you can ask me on tumblr), and I want this story in its portrayal of homelessness to include how an absolutely shocking amount of people with hard mental illnesses end up on the streets. The prognosis for people with hard mental illnesses to live "normal, successful" lives is very poor, and a lot of those people end up on the streets because of the poor treatment of mental health in the U.S. As far as I'm aware, it's a global problem as well.
> 
> Mental health awareness and stigma is super super important to me, and if you ask me about it I will talk your ear off I swear I will. But if you have any questions or comments about it, please ask/say them. Tumblr would probably be the best, because I respond there more frequently.


	20. I Know My Mind is Made Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belated birthday celebrations and learning that nobody can sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sort of fits in with Eruren week day one "Firsts" I guess. And it kind of fits in with day two "Intimacy" I think.
> 
> Also is it totally obvious I've worked at McD's or what?

The craziness died down after a few weeks. Honestly, Eren was confused. One minute all he heard when he switched on the news was about how he was a golddigging ho and how Survey Corp would corrupt our children into becoming gay and/or prostitutes, and the next minute all he saw was the same video over and over about this singer’s sister hitting her brother-in-law, another famous singer, in some elevator. He didn’t understand why this was such hue news, but it got the attention off him and Erwin, so he was grateful for it.

Erwin somehow found out from Hanji that Eren’s birthday had recently gone by, and he tried to get the younger to celebrate. He suggested having a party, which Eren fiercely rejected. He didn’t want to seem like he was flaunting his new life in front of his friends. Erwin managed to eventually talk Eren into inviting just Armin and Mikasa over for dinner, and even then Eren insisted it was also a celebration of Armin’s new job at McDonald’s.

Armin and Mikasa told Erwin that they could make it to his apartment fine on their own; he didn’t need to pick them up, so they showed up at the apartment at around seven that Friday night. Eren had visited them several times over the past couple of weeks, and the two had even come to visit him sometimes, but it was always nice to see them. He missed them a lot, which always led to minute-long hugs whenever he greeted them.

In the kitchen, Erwin was ordering food. He’d asked Eren what he wanted, since it was his belated birthday dinner, but Eren just shrugged and said he was fine with anything. Erwin wanted to have something good for Eren’s birthday, and he didn’t think his cooking skills were exactly up to par, so he ended up ordering food from the Mexican place they’d gone to a few weeks prior. Eren had really seemed to enjoy it, so he figured it’d be a safe bet. They went through the menu once Armin and Mikasa arrived so that they could order as well, and Erwin learned that the two of them liked spicy food as much as Eren did. In fact, once the food arrived and they all sat down to eat, Erwin felt a bit like a wimp as he watched the other three dump piles of hot sauce on their food.

“So,” Eren said after he took a bite of his super-spicy burrito. “Tell us about your new job, Arm’.”

“It’s just McDonald’s,” Armin reminded him after swallowing a bite of his chimichanga. “I think they’re going to put me on register so I’ll be taking orders. It’s not full time but I think the manager said he’d give me like thirty hours a week.”

“Awesome!” Eren said. “How much are you getting paid?”

“Minimum wage, obviously. $7.25, but then taxes get taken out of it and everything. I did the math and at thirty hours a week that’s about $940 a month. But then you have to take taxes out it’s like $840.”

“Woah!” Eren exclaimed. “That completely covers rent!”

“But we also have other expenses,” Mikasa reminded him. “Water and heat and groceries.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got $340 left for that!” Erwin was a little bit surprised Eren was able to do the math in his head with seemingly no effort, but he realized that Eren only talked about having problems with reading, not math.

“It definitely does help,” Armin said.

“But I still need to work too,” Mikasa added.

“Especially since I don’t really know if I can pay for everything with my paycheck. They give you like this debit card that they put your money onto but I’m pretty sure they charge you to use an ATM and get actual money with it.”

“What?!” Eren nearly shouted. “They can’t do that! It’s your money! They can’t make you pay for your own money!”

“Unfortunately they can,” Erwin told Eren, and then turned his attention to Armin. “Do they not do direct deposit?”

Armin thought a moment. “They do, I think, but you need a bank account for that.”

“Why don’t you open one?” Erwin asked.

Armin shrugged. “I should, I guess. I don’t really know how to do that. Like what bank do I go to? There are a million. And don’t they usually make you put a certain amount in to start? And they also make you keep a certain amount in there and charge you if you go below that balance, right?”

“Some banks do. I can help you look into it if you’d like,” Erwin offered. “It would probably be a lot better than using those debit card things. There are always all kinds of hidden fees on those.”

“How can they make you pay for your own money?” Eren asked, still extremely annoyed by this. “It’s _your_ money. _You_ earned it. They can’t make you pay to get it out of the bank!”

“Well, for ATM fees a lot of times it’s considered a convenience price for using the ATM of a bank other than your own,” Erwin explained. “And they charge you for going below a certain balance because they want to make sure you’re managing your money well.”

“It’s still the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Eren said.

“It is pretty stupid,” Armin agreed.

“There are some banks that don’t require a minimum balance, though. We can find you one of those, and you won’t be charged unless you overdraw the account. And as long as you use the ATM from that bank chain you won’t have fees.”

“Yeah,” Armin said. “I’ll look into it.”

“If you need any help,” Erwin said. “Just ask.”

“Thanks.”

“So when do you start?” Eren asked, deciding to get back on the subject of Armin’s job and forget about his newfound hatred of banks.

“I’ve got training on Tuesday,” Armin answered. “Well, technically I have three days of training, but it’s paid. It’s only three hours each day though.”

“Still paid, though,” Eren noted, deciding his burrito still wasn’t spicy enough and pouring some more hot sauce on. “What about you, ‘Kasa?” he asked, noticing that she hadn’t been very active in the conversation. She’d already heard all about Armin’s job earlier, though, so she hadn’t had any questions about it. “How’s the job hunt going?”

“Like crap,” Mikasa answered simply. “But there are some places further from the apartment that I still need to try.”

“Well, it’d probably help if you stopped fighting while you were looking,” Eren pointed out. “I doubt anyone wants to hire someone who comes in with a shiner.” Though his sister didn’t currently have a black eye, Eren did turn his eyes to the busted knuckles Mikasa currently had.

“It’s good money,” Mikasa said flatly. “And I like it.”

“You can’t like beating people up, Mikasa,” Eren said. “It’s crazy.”

“It’s a sport.” Mikasa maintained her flat tone even as her brother got incensed.

“It’s _illegal_.”

“I didn’t realize you had started caring so much about that.”

That shut Eren up. He was quietly indignant for about a second before the words truly dawned on him and he didn’t know what to do with his expression.

“I have to piss,” he said quickly as he stood up and exited the room. He went to the hallway bathroom, since it was closer than the master one, and he shut himself in and put his hands on the vanity counter, staring at his reflection.

He had on a red flannel shirt, one that Erwin had bought for him. He looked down at his jeans. They were new ones, too. He pulled out the waistband of his boxers, hoping, but found that they were from the pack that Erwin’s secretary dropped off that one time. Anka, her name was Anka.

Eren looked back at his reflection. Erwin had taken him to get his hair cut the other day. It was shorter now, and cleaned and even conditioned. It wasn’t really styled but it wasn’t a rat’s nest like it used to sometimes become after days without a shower. The bags under his eyes had all but vanished. Maybe it was the lighting, or maybe it was the fact that all the dirt from the streets had definitively been washed off by now, but he thought that even his skin was a little lighter.

He barely recognized himself.

He was no longer the whore that grew up on the streets. He had thought that he still was, that he was just a dressed-up whore living the high life while he could, but Eren saw now that that wasn’t true. He had changed. Who was he to judge Mikasa for doing something illegal? He’d been doing illegal things all his life. He’d never had a problem with Mikasa fighting illegally before. Sure, he didn’t like it because he didn’t want her to get hurt, but he knew that getting money illegally was really the only way for them.

Eren tried to tell himself that he only cared now because there was another option, and he just wanted Mikasa to be safe. He didn’t want her to end up in a bad fight and in the hospital. He didn’t want the cops to find out about the fights and take her in. Not when there was another option. _That’s_ why he cared.

He hadn’t changed.

It was just his appearance.

He kept telling himself that until he could begin to believe it. By that point he’d been in the bathroom for about ten minutes and when he left he saw Erwin heading down the hallway.

“I was just about to check on you,” Erwin said. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Eren assured him, but he was unable to meet his eye as they headed back to the dining room. “Just a long shit is all.”

Erwin brushed off his surprise at Eren’s candidness in talking about his bowel movements once he realized that Eren hadn’t even flushed the toilet, and Eren wasn’t one of those people who didn’t flush after they used the bathroom, so he could only assume Eren was lying.

He felt a quiet rage start to build up in his gut but he suppressed it. Yes, he was angry that Eren was still lying to him. He thought they were past that. After all that Eren has already shared, and after all the proof Erwin has given him that he can be trusted, he thought Eren would be more open with him. But apparently not.

Now was not the time for that conversation, however. Not when they had guests. So Erwin put on the smile that he used when talking to obnoxious businessmen he had to get along with and said, “Mexican food can do that to you.”

They sat back down at the table and everyone began eating again, though it was a bit awkward after that, until Armin started asking Erwin about his company and what he does for work. Neither Mikasa nor Eren were very interested in the answers, but they were glad Armin had someone smart to talk to now.

Once the conversation came to a lull and they had all finished eating, Erwin told the three young adults to stay there as he went to get something. He went through the living room into the master bedroom and came back a minute later with two wrapped packages. He handed one to Armin and the other to Eren before sitting back down. He had thought about getting Mikasa something as well, since it felt weird to only give something to the other two, but from what he knew of the three, he figured that he was pushing it by giving something even to Armin and Eren though this was a celebration for them.

“You really didn’t have to get us anything,” Armin insisted as Eren scrutinized his wrapped package.

“Please,” Erwin said. “We’re celebrating. It’s not much, anyway.”

Armin looked as if he was going to protest more but instead began carefully unwrapping the present. Eren stopped inspecting his own to watch his friend.

After making sure he didn’t rip any of the paper, Armin finally unwrapped the package and saw the book inside.

“A GED prep book?” Armin asked.

“Eren told me you were thinking about taking the tests, so I thought…” Erwin explained.

“It’s perfect,” Armin said, beaming. “Thank you so much.” He started flipping through the book, Eren and Mikasa peering over either shoulder at all of the small text and diagrams inside.

“That’s a lot to memorize,” Mikasa commented.

“Yeah,” Eren said. “Like each page is like a book on its own look at how tiny the writing is.”

“I’ll get through it in a few weeks,” Armin said, and Eren marveled at how smart his friend was.

Realizing that the attention was still on him, and never being one to like much attention, Armin closed his new study guide and looked over at Eren. “Open your present now,” he said.

“Oh,” Eren said, remembering that he had his own present to open. “Okay. It better not be a book though,” he joked as he began to unwrap it. He wasn’t quite as neat with the paper as Armin, but he tried his best not to rip it. He managed to eventually get it off with only a couple of tears.

It was a white box, thin and rectangular. Eren guessed that this wasn’t the actual present, though, because it seemed like there was something inside, and Erwin didn’t seem the type to give people cardboard boxes as presents. Well, maybe if the cardboard box was painted by that Leonardo DiCaprio guy or something.

The box was taped closed, but he could use his nails to slice it open, and inside there was a folded item wrapped in tissue paper. After extracting it, Eren held up the present.

“A jacket?” he asked.

“A coat,” Erwin corrected. “We got you a rain jacket earlier, but I figured you would eventually need a winter coat, too. And even though it’s almost summer, I…” He wanted to make sure that he would have it even if for some reason he decided to leave. “I didn’t really know what to get you for a present.”

That was true as well. He knew that he couldn’t get him something frivolous, like a movie or a video game. Erwin knew Eren well enough now that he knew he would most appreciate a present that was useful. Sure, the coat was expensive – he’d covered the price on the tag with a black marker so Eren wouldn’t be able to see it, anyway – but it was also useful.

He’d scoured the mall during his lunch breaks and shopped online during meetings at work for a week trying to find what he wanted. It needed to be low-maintenance: no suede or shearling, and even leather needed to be waterproofed regularly. It needed to be warm, which was particularly hard to find at this time of year. He wanted it to be somewhat fashionable, though Erwin didn’t know a whole lot about that himself, so he may have asked Anka for advice. And then he needed to guess Eren’s size.

Finally he’d managed to find something that he thought was perfect. It was navy blue and was waterproof – it was even called a storm jacket – but it also had a down filling and a fake fur collar so that it was warm. It didn’t have a hood like he would have liked, but it had two big zip-up pockets, and he thought those could be useful. He wanted to make sure Eren would stay warm and protected if he ever decided to leave and ended up back on the streets.

So what if the jacket had cost Erwin six and a half thousand dollars? It was quality, and the money wasn’t much to him, and for Eren it was worth it.

“Do you like it?” Erwin asked as he watched the three others inspect the coat.

“Yeah!” Eren said, sticking his hand in a pocket to see how much would fit. He was definitely pleased. He stood up and started trying the coat on. “This is great! It’s just-“ He zipped up the coat and found how snuggly warm it was. “It’s perfect!” He unzipped the coat but didn’t bother taking it off before going around the table to hug Erwin. He would’ve kissed him if Armin and Mikasa weren’t there, but he decided upon doing that later.

“I’m glad,” Erwin responded. He was so relieved that Eren didn’t hate it. He’d spent so much time looking for the perfect thing, and he had convinced himself that it would somehow go horribly wrong.

Eren sat back down at the table after taking the coat off. “You really didn’t have to get me this,” he said out of obligation. No matter how happy he was for something Erwin gave him, he was in the habit of reminding him how unnecessary his generosity was.

“I wanted to,” Erwin responded. “I wanted to do something for your birthday.”

Eren shrugged slightly as he put away the coat. He didn’t get why birthdays were so important. So you’re another year older. What’s the big deal? He’d already had this conversation with Erwin, though, so he decided not to bring it up again.

Instead, Erwin got up from the table and said, “I think it’s time for some cake now, don’t you think?”

“Cake?” Eren asked as Erwin went out to the kitchen.

Erwin chuckled. “Yes, cake.”

Ok, so maybe there _were_ some good things to celebrating birthdays. Eren had very rarely had cake growing up, but he savored it when he did. Cake was fucking awesome. Everyone loved cake. Now he was excited.

Erwin came back into the dining room a few minutes later carrying a round cake with lit candles. From what Eren could see, it was a chocolate cake. At least the frosting was chocolate, and that was the best part.

Eren found out when Erwin started leading the table in “Happy Birthday” just how terrible everyone he knew was at singing. He wasn’t even sure if it could be called singing. Mikasa basically grunted everything, her voice only spanning the range of a few notes. Armin made a valiant attempt but did not seem to be able to guess how many notes to jump every time the song called for it so his singing was just all over the place. And Erwin was just completely tone-deaf. Eren wasn’t even sure if he was singing notes that actually existed.

All in all, it was hilariously terrible, and Eren was glad that he wasn’t obligated to join in. He knew his singing would be just as bad. He couldn’t help but laugh during the botched attempt at song, but none of the others got angry. They knew how bad their voices were. It was the thought that counted.

Once the song was over, Eren just looked at the cake in front of him. There were a bunch of candles – probably twenty, he realized, for his age – and the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” in icing.

“Make a wish,” Erwin said.

Eren closed his eyes as he thought. He never let himself wish before. It was dangerous to wish. Wishing was what got you hurt. If you didn’t expect anything, you couldn’t be let down.

But for some reason he felt that he could. Maybe it was the sliver of hope Erwin’s presence in his life has jammed inside his heart, or maybe it was just that he was sleeping better lately, but he decided that just this once it would be ok.

He opened his eyes and blew out the candles, probably getting spit on the cake in the process, but nobody ever cared about that.

“What did you wish for?” Armin asked once all the candles were out.

Eren blinked, not expecting the question, as he had been lost in his own thoughts. He put on a smile and looked at Armin.

“I wished that you guys were better singers.”

Everyone laughed and Erwin took the cake back into the kitchen to cut into slices. But Eren’s heart beat a bit louder in his chest with the lie he had just told. He hadn’t wished that. But his mother had told him, long ago, not to say your wishes out loud, because if you do then they’ll never come true. And Eren didn’t want to risk that.

 

* * *

 

After two slices of cake apiece, Armin and Mikasa left to go home. Erwin told them they could stay over if they wanted, but they still felt uncomfortable staying here, especially when they had a perfectly good apartment to go back to.

As Erwin washed the dishes, Eren went out onto the terrace. He should spend more time out there, he thought. It really was quite nice, especially at night. He could just barely hear the cars all the way down on the street, and with the height there was always a nice breeze. There were some nice plants out there, and some of the flowers were starting to bloom.

Eren looked over the wall around the edge down at all the cars rushing by, but it kind of creeped him out, so he went to go sit on one of the lounge chairs instead. He looked up at the sky. There was a lot of light pollution from the city buildings, but it wasn’t too bad up on the terrace, where they were away from other tall buildings and in a very residential neighborhood that wasn’t very bright at night.

He watched the stars for a while. Eren liked to watch the stars. He would do it when it was his turn to keep watch, looking up at the sliver of sky he could see from the alleyway. It would always be too bright to search out constellations or other patterns, but he still liked looking at them.

Once he was done with the dishes, Erwin came outside to join him. Eren scooted up on the lounge chair so Erwin could get on behind him, and then he could lean back into the man’s chest and they could just lie there.

“I enjoyed dinner with your friends tonight,” Erwin commented at one point.

“It was nice,” Eren agreed. “Thank you.”

“They can come over for dinner anytime.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a while, just looking at the stars and enjoying each other’s company. They must’ve stayed there at least an hour, just being. It was a new experience for Erwin, doing nothing. He was always keeping himself busy with something, and even when he was relaxing he was still doing something. He was paying attention to the plot of a book or movie. If he wasn’t focused on anything, he normally just fell asleep. He wasn’t used to not having his attention drawn by one thing or another, not like Eren, who had spent plenty of time with nothing to do.

Eren seemed to be deep in thought, so Erwin didn’t want to disturb him by talking. Eventually it was Eren who broke the silence.

“A while ago,” he said, and Erwin could tell he’d been rehearsing what he was about to say in his head. “I told you that I could count the number of days I’ve been ok on my hands.”

Erwin nodded, even though it hadn’t been a question and Eren wasn’t even looking at him but rather up at the sky before he shifted his gaze to his hands in his lap.

“With you…” He hesitated, not sure if he wanted to say this. He didn’t want to sound too cheesy, or anything like that, but something inside him was pushing him to say this. “With you, I’ve needed to add my toes.” Not literally, of course. Eren was pretty good at math and counting. But it was a figure of speech.

Erwin still didn’t respond, sensing that there was more to come, but Eren just looked back up at the sky.

_And I can’t keep myself from wishing that maybe, years from now…_ Eren thought. _Maybe I’ll need the stars._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here](http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Loro-Piana-Storm-Baby-Cashmere-Soft-Jacket-Navy-/prod163980048_cat14810731__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat14810731%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D60%2526Ns%253DPCS_SORT%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod161210166&cmCat=product) is the coat Erwin gave Eren. I know it technically has real fur but we can pretend it's not (even though it'd be a lot cheaper if it were fake fur). But creative license and all that, y'know.


	21. You Don't Have To Wear That Dress Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin's friends might just be even crazier that Eren's.
> 
> A.K.A. if you ever wanted to hear Erwin's drunk college stories, this is your opportunity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY SORRY SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. but at least it's mostly just crack.
> 
> on that note, however, I just got a full-time internship for the summer so I can't promise you regular updates anymore. I'll update when I can, but I just won't have the time, so it could be weeks, especially since I decided to start yet another fic recently, too. Just an fyi so you don't get angry if it takes a while for another update.
> 
> Another warning: I didn't even really proofread this chapter, sorry. I'm tired but I want to get this up.
> 
> Also, I gave Erwin a middle name. So yeah.
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/)!

Eren was afraid of angry Hanji. Apparently he wasn’t alone in his fear, though, and because it was Erwin the doctor was mostly angry with, Eren just tried to make himself as small as possible to avoid their wrath.

Hanji had burst into the apartment that evening as Eren was doing the dishes just after dinner. Eren had no clue how they had gotten up there, since neither he nor Erwin had called down any guests, and when he looked over at the man quizzically, Erwin appeared just as confused as he did.

“Erwin Frankincense Smith get your butt over here right this minute!” Hanji shouted from the entryway.

The man got up from the stool at the kitchen island where he’d been reading as Eren did the dishes and headed to the entryway, and Eren quickly dried his hands and followed to see the frazzled doctor trying to take off their knee-high, lace-up boots as quickly and angrily as possible.

“Hanji?” Erwin asked, still confused. He didn’t even know where to begin. “Why-? How-? My middle name isn’t Frankincense that’s ridiculous.” 

The doctor ignored all of Erwin’s comments. “I heard that you threw Eren a birthday celebration! Without me!” they shouted as they continued the fight with their boots. “How _dare_ you?! _I thought we were friends!_ ”

Eren bit his lip and shuffled so he was half-behind Erwin and out of the line of fire as Erwin put his hands up in surrender and tried to explain.

“I-It wasn’t really a celebration, Hanji,” he said. “It was just the two of us and Armin and Mikasa, and we were also celebrating Armin’s new job, and-“

“ _Oh!_ So it was _two_ celebrations instead of one! That’s even worse, Smith!”

“No no no!” Erwin was now backing up, Eren following him, as Hanji stalked forward. “It wasn’t a celebration, really, it was just a dinner! I promise!”

“Was there cake?” Hanji interrogated.

Erwin hesitated as they all backed into the living room. “Yes,” he admitted meekly. “There was cake…”

Suddenly Hanji pounced on Erwin, tackling him to the ground. Eren jumped out of the way just in time and stood by, horrified, as he watched Hanji practically attack Erwin.

“You had cake?!” Hanji screamed. “How _dare_ you, Erwin Frankenstein Smith! You told me we were friends!”

“We are!” Erwin promised as he tried to deflect the doctor’s swipes at him. “We are! Hanji! Hanji!” He managed to get them to settle down a bit. “We can have another party to celebrate Eren’s birthday,” he said in an attempt to placate them. “We can have another party.”

Hanji’s mood took a complete 180 and they jumped up and clapped their hands, finally allowing Erwin to breathe now that he didn’t have someone sitting on his chest. “Great!” Hanji said, brightly smiling. “I’ll see you two at Levi’s on Friday at eight!” They started back to the entryway to go put on their shoes, but Erwin sat up and called after them.

“Wait,” he said, still recovering from being tackled to the ground. “Does Levi know you’re throwing a party at his apartment?”

Hanji just smiled and said, “Not yet!” Then they tugged on their boots, leaving them untied, and exited the apartment.

Eren just stared at the doorway for a minute until he finally found his voice to ask, “What the fuck was that?!”

Erwin sat up and fixed his hair, chuckling. “Hanji can be a little… excitable sometimes.”

“They attacked you!”

“They _really_ like birthday parties.”

Eren looked at Erwin as if he was crazy. “And I thought _I_ had some weird friends.”

Erwin shrugged and stood. “You get used to it. Hanji’s a bit strange but they’re a great friend when it comes down to it.”

“Yeah, I think it’s like that a lot. The weirdest people are the best friends.”

The two of them went back to the kitchen to continue doing the dishes and Erwin commented, “Well, as you’ll probably find out on Friday, many of my friends have their… quirks.”

Eren laughed as he rinsed off a plate.

“I’m sorry for roping you into that,” Erwin added. “I hope you didn’t have any plans Friday night. I don’t know what Hanji would have done if I’d said no.”

“It’s ok,” Eren assured him with a smirk. “I think I’d be afraid to tell them no, too.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, it probably won’t end up being much about your birthday anyway. If I know my friends, they’ll all just get drunk and reminisce about the college days when we’d all get together and get drunk.”

“Sounds… interesting.”

“It should be.” Erwin grimaced at the thought. His friends were weird enough sober. He wasn’t sure he wanted Eren to get to know them when they were drunk.

Eren washed the dishes for a little while more, a strange look coming over his face as he did so. Eventually he turned around, brow furrowed, and asked, “What exactly is your middle name, anyway?” Hanji’s weird versions of it before had made him curious.

Erwin chuckled. “Franklin.”

 

* * *

 

That Friday, Eren and Erwin headed over to Levi’s for dinner. Levi lived in an apartment building just as nice as Erwin’s, though he didn’t live in the penthouse. He lived on one of the upper floors, though, and his apartment was just as nice as Erwin’s. It was a little intimidating, actually. While Erwin’s furniture was comfortable and homey – though impeccably designed and decorated – Levi’s furniture was sleek and cold. Eren was actually kind of afraid to sit down in case he got dirt on anything.

At least Hanji was already there when they arrived, so Levi was focused on keeping the doctor out of his kitchen and at the same time keep them from spilling red wine on the white carpet in his living room.

Hanji wasn’t the only one already there. There were several other people sitting around with various drinks from Levi’s well-stocked bar. When Eren and Erwin entered the apartment, Hanji jumped up and came to give Eren a very long, very tight hug, alerting everyone as they did so that “The birthday boy is here!”

Erwin tried to pry Hanji away from Eren, eventually succeeding, though the doctor just grabbed Eren’s hand and dragged him over to the others in the living room to introduce him to the others. Sighing and knowing there was no way out of it now, Erwin went over to the bar to get himself a whiskey and a glass of a sweet white wine for Eren as Hanji took care of the introductions.

“So!” Hanji said once they’d dragged Eren to the living room area. “Everyone, this is Eren, though I’m sure you all already know that.” Right. They all would have already seen his face on TV when they were calling him a golddigger and a whore. Great first impression. “Eren, this is Eld, Gunther, Nanaba, Moblit, Aururo, and Mike. Petra’s not here yet but she’ll be here later.”

“Um,” Eren said as the guy Hanji introduced as Mike leaned over and started sniffing him. “Hi?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Hanji said once Mike stopped sniffing him and nodded. “He does that.”

“Ok?”

“Come, sit, sit.” Hanji shoved Eren down into a seat squeezed between them and Aururo, a man with a weird-looking undercut and lots of wrinkles who looked perpetually pissed off.

Erwin came over and offered Eren a sympathetic look and a glass of wine, which Eren sipped much slower than the rest of the guests, who already seemed halfway drunk. Thankfully, it wasn’t too much longer until Levi announced that dinner was done and they all crowded around the table as they filled their plates with fettuccini alfredo with mushrooms and chicken. Right as Levi brought out the garlic bread, Petra arrived, apologizing for being late and saying that she needed to pick up the cake.

Eren wasn’t very happy that they had gone through the trouble of getting him a cake, but he didn’t want to seem ungrateful by saying so, so he just smiled and thanked her for getting him one, and went back to eating.

Dinner almost resulted in a food fight, and by the time they were finished eating, Eren was fully terrified of who Erwin chose to associate with. He guessed his expression showed his thinking, because Erwin pulled him aside as the others were setting up the cake and said, “I’m sorry they’re so weird. They’re good people. They’re just… You get used to them after a while.”

“No, yeah,” Eren assured him. “I understand. I’ve got friends like that too. It’s just… yeah. Takes some getting used to.”

“Ok. Let me know if you’re uncomfortable, though. If you really want to leave I’m sure we could figure out a way.”

“No, this is like a party for me, I couldn’t do that… It’s alright, anyway.”

“Alright.”

“Hey!” Hanji called. “Get your cute butt over here, birthday boy!”

Erwin gave Eren a pitying look and they returned to the group.

One plus to the night would have to be the fantastic food. Eren already knew Levi’s cooking was amazing, but the cake also came from one of the best bakeries in the city. Eren ate about three slices by himself and since everybody else was getting drunk he saw no problem with it.

Apparently Hanji had told everyone to bring presents, because they insisted on having Eren open them after cake. Eren got a lot of unnecessarily expensive gifts that he would most likely never use, but he thanked everyone for them anyway. Thankfully soon after the gift-unwrapping Gunther got everyone doing absinthe shots. Eren didn’t really know what absinthe was, other than that it was expensive and you probably weren’t supposed to do shots of it.

They spent the rest of the night crowded in the living room getting even drunker and telling stories about their crazy college days. The stories generally started with one of Erwin’s friends asking Eren if they knew some embarrassing story about Erwin, about which Eren obviously had no clue, and then the group sharing it, and Erwin retaliating with some story about the others. An example:

“So!” Hanji said after downing their fourth – fifth? – shot of tequila. “Did Erwin ever tell you about the time he did the Macarena naked holding a pineapple?”

Eren just burst out laughing. He was sipping his second glass of wine for the night. He never really liked getting drunk, and he figured that _someone_ should be sober. The nervous guy named Moblit seemed to be staying pretty sober, too, but even he had a good few drinks, which didn’t do anything to make him less nervous. Beside Eren, Erwin turned beet red and tried in vain to stop Hanji from telling the story. Everyone else was cheering at the memory.

“Ok ok ok,” Hanji said to quiet everyone down. “So. It was sophomore year-“

“Junior!” Eld corrected.

“Ok, _junior_ year. We were having a party at Levi’s place-“

“Because you fuckers always choose my place since you know I’m the only one who’ll clean up the next day because unlike the rest of you shitheads I refuse to live in absolute filth.”

“Exactly!” Petra exclaimed from her position on Aururo’s lap. “That’s why your place is always the best option!”

“Let Hanji get back to the story!” Gunther said.

“Right. So, party at Levi’s place sophomore-“

“Junior!”

“-Junior year. We were getting _super_ smashed, as always, and Nanaba here had the brilliant idea to play strip poker-“

“Because you know that you’re the only good poker player out of the group of us!” Erwin said accusingly, pointing at Nanaba, who just shrugged and smiled.

“And you have to understand that Erwin is possibly _the_ worst poker player of all time,” Aururo explained, leaning around Petra.

“I’m not _that_ bad!” Erwin protested.

“And he doesn’t ever _think_ he’s the worst,” Aururo said.

“So of course he loses,” Petra continued.

“And so like half an hour after the game starts he’s buck naked,” Hanji said, taking back control of the story. “But y’know, he’s also so drunk he doesn’t care that he’s naked. But he’s all pissy that he lost, so he decides that the party needs a theme to distract everyone from his pitiful poker playing.”

Eren nearly snorted and Erwin covered his face with his hands.

“He sees a pineapple in the kitchen and decides the party is now Hawaiian,” Gunther supplied.

“I just came back from spring break in Maui!” Erwin explained. “I was still in the Hawaii mindset!”

“Aaaanyway,” Hanji said. “He grabs this pineapple and starts carrying it around to show that it is now a Hawaiian party, and he goes over to the stereo to try to find some luau music.”

“Not necessarily luau music!” Erwin protested. “I never said it had to be luau music!”

“Whatever.” Levi decided to take over the story. “So, he passes a channel that just started playing the Macarena, so of course he keeps the channel on and nearly pisses himself with excitement.”

“I did not!”

Hanji was laughing so hard they were nearly incomprehensible. “So he starts doing the dance, naked, still holding his pineapple.”

Half the group stood up and started to do the dance in an attempt to mock Erwin, who was having trouble deciding whether to be mortified or to break down laughing.

“Well,” he eventually said. “That’s not _nearly_ as bad as the time Aururo tried to tap dance while wearing Petra’s dress.”

“Which you totally destroyed and never replaced!” Petra yelled at Aururo, and so began that tale.

 

* * *

 

The party didn’t begin to die down until about one in the morning, when Petra and some of the others started to pass out. Levi grudgingly allowed everyone to stay at his place – though only on the wood floors, “because if you get vomit on my good furniture I’ll make sure that that’s not the only bodily fluid you spill” (with the impression given that blood was the other fluid) – but since Moblit and Eren were sober enough they decided to take their significant others (well, Eren couldn’t tell Moblit and Hanji’s relationship, to be honest) home themselves. Moblit had driven with the intention to be sober enough to drive home later, but Eren and Erwin had taken a town car because Erwin anticipated getting pretty smashed, so Eren had to call a cab.

He practically had to carry Erwin down to the waiting car. Though he’d been a fun drunk up at the party – and had always been a fun drunk, as evidenced in the naked pineapple Macarena story – now that he was getting tired he was grumpy and lazy and basically your average toddler, if your average toddler were over six feet tall and weighed more than two hundred pounds. And if that wasn't bad enough, he had to carry all the presents he’d gotten, too.

“’Wanna sleep,” he mumbled into Eren’s shoulder as they waited for the cab to pull up.

“You can sleep when we get back to the apartment,” Eren told him. When he noticed Erwin starting to doze off on his shoulder, he shook him awake. “No. You can’t sleep yet. We still have to get back to the apartment.”

“Whyyyyyyyyyy,” Erwin whined.

“Because you’re too fucking huge for me to carry so you have to stay awake so you can walk,” Eren explained.

“Don’ wanna.”

“Well you have to.”

“Uuuuuugh you’re mean.”

“I know,” Eren replied, patting Erwin’s blond hair. He wondered in the back of his mind if Erwin’s hair had always been so soft.

“Mmmm,” Erwin hummed in response to the petting. “'Take it back. You're not mean. I love you, Er-Er.”

“Er-Er?”

“Mhm. It’s your new nickname.”

“You are so drunk.”

Finally, the cab pulled up and Eren loaded the gifts and the man in, climbing in after and giving the driver directions back to the apartment building. Thankfully Eren had been wise enough to memorize the address.

“But ser’usly,” Erwin continued once they were driving, returning his head to Eren’s shoulder. “Love you.”

Eren sighed and went back to petting Erwin’s hair. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

Erwin awoke the next morning with a _massive_ headache. He groaned loudly at the sun coming in the windows and turned over in bed. In bed? Eren must have gotten them back somehow. Such a good boyfriend. He could thank him later.

He heard a chuckle. “Finally awake?” Eren asked from somewhere beside him.

“No,” was Erwin’s petulant answer.

“Hungover?”

“Very.”

Erwin heard and felt movement beside him and decided it was finally time to face the music and open his eyes. He attempted to do so and hissed like a vampire. Eventually his eyes adjusted a bit and he saw Eren walking out of the room, fully dressed and showered. What time was it? He glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. Really? 1:00 p.m. already? How did he possibly sleep so late?

Eren came back with a glass of water. “Here,” he said, holding the glass out to Erwin. “Drink. Armin always tells people to drink water when they’re hungover.”

“Thanks,” Erwin grumbled, taking the glass and downing it. “How long have you been up?”

“Since about seven,” Eren answered.

“Really? How? Why?”

“I didn’t drink that much last night.”

“Smart boy.” He held the empty glass out to Eren and he went to refill it in the bathroom sink. He brought it back out and Erwin downed this glass as well. “What’ve you been doing all this time?”

“Reading,” Eren shrugged. Erwin looked over and noticed the book _Hop on Pop_ lying open on the bed.

“Oh.” Erwin’s head throbbed and he rubbed his temples. “Do we have any Motrin? It’d be in the closet in the bathroom. Small white bottle, dark blue label. They’re brown pills, round. Starts with an M-O-T.”

“I’ll go check,” Eren said, heading back into the bathroom. He looked through all the pill bottles but couldn’t find the pills Erwin described. After a thorough search he returned to the bedroom. “We don’t have any. I can run to the store and get some, if you want?”

“Really?” Erwin asked. “God, you’re a saint. You can just go to the CVS the next block over. Take some cash from my wallet before you go.” He turned over and buried his face in the pillows. “And can you close the curtains before you go? Too bright…”

Eren snickered and went to close the curtains. “Alright, I’ll be back soon,” he said, closing the bedroom door behind him as he left so it was extra dark in there for Erwin. He took a twenty from Erwin’s wallet on the entryway table, figuring that’d be more than enough, and stuck it in his pocket next to his phone. Then he slid on his shoes and left, deciding not to bring his jacket since it was pretty warm out.

The CVS was only a block away, so of course Eren walked there. Or at least, that was the plan.

He left the apartment building and turned left, beginning on his way. A little ways in front of him there was a man wearing a long black jacket that was much too hot for this weather, but Eren had seen stranger, so he didn’t think much of it. He just assumed the guy was a flasher or whatever and put it out of his mind, not giving the man any thought when he turned down an alley next to the apartment building. Maybe he was homeless, Eren thought. Most of the time homeless people didn’t hang around these parts because the police were strict in the rich areas of the city about loiterers and things like that, but people would still try. There was a restaurant next to the apartment building that shared the alley, so the guy was probably trying to skim some dumpster food, wearing the heavy jacket because he had to carry his entire wardrobe around with him. Eren felt sorry for him. He decided to give him the change he got from buying the Motrin to the man on his way back.

When he passed the alley, a hand shot out and grabbed him, pulling him into the weirdly dark and damp environment between the two buildings.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Eren protested, trying to pry his arm away. Ok. Now he was ready for a fight. He raised his free hand to wind up a punch and finally got a good look at the guy.

He froze. His entire life came crashing in around him. The last eight or nine years completely unwound and disappeared from history as Eren finally saw who had pulled him into the alley, and he could not move. When he was finally able to speak, it came out as a feeble whisper.

“Dad?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (don't kill me!)


	22. Put On The Red Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and his dad talk. It doesn't go over too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is a short chapter that is 110% angst. Sorry, but it's necessary. There was absolutely no place for anything not angst in this chapter.
> 
> LOTS OF TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER SO PAY ATTENTION:: mentions of child abuse, physical abuse, implied sexual abuse, implied alcoholism, drug use, and needles (I know some people get skeeved out by descriptions of those).
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/).

“Hello, son,” the man replied with a smile that just churned Eren’s stomach. Eren looked the guy over, trying to convince himself that this wasn’t really happening. The man in front of him was older, grayer than the man he’d known years ago. It was hard for him to call the person his father, even just in his head. Grisha’s eyes were sunken and his face drawn, the teeth of his smile yellow and the hair on his head thin and dry. The man in front of Eren may have been much more sickly-looking than the one he’d known in his childhood, but they were most definitely the same person.

He wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even bring himself to pull his arm out of his father’s grip.

It took Eren a minute to find his words. “What are you d-doing here?” he asked, hating himself for the way his voice trembled, but he already hated himself enough for not running away or punching Grisha right in the face.

“Can’t I pay a visit to my own son?” Grisha answered, his amicable tone soured by the circumstances.

“I-I’m…” Eren tried. “You’re not my dad!”

“Of course I am, Eren,” Grisha said, feigning being upset. Eren didn’t understand how he could act like nothing ever happened, like he never did anything wrong. “Why would you ever say that?”

Eren finally managed to pull his arm away from Grisha’s grip, rubbing it with his other hand after he had it back. “Fathers don’t do what you did to me!” he yelled, but his voice wouldn’t allow him to be very loud at all.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Eren,” Grisha said.

Eren grabbed the collar of Grisha’s coat and pushed him up against the opposite wall. “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about!”

Grisha just smirked down at Eren as if he found it humorous that Eren was trying to challenge him. “Well,” he drawled. “It’s not as if you didn’t enjoy it.”

“Only a sick fuck like you would enjoy it!” Eren yelled back. Why wasn’t anybody hearing him? Shouldn’t people be coming to help him? It wasn’t like they were back in his house, in the basement… No, he couldn’t let that get to him. He couldn’t remember that. He just had to stay in the moment. Don’t remember.

“Well,” Grisha smiled. “Judging by what the news is saying about you, you enjoy it plenty.”

Eren’s heart stopped. Of course that’s how Grisha found him. He saw him on the news and tracked him down. Because of course Grisha would never let him go. His entire life revolved around making Eren miserable. Everything bad that has ever happened to him has been because of this man in front of him. Everything that Eren had become was because of him. He took away everything good in his life.

He wanted to fight back. He wanted to punch and kick and scream at him. He wanted to kill him. Fuck, did Eren want to kill him. But his body wouldn’t let him move. It was just like back then, when he was just a kid. His dad would come home, reeking of alcohol, throwing things around and breaking things until it was time for bed, when he would wait until everyone else was asleep and then go up to Eren’s room and drag him down to the basement…

Eren would gladly suffer life in prison for the chance to kill his father. He’d decided that long ago. But now that he had the chance, when his father was right in front of him, he couldn’t do it. He felt ten all over again, scared and confused.

Grisha, drunk as he was, could still tell the hesitation in Eren’s actions and smirked. “See?” he said, smiling a nearly toothless smile. “You know I’m right, don’t you?”

“No…” Eren breathed, hands loosening on Grisha’s collar. “No. You’re not right, you don’t-“

“I saw you on TV, you know,” Grisha drawled, wagging his finger at Eren as he pulled away from the younger’s slack grip. “Seems you’ve fucked yourself into some money.”

Eren backed away from his father. “W-why do you care?” he asked.

“Well,” Grisha said, stalking towards his son. “I think it’s only natural that you share some of that money with me, right?”

“The fuck? No way! What the _fuck_ have you done to deserve it?!” Eren objected, backing himself into a wall.

“If it weren’t for me, _boy_ ,” Grisha said, getting angry. “You’d never have come into that money, so cough it up before I make you.”

“I d-don’t even have any on me!” Eren admitted, looking for a way out.

“You think I’d believe that, you little shit?” Grisha growled, pushing closer, close enough that Eren could smell the lingering smell of cigarettes below the more pungent odor of alcohol and unwashed clothes.

Eren wanted to scream and yell, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t move. Grisha was so close, and he just couldn’t move and risk getting hurt. It was like that thing with predatory animals – maybe if he didn’t move, Grisha wouldn’t be able to see him. Maybe he wouldn’t hurt him. Maybe he would wake up and this would all be a dream.

“Playing shy now?” Grisha asked, grabbing a hold of the front of Eren’s shirt and shaking him. “Don’t think I don’t know that trick.” He pushed Eren harder into the brick wall behind him.

The scrape of the brick against Eren’s back snapped the boy out of his paralysis. “Get the fuck off of me,” he growled, grabbing Grisha’s wrists and trying to push him away. “I would never give you anything.”

Grisha scowled and pulled a hand away just to use it to slap Eren across the face. “Don’t you talk that way to me, boy,” he scathed. “You should show me some respect.”

“I’ll show you respect the day you deserve it,” Eren said, recovering from the slap.

The older grabbed Eren’s shirt again and shoved him against the wall once more. “I know you’ve got some money on you, so fork it over,” he said, ignoring Eren’s previous comment. Realizing that Eren wasn’t about to actually do that, he began to reach his hand down to search the younger’s jean pockets.

“Wait!” Eren exclaimed, desperate to do anything to stop the man from touching him any more. He pulled a hand away from his father and pulled out the twenty from his front pocket. “It’s all I have. Just take it and fucking leave.”

Grisha plucked the bill from Eren’s hand and looked at it distastefully. “That’s it? You expect me to believe you live in that fancy apartment building and this is all you have one you?” He raised his hand to deliver another slap.

“It is!” Eren said. “That’s all! So just get _off_ me!” He pushed Grisha away, just soon enough to get out of range of the blow.

“Why you little-“ Grisha advanced and managed to get in a punch to Eren’s jaw before he hauled him up again by the front of his shirt.

“You think you’re so great now, don’t you?” Grisha asked, spitting in Eren’s face. “Just because you got nice clothes and live in a nice apartment. But you and I both know that’s not you. We know what you really are. After all, how’d you get that nice place anyway? By taking it up the ass?” He leaned in farther to spit his venom right next to Eren’s ear. “You’ll never change, boy. You and I both know you’ll never be good for anything else. I bet you’re still just as stupid as you were back then, huh? You’ve always been a disappointment. You always will be. There’s only one thing you’ll ever be good for. Even though you got a nice place now, never forget that. You’ll always be a fucking disappointment.”

Eren just glared down at the man, refusing to believe his words. He couldn’t. Believing them would be the end of him. The moment he gave into those words he’d break down completely.

“Hey!”

Both men froze and turned their heads to the woman standing in the alleyway.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

She was angry at Grisha, not Eren. Right, Eren looked rich now, or at least not homeless. Of course people would defend him first. Even if it was to his advantage, especially now, it was a little bit bitter.

Grisha ran. He dropped Eren and sprinted away. People on the sidewalks turned to stare, but Eren didn’t give a fuck. He didn’t watch his father run away. He just leaned against the wall behind him and tried to process everything.

He’d always hoped his dad was dead. He’d tried so hard to believe that he’d OD’d or pissed someone off enough or just drank himself dead. Second to that, he hoped he’d ended up in jail. It wouldn’t be a stretch of the imagination.

He never expected to see him again. Eren had always been off the radar, unimportant and unseen. But even when his face was plastered on newspapers and television sets, he never thought Grisha would use that to find him. He should have expected it, but like Grisha said, he was stupid. But he had been too worried about Erwin finding out about his past than his past coming back to actually haunt him, and now he was paying for that mistake.

Eren slid down the wall to sit against it, too emotionally exhausted to stand.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Looking up, Eren saw the woman who’d intervened earlier, standing a few feet away. He didn’t answer, just stared.

“Do you want me to call the cops or something?”

That got Eren moving.

“No!” he nearly shouted, standing up. He realized by the expression on the woman’s face and the way she took a few steps back that he might have been kind of scary shouting it like that. “I mean, no,” he said more calmly. “Please, don’t call the cops. I just… I need to go.”

He walked around the woman and out onto the sidewalk. He turned right and saw the apartment building just ahead. That’s where he should go. Even though he was near tears, shaking, a bruise blooming on his jaw, he should go back to the apartment. That’s what Erwin would want him to do. That’s what any normal person would do.

But Eren couldn’t make his feet go forward toward the building. His body just wouldn’t move.

So he turned. He turned the complete opposite direction and started walking. He didn’t stop. When he came to a crosswalk, he went the direction that was available or just turned the corner. He forgot about Erwin’s Motrin. He forgot everything. He felt ten years old again and he was just doing what he’d always wanted to do back then: running away.

 

* * *

 

Eren didn’t realize until he was there where his instincts had brought him. He stood in front of the door and wiped away tears he hadn’t realized he’d been crying. He didn’t know how late it was, but he knew he was far away from Erwin’s by now, and the sun was rising high in the sky. His phone had been ringing since god knows when, but he kept ignoring it. It would be Erwin, he knew back in the recesses of his mind, and he couldn’t talk to him now. He wasn’t sure he could talk to anybody right now. He wasn’t even sure he could think right now. He just needed to get away. To get out. He needed to leave himself, and his body led him to the right place to do it, whether it was a wise idea or not.

Eventually, he managed the will to bring his hand up to knock on the door. It took a few minutes for someone to come open it, and when they did it took all of Eren’s strength to not just break down as soon as he looked at the person in front of him. It didn’t matter who it was, he just couldn’t stand to look at anyone at the moment.

“Eren?” the person asked, surprised not only at his presence but at how distraught he looked.

“Reiner,” Eren sighed. “I need a hit.”

“You sure man?” Reiner asked. He wasn’t sure it was such a good idea with the way Eren looked at the moment.

“I’m sure,” Eren insisted, scratching at the inside of his arm. “Look, if you won’t give it to me I’ll go somewhere else.”

Well, Reiner sure as hell didn’t want that. It would mean losing a customer, but that wasn’t really why he was against it. He liked Eren. He didn’t want him going to someone else who might’ve cut their stuff with something nasty. Reiner trusted his stuff, and he didn’t want to see Eren get hurt. “Alright,” he sighed, looking out to the street. “Come in.”

Eren followed Reiner into the house and into the back where Reiner kept his supply. “I don’t have cash,” Eren said. “But I can give you my phone, or blow you if you want.”

Reiner turned to face Eren with a full syringe in his hand. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I told you last time that the next one would be on me.” He held out the syringe. “Wanna stay here, or?”

“No, I’ll go,” Eren said, taking the syringe.

That wasn’t really what Reiner wanted, because he was still worried about Eren, but he supposed he couldn’t really stop him. “Alright, man,” he said, leading Eren back to the door. “I’ll see you around. Just, take it easy, ok?”

“Thanks,” Eren muttered, eager to just get out of there. He wanted to be alone. He knew he should go at least a few blocks away, but he barely made it down the street before he was ducking into an alleyway. He hid himself behind a trashcan, not giving a single fuck about the stench.

He took the syringe and pulled off the protective cap on the end that kept it from leaking. He didn’t have anything to tourniquet his arm with, but he didn’t really care. He almost didn’t want to bother finding a vein, but he managed to get himself the will anyway just to get the high quicker. He made sure the syringe was working, found himself something at least resembling a vein, and prepared himself.

After a long, deep breath, Eren closed his eyes and depressed the plunger.


	23. On A Rocket Ship High In The Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren faces reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, several notes for today!
> 
> First, I was originally going to say that this was a darkly ironic Father's Day update, but I changed my mind. This chapter is dedicated to Armin and Mikasa's parenting, and generally the trio's help raising each other.
> 
> That said, there's probably less Eren/Erwin interaction in this chapter than y'all were hoping for. Sorry, but given the characters and circumstances, this is how I thought it would actually go.
> 
> Next, new title song! It's very very different from the past two, which have been prostitute songs. This song is called "I Don't Want to Live on the Moon and it is from Sesame Street. You'll see in this chapter why I chose this particular song for the title. I suggest you go listen to it too, because it's a kid's song but I really like it.
> 
> Third/Fourth idrk, for all of you who are reading more than one of my current fics, I've decided to set up a cycle. Basically it keeps me from focusing too much on one fic and neglecting my others. So after this, Waiting Up will update, and then Gyroscope, then this one again, and so on.
> 
> I also want to thank all of you for your very kind comments and for reading my fics and just everything in general. It always makes my day whenever somebody comments or sends me and ask on my [tumblr](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Trigger warnings for drug use and mentions of Grisha's A+++ parenting again; basically same ones as last chapter. One slight mention of thoughts of suicide but it's there and gone in a second.
> 
> Also just a reminder I've never actually done heroin so it may not be exactly realistic.
> 
> Ok now you can read!

It didn’t feel as good as he thought it would. He wanted to escape, to just get completely out of his body for a little while, but in his distress Eren’s memory had misremembered how great the effects would be.

That didn’t mean it didn’t feel good, though. _Fuck,_ did it feel good. His body felt warm and flushed. He didn’t have to do anything. He didn’t bother trying to move his arms or legs, because to try would be to try to swim through Jell-O. And damn he just felt like he was flying. It wasn’t as much as he’d hoped it would be, but it was still fucking good. He could just sit there and feel the breaths moving slowly in and out of his lungs and feel like everything was good.

He’d been worrying about something earlier, but he couldn’t say what. He knew he was upset, but none of that mattered now. He didn’t have to worry about anything. All he needed was to be right in the here and now. Where was the here, by the way? Where was he? He didn’t know… Why did he care, though?

He started to get tired. His high was falling, and all he wanted to do was sleep. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just drifted off, right? Yeah, he could do that…

 

* * *

 

Eren jolted awake. Who was there? Who just touched him? He looked around, heart racing. Oh. There was nobody there. He’d just… woken up.

Wait. What happened? He was going to the store, and then his dad, and…

Shit. Shit shit shit. What’d he just do? What the fuck did he do? No. No. He didn’t just shoot up. He didn’t just relapse. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do that…

But he did. Fuck. He fucked up. Damn, did he fuck up.

Suddenly he was crying, barely able to gasp in breaths. Why was he crying? Right. He’d just screwed over all the progress he’d ever made in life. He couldn’t have possibly fucked up more if he tried. What was he going to do now?

He wanted nothing more than to just stay there in the alley forever. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to wither up and die. He didn’t want to have to go and try to fix what he just messed up. He didn’t know if he could.

When did it get dark?

Groaning, Eren shoved himself up to a sitting position from where he’d flopped down on the concrete sometime during his high. He reached into his pocket and got his phone. It was a good thing he hadn’t sold it. At least he did one thing right.

Eren stared at his short contact list for a solid five minutes, tapping the screen to keep it from going dark. He had about fifty missed calls and voice mails from Erwin, Armin, and Mikasa, and even a couple from Reiner. When did Reiner get his number? He didn’t bother listening to the messages. Eren wondered how Mikasa and Armin knew he’d gone missing. Right, of course, Erwin would have reached out to those two when he couldn’t be found. They were probably the first people he called.

Erwin. What was he going to do? He couldn’t go back. His dad knew where he lived, and after all this shit… Eren was a mess. Erwin didn’t need to be subjected to that. It’d been a good run, but all good things had to come to an end, right? That’s what Eren had learned from this. No matter what, he couldn’t try to escape who he was. He was a whore, a druggie, a golddigger, a fucking disappointment. And he always would be.

He knew he couldn’t stay there in the alley, though. He was smart enough to know that. He was practically asking to be mugged or worse if he were to stay there in his current state, still loose-limbed and weak from the heroin.

After a long period of contemplation, he decided to call Armin. He’d call Mikasa, but she’d yell at him. He didn’t want to be yelled at. He didn’t want anything. Maybe death, but he knew he would never be able to do that to himself. He was too stubborn.

The phone only rang twice before Armin picked up. “Eren?” he asked, audibly concerned out of his mind.

“Yeah,” Eren croaked, and he realized for the first time how rough his throat was. He’d expected the dry mouth from the high, but he was still half-crying and that didn’t help any to steady his voice.

“Where are you?” Armin continued. “What happened?”

“I’m…” Eren crawled over so he could look out of the alley to see what street he was on, too worn out to stand. Thankfully, he was somewhere he knew, but that was to be expected since he was so close to Reiner’s. “I’m a block down from Reiner’s,” he said, flopping back against the brick wall, already exhausted from crawling a few feet. “There’s a Dominos across the street.”

“Eren…” Armin sighed. He knew that something had gone terribly wrong, and he wanted to fix it. It would be impossible to do, he realized; nobody could truly fix anyone, especially someone so beaten down by life as Eren was. But that didn’t stop him from wanting to try. “What happened?” he asked again.

There were more tears rolling down Eren’s face when he thought about the question. A lump formed right by his vocal cords and he tried to swallow it down. “Can you just…” he began, trying his hardest to stop crying and to get these words out. “Can you just come get me please?”

“Of course,” Armin responded immediately. “Reiner’s place is on 5th and Jefferson, right?”

“Yeah,” Eren confirmed, letting his head loll to the side. It was tough to keep it up. “I’m… somewhere near there… I think.”

“Alright,” Armin said. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, ok? Just hang on.”

“’K,” Eren said, full words bothersome. “Bye.” He hung up the phone and let his hand drop to the ground. He was barely even thinking anymore. He couldn’t be sure how much of that was the drugs wearing off in his system and how much was just him trying to block out what happened earlier, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to think. Sleeping might be nice…

 

* * *

 

“Eren?” a distant voice called. He knew that voice. Who was it? “Eren, wake up.” Whoever it was was shaking him to try to get him to wake, and Eren did not like it. He grumbled and tried to turn away, but ended up falling onto his side, which woke him up completely.

“Huh?” he asked, blinking open his eyes. “Oh,” he said when he got a look of who had woken him up. “Armin.”

The blond was standing next to him, crouched down to help get him to wake. He looked his friend over. “Oh, Eren,” Armin sighed. “What did you do?”

The question was rhetorical, but Eren answered anyway, closing his eyes again. “I fucked up.”

“It’ll be ok,” Armin promised. “Come on, let’s get you back to the apartment.” He helped Eren stand and kept an arm around him to help him walk.

Eren’s groggy mind started to start working a bit again. “Mikasa,” he said, intending it as a full sentence and as a question but missing the mark significantly.

“She had a fight she couldn’t get out of,” Armin explained, understanding what Eren meant in the way only people who have known each other for years were able to do. “The bets were already placed.” If she’d missed that fight, she would have been in huge trouble, and the both of them knew it. The people who ran those kinds of things weren’t people you wanted to piss off, so she would’ve had no choice but to go.

The two of them slowly made their way down the sidewalk. Thankfully they were only a couple of blocks away from Armin and Mikasa’s apartment.

“Erwin,” Eren said, intending the same sort of question as before.

“He’s worried,” Armin admitted. “But I wasn’t sure if you’d want him to come, because… y’know.”

“Good,” Eren said, the words in his mind a muddled mess. He wanted to say that it was good Armin hadn’t had him come, not that it was good he was worried, but he wasn’t sure quite how to do that with the way his tongue felt like it was too big for his mouth.

It took them a good half hour to make their way to the apartment, and Armin had to practically carry Eren up the stairs, but they made it, and that was what mattered. Armin hauled Eren onto his bed and tucked him in tight, glad that he actually had a bed this time. It’d been much harder to help Eren through the lows after his highs when they didn’t have a bed or phones for Eren to let them at least know where he was.

“I’m going to call Erwin,” Armin said once Eren was tucked in and had a glass of water.

Eren’s eyes opened wide and he started to shake his head. “No!” he protested. He tried to think of how to explain why he didn’t want Armin to do that but all that came out was another, “No!”

“I’m just going to tell him you’re safe,” Armin assured him. “I can tell him not to come if you don’t want him to.”

Eren’s nod was enough for Armin to understand. He’d already texted Mikasa, but knew she wouldn’t be able to answer until later. He just wanted her to know right away.

Armin sat on the edge of his bed with a tissue in one hand and his phone in the other. As he called, he wiped the tears, snot, and drool off of Eren’s face like one would do for a child.

Erwin picked up as soon as the phone started ringing, answering with a distressed yet hopeful, “Armin? Did you find him?”

“I did,” Armin answered, the only one who still maintained his composure as Eren started crying again and Erwin sounded completely distraught. “He called me and I went and brought him back to the apartment,” he explained.

“I’ll be right over,” Erwin promised, sounding like he was already starting to put his shoes on.

“Wait,” Armin said, trying to get the man to slow down. He had to figure out how to explain this without hurting Erwin’s feelings. Of course, if it came down to it, he _would_ hurt the man’s feelings if it meant obeying Eren’s wishes and keeping the man from coming over, but he didn’t want to have to do that if it was unnecessary. “Eren… He asked me to request that you don’t come over at the moment.” There. That was cordial.

“What?” Erwin asked, obviously a bit peeved even with Armin’s diplomatic request. “Why?”

“He…” Armin looked over at Eren, getting another tissue and instructing him to blow his runny nose on it. “He doesn’t want you to see him like this.” Even though Eren hadn’t told him that reason, Armin knew it was true. He knew Eren enough to know how strong his pride was. He didn’t want anyone he cared about to see him in this state. Armin knew the only reason Eren would let him and Mikasa see this is because they’ve seen it before, had needed to take care of him before just like now. It had been hard for him to accept back then, but Eren had had to out of necessity.

Erwin didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want to just accept it. He wanted to see Eren, to make sure for himself that he was ok. But if Eren really didn’t want him there… It hurt Erwin’s heart more than he’d like to admit, facing the reality of just how little Eren trusted him. He knew it made sense that Eren would go to Armin and Mikasa first when he was upset, because they were practically family to him and he had known them a hell of a lot longer than he’d known Erwin. But to hear that Eren didn’t trust him enough not to think any less of him for what happened… It hurt.

He realized then that he didn’t really know what happened, anyway. He decided to ask. “What happened?”

Armin balled up the tissues and told Erwin to hold on a sec. “Eren,” he said, stroking his friend’s bangs out of his eyes. “I’m going to step outside for a moment. Is that ok?” Eren barely nodded, but it was enough for Armin, who stood up and threw the tissues in the trash as he stepped out of the apartment and into the hallway.

“I don’t exactly know,” Armin admitted once he was alone. He didn’t want to talk about it right in front of Eren, because he knew it would just make Eren feel worse about what little Armin knew had occurred. “But… Well, how much do you know about Eren? Specifically how he got started doing what he did.” He didn’t want to say anything Eren hadn’t already told the man, at least, not without Eren’s permission.

“He told me,” Erwin answered, unable to actually repeat the definition aloud because of the growing hollow in his gut as he pieced together what probably happened.

“Ok,” Armin said. “Well… I don’t know why, but he relapsed.”

Erwin’s heart sank as Armin confirmed his worst suspicions.

“He’s been really good about it in the past,” Armin explained. “Whenever he was about to he’d get Mikasa and I to stop him. It was never easy, but he stayed clean. I don’t know what happened to get him to actually do it this time. Did something happen?”

“No,” Erwin insisted, and then he backtracked. “Well, nothing I know of. We were at a party at my friend’s last night, and we came home and he was fine when I woke up. He offered to go get Motrin from the store to help my hangover, but he never came back.”

Armin already knew this from what Erwin had told him earlier, but he’d hoped hearing it again would help him figure things out. He was still just as confused as before, though. “Hm,” he said. “If it was something at the party you would’ve noticed this morning. Eren’s not very good at keeping his emotions hidden. It must have been something when he went to the store, but I can’t imagine what.”

“Neither can I,” Erwin concurred. He sighed. “Well… If he really doesn’t want me there, I won’t come over. But keep me updated, ok?”

“I will,” Armin said, and then he hesitated before saying goodbye. “Whatever happened, Erwin,” he told the man. “I don’t think it’s your fault. You’ve been good for him.”

Erwin sighed again. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

“I know,” Armin replied. “Well, I need to go back to Eren. I’ll call you again later. Bye.” He hung up and returned to the apartment, where Eren was still slowly crying in bed. Armin went over and sat on the edge of the bed again.

“Hey,” he said, reaching down to stroke Eren’s hair. “How are you doing?”

Eren grunted and rolled over to his side, but he pushed his head into Armin’s hand. The small gesture of affection was much appreciated. He silently thanked Armin for knowing just what he needed.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Armin asked.

Eren just shook his head and pulled up the covers.

“That’s ok,” Armin assured him. “Can I see your arm? I’d like to clean it up if that’s ok with you.”

What did Eren ever do to deserve such a good friend as Armin? He still didn’t actually answer, just took his arm out from under the blankets and held it out. Armin gently took it and looked at the bruise forming where Eren had stuck himself. There was some crusted blood on and around it, but nothing too bad.

“I’m going to get the first aid kit to fix this up,” Armin told Eren, deciding it’d be better to spell out everything that he was doing so as not to startle him in any way. He was glad they’d gotten a first aid kit after they moved in here. They’d needed it for Mikasa when she got hurt from her fights, but it was helpful now, too. Armin went and grabbed it from the bathroom and came back to Eren in the exact same position as before. He very gently cleaned off Eren’s arm and put antibacterial cream on the puncture point, covering it with a Band-Aid just in case. “Okay,” he said when he was done. “You’re all set.”

Eren mumbled a “thanks,” and Armin thought that it was at least a small improvement from his previous silence. He put the first aid kit away and then sat back on the bed with his friend, adjusting so that Eren’s head was laid on his lap so it was easier for him to pet his hair.

For the next few hours, Eren just stayed there with Armin comforting him. Every now and then the situation would make Eren feel like he was ten again, whimpering and sniffling with Armin comforting like his mom used to, but then his mind would go back to this morning, and he’d remember how he’d cowered in front of his dad, and that that was who we was as a child, and that’s who he’ll always be, he’ll always be that kid, and Eren would start to cry again. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried like this. Maybe when his mom died. But at least Armin didn’t say anything about it.

Mikasa was out of breath when she got home. It was obvious she’d run home from her fight, eager to check up on her brother. She dropped her gym bag by the door and rushed to Eren’s side, asking him if he was ok. Eren just grumbled and buried his head further in Armin’s lap. He didn’t care if it was childish; he’d come to the conclusion that that was what he was, and he was afraid of how disappointed Mikasa would be when she found out what he did. He knew he was a disappointment no matter what, but he really didn’t want to see Mikasa that way.

To explain what happened, Armin looked at Mikasa and mouthed ‘relapse.’ He hated seeing Mikasa’s face crumple with how distraught she was at what happened, but he knew he had to tell her. It’d be better than Eren telling her, even though Eren knew Mikasa found out what happened when she put a hand on Eren’s face and said, “Oh, Eren.”

Mikasa didn’t care that she lost her fight. She didn’t care that she was bruised and cut. She was just worried about her brother. She managed to squeeze onto the twin-sized bed with the two others and she and Armin held Eren in their laps, trying to calm him. She asked what happened, but again Eren didn’t answer.

At least, he didn’t answer for a while. After a few hours Eren mumbled something that the others couldn’t understand.

“What was that?” Armin asked, still stroking Eren’s hair.

Eren turned over so his was facing the ceiling and repeated more clearly, “He found me.”

“Who?” Mikasa asked.

Eren swallowed deeply and admitted, “Grisha.”

Mikasa and Armin balked. Mikasa’s face soon turned harsh. “What.”

Taking a shaky breath, Eren decided to tell them what happened. “H-he pulled me into an alley and asked for money. He saw me on the news and…”

“And he thought he deserved something, didn’t he?” Mikasa finished. Though Grisha had never been as hard on her as he was on Eren – even she and Armin still didn’t know all the details about Eren and his dad’s relationship – she knew perfectly well what an asshole Grisha Jaeger was, and she knew he would do anything for money.

Eren nodded in confirmation, tears pricking at his eyes again. God, did he feel ten years old. He just wanted to curl up and be held like when his mom was still alive. He could never tell her exactly what was wrong, of course, but she still comforted him anyway. Thinking back on it, she probably guessed what it was, but Eren never told her. He was too scared to tell anyone, and once they were out on the streets he was too ashamed.

Armin and Mikasa held Eren tighter after learning what happened. Mikasa took over stroking his hair as Armin got more tissues to wipe his face. Eren’s cries soon turned into sobs that wracked his body. He wasn’t sure exactly why he was sobbing, but he couldn’t stop. Something about admitting what happened aloud made it seem all that much more real.

“Shhh,” Mikasa crooned, trying to calm him a bit. “It’s ok, we’re here.”

“Do you want us to sing the song?” Armin asked.

Eren nodded into Armin’s thigh. The song was something Eren’s mom used to sing to him or Mikasa when they were upset. After Armin’s granddad died, Eren and Mikasa sang it to him as well. Over time, it became something they sang whenever one of them was upset. They sang it to Eren when he went through withdrawal, Eren and Mikasa sang it to Armin when he got mugged for the first time, Armin and Eren sang it to Mikasa when she came home from a fight so beaten up she couldn’t see straight.

None of them were good singers – they were barely decent – but that had ceased to matter. It was the love behind it that mattered. So Eren found himself able to relax a bit more as Armin and Mikasa began to sing, slightly off-key:

_Well I’d like to visit the moon,_

_On a rocket ship high in the air._

_Yes I’d like to visit the moon,_

_But I don’t think I’d want to live there._

_Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above_

_I would miss all the places and people I love_

_So although I might like it for one afternoon_

_I don't want to live on the moon…_   
  



	24. I Would Miss All the Places and People I Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter took a while, sorry. And I didn't really proof it or anything because I'm in a fucking terrible mood because of my fucking friends and it's not like I had enough abandonment issues to start with and it's not like I can just make friends wherever so my life is kind of falling apart so whatever. I don't even care. I'll try to keep up with my writing and stuff but between this and my internship starting Monday I don't know how often that'll be. 
> 
> As always, you can follow me on tumblr at [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/).

Eren spent the whole next day in Armin’s bed. Armin himself had work, but Mikasa was able to stay home to take care of him. She tried to get him to eat something, even saying she’d go get him whatever he wanted if something in particular sounded good, but he didn’t think he’d be able to stomach anything, and he really didn’t want to be left alone, so he just stayed in bed. He did manage to get to the bathroom to piss and shit eventually, but other than that he stayed in bed. Mikasa stayed there and cuddled him a lot, which was nice. He was still pretty thrown off-balance by everything that went on, and just having Mikasa there to hold him helped him feel grounded.

He didn’t say much, but Mikasa expected that. Eren had never talked much about Grisha. She knew a bit from living with the family for a few years, but even so she knew that Eren got it a lot worse than she did, and that there was a lot she still didn’t know about. Sure, Grisha would throw things at all of them – Eren, Mikasa, and Carla – but there was always something different between Grisha and Eren. Eren always cowed to him, and Mikasa never saw him cow to anyone else in his life. He would just sit and take it, like there wasn’t even a point in trying to resist. Carla would always try to calm him down, and Mikasa always fought back, but Grisha could tell Eren to come closer so he could punch him and after only a second of hesitation and a glance into Grisha’s eyes and he would comply.

It never helped that Eren was bad at school. Mikasa was decent – never able to study much at the Jaeger’s home but with enough natural talent and a good base from being in an advanced class before her parents died – so she never drew any attention, but a week couldn’t pass without Eren coming home with a note or the teacher calling. He would act out in class or get into fights a lot. He never got higher than a D on any test that wasn’t math, and even the Ds were rare. Carla tried to help him, tried to figure out a way to get Eren to learn, but he would never engage. People would read to him and he’d tune out. They’d ask him to sound a word out and he’d just stare at the word like it offended him, but never try to actually say it. When the teacher would tell the class to write a word he’d just scribble some circles and lines so it looked like he was doing something.

Math was a different story. For a while the teachers wondered if Eren was slow; if he should be placed in a special education program that would be better suited to his needs, but then they gave him a math test. Whenever the teacher was teaching them math Eren would just stare, never completing the dittos handed out or answering when he was called on. But when they put him in a room alone with just a desk, a pencil, and a sheet of math questions, he did it perfectly. He’d been understanding what the teacher was saying, the school decided, so he didn’t have a learning problem worth taking him out of class. Taking him out of class would actually be _harmful,_ they said, because a kid like him needed to learn how to act properly in group situations and taking him out would just keep him from learning.

He never learned. Until the day they stopped going to school – the day they ran away from the group foster home – Eren never changed.

But Grisha always tried to make him. He thought that the best way to learn would be to beat him until he did better. And since Eren never did better, Grisha never went easier on him.

Mikasa has spent whole nights when she couldn’t sleep thinking about how the school never noticed what was going on. They should have noticed, and they should have done something about it. The only way they could have not seen it was if they were actively trying to ignore it. She knew the school district wasn’t the greatest, but that didn’t excuse them for not doing anything.

But Mikasa did know one thing, and that was that she would kill Grisha Jaeger if she was ever given the chance. And now that she knew he was still around and still willing to hurt Eren, she was honestly considering it.

 

* * *

 

It was a good thing it was a Sunday, or else Erwin would have had to call out of work again. He was sure all of his subordinates were getting pretty pissed at how many days he’d missed. Of course, he’d probably be missing the next few days of work anyway, because Eren would probably need him around.

That was, if Eren decided to come back.

He really wasn’t sure at this point. Maybe Eren wouldn’t want to see him again. Maybe he’d changed his mind and couldn’t be around him anymore.

He honestly didn’t know.

How was he supposed to? Erwin still knew next to nothing about what happened. After Armin’s first call telling him what happened, he’d only gotten one more call from the blond, and he hadn’t said much then. Armin had just told him that Eren was going to be staying with them for now and he’d let him know when he could come over. That was it. Erwin had been hoping for some info about why Eren had relapsed, or what happened while he was going to get Motrin.

Erwin thought about calling Hanji to see if there was anything they needed to do now that Eren had relapsed. But he didn’t want to tell the doctor about it without Eren’s permission, which he definitely didn’t think he had. So he went to the internet instead.

It wasn’t very helpful, to be honest. It seemed like Eren probably wouldn’t have any withdrawal symptoms, since it was just shooting up once instead of going back for even a few days. But other than that, all Erwin learned was that he had to “be supportive.” He wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to be supportive without even being able to see Eren, but the websites also said not to push or be forceful, so he’d just have to wait.

 

* * *

 

The phone call came that night around dinnertime. Looking at the time on his phone before answering it made Erwin realize that he had only eaten a granola bar all day, but he wasn’t very hungry. He just answered the call from Armin with a brusque, “How is he?”

“He’s… ok,” Armin tried to assure him, though the hesitation removed any chance of it calming Erwin’s nerves at all.

“Really?” Erwin asked, not believing that after something like this Eren would just be ok.

“Well, not really,” Armin admitted. He was talking quietly as if he was trying not to wake someone. “Um, why don’t you come over? Eren said it was ok.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Erwin promised, already preparing to hang up so he could go over as soon as possible.

“Wait,” Armin said, pausing to make sure Erwin hadn’t actually hung up before continuing. “I’m… I don’t know if he’ll want to go back with you tonight. But, uh… if you could bring some clothes for him, and a toothbrush and stuff? I think that might help.” Erwin wasn’t quite sure just how that would help, because Armin chose not to explain. He didn’t know how to explain to a man like Erwin that just changing his clothes, just brushing his teeth, could help Eren feel clean again after having his father’s hands on him after so much time.

But Erwin would do anything he could to help. “Of course,” he responded. “I’ll be over as soon as I can.” He hung up then, and went to the bedroom to pack some clothes. He found Eren’s small duffel from when he was still living on the streets and decided to use that, taking the risk that it would either provide familiar comfort to Eren or bring back bad memories to see. He picked out some of Eren’s new clothes, though, ones that looked comfortable and soft.

As he went through Eren’s drawers he found the picture of his mother buried in the back of one. Erwin wasn’t sure if it would be a good or bad idea to bring it, but figured Armin and Mikasa could tell him, so he buried it in the bottom of the bag where it didn’t have to be seen if it wouldn’t be helpful. Then Erwin got Eren’s toothbrush from the bathroom and stuck it in the bag as well before he got his own things and went down to the car.

He drove in what some could consider a nearly reckless fashion, but Erwin was determined to see Eren alive and well for himself. He needed to see that he wasn’t hurt. He didn’t bother parking away from the building like Eren usually insisted on, instead choosing a spot right in front of the building and taking the stairs two at a time until he was able to knock on the apartment door.

Mikasa answered and silently let Erwin into the room. Everything seemed to quiet. Armin was sitting at the head of his bed, his back against the wall, with Eren’s head in his lap. He was carding his fingers through Eren’s hair and humming a soft tune to him. Eren seemed almost childlike with the way he clutched to Armin’s thigh and buried his head deep in his friend’s lap. He was curled up under the blankets from both of the beds in the apartment, but he still seemed to shiver. It took Erwin a moment to notice it wasn’t shivering but trembling.

Armin glanced at Erwin for a moment before looking back down at Eren. Mikasa seemed to want to go join the two, but forced herself to stay off to the side, probably to give him space. Armin stopped his humming but continued to stroke Eren’s hair, saying in a voice just as soft as his hums had been, “Eren? Erwin’s here. Do you want to talk to him?”

The words seemed to take forever to process in Eren’s brain, but Erwin could see the faint nod the boy made when they finally had. Erwin made to move forward, but Mikasa’s hand flashed out to grab his arm and give him a warning look, a silent instruction to stay back until Eren let him go closer.

Erwin’s heart felt like it jumped and stuck in his throat as Eren slowly, so slowly turned away from Armin’s lap and looked up at him. Tear tracks shined over most of his cheeks, and his lips were raw and puffy, as if he’d been biting them or choking on sobs – both of which Erwin couldn’t see as unlikely given the circumstances. His eyes tried to focus on Erwin, but it seemed a losing battle. He’d blink and focus for a few seconds before the color would drain from his face and his eyes would gloss over again.

When he finally spoke, it sounded like Eren’s throat had been rubbed completely raw. “Erwin,” was all he said, and the man couldn’t help himself anymore from taking careful steps forward until he was sitting on Mikasa’s bed just a couple feet from Eren.

“Hi,” Erwin said around the lump in his throat, trying to force somewhat of a realistic-looking smile.

Eren’s eyes glazed over for a few seconds before he shook himself back into reality. The whole time, Armin kept a steady hold on him and kept petting Eren’s hair. “I’m sorry,” Eren croaked out once he’d managed to catch Erwin’s eyes again. “I-“

“It’s ok,” Erwin promised. “You don’t need to apologize.” He hoped that was the right thing to say, but he felt as if he were walking in a minefield. He wasn’t sure if something inconsequential to him would be devastating to Eren, so he had to walk on eggshells. He set the bag he’d brought on the bed next to him, deciding to leave it for later. Eren didn’t seem to even notice the movement, still trying desperately to train his eyes on Erwin’s.

“No,” Eren protested, reaching out his hand. “I- I didn’t get your Motrin; I was going to get your Motrin.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Erwin said, the soft smile still on his face as he took Eren’s hands between his own. There was a bandage on the inside of his elbow, but Erwin pointedly chose not to look at it. He just gently held Eren’s hand and smoothed down his slightly trembling fingers.

“I was going to,” Eren assured him, tears pricking at his pleading eyes as if this apology was the most important thing to him in the world. “I’m so sorry. I was going to, I promise, but then my da-“

His voice cut off as if someone had hit the mute button, and his face crumpled and froze. He didn’t even breathe. Everyone in the room stilled as if one sound or movement would set off the mine they’d just stepped on by accident.

After a few moments, Armin spoke. “It’s ok, Eren,” he said. “Just breathe.”

Eren drew in a loud breath as if he’d been drowning, and he continued to gasp as if the air was doing nothing to help his lungs. Erwin leaned forward to help but once again Mikasa’s hand was on his arm, telling him to stay back. Armin held Eren tight and kept talking to him as Eren kept trying to breathe. Mikasa pulled on Erwin to get him to stand and follow her out of the apartment, and he thought right as the door closed that he could hear Armin singing.

“What’s going on?” Erwin asked Mikasa once the apartment door was shut behind them. He was completely frazzled. The websites hadn’t said anything about something like this. Was Eren ok? Did he need a doctor? Armin and Mikasa didn’t look too surprised at the turn of events, but Eren had _stopped breathing_ and that couldn’t possibly be ok.

Mikasa sighed. “He was trying to tell you anyway, so I guess it’s ok,” she said as she leaned against a wall. Erwin tried to calm himself, his hands shaking the way Eren’s had before with the adrenaline of the situation and nervousness about Eren’s condition.

“Eren’s dad…” There was a sour way Mikasa’s mouth formed the word ‘dad,’ as if the word itself had offended her. “Grisha, found him. He pulled him into an alley on his way to the store. He’d seen Eren on TV and thought he deserved some of his new cash.”

The blood drained from Erwin’s face and it must have gone and pooled in his toes because it didn’t feel like it was coming back up. _This was all his fault._ Erwin stood in shocked silence as Mikasa told the rest of the story, never once looking in his direction.

“Grisha… Well, I was only living with them a few years,” Mikasa explained, crossing her arms. “And I never got it as bad, but… He was a menace. _Is_ a menace. He’d come home drunk and throw things and… Well, probably your typical abusive alcoholic father.” She let out a bitter laugh before continuing. “But Eren always got it worse. I mean, you know how he did in school, and then he’d get in trouble for that, which just made it harder for him… And there was always something else. Something Eren had never talked about and probably never will. I don’t know for sure, but…” Mikasa looked to the side and rubbed her arms as if she were cold, and Erwin thought she looked more vulnerable than he could ever imagine her looking. She said the next words in a rush, like she was finally saying something she’d never voiced before and didn’t want to lose her nerve. Erwin never thought of Mikasa as someone who _could_ lose her nerve. “Sometimes when I couldn’t sleep I’d lie in bed awake, just lie there, and sometimes from the crack of the door I’d see Grisha go into Eren’s room and come out with him and then they’d go downstairs to the basement.”

The words stopped as abruptly as they had been told, and a heavy silence hung over them.

When Mikasa finally spoke again, it was quieter and more measured. “I… I didn’t know what it was back then,” she explained. “And then… By the time I realized, we were already out of there, and I didn’t want to ask. We never talked about Grisha. Things… things like this would happen. But I don’t think there’s a lot of doubt now…”

Neither of them was willing to say the words aloud, just like Eren never had, but they didn’t need to. Erwin held his hand over his mouth as if it could hide the fact that it was gaping open at the horror of this revelation. He didn’t want to believe it, but at the same time it seemed so real. It just seemed to fit into Eren’s life story like a perfectly cut puzzle piece, and that made the news of it all that much harder to swallow. Erwin didn’t want it to fit. He wanted it to stand out, to feel wrong in conjunction with everything he knew about Eren, but it just slid into place on the timeline of what he knew.

Erwin and Mikasa let everything settle for a few silent minutes. They worked it over and over in their heads while trying to avoid even thinking the words that put a name to what happened.

After a while, Erwin found his thoughts nearing the present, and he went back to the beginning of what Mikasa had told him. “Wait,” he said, even though there was nothing to pause but the silence. Mikasa finally looked at him and barely met his eyes, though not out of shyness but guilt. “Eren’s…” No, he couldn’t call him Eren’s dad. Erwin wanted anything to do with that man as far away from Eren as possible, and putting the two words so close like that tasted bitter. “Grisha,” he ultimately corrected with a growl. “You said he was here? In the city?”

“And he knows where you live,” Mikasa added.

“Fuck.” Erwin leaned against the wall next to Mikasa. They stood there in silent hatred for a few minutes until Erwin finally spoke up. “I’m going to need your help finding him,” he told Mikasa.

“Why?” the girl asked, not bothering to look at Erwin.

“Because we have to take care of him,” Erwin explained. “He’s not getting anywhere near Eren ever again.”

“You planning on killing him?” Erwin couldn’t tell by Mikasa’s expression if she was for or against the idea, so he decided to just be honest.

“If that’s what it takes.”

Mikasa nodded slowly and thought it over. “Alright,” she finally said. “I’m in.”

Once they were through, Grisha would never be able to hurt anyone ever again.


	25. So Although I Might Like it for One Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tries to pull himself together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry sorry sorry that this took so long! Between my full-time job, internet-less vacation, and having a minor fibromyalgia flare up (yaaay) this has been kind of hard. Also I maybe sorta definitely am starting a new fic because I'm horrible and have no self-control. So yeah... I'll try to be better, though, and school's starting up again soon and I'll have more free time then.
> 
> Anyway! As always, my tumblr is [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/) and I'm also a mod at the Eruriren (Eren/Erwin/Levi) blog, [threelosersinlove](http://threelosersinlove.tumblr.com/).

Eren didn’t know how long it’d been since he saw Erwin and then sent him away by having a breakdown. He was just starting to breathe evenly again, his face buried in the denim covering Armin’s thigh as his friend held him steady and softly sang to comfort him.

He forced himself to sit up. He couldn’t stay like this forever. He had to stop being so fucking weak. He curled up so he was hugging his knees, and Armin’s hand was rubbing circles on his back, though the boy’s singing had stopped.

“Did Erwin leave?” Eren finally asked, his voice sounding mangled and destroyed from all that had happened the past couple days.

“No,” Armin answered, and his soft voice was a comfort to Eren as it had always been. “He and Mikasa are outside in the hallway. We… weren’t sure you’d want him to see you that way.”

“Okay,” Eren answered, too broken to say ‘thanks’ but too thankful to not say anything. “What time is it?” he asked. He needed to ground himself something real, something normal.

“Seven twenty-four,” Armin told him after glancing at the clock. “It’s been about fifteen minutes.”

Eren nodded and said, “Okay,” again. Even though it wasn’t much to process, it took Eren a couple minutes to put the timeline together. It soothed him, to fit the pieces of information together and have something logical in his life.

“Erwin brought you some clothes,” Armin said after a few minutes.

“Okay,” Eren repeated, wiping the tears and snot still on his face with his hand. “I’ll uh… I’ll change.” He’d put on one of Armin’s shirts since he got here, because he just needed to be out of those clothes and burn them and never wear them again, but Armin’s pants didn’t fit so instead he was just wearing boxers and covering up with the piles of blankets. But he wanted to change his underwear, too. He needed to be clean again.

“Do you want to shower or anything?” Armin asked, hopeful that Eren would want to, and would be returning to his old self once he was able to get out of bed.

“Um…” Eren thought. He wanted to be clean, but he didn’t know what would happen if he was alone. But he decided that he could just shower as quickly as he could and not have to be alone too long. “Yeah.”

Armin smiled. “Good,” he said. “I’ll be right here if you need anything. Want Erwin and Mikasa to come back in?”

“Yeah,” Eren said. “Don’t want them to have to stay in the hallway.”

Armin thought about saying that they didn’t mind – that if staying in the hallway would make him feel better he was positive the two would plant their feet out there and not move until told to because they cared so much about Eren, but Armin knew that it wouldn’t help Eren to say that. Eren had always so easily felt guilty, always blamed himself for things not under his control, and telling him just what lengths Mikasa and Erwin would go to for his comfort would just make him feel worse. So he just said, “Okay. I’ll let them in.”

Eren nodded and stood, his legs shaky from disuse and the trembling that still pervaded like a low hum through his body. He recognized his duffel on Mikasa’s bed and remembered that Erwin had brought it, so he grabbed it and slowly, lumbering like he had to remember how to walk, made it to the bathroom.

He turned the water on hot enough that it felt like his skin was melting off, but he needed that. The skin that didn’t flush red from the burning water did so under the furious scrubbing Eren subjected himself to, borrowing Armin’s soap and shampoo. He got shampoo in his eye and he cursed at himself, and he tried to tell himself he was only crying as a natural response to the shampoo in his eye rather than the curses he was slinging at himself for being an idiot who couldn’t do anything right, not even wash himself, but he knew he was lying about that.

There was a knock at the door, and Eren just barely heard it over the rush of the water and his own thoughts. “Eren?” Armin’s voice called. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Eren called, and he could hear the lie in his own voice, and he could feel Armin’s hesitation outside the door.

“Alright,” Armin finally said. “Let us know if you need anything.”

Eren knew they would be waiting with baited breath to hear any signs of distress, so he pulled himself together and finished washing off. The water was quickly going cold, anyway, and Eren couldn’t really deal with any more shock right now. He used either Armin or Mikasa’s towel to dry off, and he was glad that the shower had fogged up the mirror so he couldn’t see how he looked. He was sure it was a mess.

He dug the clothes Erwin had brought him out of the bag, and he didn’t know how to explain how grateful he was that Erwin had brought some of his new ones – a soft sweater and some crisp jeans and even a pair of his newer boxers, and they all smelled like laundry detergent and that smell was just so fucking perfect that he wanted to cry again. But he didn’t. He just put them on and hugged himself to warm up a bit.

When he went to pick up the duffel, Eren realized there was something else in there. He didn’t even need to pull it out to know what it was. He could tell from the weight, the shape, the feel of it there in his bag.

It was the photo of his mother. Eren kept it in the bag, unsure if he could stand to look her in the eyes, but he hugged the frame in the bag close to his chest and shuffled over to the door, opening up to see Mikasa, Armin, and Erwin all waiting for him.

"Hey," Eren said awkwardly as he stepped into the room, cradling the bag to his chest.

"Hey," Armin responded, apparently the designated spokesman for the three.

"Um." Eren sat down on Mikasa's bed, because Armin and Erwin were on the other one. Mikasa was leaning against the wall on the other side of the apartment.

"Can we get you anything?" Armin asked, glancing at the bag Eren was clutching close.

"No," Eren simply answered.

Armin nodded and decided to ask about the bag. "What do you have there?" he asked, almost like one would ask a child, but not quite.

"Um," Eren said, looking down at the duffel on his arms. "My mom." The words made sense in his head.

Mikasa and Armin sort of guessed what Eren meant, but they were both glad when Erwin confirmed, "I brought his mom's photo. I didn't know of it'd be a good thing or..." He trailed off, wondering if it had been a mistake to bring it.

"It is," Eren assured him quietly, actually managing to meet the man's eyes. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Erwin said, shocked but glad for the words. If Eren was paying attention now, he was doing better, right?

"I..." Eren started, but seemed to lose his train of thought. He looked around the room to try and find it. "I should probably leave, right?" he asked, and he looked at Armin, and then Mikasa. "You guys have work. You can't be..." They couldn't be spending all their time babysitting him. "I should go."

"No," Armin said quietly, drawing Eren's eyes back to him. He knew that Eren felt guilty, and he didn’t want to push it, but he was also worried about having his friend out of his sights. "You don't have to go. You can stay as long as you want. We love having you here."

Eren knew that was a lie, that they didn't love having him here when he was like this, but that they would put up with him out of a sense of duty. He wasn't able in his current state to see that that sense of duty was their love for him. "I'm taking up too much space," he argued. "You... You need your beds. You can't be taking care of me all the time, I should... I should go..."

Armin and Mikasa tried to figure out a way to convince Eren he wasn't a burden, but before they did, Erwin spoke up.

"You can come back to the apartment with me if you like," he said. "I'll be with you, and Armin and Mikasa could come visit when they have time. And it won't be as cramped as it is here." He hoped he was making the right decision, offering this, but he needed to do something.

Eren thought about it a while. "Okay," he finally said. "I'll go with you."

"You don't have to, Eren," Mikasa insisted.

"I want to," Eren said harshly, and that shut everyone up. He took in a shaky breath and repeated, more hesitantly, "I want to."

"That's ok," Armin assured him. "You can go whenever you want."

"It's getting-" Eren started, but then looked around for a clock. "What time is..." He found a clock by the bed that said it was almost eight-thirty. "It's getting late. I should go." It wasn't that late, but it was his only excuse.

"Ok," Armin said again. "Let's get your things packed up then. Do you want Mikasa or me to stay at Erwin's with you?"

Eren shook his head. "No, it's fine," he insisted. "I can- I'll be fine."

"Well, call if you need anything," Mikasa said, glancing at Erwin as she said it so he'd know she meant the same for him.

Armin went around and picked up Eren's old clothes, but Eren refused to give him the bag to put them in. "Ok," Armin said, admittedly a little frustrated even tough he was trying to be comforting. "I'll put them in a plastic bag."

"I don't want them," Eren said.

"I know," Armin responded. "But they're your clothes. You have to-"

"It's alright," Erwin interrupted. "You can get rid of them. If he needs more clothes, I'll get them."

Armin looked like he was about to protest, but decided against it. He wasn't accustomed to being able to just throw clothes away. But he knew Eren would never want to wear them again, and he could understand why. "Ok," he answered. "Thanks."

"No problem," Erwin assured him, and he stood up from the bed. "Is there anything else you need?" he asked Eren, though he expected the answer from Armin or Mikasa.

"Wait." Mikasa was the one who answered as Eren stood up from the bed as well. "Here." She grabbed the red scarf that hung over the back of one of the dining table chairs and wrapped it loosely around Eren's neck, even though it was almost summer and pretty hot outside. "Take this with you."

Eren's mind seemed to move slowly as he looked down at the scarf. It was the one he gave Mikasa when she was first adopted into their family. She wore it almost all the time, except when she was at work (or previously, at a fight) or just lounging around the apartment. Eren thought to protest, to say that it was hers and it was something special to her, but he found that it was soothing to wear, a reminder of his sister. So he just buried his chin in the fabric and nodded in acceptance. He would give it back to her later.

"And here." Eren looked over to Armin, who was holding out their old copy of _Harry Potter_. "Take this, too."

It felt so huge, to be going just across town, but it was a big step for Eren. He took the book and tucked it in his bag with his mom's photo, still holding them close to his chest. "Ok," he mumbled into the scarf Mikasa had wrapped around him. "I'll just... Bye. Thanks."

Armin and Mikasa both gave Eren gentle hugs before he walked to the door, Erwin following behind him. "I'll let you know if we need anything," Erwin assured the two staying behind. "I'll keep you updated." He was glad that he'd gotten them all phones instead of just Eren, so he could text the two updates on how Eren was doing.

"Thank you," Armin said, though he was still worried about not being with Eren to be able to help. He and Mikasa both gave Erwin a look that he'd better take good care of Eren, or else. Erwin just nodded to show he understood.

Erwin stayed close but didn’t touch Eren as they walked down to the car. Thankfully, the car was fine and hadn’t been vandalized. Erwin opened the door for Eren, and the boy slid in, remembering to put on his seat belt and still keeping his bag with the book and photo close to his chest. Erwin got in the drivers side an turned the car on, letting the engine rumble softly and the headlights illuminate the dark street ahead of them.

He didn’t start driving straight away, though. Instead, Erwin turned to Eren. He began to reach out a hand to stroke his jaw, but decided against it, not knowing if it would be ok. “You’re sure you don’t want to stay with Armin and Mikasa?” he asked again.

“I’m sure,” Eren said, facing forward and not moving to look at Erwin. “I just… please. Can we go?”

Erwin felt his heart break at the dead tone of Eren’s voice. Even if Eren could bounce back from this, become like he used to be, it would take a while and it wouldn’t be easy. But Erwin loved him, so he’d try to help him get better no matter what.

“Of course,” he answered. He put his seatbelt on and started driving. He drove slowly, fearing that a higher speed would just frighten Eren. As he got closer to the apartment, he realized that it would probably be a good idea not to go anywhere between the building and the CVS Eren was heading. He didn’t want to trigger any memories or make it worse. It meant driving a couple extra blocks, but the precaution was worth it.

Eren spent the car ride staring out the window. Erwin thought he looked deep in concentration, and he wondered if that was a bad thing, if he was thinking about what happened to him, but ultimately he decided to leave it alone. He didn’t want to pester Eren with too much conversation. So he let them ride in silence.

They pulled into their reserved spot in the parking garage and Eren waited for Erwin to get his door for him. It wasn’t that he was expecting the chivalry, but that he’d barely processed that they’d parked until the door was opened for him.

They took the elevator up in silence. Erwin found himself wondering if things could ever go back to normal from here. Eren’s “normal” had already been so messed up to begin with; he couldn’t even imagine what this was like.

Erwin offered Eren tea or hot chocolate when they got inside the apartment. Eren shook his head no. He wasn’t even hungry enough for that.

“Will you at least drink some water?” Erwin asked. He didn’t want Eren to get dehydrated. The boy could probably go with only eating a bit for a few days, but it wouldn’t be hard for him to get dehydrated. Erwin knew that would only make him mental state worse.

Eren thought about it for a long while, still holding his bag to his chest, and eventually nodded. He knew Erwin was going out of his way to accommodate him. The least he could do was have some water. He followed Erwin into the kitchen and released one hand from his bag to take the glass of water when Erwin offered it to him. He stood there and drank the water slowly. As much as he wanted to go lie down, his body only seemed to want tiny sips at a time. Erwin just stood there and watched him to make sure he was ok.

When Eren was done with the water, he held out the glass for Erwin to put in the sink, and then he padded to the bedroom. He didn’t change any of his clothes or let go of his bag before burying himself under the covers, only his head and the bright red scarf poking out from the top. Erwin followed and changed into a t-shirt and sweats, going into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then he got into bed as well, making sure to allow some distance between him and Eren.

Hesitantly, he reached out to stroke Eren’s hair, moving slowly as if Eren was a small animal he didn’t want to frighten. Eren didn’t seem to mind the gentle touch, so Erwin kept his hand there, petting through the drying hair and wishing he could just make everything better somehow.

They sat in silence for a while. Maybe half an hour. Erwin wasn’t paying attention, and Eren certainly wasn’t. But after some time, the silence was too loud for Eren to take, and so he reached in his bag and pulled out the _Harry Potter_ book. He rolled over so he was facing Erwin and he held the book out to him, a silent request. Erwin understood, and so he accepted the book and opened up to the first page, not knowing where else to start.

Before he could start reading, Eren cuddled close, his head buried in Erwin’s hip. The position didn’t look all that comfortable, but if it made Eren feel better then he was ok with it. He reached a hand down to play with Eren’s hair again as he started reading the words Eren had heard many a time before:

 

_"The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive. Cars that were usually gleaming stood dusty in their drives and lawns that were once emerald green lay parched and yellowing; the use of hosepipes had been banned due to drought. Deprived of their usual car-washing and lawn-mowing pursuits, the inhabitants of Privet Drive had retreated into the shade of their cool houses, windows thrown wide in the hope of tempting in a nonexistent breeze. The only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flower bed outside number four…"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (All of the text from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the end here is available in the preview version of the book online so I figured it'd be ok to include it here. Obviously I don't own the series or I'd be frickin rich.)


	26. But I Don't Think I'd Like to Live There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back after only... five... months... (Well for this fic, but it's been a couple months with the others, too.) Anyway, I don't want to make excuses for why I wad gone so long because this is a hobby for me and I do it for fun so I shouldn't really have to make excuses? I promised you that these fics weren't dead, though, and they're not. It just might take me a while to update them, and I can't promise faster updates in the future. Of course, I _hope_ to update faster in the future, but no promises. I get overwhelmed by life very easily and when that happens my entire body likes to shut down. But I hope you enjoy this chapter! It may not seem like a whole lot happens, but I think it's actually really important, and therefore gets a chapter of its own (also if I were to write more of it it might take another month or something for me to get around to doing).
> 
> Anyway, there's a lot of depressive feelings in this chapter that could probably be triggering. No suicide tw, but there is some very minor death ideation. 
> 
> In case you forgot, you can follow me on Tumblr at [downtheupstairs](http://downtheupstairs.tumblr.com/)

Eren tried. He really did. He tried to sleep longer than an hour at a time, he tried to work up an appetite, he tried to get out of bed and talk to people and take care of himself, he tried to act like a normal human being, he tried to be ok.

It was just so hard.

He stayed in bed the entire day after he went home to Erwin’s. He managed to shove himself out of bed when he needed to piss, but other than that he couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything. He just curled up under the soft comforter on Erwin’s bed and stayed there.

Eren had tried to get Erwin to go into work that day, but when he barely felt up to saying a couple of sentences it was hard to argue. Erwin at least conceded to taking a couple of phone meetings in his home office, so Eren didn’t feel quite as guilty.

Armin had work that morning, but he and Mikasa came over as soon as they could. Erwin was relieved about this, able to focus a bit better on his meetings knowing that Eren was in good hands. He told the two that if there was anything they needed, anything at all, that it was ok to interrupt him, but they didn’t. When Erwin checked on them, usually the three were all cuddled up on the bed together.

Eren felt dead inside. He didn’t want to do anything, to think about anything, and so he didn’t. His mind just went blank and fuzzy with white noise and he just laid in bed. He was aware of his surroundings, of the fact that Armin and Mikasa were cuddled up close to him, humming or singing or reading to him, but it didn’t process in his mind as something important. It didn’t process either when Erwin came in with a glass of water and he and Armin and Mikasa tried to coax him into drinking it. He finally did, if only so they would leave him alone.

He was tired. He couldn’t sleep, but he was just exhausted. It wasn’t only a physical exhaustion, either. His brain was tired beyond the point of function, and was as asleep as it could be with Eren still being vaguely conscious.

There was still a part of him that tried. A part that told him this wasn’t right, that he should care, he needed to care about Armin and Mikasa and Erwin and that he couldn’t just spend the rest of his life lying here doing nothing and did he even _want_ to spend the rest of his life like this?

No, he didn’t, but thinking about the future was hard. And any kind of good future would take so much work. He had so far to go to get anywhere near where he wanted to be and it seemed so impossible.

He didn’t care enough to do anything about it. He didn’t want to kill himself. He didn’t even necessarily want to die. He just wanted to stop existing. Or maybe he wanted to never have existed at all.

* * *

 

By the third day, Eren had taken to pretending to sleep so he could be alone. He did hope, at least, that by pretending he was asleep he might somehow trick his brain into actually sleeping, but that rarely worked. He’d only gotten about four hours of sleep, total. But once he pretended long enough, if it was just Erwin who was there – Mikasa and Armin never left unless they absolutely had to – Erwin would leave to go… Well, Eren didn’t quite know what. He was probably working. Mikasa and Armin had managed their schedules so at least one of them could be with Eren during the day so Erwin could go to work. It wasn’t Erwin’s idea; it was Armin’s. He knew Eren would feel guilty for making Erwin miss work, even though the thought of working while Eren was in so much pain nearly sickened Erwin. But he still had a corporation to run, and there were certain things that couldn’t wait very long, so Erwin took the favor and worked nine to five and then whenever he thought Eren was asleep.

For some reason, late at night the third day since he’d come back to Erwin’s, Eren felt like getting out of bed. It wasn’t a miraculous recovery – he still felt like shit, just his limbs were starting to ache with disuse and the sheets on the bed were sticky with sweat, and all of a sudden as he pretended to sleep even though Erwin had already left he couldn’t stand it anymore. It felt claustrophobic, like he was melting into the bed, and he clambered out of it, standing there beside it for a minute in sheer wonder at what he’d done. Getting out of bed shouldn’t have felt like a miracle, but it did.

The smell of sweat on his clothes soon drew Eren out of his reverie and he realized he had been wearing the same thing these past three days, and he needed to get out of it. He stripped even before finding clothes to change into, but he regretted it immediately, feeling exposed and vulnerable and cold. He gripped at his own skin as he tiptoed to the dresser and found something to throw on. He ended up in one of Erwin’s t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants, and his joints popped as he bent to put the pants on. He could practically feel the blood flow to his legs increasing from just the small stretch, and it felt like waking up. It felt nice.

He decided to stretch some of his other body parts, his arms and shoulders and abs and neck, and his limbs tingled from the rush of blood to his extremities. Eren couldn’t believe what a difference it made. He should have tried that before, but he tried his hardest not to curse himself out for not thinking of it earlier.

After a minute he decided he needed out of the bedroom. The air felt stale and stifling. He wanted to go outside. It’d be cold, but he didn’t care. The fresh air would be worth it.

Arms over his stomach, Eren crept out of the bedroom and through the apartment. He wasn’t quite sure why he was sneaking around, other than that he didn’t really want to make any loud noises. There was only one dim light on in the living room, but it was enough for Eren to pick his way through towards the kitchen. He could see the light coming from the open door of Erwin’s office, but he paid it no mind until his ears caught a bit of what Erwin was saying to someone.

“I’m just- I’m worried about him,” Eren heard faintly as he neared the kitchen, and he decided then to instead creep down the hall and stand with his back pressed against the wall next to the office door. He knew Erwin was talking about him, and Eren had always been wary of people talking about him behind his back. Normally they didn’t say good things. He couldn’t hear what the other person was saying, didn’t even know who it was because Erwin was on the phone, but Eren could hear Erwin just fine even if the man was trying to keep his voice down a bit.

“I don’t even know what to _do_ ,” Erwin continued, not knowing that Eren was just outside the room. “Do I, do I get him a therapist or something? He can’t keep going like this, it’s not healthy. He doesn’t get out of bed, he doesn’t eat… At least he’s sleeping now, sometimes.” Eren made a face to himself, sick at knowing that he’d lied to Erwin, even about something so small. “He won’t talk to me, Levi,” Erwin went on. “He won’t even look at me. I… I want to help, but I don’t know how.”

As Erwin paused for Levi’s response, Eren crouched down and curled up on himself, his face hurting and his Adam’s apple getting heavy in his throat with the desire to cry.

“I _know_ I can’t force him to talk to someone,” Erwin said not too much later, sounding exasperated. “That’s the problem. I don’t know what I can do at all. You… You’re the only one I know who’s been _near_ what he’s going through-“ Eren glanced at the office door in curiosity, hundreds of questions about Levi coming to mind but knowing he wasn’t ever going to be able to ask them. “-so I thought you could help me.”

A short pause.

“I know what you went through was different, a lot different. I just don’t know what to do. I’m, I’m completely out of my league here, but I need to help him.” The desperation in Erwin’s voice was nearly palpable, and Eren couldn’t listen any longer. He would be sick if he stayed. Besides, even the air in the hallways was feeling too heavy, like it was weighing down his lungs every time he breathed in. His throat was still thick with tears, too, and the combination wasn’t a good one.

Eren stood and crept back through the living room and kitchen and opened the door to the patio, finally feeling able to breathe when a rush of cold air hit him, even if it raised goosebumps on the exposed skin of his arms. He tiptoed outside, his bare feet freezing on the concrete deck but he didn’t care. It hurt, and Eren didn’t mind the pain.

He didn’t know what to do once he was out on the patio. It felt better, yeah, but he was still doing nothing. He just stood in the middle of the perfectly manicured little yard on the top of this high-rise building, arms still crossed across his stomach but now partly because of the cold, and he closed his eyes.

And then he cried. He tried his best not to, even though he didn’t know why he was holding back. But he could feel the tears seeming to flow upward from the lump in his throat to well behind his eyes and eventually his eyelids weren’t enough to stop them. His nose was running and he was pretty sure it wasn’t from the cold. And when the lump in his throat grew big enough that he couldn’t breathe and the only way to dislodge it was by letting out a sob, he broke.

He ended up crouching again, one arm wrapped around his knees while the other grabbed a fist of his hair and tugged, not enough to pull more than a few strands but enough to give him some sort of sharp pain at which to direct his sobs. His face felt strained between the way his eyebrows furrowed to try to keep his eyelids closed and how his lips pulled wide as he sobbed to help him gasp in the cold air.

His entire sense of time slipped away from his thoughts, but there were a lot of things Eren wasn’t thinking about. He wasn’t thinking about the cold night air, or his toes freezing on the cement, or Erwin in the other room desperately trying to figure out how to help him, or even what happened with his dad or the relapse. In fact, for the first time in the past few days, Eren stopped thinking completely. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying, or how it had begun. All he knew was that there was something that had been coiled up inside him and now it was unraveling as fast as the sobs could rake themselves from his lungs.

He didn’t notice Erwin until the man was wrapping something around his shoulders. He hadn’t heard Erwin calling out his name when he realized Eren wasn’t in bed, hadn’t heard him rushing around the apartment to find him, hadn’t heard Erwin stop in the kitchen doorway when he noticed the cold breeze coming in from the open patio door, hadn’t heard him run to the doorway and exclaim his name and notice his attire and tell him to wait – as if Eren would have moved – as he ran back inside to get the blanket from the living room couch, hadn’t heard his footsteps as he brought it outside and approached him. No, it wasn’t until the blanket had actually been draped across his shoulders and around him that Eren realized Erwin was there, and even then he didn’t respond. He _couldn’t_ respond, not with the way he was still sobbing. The most he could do was turn and lean into Erwin when the man wrapped his arms around him.

Erwin was telling him that they should go inside where it was warmer, but Eren’s ears ached and he wasn’t listening. He just sobbed into Erwin’s chest, getting snot and tears and probably spit on the man’s shirt.

This was crying like Eren hadn’t done in years. He wasn’t sure that he could remember a time he had cried this hard. It wasn’t the kind of wailing they show in movies, but rather the kind of sporadic crying that had him holding out a long sob one second and then hiccupping out little moans the next.

And then, eventually, it died down. It seemed to go almost as quickly as it came, leaving only the tears and snot on Eren’s face and Erwin shirt and an ache covering Eren’s entire head and throat. And exhaustion. Eren was tired, more so than he’d been the past couple of days, and it now came with a mental numbness that made him think maybe he’d actually be able to sleep.

Eren pulled back from Erwin’s chest and wiped his face with his hands. His whole face was wet and it felt disgusting. Erwin was rubbing his back and giving Eren time to recover, but after a little bit he suggested again that they go inside. Eren’s throat still felt sore, so he only nodded and accepted Erwin’s help in standing. He pulled the blanket around himself as he shuffled back inside, feeling the cold now that everything felt raw.

Erwin closed the patio door behind them and rubbed his hands to warm them up. “Can I get you anything?” he asked, hoping maybe now that Eren had cried it out he’d feel more up to talking.

All Eren said was, “Water.” His throat was too tight to say much more.

Still, Erwin got Eren a glass, and Eren downed the contents and held it out for more. He was terribly thirsty, and he thought vaguely that it was probably because he’d just cried out the majority of the water in his body. Erwin filled the glass again, and again Eren gulped the water down in seconds. He didn’t ask for a third one, though. He just adjusted the blanket around his shoulders and muttered, “Bathroom,” before shuffling out of the kitchen.

Eren tried not to look at himself in the mirror of the master bedroom, but it was impossible not to. He’d always been an ugly crier, but this was atrocious. His face was pale except for his lips, which were bright red, and the skin around them, which was ruddy and blotchy and made him look like a circus clown. It didn’t help that he had tear tracks running down his cheeks and snot tracks between his nose and upper lip, or that his hair was messed up from gripping parts of it so hard, or that he had dark shadows around his eyes from the lack of sleep. He looked like crap, and just seeing himself made Eren let out a few residual sobs as he turned on the tap to splash water on his face. He looked a lot better once he’d dried himself off, and he felt better, too. Mostly, he felt exhausted.

Erwin was in the bedroom, occupying himself by adjusting the sheets and comforter, when Eren came out of the bathroom. When Eren said, “Um,” he turned to give the boy his full attention.

“Is it okay,” Eren asked. “If I sleep in the guest room?”

Though he was confused, Erwin said, “Of course.” He’d been sleeping in the guest room the past couple of days, though he hadn’t been sleeping much at all.

“It’s just,” Eren tried to explain, looking at the bed. “I can’t- I can’t stay there anymore.”

“It’s okay,” Erwin assured him, understanding a bit better now. He was able to smell the sweat on the sheets and knew that they were getting pretty nasty, and that couldn’t be helping anything. “Whatever you need.” He would wash the sweaty bedding from this room after he made sure Eren got settled okay.

Eren nodded slowly and rubbed his arm as he looked around the room. “Well,” he said after a minute. “I’m just going to go then…” He started to walk towards the living room but stopped after just a few steps and turned back to Erwin, looking at his chin because it was the closest to his face he could get his eyes to settle. “Um,” he hedged, crossing his arms over his stomach again. “I just, I wanted to say sorry. For all of this. For having to… to put up with it,” Eren finally managed to say. “And thanks. It… it really means a lot. So.”

He only let the words settle for a second before turning and leaving the room, not wanting to give Erwin a chance to tell him he shouldn’t be sorry. Eren knew he shouldn’t be sorry, and that it wasn’t all his fault. That didn’t keep him from feeling like it was, and like he should be constantly apologizing for burdening everyone. It didn’t matter how many times Mikasa or Armin told him not to say sorry; it didn’t change a thing. Erwin wouldn’t be able to change it either, and by the way he sighed as he watched Eren leave, maybe he knew that.

 

* * *

 

Eren actually slept. He slept a lot. He hadn’t looked at the clock before going to bed, so waking up to see it was three o’clock in the afternoon didn’t mean a whole lot to him other than that it had still been dark when he collapsed into the bed last night. He didn’t feel particularly rested, but just knowing that he finally had after so many sleepless nights made him feel a bit better. He was tempted to roll over and fall back asleep again, because he certainly felt like he could, but when he realized he really had to pee he forced himself to get up.

He didn’t go back to the bedroom after he used the bathroom. Instead, his feet took him down the hallway to Erwin’s office, where he could hear the man typing at his computer. It was odd to wake up alone when he would have expected Armin or Mikasa to be there with him. But Eren was kind of glad they weren’t there. He didn’t want them to keep spending all their free time trying to cheer him up, when he knew it wasn’t going to work that way.

After standing in the doorway of the office for a few minutes, wondering what exactly he was doing there, Eren cleared his throat. “Erwin?” he asked, voice cracking a bit from thirst.

Erwin turned around as soon as he heard Eren’s voice, not particularly surprised because he knew Eren would wake up sometime but glad that he was feeling well enough to get out of bed. “You’re up,” he noted with a small smile. He stood and approached Eren, hesitantly putting his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Do you need anything? Water, food?”

Eren shook his head, though as he swallowed he knew he probably should have some water. There was something he wanted to talk about though, and he didn’t want to put it off any longer. “I wanted to ask you something,” he said after a minute, and this time Erwin was really surprised.

He was happy, though, that Eren was feeling up to talking. “Sure,” he said. “Anything you want.” Erwin was suddenly conscious of the fact that they were still standing in the doorway to his home office, and it didn’t feel right. “Let’s go sit down first,” he suggested, leading Eren out to the living room where they sat on the couch, Erwin now holding one of Eren’s hands while the other brushed the greasy hair from the boy’s forehead. Eren didn’t seem to mind the touch, wasn’t even shying away from it at all, but Erwin still wanted to be careful with Eren’s boundaries. “Okay,” he said once they were settled. “What is it that you wanted to ask?”

Eren wasn’t sure if he wanted to say what he was thinking of saying, or if Erwin would get angry with him. But Erwin had never been angry at Eren before, and he’d been nothing but patient. So Eren looked at Erwin’s hand holding his and said, “I heard you on the phone last night. Talking to Levi. I wasn’t-“ He was about to say that he wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose, but that would be a lie, so he abandoned the thought mid-sentence. Instead, he said, “I’m sorry for eavesdropping.”

There was a way Eren pulled away slightly as he apologized as if he expected some sort of outburst from Erwin that broke Erwin’s heart, but at least now he understood why he reacted that way, so he was quick to assure Eren, “It’s alright. I’m not mad.”

The words only made Eren relax a bit, but it was better than nothing. He still hesitated a minute before continuing. “You… you said something about getting me a therapist,” he finally said.

“Oh,” Erwin breathed. “I didn’t mean- We don’t have to, I was just asking Levi if he thought it would be helpful. Only if you want it though. If you don’t-“

“I do,” Eren interrupted. “Want to… To see someone. I think… I think it’d help. If you’re okay with it.”

Erwin smiled softly. “Of course I am,” he promised Eren. “Whatever you think will help.”

“Yeah…” Eren said, still looking at they tangled hands. “I think it will.”

“Okay,” Erwin responded, lifting their hands and gently kissing the back of Eren’s before squeezing it with his ever-so-gently. “We can start looking for someone right away. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” Eren answered around the small lump in his throat. He was regretting not asking for some water. “Sounds good. Thank you.”

Erwin resisted the urge to wrap an arm around Eren’s shoulders and hold him close, unsure if that much touch would be okay. “Anything for you,” he promised, and it kind of scared Eren that he was pretty sure Erwin meant it.


End file.
